Forums for The Plothole

In quarantine, Char, Wai, and Mutt are twiddling their thumbs. Well, for Mutt it's his paws I guess.

Wai: "Just how long are they going to keep us in here?"

He blows his nose.

Mutt: "Until you recover from man flu, I should think. Though they should be sending a medical professional in to see us."

It's at that moment that a man walks in, wearing surgical gloves and mask. He looks mostly human, but has a number of machine parts.

Char: "A cyborg?"

The cyborg inclines its head.

Cyborg Nurse: "That's right. We're less susceptible to robotic viruses."

Wai: "Can't be immune though."

Cyborg Nurse: "No, but we're also disliked and kept isolated regardless. Humans oppress us because we're part robot, and when we came to Sanctuary, the robots oppressed us because we're part human."

Char: "Oh d-d-d-dear."

Cyborg Nurse: "At least in quarantine we don't have to deal with the robotic racism towards us as much. Other than Cyclonus, who is annoying as hell."

Mutt heartily agrees.

Wai: "So can you treat me? Or cure me?"

The cyborg holds up a clipboard with a thick sheaf of papers on it.

Cyborg Nurse: "Our CynthAI has drawn up a schedule of treatments for you all. As you can see, they're rather drastic."

He hands the clipboard to Wai, who blanches as he reads it.

Wai: "You can't possibly expect me to--"

Cyborg Nurse: "CynthAI is not here - as she too is susceptible to robotic viruses - and so we generally ignore what she says."

He snatches the clipboard away and tosses it into the bin, and Wai sighs with relief.

Cyborg Nurse: "I'll get the resident doctor. He's a bit eccentric, mind you, but brilliant."

He leaves, and the three robots resume twiddling their thumbs, or paws. They happen to overhear some of Cyclonus' indignant spiel presently.

Mutt: "There he goes again. I think they give him quarantine watch duty just to keep him away from everyone."

Char: "Very close-minded it seems. Miss Newb's threats to switch him off are akin to her threatening to knock someone else out - something she does with alarming regularity. It is an issue with her violent nature, rather than anything against robots in particular."

Wai: "Maybe. But context matters. Humans haven't been historically oppressed by robots, so a robot threatening to kick a human in the nuts is far less offensive than a human threatening to switch a robot off."

Mutt: "One of your companions is a half-genie, correct? Genies have often been enslaved by humans through the centuries for their powers if I remember right. I wonder how Cyclonus would view that comparison."

Char: "If he does it just to stir up drama, then he wouldn't care."

Shortly another cyborg comes in. This one is wrinkled and old in his human parts, with long white hair and a white beard.  His cyborg parts are rather old-fashioned, steampunk rather than electronic, though his bionic eyes appear more modern in design. He peers at the three robots.

Cyborg Doctor: "Eh? What are you doing in my lab?"

Char: "Sorry, we were put here, we didn't know--"

Cyborg Doctor: "Oh wait, this isn't my lab. What am I doing here then?"

Mutt: "To treat us."

Wai: "I'm not so sure I want him to treat us..."

Cyborg Doctor: "Ah! Right! Allow me to introduce myself. I am--"

He pauses for dramatic effect.

Cyborg Doctor: "Victor von Frankenstein!"

Horse whinny and thunder rolls.

Char: "Oh dear. I must have caught man flu. I'm hallucinating sounds that aren't there."

Cyborg Doctor: "Wait, no, I said that wrong. I am--"

He pauses again.

Cyborg Doctor: "Leonardo da Vinci!"

The three robots wait expectantly for neighing horses and rolling thunder again, but there is none this time.

Char: "My auditory receptors seem to have recovered full functionality, never mind."

Wai regards the cyborg skeptically.

Wai: "Uh huh. Sure."

Leonardo da Vinci: "I am! See?"

Wings pop out of his back, looking just like the famous wings from the well-known Renaissance sketches. Of course, they knock over several items in the process with a bunch of loud clattering.

Mutt: "That's hardly proof, my good sir. Any genius engineer worth his salt could make one of those."

Wai: "Like genius engineers grow on trees or something?"

Leo looks indignant.

Leonardo da Vinci: "Can not! I patented these, you know?"

Wai: "I hate to break it to you, but patent laws have weakened considerably in the past few decades. Losien and her team are ripping movies off all the time for instance."

Leo harrumphs and his wings pop back into his back. Well, one of them does. The other appears to be stuck.

Leonardo da Vinci: "Drat. I keep meaning to tinker with that, but I keep getting distracted. Oh me, I seem to have knocked some things over."

He turns to right some of the objects, and the one wing still out knocks over more items as he does. Then Leo turns back to the robots again, and the wing promptly knocks over the objects he just righted. Leo doesn't seem to notice however.

Leonardo da Vinci: "Now then. As I said, I am Leonardo da Vinci! The post-Atlantean age's oldest cyborg!"

Mutt: "Atlantis? What are you talking about? They wore togas and used Greco-Roman technology, didn't they?"

Leonardo da Vinci: "Nay, apparently they used crystals and orichalcum to make technology! Archaeologists have recovered a number of robots made of such materials from that age, though none of them worked anymore. Curiously, several of them activated spontaneously some years back, after a magical anomaly in Seattle--"

Char: "I'm sorry to interrupt, Dr da Vinci, but can you treat us please?"

Leonard da Vinci: "Can I? Of course I can! Do you know who I am?"

Wai: "Here we go again."

Mutt: "You already introduced yourself, Dr da Vinci. Do you perhaps need maintenance?"

Leonardo da Vinci: "My various prosthetics are self-winding! Although I do have to do some routine resets every few decades, or else I start to get a little kooky."

The three robots eye him askance.

Wai: "Kookier than you already are?"

Char: "When's your next reset due, if I may ask?"

Leonardo da Vinci: "Not until November 2017!"

Char: "Oh dear."

Mutt: "I hate to break it you, old chap, but it's far past that date."

Leonardo da Vinci: "Eh? Let me check my clock."

A panel on his chest opens, revealing several cogs as well as a very complicated clock displaying year, month, date, hour, minute, and second.

Leonardo da Vinci: "No, it's not! It's only December 21st, 2012, see? By Jove, that's the Mayan apocalypse! I wonder if anything is going to happen today."

Wai: "You do realize that those clock hands have stopped, right?"

Leonardo da Vinci: "Heavens, you're right! That's what happened on the Mayan Apocalypse, my clock glitched out! I'll set an internal note to deal with it tomorrow."

Mutt: "If your memo triggers based on the time, but your clock is stopped, then you'll never be reminded of--"

Then they hear several explosions in the distance.

Char: "Oh my! What's happening?"

Leonardo da Vinci: "Explosions! How exciting! I must investigate!"

He dashes from the room, his one wing knocking other things over.

Mutt: "Perhaps it is for the best that he isn't treating us."

Wai: "Who wants to bet that Newb's related to those explosions?"

In Sanctuary, Losien Simon, Aladdyn L. Quirk and Iriana Emp were camped out near to the quarantine camp. They were sitting in a not-so-conspicuous-conspicuous-car. Aladdyn was wearing a trenchcoat and had a fedora on his head and a bottle of whiskey in his hand.
 
Aladdyn: “The stake-out continued. It made me anxious. The city claimed to love me, but she wasn’t being forthcoming this night.”
 
Iriana peeked out of the window.
 
Iriana: “Still daytime, Aladdyn.”
 
Losien: “It’s been hours! Why won’t he move!?”
 
Cyclonus was stood erect and at attention, despite the absolute carnage going on elsewhere in the city. Reports on the city radio said nobody was grievously wounded by the unexpected onslaught, but there was a lot of property damage. Losien expected it was Galvatron that was showing Newb the difference between property and robots out there. Reports of an annoying dog peeing on people, however, were also coming through.
 
Iriana: “Perhaps… he has fallen asleep?”
 
The three of them glared at Cyclonus, wondering how to tell if a robot was sleeping or not…
 
Then there was a scream from somewhere above them. They looked up just in time to see a human figure whizz through the air, spiral, loop-the-loop, barrel roll (unsurprisingly accompanied by the sudden voice of Peppy Hare) before the figure smashed through the roof of the quarantine building.
 
A second figure then descended a little more leisurely.
 
Losien: “I’d say deus ex machina, but that means the god from the machine… so graphē ex machina?”
 
Iriana: “What does that mean?”
 
Losien: “Writer from the machine…”
 

---

 
When Arnold opened his eyes, he found several faces looking down at him. Only when he saw that one of them was Orë, did he thrust a digit forward.
 
Arnold: “You! Your stupid jetpack broke!”
 
The corner of Orë’s mouth jerked downwards.
 
Orë: “Oopsie?”
 
Arnold tried to get to his feet but fell on the assorted stuff he had smashed into when he careened into the building.
 
Arnold: “First you turn me into an animal-monster--!”
 
