Chris the Bad Guy: "After her, you fools!"
　
Edgelord: "Now that's just hurtful."
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "Huh?"
　
Robo-Ringmaster: "Calling us fools! Australians have feelings too, you know."
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "But it's just standard bad-guy jargon!"
　
Captain Pleiades: "Well, it shouldn't be!"
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "Ugh, fine. After her, you, um, intelligent folks!"
　
Captain Pleiades: "Much better. Now go get 'er, ya varmints!"
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "Oh, come on! That's just as bad!"
　
No one minds him however, as they chase after Losien, who is sprinting to the nearest exit. Just as she reaches the doorway however, a fellow pops his head in. He has long black hair in a topknot, wears an open Arabian-style vest (which reveals his fit physique), and pantaloons. Most strikingly, his skin is blue.
　
New Arrival: "Hi there! I'm here about the opening for a new hero position on your team?"
　
Losien: "Maybe not the best time - wait! Now's your chance to demonstrate what you can do!"
　
She points to the bad guys, who are getting closer, but are moving like molasses at the moment, in keeping with the trope that conversations take zero time even in the midst of battle.
　
New Arrival: "Wow, this is way more interesting than filling out forms! Alright, scrubs, you're messing with the wrong half-genie dude! You'll be sorry you were part of Aladdyn L. Quirk's interview!"

Chris the Bad Guy: "What's the L stand for - Loser?"
　
Robo-Ringmaster: "Wow, boss, still being hurtful."
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "We're villains, he's a hero! We're supposed to be mean to him!"
　
Edgelord: "So, a half-genie, eh? Can you grant wishes?"
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Sure can! Whoever captures me gets one wish per capture!"
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "Excellent! Bring him to me!"
　
Aladdyn grins as the bad guys lumber towards him.
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "And so the game is my foot!"
　
There's an awkward pause.
　
Losien: "I think you mean, the game is afoot."
　
Captain Pleiades: "Who cares, get them!"
　
She fires her ray gun at Losien, who blocks it with her trash-can-lid shield and then hurls a spare hammer at the alien pirate. Pleiades ducks, and instead the hammer brains one of her pirate crew.
　
The others chase after Aladdyn, who sprints nimbly around the room for a few minutes, until finally he's nearly cornered.
　
Losien: "Aladdyn, watch out! Rule Number 67 of the Hero Handbook states that you shouldn't let yourself be backed into a corner!"
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Never fear, this is where my special SUPER POWER comes in!"
　
Robo-Ringmaster: "Wait, he's got a super power?"
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I can change my skin coloration."
　
No one looks impressed.
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Observe, as I vanish from view!"
　
His skin color changes from blue to camouflage. Of course, since they're in the Ditch rather than a forest, he still sticks out like a sore thumb. Edgelord and his cronies surround him as Chris grabs the half-genie's shoulder.
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Zounds! They must have invisibility sight!"
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "Now for my wish!"
　
Losien: "I’ll save you, Aladdyn!"
　
She ducks a strike from one of the Australian clowns and then uppercuts him into the ceiling, Mortal-Kombat-style, where his head gets stuck, leaving his legs to dangle comically.
　
Losien: "As soon as I can get free of these mooks."
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "Let’s see, I want unthinkable wealth. I wish for..."
　
He puts his pinky to his lips, Doctor-Evil-style.
　
Chris the Bad Guy: "ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS."
　
Everyone else facepalms at Chris the Bad Guy’s notion of "unthinkable wealth".
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Granted!"
　
Instantly a pile of one-dollar bills tumbles from the sky (through the shattered skylight) to crash down on Chris the Bad Guy and some of his surrounding cronies - plus Aladdyn too, unfortunately. The dollar bills are also just Monopoly money.
　
Robo-Ringmaster: "Monkey's paw wishes? What a rip-off!"

Aladdyn pops up out of the pile of Monopoly money, a bit groggy.
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I have no power to cause wishes on my own; the power for the wish always comes from the wisher! Being a regular human, the only sort of million dollars Chris the Bad Guy can get is apparently Monopoly money."
　
He espies the cheese and crackers still in Chris’ unconscious hand, which is sticking out of the pile.
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Oooh, cheese and crackers! Don’t mind if I do, I’m famished."
　
Losien: "As much as I love cheese and crackers, a fight’s not the best time. Also, maybe not the best diet if you want to stay fit like that."
　
Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Never fear, boss! My half-genie constitution keeps me in shape no matter what!"
　
Edgelord: "Now that’s just not fair."
　
Captain Pleiades levels her ray gun at the half-genie, as Losien roll dodges one of Robo-Ringmaster’s ethernet-cord whip strikes.
　
Captain Pleiades: "There’s only room for one blue-skinned character in this story, and it won’t be you!"
　
OH NO! Is this the end for Aladdyn L. Quirk? Will his interview be tragically cut short? Can there really only be one blue-skinned character in this story? Find out next time, on NeS 3D!

Char: “Oh dear, there seem to be some hurt people in here. I’d better patch them up. Where did all this Monopoly money come from?”
 
Losien: “They’re the bad guys, Char! Leave them alone!”
 
Char: “Oh, Losien! What’re you doing here? AH!!!”
 
Aladdyn: “What!? Why are you screaming at me!?”
 
Char: “It’s that hideous CG Will Smith genie come to haunt me again!”
 
Aladdyn: “I am not Will Smith. And my CG is awesome… wait, I’m not CG!”
 
Losien: “Quick! Out of here! We need to hide and pick them off one by one!”
 
She, Char and Aladdyn flee the room. The robot clowns instantly give chase but the rest of the villains tarry in the training room. The pirates are gathering up the Monopoly money, stuffing it down whatever garments of clothing they happen to each be wearing.
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “What’re you doing? That money is worthless!”
 
Captain Pleiades: “What d’ya mean!?”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “It’s fake money!”
 
Captain Pleiades: “You can tell without lookin’ at it!?”
 
She holds it up to the light to look for the magnetic strip.
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “It’s play money. For a stupid kid’s game. You can’t actually spend it except in the game itself.”
 
Captain Pleiades glances down at herself, eyeing the wads of fake cash stuffed into her britches and muses. It might be fake, but it looks great nonetheless. She snatches up another wad and keeps stuffing it in her clothes.
 
Captain Pleiades: “We can probably con some sap on another planet and convince them it’s some rare currency from a golden kingdom or something. No worries! Gather it all, me hearties!”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “We’re wasting time and my time’s precious! I’ve got Game of Thrones to watch. She’s getting away! Why are you lot just standing around?”
 
He thrusts a finger at The Otakus. Edgelord just shrugs.
 
Edgelord: “We were waiting for you.”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “Alright, alright. Fine. Tell you what we do… we split up and search for them!”
 
Edgelord: “Uh… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “It’s a great idea! It’s my idea!”
 
Edgelord: “But boss, she said she’s going to pick us off one-by-one. That’s why they never split up in horror movies.”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “Are we in a horror movie?”
 
Edgelord glances at the freaky-looking alien pirates. The blob alien oozes with Monopoly money.
 
Edgelord: “Um…”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “No. We’re not. This island has all kinds of nooks and crannies. They could be skulking anywhere.”
 
Edgelord: “And what if she does surprise attack us?”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “You’ve got those awesome-looking samurai swords! She’s got what? A trash can lid. I thought you said you were real men?”
 
Edgelord: “We are! We’re The Otakus! Defending lolis and waifus around the world!”
 
Chris and the pirates stare at The Otakus. Even Chris, supposed villain extraordinaire, feels a creep down his spine. He shudders it off.
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “Whatever. Just find them. Kill the