He fell over again.
 
Arnold: “And… and then you give me a broken jetpack!”
 
The anthropomorphic fox finally managed to roll off the pile of debris where he scrambled to his feet, trying to look as dignified as possible.
 
Arnold: “Are you trying to kill me!?”
 
The pause before Orë responded was just a little too long.
 
Orë: “…no?”
 
One of the other people stepped forward. This person was clearly a medical robot from the scrubs they were wearing. The nametag read ‘Char’.
 
Char: “Allow me t-to inspect your injuries. A-also, I suggest you take deep breaths and calm yourself. You may make yourself sick.”
 
Orë waggled his hand in the air.
 
Orë: “He’ll be fiiiiiiiiiine~!”
 
Char: “Your friend just crashed through a window, smashed into a lot of furniture and equipment before he then crashed into a wall…”
 
Again, the pause was just a little too long…
 
Orë: “…he’ll be fiiiiiiiiine~!”
 
Another of the strangers appears to be human and Arnold thinks he might be a monk of some kind. Arnold hadn’t expected to meet anyone in Antarctica, let alone a monk.
 
Wai: “To be fair, half of this was knocked over by Leonardo da Vinci…”
 
Arnold frowned at Wai. Wai just shrugged.
 
Wai: “It was!”
 
Arnold looked from the crazy-robot who thought that centuries-dead Italians roamed Antarctica, and looked at Orë instead.
 
Arnold: “Where have you brought me?”
 
Orë: “I told you, this is Sanctuary.”
 
He paused.
 
Orë: “Or did I tell you? I think I lost track of what was going on.”
 
Wai: “Why are you here?”
 
Orë looked at Wai for the first time.
 
Orë: “Why am I here?”
 
Wai: “How should I know!? That’s why I asked!”
 
Orë: “Huh? Oh! Sorry! I was admiring your facial structure!”
 
Wai: “You… are?”
 
Orë: “Remarkable craftsmanship!”
 
He reached out and grabbed Wai’s face, turning it this way and that. He even tugged at his hair.
 
Orë: “Are you part of a batch? Do you know where your schematics are?”
 
Arnold: “Orë! You can’t just grab people!”
 
Orë: “He’s an android.”
 
Arnold: “Oh!”
 
Char: “That does not entitle you to grab him, Mr Orë. Please release my compatriot.”
 
Mutt: “You do realise this is a quarantine zone, do you not?”
 
Arnold looked down.
 
The robot-dog was talking.
 
Orë: “It is? Oh. I was asked to come and help because of… explosions?”
 
On cue there was another tremendous explosion outside.
 
Orë: “You three aren’t injured are you?”
 
Wai: “Only emotionally…”
 
Wai rubbed his face where Orë had groped him.
 
Char: “We are quarantined due to infection. Wai had manflu…. Though he appears to be fine now.”
 
Wai: “A few hours of explosions will do that to a guy.”
 
Orë: “And you two?”
 
Char: “That is… more complicated.”
 
Mutt looked up at Char.
 
Mutt: “Decidedly so.”
 
Orë: “Well, I do happen to be a specialist in cybernetics, you know?”
 
He grinned and puffed up his chest.
 
Arnold: “Not so much in genetics it turns out…”
 
Arnold glowered at Orë.
 
Orë: “Accidents happen from time to time!”
 
He looked back to Char.
 
Orë: “Tell me what’s wrong with you.”
 
Char proceeded to explain that their brain was infected with a virus that was causing a block to the access of memory, despite the information positively being stored in his memory hard drive. Because such a virus was contagious between robots, Mutt and Wai were trapped with Char.
 
Orë: “Hmmmmmmmm….”
 
Char: “Any ideas?”
 
Orë: “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…”
 
Wai: “Well?”
 
Orë: “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!”
 
Char: “Perhaps Mr Orë has cybernetic brain enhancements, and they have been afflicted!”
 
Orë: “You!”
 
Wai: “Huh!? Me?”
 
Orë: “I detect you are broken…”
 
Wai: “Really? I’ve been telling everyone I’m fine! My memory isn’t impaired!”
 
Orë: “Not that! You… have an appendage that is broken…”
 
Wai: “My hands do keep falling off.”
 
Orë: “More integral than that.”
 
Arnold: “More integral than his hands?”
 
Wai: “Oh! My Wandering circuitry!”
 
Orë: “Aha! And you!”
 
He looked at the dog.
 
Mutt: “What!? What do I have!? Don’t tell me--! Is it robo-rabies!? Not an STD!? Surely!? I swear, it was just a one-night thing!”
 
Arnold: “Wha-!? Aren’t you a robot dog? You can’t get—”
 
Orë: “You are fine. Nothing wrong with you.”
 
Mutt was frozen like he was about to have a heart attack.
 
Arnold: “I think he was fine before you spoke to him, Orë.”
 
Orë cracked his knuckles.
 
Orë: “Seems I have work to do!! One broken brain, one broken wanderlust device! Fun times!”
 
Arnold: “Wait, what about me?”
 
Orë blinked at Arnold.
 
Orë: “What about you?”
 
Arnold tugged his own fox ear.
 
Arnold: “The furry genes!”
 
Orë: “Oh! I’ll get round to it, I guess. These repairs are more pressing!”
 
Arnold: “Just great. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?”
 
Orë: “Go play outside?”
 
Arnold: “With all the explosions?”
 
Orë wore an evil grin.
 
Orë: “Yeeeeeeeeeeees!”
 
Arnold: “Uh…”
 
Orë: “I mean—sure! You’ll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine~!”
 

---

 
Outside.
 
Losien: “Someone is coming out!”
 
Iriana: “Is it Char?”
 
Aladdyn: “Finally, the city heard me and would yield me her fruit.”
 
Losien winced.
 
Losien: “Al, please shut up. You are not a detective, and what you said sounds lewd.”
 
Aladdyn: “As usual, the chief of police had it out for me. The only friend I had was the city and this bottle of Jack at my side.”
 
Iriana: “I’m your friend, Aladdyn!”
 
Aladdyn: “The broad was delusional. She didn’t understand how the real world worked, like a kid let out to play. She learn soon enough. Everyone does. When the scum of the city dredges up from the gutter to swallow you like—oh… I’m alone.”
 
He looked around to see that Iriana and Losien had gotten out of the car.
 
Losien: “Who is that?”
 
Iriana: “Not Char.”
 
Losien: “Not Wai.”
 
Aladdyn: “Is it Mutt?”
 
He spoked his head from the window.
 
Losien: “Does he look like a dog?”
 
Aladdyn squinted.
 
Aladdyn: “Sort of!”
 
Losien: “Oh yeah. You’re right for once!”
 
Aladdyn put his fedora back on.
 
Aladdyn: “Finally, recognition for the trials the city throws at me—aww…”
 
Losien snatched the hat off his head.
 
Across the road, Arnold approached Cyclonus.
 
Iriana: “Will he let the boy out?”
 
Losien: “If he won’t let us in, he’s not going to let him out!”
 
Arnold waved his hand in front of Cyclonus’ face. Then he walked straight across the road towards Losien, Iriana and Aladdyn.
 
Iriana: “Uh… he just let you out?”
 
Arnold: “I think he’s asleep standing up!”
 
Losien: “I knew it!”

Iriana: "What a cute fox!"

She reaches out a hand to pet Arnold's head, but he shrinks back, frowning.

Arnold: "I'm not a fox!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Weird. You look like one. Oh! Are you in disguise? Can I join?"

He pulls out his chest of disguises and starts rummaging for a fox disguise of his own.

Arnold: "I'm not supposed to be a fox. A mad scientist did this to me."

Iriana: "Oh! Poor dear. Well, I have some tea that will make it better."

Arnold's ears twitch with interest, and he looks both dubious and hopeful.

Arnold: "Really? You have tea that will make me fully human again?"

Iriana: "Well, no, but it will make you feel much more relaxed!"

Losien: "Never mind that. We need to get inside while Cyclonus is asleep!"

Arnold: "Why would you want to go in there? There's just crazy people."

Losien: "Sounds like our friends alright."

Iriana: "It's a big place. Do you know where in there they were?"

Arnold: "Um, sure. I'll take you to them."

He's reluctant to go back to where the crazy Ore is, but he does like helping people. So he leads them into the quarantine zone to where Char, Wai, and Mutt are. Leonardo da Vinci has returned and is arguing with Ore.

Leonardo da Vinci: "These are my patients!"

Ore: "You're not fit to fix anyone! You're broken too! Your internal clock isn't working!"

Leonardo da Vinci: "Yeah? Well your moral compass isn't working!"

Ore looks panicked for a second and pulls out a compass. However, instead of the four cardinal directions, it displays words like "Nice", "Mean", "Wicked", and "Saintly".

Ore: "Looks okay to me. Ahem, testing 1 2 3, testing. I want to kill Arnold."

Arnold: "What?"

The hand of the compass swings immediately to "Wicked".

Ore: "See! Still working!"

Leonardo da Vinci: "No, no, I meant your internal compass!"

Ore puffs out his chest victoriously.

Ore: "That's where you're wrong! I don't have one of these installed internally!"

Arnold: "Maybe that's the problem! What's that about trying to kill me?"

Ore's pause is just a little too long.

Ore: "Just a hypothetical! To test my moral compass!"

Aladdyn waves to the three robots Char, Mutt, and Wai.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Hey guys! We've come to rescue you!"

Char: "We're not prisoners, you know. Besides, I want to stay. He can fix my memory!"

He points to Ore.

Wai: "And my glitched wandering circuits!"

Arnold: "That's assuming he doesn't accidentally turn you into a fox instead."

Losien: "Oh. Well, I thought maybe you'd want to come with us. What about you, Mutt?"

Mutt: "This situation is far too entertaining for me to possess any desire to leave, my good madam. Also, I must remind you that this city is our home. Char and I, at least, had specific missions which we have now fulfilled."

Wai: "I gotta admit, I'm kinda happy to find a place to settle down. If this guy really can fix my wandering circuit."

Iriana: "Home is important. We'll miss you though."

Losien: "True, but we do need to prune the cast."

Char looks askance at Losien's reference to her belief that they live in a story, but decides not to make an issue of it.

Ore: "Great euphemism for mass murder! I'll have to borrow it."

Everyone looks at Ore. He seems to suddenly realize that Losien wasn't speaking of mass murder, and his pause after that is just a little too long.

Ore: "Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Just kidding?"

Arnold: "You know, I'm not sure I trust you to fix my being half-fox."

Leonardo da Vinci: "Right you are! He's clearly a quack! I can fix you though!"

Arnold's ears twitch with interest again. Again, he looks both dubious and hopeful.

Arnold: "You can?"

Leonardo da Vinci: "Of course! The fix is quite simple: replace all your fox bits with prosthetics!"

Arnold facepalms.

Arnold: “I think I’ll pass on the prosthetics, thanks.”
 
Leonardo da Vinci: “It would be quite rude to just give away the prosthetics I gave you…”
 
Arnold: “What? No, I didn’t mean that. I mean—”
 
Leonardo da Vinci: “No, no! I’ll hear no more! I don’t just give away valuable prosthetics, you know!?”
 
He started to grab an assortment of what the group concluded must be his ‘valuable prosthetics’. There was a wooden arm, which had no joint and no fingers – instead the fingers appeared to be gun barrels. A wooden leg was painted luminous green and was probably radioactive. There was even a prosthetic eyeball, which Arnold was sure was just a random pebble found outside.
 
Losien looked from the robots to Arnold.
 
Losien: “So you’re not a cyborg? I don’t think they allow non-robotic people into Sanctuary, you know?”
 
Orë: “Oh yes! I forgot about that! I assume you have permission to be here though?”
 
He narrowed a suspicious eye at Losien.
 
Losien: “Yes…”
 
Orë: “How fortunate for you! Now, I think we need to alert the authorities to the trespasser.”
 
Arnold glared at Orë.
 
Arnold: “You mean me, don’t you?”
 
Orë: “You are trespassing, aren’t you? You know, it is the mark of a negative person that disrespects the law so freely.”
 
Leonardo da Vinci: “What!? I broke no laws! I claim the… uh… fifth? Sixth?”
 
With that, the crazy, old Italian inventor smashed through of a window – despite there already being a smashed window that Arnold had crashed through earlier.
 
Losien groaned, feeling guilted into helping this random kid. She wasn’t sure if this was the Writers at work, or if this was just another damnable coincidence. She did feel sorry for him though, and couldn’t just leave him behind.
 
Losien: “You’d better come with me and my friends. We’re about to leave Sanctuary anyway. Who knows, maybe we can find someone to help you with your—”
 
She looked up at his furry ears.
 
Losien: “…problem. You know, it’s not even that bad, right? I think a lot of people would love to have fuzzy ears and a tail!”
 
Arnold sulked.
 
Arnold: “I guess I’m not most people.”
 
Losien nodded, gave him a hearty pat on the arm and turned to Char.
 
Losien: “Are you sure about this, Char? It won’t be the same without you…”
 
Char: “I am quite sure. I do need to solve this conundrum in my robotic brain.”
 
Orë: “Yes. It shouldn’t be too difficult. There are signs of tampering, though.”
 
Losien: “Tampering!?”
 
Orë: “I believe it might be the work of a rogue A.I.. Honestly, I’d love to find it! I’m sure I could use such an A.I. to help me with…”
 
He looked at everyone shiftily.
 
Orë: “…stuff.”
 
Losien rubbed her chin.
 
Losien: “A rogue A.I.?”
 
The image of Sanctuary’s CynthAI crept into her head.
 
Losien: “That little bugger.”
 
Wai: “You know who it is?”
 
She looked at Orë, who was staring at her expectantly.
 
Losien: “No…”
 
Orë sighed, deflated. Losien leaned towards Wai and whispered.
 
Losien: “Make sure this crazy guy actually removes the A.I. from Char and doesn’t keep it, okay?”
 
She then straightened up and looked at Wai and Char, holding them both in her arms.
 
Losien: “I hope I’ll see you both soon. Char, take care. Wai, don’t wander too far.”
 
Mutt: “I only knew you for a short time, my lady, but it has been an honour to work with you. Please give my fondest regards to Mistress Newb.”
 
Losien: “I will. Thanks.”
 
There was a sniffle and Arnold wiped away a tear.
 
Arnold: “So emotional…”
 
Orë: “Hello? Yes? Am I speaking with Sanctuary security?”
 
Arnold’s temper then flared.
 
Arnold: “Orë!”
 
Orë: “What? What? I am doing my civic duty!”
 
Losien: “Come on, Arnold.”
 

---

 
Outside, Losien brings Arnold to meet up with Iriana and Aladdyn again. There is a new introduction.
 
Aladdyn: “Does this mean I’m no longer the new guy!?”
 
Losien frowned at him.
 
Aladdyn: “You haven’t been the new guy for a while, Aladdyn. Even Char joined after you, come to think of it.”
 
Aladdyn: “Really!? HUZZAH! Right then, rookie! There’s only three rules to remember!”
 
He held up four fingers and wrapped an arm around Arnold.
 
Aladdyn: “Rule number one – always give Aladdyn ice cream.”
 
Arnold looked very uncomfortable.
 
Aladdyn: “Rule number two – always wear fresh underwear because you never know when Newb is going to threaten you with a switch blade.”
 
Arnold looked very worried.
 
Aladdyn: “And rule number four –”
 
Iriana cut in;
 
Iriana: “Never drink coffee!”
 
Arnold: “But I love coffee!”
 
Iriana gasped and then slapped him.
 
Arnold: “OOooouch! What the-?”
 
Losien: “Iriana!”
 
Iriana swallowed and closed her eyes.
 
Iriana: “I am very sorry for striking you. It was terrible of me… almost as terrible as drinking coffee!”
 
Arnold: “Are… they always like this?”
 
Losien: “Pretty much…”
 
Arnold: “And you said you have more friends here?”
 
Losien: “Yeah. Hear those explosions?”
 
Arnold: “What kind of circus outfit have I gotten myself into now?”
 
Aladdyn gasped.
 
Aladdyn: “Circus!? He’s one of the clowns! Run for your lives!”
 
Aladdyn proceeded to run off.
 
Arnold: “Will he be… okay?”
 
Losien: “Probably.”
 
Then, above them, they saw an assortment of aerial robots swooping towards them. The different robots were eclectic in design – some had propellors, some had wings, some had engines, some had rockets – but they were all zooming towards the group.
 
Losien: “That’s our cue to hurry, grab Newb and CopyKAT and get going.”
 
Behind them, there also came a shout.
 
Cyclonus: “Oi! Who broke these windows!?”

Robot police officers enter the quarantine zone (over the vociferous objections of Cyclonus, until they detained him, at which point he began screaming about oppression).

Ore: "Oh good. The renegade human went that way."

Robot Police Officer: "You can't fool us, human! Get him!"

Ore: "What? Not me! I - oh, bugger it."

He legs it.

Robot Police Officer: "After him!"

The robot police officers leg it after Ore.

Wai: "Hey wait, we need him to cure us!"

Wai, Char, and Mutt leg it after the robot police officers.

Galactitron King: “This president is becoming wearisome…”
 
He grumbled to himself as the sarcastic drone of President Bill Murray resounded over the speakers.
 
Bill Murray: “Take that you slimy, scummy, piss-eating, maggot-farming, fart-sniffing, soil-licking, cowardly, turd-burping, sucky, cry baby, turtle-humping, fishmongering, gimpy, willy-holding, dog-whispering, frilly-wearing, coffee-making, window-washing, numpty, trashy, fly-breeding, turnip-chomping, Tesla-driving, dickheads!”
 
The king’s metal eyelids closed over his yellow-glowing eyes. Was this a moment of respite at last?
 
Bill Murray: “That’s right, I was talking to you, you mother-whipping, dog-stroking, feral-fouling, fashion-disastering, warmongering, liver-slapping, daft, dumb, dorky, dense, dullard, bellend, half-eaten-soggy-sandwich!”
 
Galactitron King: “Stargazer… please… tell me you found something.”
 
Stargazer: “Sorry, your majesty. Negative.”
 
The king actually whined like a ten-year-old told he couldn’t have any more sweets. That’s how much Bill Murray was now getting to him.
 
Bill Murray: “Here’s another one of these poxy, heartless, toe-rag, field-tilling, time-wasting, dim-witted, dumb-founded, deep-ended, ass-spanking, shit-burglaring, fist-taking, head-banging, face-squirming, snot-nosed, dillweeds! Let’s get ‘em!”
 
Stargazer: “Perhaps it is time I tried my… special technique, your majesty? Time, and sanity, is of the essence.”
 
The king looked concernedly at her. His robotic face was long and narrow and the metallic-skin was jet black. His eyes were, by contrast, bright yellow and cast an eerie glow across his angular facial features. His body was likewise entirely black, but he had metallic accessories that were coloured bright red. The metal floating piece behind him was mimicking a long cape, as well as having a high collar that framed his head. His chest had a circular panel where a large red gem was embedded – a symbol of office, in lieu of a crown. His synthetic hair was long, silver and perfectly sheened. His whiny outburst aside, the king was the very picture of Galactitron nobility.
 
So when he cast his eyes on someone, they felt those eyes.
 
Galactitron King: “Are you sure you can handle it, Stargazer? Your ability to see across the stars has been overwhelming for many with this gift…”
 
Stargazer: “I know. I have experienced such a thing before. But… I don’t see much choice.”
 
She didn’t admit that she cared little for the medallion in truth, only for the legacy of her beloved CopyKAT. The one she had bonded to; a powerful contract in Galactitron society. Psychological data was exchanged in the process, meaning they were literally bound together in mind, as well as spiritually. She had felt the agonising death of her husband when the Lunaz stole his life from her. Though she could not see the moment, she knew of it. She knew, from the bonding, that he had been there when the metal-city had been subjected to a series of thermobaric bombs that all went off across the cityscape. The intense heat caused by the burning oxygen was able to melt even the thickest of metal structures. Only the strongest of Galactitron exoskeletons could survive such a blast for long. She knew he had stood in a sea of molten metal as he watched the city roast and melt around him. Not all of the civilians had evacuated, perhaps convinced the Lunaz military would never sacrifice their own city. They melted along with the city and, eventually, along with CopyKAT himself.
 
She wanted that medallion… Needed it.
 
Galactitron King: “Very well. Let Harkendron take your station.”
 
Harkendron, or HarkenDRON depending on the Galactitron culture you adhere to, stepped up to take her place at the scanning station. Stargazer, likewise rewritten as STARgazer at times, moved from the station and was given room on the bridge of the Galactitron flagship. They did not name their ships, but they did have designations. The ship that housed the king was always dubbed The Monarch.
 
Stargazer’s cousin, Starfighter, looked especially worried. He had seen her slip into this trance once before and she had been left psychologically jumpy for months afterwards.
 
She sat down, cross-legged, and closed her eyes. Her own accessories floated behind her silver body, and her white hair hung down, straight and just as synthetically shiny as the king’s. She then opened her inner eye and began to gaze out… across the galaxy. In theory, she could gaze beyond Milky Way and into other galaxies, or possibly even universes as some in her family claimed. But spying across the entire vastness of this galaxy alone was stressful enough. Though her family name of STAR was merely that, and therefore not necessarily tied to her ability, the name originated from this ancient family power – to gaze at worlds from their stars. Powers were not inherited parent-to-child as a rule, rather individuals were granted the power when they were children. But many in the STAR family had been granted this unique gift as many showed the highest aptitude for it, including Stargazer herself. When she had first been awarded the code, she had become the pride and joy of her family.
 
This did make her often wonder what CopyKAT’s family had done for them to earn that name in the past. Hopefully no cats, or kats, were harmed in the making of that name. The ability to copy was also rare, though not as rare as the gaze talent. Her own brother had also been given the copy ability, making him STARcopy – though CopyKAT always liked to tease him as CopySTAR, defying the family tradition of inverted name-to-talent.
 
Stargazer: “I can see the Sol System… now the Earth… there are… a lot of medallions!”
 
Galactitron King: “What!?”
 
There was a lot of murmuring and disquiet at that. What had they run into!?
 
Stargazer: “Um… it seems a lot of them are decorative.”
 
A lot of relieved sighing.
 
Starfighter: “What a strange habit. Medallions as decoration? They’ll be using rings as decoration next!”
 
Stargazer: “Um…”
 
She refrained from that. Her people used power-rings, highly advanced technological objects for special purposes. They were exceptionally rare, and she had not a one. The king, however, had several. The Medallion, on the other hand, was a unique artefact that was discovered centuries ago. They did not fabricate it and no Galactitron knew where it originated. Some aliens had said they believed an ancient god of creation, named Kavili, had made the Medallion, but few Galactitrons believed such nonsense stories.
 
As Stargazer gazed as the world, she could see everything all at once. Her computer brain was able to process yottabytes of data in seconds, but she could never store that much information, so the vast majority of the data she was seeing was instantly discarded. Only medallion-related data was being briefly stored, before it, too, was deleted.
 
Then she struck gold. Literally and metaphorically.
 
Stargazer: “I… have found it.”
 
Jubilation lilted into the spirits of the bridge crew and the king’s metal chest swelled with pride at a job well done.
 
Galactitron King: “Well done, Stargazer. I should never have doubted you. Where is it? Is it with… the enemy?”
 
Whispering of the name ‘Taylor Swift’ went around the bridge.
 
Stargazer: “No… it seems… is this the right Medallion? It is. It must be. But…”
 
Galactitron King: “What? What is it?”
 
Stargazer: “It’s… it’s a dog-collar…”
 
Silence on the bridge.
 
The king spoke slowly;
 
Galactitron King: “A… what?”
 
Stargazer: “Dog-collar.”
 
Galactitron King: “As in… a collar… for… a dog?”
 
Stargazer: “Yes.”
 
What kind of new blasphemy was this!? Their sacred relic is now a dog-collar!?
 
Stargazer: “A pug, in fact.”
 
Galactitron King: “A pug? What the hell is a pug?”
 
HarkenDRON: “Like, one of those little, fat, kind of ugly-but-cute dogs, your majesty.”
 
Galactitron King: “Not one of those yippy little bastards!?”
 
HarkenDRON: “Yes, I’d say so.”
 
Galactitron King: “Who would make such a mockery of our…! Nevermind. We must retrieve it.”
 
Stargazer: “Your majesty… there’s something about this dog…”
 
She paused.
 
Could the stories be true?
 
CopyKAT himself had spoken of the reincarnation process, but she had never believed it. The Galactitron Wizards, the old, wise, sages, had believed CopyKAT was a reincarnated being and that his data – his soul – could be passed down through generations. They believed he had been born many times within Galactitron society, but that he could also reincarnate as something else. Something not even robotic. This was, they said, why the Medallion allowed him to wield it in the first place, he had once been its rightful owner in the past; possibly many times over.
 

---

 
Newb: “I’m impressed with how well we’ve terrorised the entire city for over two hours, blowing everything up, and managing to not kill any of your robot pals.”
 
Galvatron: “Yeah, we make a pretty good team! Though it was a close call when you set off that remote mine on the street back there.”
 
Newb: “Not the lamp again! Lamps can’t be robots! It was just a lamp!”
 
Galvatron: “No way! The lamp was a robot! An old pal of mine, in fact!”
 
Newb: “Oh yeah? So what’s his name?”
 
Galvatron: “Lampy.”
 
Newb: “Fuck off.”
 
Galvatron: “I’m being serious!”
 
Newb: “You winding me up. Won’t work, mate. I’m not going to fall for it. Next lamp I see is frickin’ toast.”
 
Losien: “Sounds like we arrived just in time.”
 
Newb and Galvatron turned to see Losien, Aladdyn, Iriana and some young man, who introduced himself as Arnold, in tow.
 
Newb: “Sure you don’t want to give us another five minutes? Pretty sure there’s a few more city blocks that could use the old boom-boom treatment.”
 
Losien: “No, it’s time to go. Seems this was a lost cause after all. I don’t think this is how a Story usually goes, is it? Go on an adventure to get somewhere, only for it to say no? Maybe this Story Arc is trying to subvert expectations.”
 
They started to shuffle off as Newb put the last of her arsenal back into her duffel bag.
 
Arnold: “At least those security robots made the mistake of going to the quarantine zone instead of after us! Wonder what they ended up doing?”
 
Somewhere, far behind them, Orë could be seen flying around, clumsily, with his jet pack as a swarm of aerial police-bots went after him.
 
Iriana: “Hey, doggy. Why did you stop?”
 
CopyKAT had stopped on the street and was staring up at the sky, mesmerised. He was sure he could see her. The beautiful, metal figure of a female with long, white hair and a strong galaxy-spanning presence. He knew her, he remembered her. She was… what? She was a Galactitron. She was… his wife.
 
CopyKAT: “Stargazer…”
 
Losien: “Is the comic relief getting a serious moment at last?”
 
Aladdyn whined.
 
Aladdyn: “I thought I was the comic relief?”
 
Newb: “The dog’s funny, you’re just annoying.”
 
Galvatron sighed.
 
Galvatron: “I remember when I was the comic relief. I was the comedy sidekick to Losien’s brother, you know? We were quite the double-act! Like Laurel and Hardy, Morcambe and Wise, Fry and Laurie, Abbott and Costello, the Two Ronnies…”
 
Newb: “The Chuckle Brothers.”
 
Galvatron put his hands on his hips in protest, but then thought about it and shrugged.
 
Galvatron: “Probably the most accurate, yeah.”
 
Newb held out her hand.
 
Newb: “To me.”
 
Galvatron handed over the mini-nuke launcher he had been hiding.
 
Galvatron: “To you…”
 
Iriana had crouched down to look at CopyKAT. His eyes slowly drifted from the sky, to Iriana.
 
CopyKAT: “I… remember.”
 
Iriana: “Remember what? Do you want a belly rub?”
 
CopyKAT resisted that urge. He had to stop thinking like a pug. He had to remember what he really was. A warrior of Galactitron. Suddenly he leapt up and transformed. In the place of the dog was now a metal warrior, a robotic man. The others recognised the general visage as similar to that of the metal-man they had fought in the Arctic. Or ran away from anyway.
 
CopyKAT: “They’re looking for me. This planet is in danger while I’m still here.”
 
Losien: “Oh damn, is this going to be like the Goodbye Poochie moment from The Simpsons? You’d better not just fly off.”
 
CopyKAT: “Well… that’s exactly what I was planning to do, yeah.”
 
Losien: “Okay, no! We still need help with Necroman! Australia can’t last much longer!”
 

---

 
Zip-pan to Australia where the last city standing against the hordes of necroids is Sydney, right on the coast. Canberra, the capital, had been overrun already. Scott Morrison, Prime Minister of Australia, is desperately trying to get someone to bring him a genie, or half-genie, or quarter-genie, or anything vaguely resembling a genie.
 

---

 
Losien: “Sanctuary won’t help us. Wai and Char have retired—”
 
Arnold: “Not to mention Wai’s broken and Char is infected, right?”
 
Losien: “And now you’re leaving too? Now that you turn into a bloody robot? Exactly what we need?”
 
Newb: “Oh… my… god… you know what you could do? Turn into, like, a frickin’ MEGAZORD AND SQUISH THE NECROIDS! YEEEEEEEEAH-BOOOOOI!”
 
Galvatron: “I really want to see that. I can turn into a dragon, you know?”
 
CopyKAT looked down at his Medallion. It might be unsafe to use it right now, he wasn’t sure of himself and using it might break the universe. He tapped his metal chin and glanced up again.
 
He waved at the sun.
 

---

 
Stargazer: “Your majesty… Copykat is alive.”
 
There was a lot of excited confusion on the bridge.
 
Stargazer: “He has the Medallion. It seems he was disguised as the pug, possibly as protection. He’s… waving at me.”
 
The king was flabbergasted, but he also knew of some of their kind that could reincarnate.
 
Stargazer: “I think he wants us to follow him. Maybe he’s staging a meeting point.”
 
Galactitron King: “Prepare a landing party! I want entire teams down there! I won’t take any chances. Stargazer, continue to follow Copykat, if it is him, and help us guide the landing teams.”
 

---

 
CopyKAT: “We’ll need to go quickly.”
 
Newb: “Notice the bastard can talk just fine now, huh?”
 
CopyKAT: “I can still pee on you if you annoy me.”
 
Suddenly, the air was alive with more security robots. Apparently the previous batch had sent out for support.
 
Losien: “Let’s get out of here!”
 
The entire group started to run. Losien ran fast, but she had to acknowledge that Newb was even faster thanks to her weird, superspy training. CopyKAT, now in his robot body, was also steaming along like a man-bot on a mission. Galvatron was likewise going on his mechanical legs, but he had a long and unusual gait as his feet were like stumps and she fancied she could hear the release of steam whenever his feet lifted from the icy ground. Arnold was the fastest, however. He ran on all fours like a fox and his animal-like paws gave him far more grip and physical propulsion than just two legs could. Aladdyn and Iriana were, of course, lagging behind. Aladdyn was trying to run in his curly-toed shoes, while Iriana was daintily trotting after them, holding her skirts as she went with one hand and trying to drink tea with the other.
 
Losien was about to stop and help Iriana – and by help, we mean snatch the teacup from her and tell her to get her ass in gear – but the girl disappeared. Losien felt a breeze on her skin and turned ahead again to see a pink blur somewhere in the distance.
 
Iriana, therefore, reached their destination first.
 
Iriana: “Honeybee!”
 
Honeybee gasped.
 
Honeybee: “How did you know it was me!?”
 
Iriana looked at the pastel blue snow mobile, decorated with cartoon flowers and had red snow-skis.
 
Iriana: “Just a guess! I think you’ll need to turn into something a bit more accommodating, Honeybee. I don’t think everyone wants to cram onto a snow mobile.”
 
Honeybee: “I theoretically have infinite space inside of me, you know? Remember the clown car?”
 
Iriana: “So… you’re a TARDIS!”
 
Honeybee: “I wish I was. But… I suppose I could look like one!”
 
Iriana turned around to let the transformer change her robot-form. Once Iriana turned back, she saw that Honeybee was now mimicking the TARDIS – a pastel blue police box, patterned with the silly flowers and the windows were garish red. The light on the top was rainbow coloured.
 
Iriana clapped and opened the door.
 
Iriana: “Honeybee… you know a TARDIS isn’t actually just a phone box on the inside?”
 
Honeybee: “Oh! I forgot.”
 
Iriana closed the door, waited a moment, and then opened it to find a TARDIS command room.
 
Iriana: “Can you actually travel through time and space when like this?”
 
Honeybee: “No. But I can fly. Which should be enough to get us home!”
 
Moments later and the rest of the heroes all rushed in through the open door – all getting stuck at once. After a lot of wriggling, fighting and complaining, they managed to fall through the door and sprawl onto the floor of the room. Galvatron was still outside, however.
 
Losien: “Come with us!”
 
Galvatron shrugged.
 
Galvatron: “Sorry this is my home now.”
 
Newb: “That you blew up.”
 
Galvatron: “Nothing we can’t fix!”
 
Losien: “Didn’t you level several city blocks?”
 
Newb: “Except for that damn lamp post.”
 
Galvatron pointed at Newb.
 
Galvatron: “Not my pal, Lampy! We’re robots, Los. We can fix it easy. No worries!”
 
Losien: “If I have to come and stage a jail break some point in the future, I’ll be very annoyed.”
 
Galvatron: “Don’t sweat it, toots!”
 
Losien: “Call me that again and I won’t spring you from jail.”
 
Galvatron’s faceplate warped into something that was probably a shit-eating grin. The TARDIS-Honeybee took off and Losien hung out of the door to watch the security-bots reach Galvatron.
 
Honeybee: “Next stop, Australia!”
 
Losien: “I hope he’ll be okay…”
 
Newb was next to her, also watching.
 
Newb: “I know he will be.”
 
Losien smiled sweetly at Newb.
 
Losien: “Such confidence! Made a friend, did you?”
 
Newb: “Yeah… that, and the bastard pilfered that mini-nuke I tried to take off him.”

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Crap! We forgot to do something important in Sanctuary!"

Iriana: "Oh no! What's that?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Get postcards to send our families!"

Losien sighs. Newb smirks.

Newb: "As soon as he said that, I knew it was nothing. Because it was him."

Arnold: "So he's always like this? Why is he even on the team?"

Newb: "Punching bag."

Losien: "Comic relief."

Iriana: "Because he's a cool hero like the rest of us!"

Everyone looks at Iriana, who's oblivious to their reactions. Aladdyn is already telling Honeybee to turn around, so Losien goes to firmly remind Honeybee to stay on course...

Character roster: Aladdyn L. Quirk | Arnold | CopyKAT | Iriana Emp | Losien Simon | Newb
 
Newb: “LAND HO!”
 
Below was Australia.
 
Honeybee: “Just because a continent doesn’t wish to settle for just a single—”
 
Newb: “Hurdy-hurdy, ya damn Transformer.”
 
Honeybee: “Oh? Because I’m a robot, I’m not allowed a sense of humour, hmmm?”
 
Given Honeybee’s husky, sensual voice, she basically purred through the hmmm.
 
Newb: “You’re allowed to quit your yap.”
 
Honeybee: “I might just accidentally-on-purpose tip over and watch you fall out of that door.”
 
Newb was hanging out of the doors of the Honeybee-TARDIS. The rest of the group arrived in the control room, having rested up in the bedrooms.
 
Newb: “Uh… we have incoming!”
 
Losien: “You mean the land? You just shouted that.”
 
Newb: “I don’t mean the land, I mean—Whoa!”
 
There was the sound of screeching, terrified yet manic laughter. And then it faded away. A silence followed, but they could all see the disturbed expression on Newb’s face.
 
With trepidation, Losien had to ask;
 
Losien: “Newb… what…?”
 
Newb: “They seem to be firing… projectiles at us.”
 
Losien: “And by projectiles you mean…”
 
Newb nodded.
 
Newb: “Yep. That’s exactly what I mean.”
 
Arnold, the new person in the group, looked baffled and worried by these words. He had been filled in on some of the details, but didn’t yet grasp what they were talking about.
 
Arnold: “What projectiles? Like, rockets? Missiles? Rocks?”
 
There came another cackling scream, arriving and leaving with the doppler effect.
 
Arnold: “The Wicked Witch of the West?”
 
Losien pointed to the door. She, Arnold and Newb peered out and down at the continent of Australia. There were tiny figures in the sky, looking like skydivers – only without parachutes. Not only were some going down, some were coming up. Straight at them.
 
As Arnold watched, a woman came flying at the TARDIS. Her skin was blue, her clothes ragged, and she was cackling and screaming with a kind of mania he had never seen on a human face. As she drew near, she started scrabbling in the air to try to grasp onto the TARDIS.
 
Necroid: “Ohhh, pants! I missed! Hahaha! I missed! Oops!!”
 
Not very upset with her failure, it seemed, she went by the flying machine and then started her downward decent.
 
Arnold: “Oh no! What--!? Will she--!?”
 
Losien: “We need to land.”
 
Iriana: “But we’re nowhere near the front of the necromist, Losien. We’d fall straight into it and turn into necroids too!”
 
Newb: “She’s right, we need to be in Sydney.”
 
Losien: “They’re going to keep firing people at us!”
 
Newb: “Us or them.”
 
Arnold: “That’s cold!”
 
Losien: “Because she’s a b--.”
 
Losien stopped herself.
 
Newb: “Go ahead. Say it.”
 
Losien snarled.
 
Newb: “Coward.”
 
Iriana inserted herself into the middle of it and held out a cup of tea to Newb and one to Losien.
 
Losien & Newb: “I don’t want—”
 
Iriana: “Drink. It.”
 
So affirmative were those two words that both women took the tea.
 
Aladdyn: “Can’t we… go closer to the ground? When I fall, I prefer to fall closer to the ground. It hurts less.”
 
Losien and Newb blinked in surprise.
 
Newb: “That… is true.”
 
Losien: “Good idea, Al?”
 
She wasn’t even sure of her own words.
 
Aladdyn: “I am here all week!”
 
More surprise.
 
Newb: “Did you just get a turn of phrase correct?”
 
Losien: “Where’s the real Aladdyn?”
 
Aladdyn looked horrified and grabbed his own chest.
 
Aladdyn: “I’m here! I’m here! Did I go invisible!? I said I am here all week, I’m not going to go yet! Next week, I have to visit my parents though, so my good ideas can only last a week. Sorry.”
 
Newb: “Oh…”
 
Losien: “He was being literal…”
 
There was a sudden thump.
 
The three at the door turned to find a blue man slide off the side of the TARDIS with a dazed and befuddled grin.
 
Honeybee: “That hurt.”
 
Losien: “Better take us down, Honeybee.”
 
Honeybee: “I do not go down on ladies, Losien. We have discussed this already.”
 
Losien: “Honeybee. We have humans being thrown at us from catapults. Maybe this isn’t the time for jokes.”
 
Newb couldn’t help but snerk.
 
Newb: “Sorry. I know it’s kind of grim. But… when you say it, it sounds funny.”
 
Arnold: “And they seem so happy about it…”
 
Another necroid came up;
 
Necroid: “Wheeeeeeeee!”
 
At the last moment he remembered he was supposed to grab the flying machine, not just enjoy being thrown into the atmosphere. He made a surprised grab, missed and laughed at his own ineptitude as he plunged to certain death.
 
Honeybee lowered quickly towards the ground. The box was a small target, so it was little wonder the catapulted people missed so often, and now it was near to the ground, it was too fast to hit and any that were thrown would land with only injuries.
 
Suddenly, CopyKAT the Galactitron Warrior burst from one of the doors, hands on his hips in a heroic pose.
 
CopyKAT: “I have arrived! Where is the enemy!”
 
Losien: “We dealt with it already.”
 
Newb: “What took you so long?”
 
CopyKAT looked sheepish.
 
CopyKAT: “Nothing.”
 
Newb: “Liar.”
 
CopyKAT: “I was… just… checking everything was in working order. I’m in a new Galactitronic body, you know?”
 
Losien: “Oh, gross.”
 
Newb started laughing.
 
Newb: “Was this the time and place to be wanking, dude?”
 
CopyKAT: “I didn’t mean that!”
 
Newb was still laughing and Losien rolled her eyes.
 
Newb: “What are you being so prudish for anyway? I think you’re the Character with the most live sex scenes, you know?”
 
Losien: “That isn’t—shut up.”
 
Honeybee: “He was not pleasuring himself, I can assure you. I would have watched if he did.”
 
CopyKAT: “Thank y—wait, what?”
 
Losien: “Honeybee!”
 
Honeybee: “What? You are all inside me, remember? If you don’t want me to see things, don’t do them here!”
 
Iriana: “Oh dear. It was troubling that Newb saw me in the shower, but now Honeybee too?”
 
Arnold: “Uh, what?”
 
Newb became flustered.
 
Newb: “No! I wasn’t peeping! I was spying!”
 
Arnold frowned at her.
 
Newb: “I mean… not in a perverted way… I was spying in a… information gathering kind of way.”
 
Losien: “Like how many sandwiches a day we ate.”
 
Newb: “Even the smallest details can be important!”
 
Losien rolled her eyes again.
 
Newb: “What were you doing?”
 
CopyKAT: “Well… I was an organic being a moment ago and I… ate stuff.”
 
Losien: “Oh. I see where this is going.”
 
CopyKAT: “Exactly. I had to… change into something else, to… empty. And change back and make sure that there were no… unwanted aftereffects. This body changing stuff isn’t all so simple, you know!? It’s an art!”
 
Aladdyn sighed.
 
Aladdyn: “I wish I could change my appearance like you do, Kat.”
 
Newb: “Yeah… me too, actually.”
 
Arnold: “I definitely do too.”
 
Arnold pulled his furry ear again.
 
Losien: “I would too, I think.”
 
Iriana looked at everyone with upset.
 
Iriana: “But… why!? You are all so pretty and lovely to look at. Why would you want to change that?”
 
That brought some unexpected warmth to everyone’s hearts and they couldn’t help but smile at the genuine compliment. Losien reached out and squeezed Iriana’s hand.
 
Losien: “Thank you, Iri. I think you’re the prettiest of us all.”
 
Newb poked the floor with her shoe, pretending to be distracted.
 
Newb: “Yup. Losien’s right.”
 
Arnold: “Well… I still wish I could not have these fluffy things. Thank you though, Iriana.”
 
Aladdyn: “I wish that I could stand out more.”
 
The others looked at each other and shook their heads in disbelief. They went back to waiting to arrive in Sydney. Losien went to the map screen with Iriana.
 
Iriana: “Do you really want to change how you look, Losien? I think many people have said they find you very attractive. It’s hard for me to imagine why you would want to change that.”
 
Losien shrugged.
 
Losien: “Lots of people say it, but I don’t know if it’s really true. I never felt that way. But… well…”
 
She looked from the screens over to Newb, who was at the door with Arnold, watching the landscape fly by.
 
Losien: “I’d rather be like… Newb. I want to look cool and in control. I feel so weak and useless all the time and she’s just such a strong presence. People take her seriously. If she tells someone what to do, they’re more likely to do it. I tell someone to do something they ignore me, or laugh at me or… you know.”
 
Back at the door, Arnold said to Newb;
 
Arnold: “I don’t understand what you’d want to change about yourself, Newb. You look amazing already. Like an action movie star.”
 
Newb gave a short, mocking, breathy laugh.
 
Newb: “Thanks, kid. But… well.”
 
She looked back across the room to Iriana, and then to Losien.
 
Newb: “Maybe if I was more beautiful, like Losien, then… yeah. I mean, objectively, Losien is ridiculously good-looking, right?”
 
CopyKAT was still at the other end of the room and Aladdyn sat down next to him.
 
CopyKAT: “Everyone always wants to be someone else, don’t they? They never see the positives about themselves. They never think they have whatever it is they truly want. Not pretty enough, not cool enough, not strong enough.”
 
He looked down at Aladdyn.
 
CopyKAT: “Not blue enough.”
 
Aladdyn: “I would love to be blue!”
 
CopyKAT: “You serve as an inspiration to me, Aladdyn.”
 
Aladdyn: “I do!?”
 
CopyKAT: “If even you can function in this galaxy, literally anyone can.”
 
Aladdyn: “Thanks!”
 
CopyKAT smirked.
 
CopyKAT: “Brains of a brick, Aladdyn. Please, never change.”

The people of Sydney, those who haven't been evacuated, are huddling atop the tallest buildings, in hopes that the necromist won't reach them. Barbed wire and makeshift barricades have been erected to defend against the necroids surging up the stairs once they arrive.

Random Aussie Leader #1: "Shame we couldn't find a genie to save us."

Random Aussie Leader #2: "Bigger shame that they ran out of helicopters to evacuate us and left us here with the peasants!"

Random Aussie Leader #1: "You know all these so-called peasants can hear you, right? Guess someone's not getting reelected!"

Random Aussie Leader #2: "We're going to die. None of us are getting reelected."

Random Soldier: "Wait! I see something through my binoculars! Flying towards us! It's... a blue man!"

Random Aussie Leader #1: "Wait, blue? Could it be?"

Random Aussie Leader #2: "Gimme those binoculars! Aha! It is a genie!"

Random Aussie Leader #1: "Are you sure? How can you tell?"

Random Aussie Leader #2: "He's blue, wearing stereotypically Arabian garb, and from reading his lips I can tell he's singing You Ain't Never Had a Friend Like Me!"

Cut to Arnold and Aladdyn.

Arnold: "Why are you singing?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Oh, I just felt like it. Don't you ever burst out into song for no reason?"

Arnold: "Erm... no..."

Cut back to the top of the skyscraper with the random Aussie leaders.

Random Aussie Leader #1: "Here they are! Clear room for them to land!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Don't worry! We've come to save the day!"

All the Aussies atop this building crowd around him, cheering that they're saved.

Arnold: "Wow, I didn't expect to be this well-received."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "That's right! We're heroes! It's what we do!"

Random Aussie Leader #2 snatches Aladdyn's arm.

Random Aussie Leader #2: "I wish we were saved from the necromist!"

Arnold: "Wait, you can grant wishes?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Well, sort of. It has to be within the wisher's power to do normally, since I'm only half-genie, you know."

The random Aussies don't hear Aladdyn's words, however, because one points back the way Aladdyn and Arnold came, only now seeing the Galactitron army dropping from orbit.

Random Soldier: "It worked! He summoned those robots to save us!"

Random Aussie Leader #2: "Hooray! We're saved - shite, I guess I really won't get reelected now."

Deep within the necromist, the Galactitrons are beating up the necroids. Luckily, CopyKAT told them not to kill he turned-humans. As they fight, CopyKAT draws close to his wife and grins at her – a dopey, idiot grin.
 
Stargaze: “Nice to you again too.”
 
CopyKAT: “Yes! Sorry. You’re a sight for sore eyes…”
 
Stargaze: “Why are your eyes sore? What did they do to you!?”
 
CopyKAT: “Oh. A human expression I picked up somewhere, I guess.”
 
Stargaze: “I think you’ve spent enough time with these people, don’t you?”
 
CopyKAT: “Absolutely!”
 
He didn’t admit that a part of him would miss the belly rubs from Iriana.
 
Stargaze grabs him and pulls him up into a kiss.
 
But, a moment later, she opens her eyes to see she’s kissing… a pug.
 
Stargaze: “GAH!”
 
She threw the dog in surprise.
 
CopyKAT: “WAAAAAAAAAH!”
 
Thinking of his old life seems to change him back into the dog. He hoped that wouldn’t be a long-term side affect of this reincarnation!
 
He tumbled down, bounced off the ground and landed a the feet of… a necroid.
 
Taylor Swift: “Gasp! A doggy! How sweet! And what a… shiny collar you have…”
 
CopyKAT: “Hekkin’ crap!”
 
Taylor snatches the Medallion even before CopyKAT could transform back into his robotic self, his reactions slowed because of the necromist working on his mind.
 
The Galactitrons suddenly all stop fighting and turn to see that their greatest fear has come to pass – the mighty Taylor Swift has the Medallion and the power to alter he fabric of reality in whatever way she wished!!!
 
Taylor Swift: “I do!? Cool beans!”
 
Oops!
 
CopyKAT: “Hekkin’ Narrator!”
 
He realises he isn’t the dog anymore.
 
CopyKAT: “I mean, damnable Narrator!”
 
With a malevolent grin on her face Taylor Swift glared at everyone with terrifying mania induced by the necromist. She cackled as she held out the Medallion.
 
Taylor Swift: “REALITY! CHANGE!”
 
The Galactitrons dropped to the ground, expecting to be vaporised… but nothing happened.
 
Stargaze peeked from behind the hands she covered her eyes with.
 
Stargaze: “What did she do?”
 
Taylor Swift: “Teehee!”
 
Stargaze rose an eyebrow.
 
Stargaze: “Are you giggling?”
 
Taylor Swift: “I did it! I achieved my greatest dream!”
 
Stargaze approached Taylor.
 
Stargaze: “What did you do!?”
 
Taylor Swift whispers like a naughty child.
 
Taylor Swift: “All radio stations in the entire universe will now play… COUNTRY MUSIC!!!!”
 
Stargaze: “GASP! TRULY THE WORK OF—Wait, that’s it? You just made radios play some stupid music?”
 
CopyKAT: “Have you heard country music?”
 
Stargaze rolled her eyes and snatched it from Taylor Swift.
 
Taylor Swift: “Awwww.” ☹
 
Stargaze: “Don’t lose it this time.”
 
She leaned over and fastened the Medallion around her husband’s neck.
 
CopyKAT: “You did toss me.”
 
James Corden: “Oh aye? Little minx, eh!?”
 
Stargaze: “Yes I did, just now. What is a minx?”
 
CopyKAT coughed with anxiety.
 
CopyKAT: “Nothing! Just more human expressions, my love! Quiet you, Corden!”
 
Stargaze: “I can’t believe she just did something so petty with the Medallion…”
 
CopyKAT: “It’s this necromist. They’re all bonkers. Where did their leader go?”
 
Stargaze: “He must have escaped in the chaos.”
 
CopyKAT: “If we find him, maybe this mist will disappear with him…”
 
The suburbs of Sydney are now consumed by the necromist and there is Necroman himself.
 
Necroman: “Those mechanical menaces weren’t much fun were they? But you, my friends, are still with me! BFFs!”
 
The celebrities still with him cheer and dance their way further into the city. In the distance is a tall building, atop which are Aladdyn and Arnold…

In the underwater city of R'lyeh, shoggoths are drinking at whatever passes for a bar in their town. The bartender switches on the radio. Heavy metal music blares.

Shoggoth Patron #1: "Lukewarm. Not insanity-inducing enough."

Murmurs from the other patrons agree. The bartender shrugs and is about to change it again when suddenly the music blaring from it changes - it becomes country music!

Shoggoth Patron #2: "AGH! It's horrible!"

Shoggoth Patron #3: "Too insanity-inducing!"

The shoggoths are starting to melt from the sheer existential horror wrought by the ungodly noise.

Shoggoth Patron #4: "Turn it off, turn it off!"

The bartender struggles to reach for the radio dial, but his form is already decomposing too much.

Then the wall caves in as a giant kraken tentacles smashes the source of the noise to make it stop.

Shoggoths: "Hooray!"

Kraken: "Cthulhu-forsaken varmints, blasting that at this un-Cthulhu-ly hour..."

Shoggoth Bartender: "Oi! You gonna pay for the damage to that wall?"

Kraken: "Sure. You gonna pay for the damage to my brain from hearing that?"

Shoggoth Bartender: "Ehehehe, on the other hand, what are debts between friends?"

Kraken: "That's what I thought."

The Australian survivors stood atop of the skyscraper near the Sydney Opera House and stared across the cityscape, seemingly forgetting the dangers around them.
 
After a long silence;
 
Random Australian 1: “I think… I think it’s disco.”
 
Random Australian 2: “I think it’s headbanging.”
 
Random Australian 3: “No, that was definitely Stayin’ Alive. See the finger pointing? Ah-ah-ah.”
 
They continue to watch.
 
Random Australian 4: “Now I think it’s shoegazing.”
 
Random Australian 1: “Unless they’re just thinking of what to do next?”
 
Random Australian 2: “Okay, that’s a Lady Gaga move. Isn’t it from Bad Romance? Ra-ra-ramala.”
 
Random Australian 3: “I think it looks more like a Bollywood move.”
 
Random Australian 2: “Could be. I don’t watch much Bollywood.”
 
Random Australian 4: “Aha! Now that has to be Kate Bush! See that crazy waving? Just like Wuthering Heights.”
 
Random Australian 1: “I think they’re going for hip-hop now. Ah, there it is! Breakdancing!”
 
Random Australian 5: “Guys, it all looks like the robot’s having a fit to me…”
 
The others tutted and rolled their eyes.
 
Random Australian 1: “You just don’t understand the nuances of dance.”
 
A long pause.
 
Random Australian 2: “Is that… ballet?”

THWACK!

Random Necroid #1: "Wow! I thought for sure she'd miss that time! Haha!"

His enthusiasm is undimmed by the fact that he's currently flattened beneath Honeybee's superlambanana tail.

Random Necroids: "Ooh, me! Me! Can you hit me?!"

Necroids are popping up from lying or kneeling positions left and right, excitedly challenging Honeybee to hit them.

Newb: "This is the stupidest, and yet somehow the awesomest, game of Whack-A-Mole I've ever seen."

THWACK!

Just like a popped balloon, or other inflatables for that matter, Honeybee went whizzing through the air with a loud squeaking of pressurised air escaping through a tiny hole. A hole made by Newb’s bazooka. The helicopter atop of the head of the superlambanana was spinning furiously.
 
The “heroes”, and I use that term loosely given their string of fuck ups—
 
Losien: “Hey!”
 
The heroes are clinging for dear life to the innards of the wayward transforming superlambanana robot, lest they wind up flying out of the hole.
 
Iriana: “This… is… not… very… dignified!!”
 
Newb: “This… is… all… Aladdyn’s… fault!”
 
Losien: “You… fired… the… bazooka!”
 
Everything came to a very sudden stop and the heroes all faceplanted the floor with a series of uncomfortable sounding slaps of skin on cold metal.
 
Iriana whined like a puppy as she rubbed her face.
 
Iriana: “What happened?”
 
Aladdyn: “My balloons!”
 
Over at the hole the ‘balloons’ that Aladdyn had inflated earlier were now huddled up and blocking the hole.
 
Newb: “Saved by Aladdyn’s inflated condoms?”
 
Losien: “We should all now take a vow of silence to never speak of this moment ever again.”
 
Newb: “Seconded.”
 
Arnold: “Third…ed?”
 
Iriana: “Honeybee’s monitor shows we high up, but not far from Sydney still. I can see the necroids are all swarming the city though… going to that building where the survivors are…”
 
She was still rubbing her sore nose.
 
Losien: “They’ll die without our help.”
 
Arnold: “But what can we do? There’s so many.”
 
Losien then smirked.
 
Losien: “I have an idea…”
 
Newb: “I’m afraid to ask…”
 
Losien: “Honeybee, can you turn into a mobile phone? A really big, powerful one?”
 
Newb: “Now I’m really afraid to ask…”
 
Honeybee: “I don’t see why not. Do you need to call someone?”
 
Losien: “Not quite…”
 

---

 
A short time later and Honeybee has flown to just above the necromist and turned into a massive mobile phone, albeit still with her helicopter to keep them from falling into the cloud. Hanging down the front of the Honeybee-phone is Losien, dangling from Newb’s grappling hook. Newb is up the top holding it.
 
Newb: “You need to cut back on the cheese and crackers, jeez!”
 
Losien: “Hey!”
 
She kicked off the phone and Newb swung the rope, allowing Losien to realign herself. Her boots smacked the ‘settings’ button on the phone screen.
 
Newb: “This has to be one of the most stupid things we’ve ever done…”
 
Losien: “I dunno, shooting a bazooka inside our ride was pretty stupid. Twice.”
 
Honeybee: “At least the sleigh wasn’t alive. I, on the other hand…”
 
Newb: “Okay, okay. Sorry I almost killed you Honeybee. I’m more sorry I failed to kill Aladdyn.”
 
Losien swung again and hit the ‘network settings’ button.
 
Losien: “One last swing!”
 
Honeybee: “That’s what all the married men say, but in the end they always want more!”
 
Losien: “Gross, Honeybee.”
 
Newb: “Such a prude, Losien.”
 
Losien’s boots hit the final option on the phone screen. The network was selected.
 
5G.
 

---

 
Nearby, on the outskirts of Sydney, the Galactitrons are surprised to see something non-necroid shuffling by.
 
Stargaze: “What… are those?”
 
CopyKAT: “I think they’re the 5G Zombies… wherever they’re going, I bet that’s where Necroman ran off to! Let’s follow them.”
 

---

 
Entering the city, the swarms of 5G Zombies were attracted to the powerful 5G signal coming from the Honeybee-phone. As they had done since they were created, they started to fight with the necroids, slowing them down.
 
Bucket Head: “Forward! In the same of homo superior!”
 
Doctor Z rose an eyebrow (or what’s left of his eyebrow).
 
Doctor Z: “I don’t think it would be appropriate for us to fight in the name of your favourite porn magazine…”
 
Bucket Head spluttered.
 
Bucket Head: “That’s not--! I mean, I know we always had something… special, but…”
 
Doctor Z: “We do?”
 
Bucket Head: “But we are worlds apart on the subject of our race’s supremacy!”
 
Doctor Z: “Yeah, well. Luckily none of these guys can even understand you.”
 
The 5G Zombies, undead and brainless (some literally), just shuffled by and paid neither Bucket Head nor Doctor Z any attention.
 
Bucket Head grumbled, but then noticed that Doztor Z had some kind of non-bucket helmet on.
 
Bucket Head: “What is that?”
 
Doctor Z: “Oh! I call it Cera-bro!!”
 
Bucket Head: “Cerebro? Interest—”
 
Doztor Z: “No, no. Cera-bro! Listen!”
 
Bucket Head leaned down and through Cera-bro’s audio speakers he could hear a voice.
 
Cera-bro: “The zombies might be going that way, but, like, maybe not. I was looking the other way.”
 
Bucket Head: “Is that… Michael Cera?”
 
Doctor Z: “Cera-bro!”
 
Bucket Head: “That is the most ridiculous—”
 
A moment later and Galactitrons trampled the two sapient 5G Zombies on their way to bash necroids.
 
Cera-bro: “That was not cool, and I think I peed myself.”
 
Doctor Z: “No, Cera-bro… that was me.”
 

---

 
Despite all this commotion, the necroids have continued to climb the skyscraper. They finally managed to barged their way to the rooftop. The soldiers and cops had shot as many as their ammo allowed, but now there was no ammo, there was no backup.
 
One of the politicians there was the current Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison.
 
Other politician: “Who?”
 
Scott Morrison: “Don’t start that again. Where’s this genie? I thought he saved us with those robots!?”
 
Other politician: “Seems the robots are caught up fighting down below!”
 
Then, the necroids stopped and moved out of the way of the door to the stairwell, pulling their fallen dead out of the way. Some of the necroids even threw the dead ones over the side of the building with a giggle.
 
From the doorway peeped a head.
 
Necroman: “Peekaboo. I see you.”

Scott Morrison and the other survivors shrink back as Necroman releases his pink mist. It spreads slowly, menacingly towards them, as they stare in horror. Slowly... inexorably... slowly...

Okay, it's barely moved two inches, what's going on?

Necroman: "Dramatic tension! Wouldn't be as fun to just turn them all right away, the other people coming to play with us should arrive right in the nick of time for a showdown!"

Right...

Scott Morrison: "So, you're not going to turn us into necroids?"

Necroman: "Not yet! Sorry! I know you're eager and all."

Scott Morrison: "We are not eager."

Minutes tick by. Necroman glances at his watch and starts impatiently tapping his foot. Then he stares at Scott Morrison with a manic grin.

Necroman: "I know! We can have some fun playing while we wait!"

The survivors shrink back again in horror.

Necroman: "Who's up for a game of Monopoly?!"

Not too far away, our heroes are watching the 5G mob surge into the building where the last survivors are, with the Galactictrons on their heels.

Iriana: "You know, I think those zombies are moving too slowly to reach the survivors in time."

Newb: "Who cares? It's just a bunch of nobodies up there!"

Losien: "They're not nobodies! Scott Morrison is there!"

Arnold: "Who?"

Losien: "The prime minister of Australia!"

Newb: "Like I said... a bunch of nobodies."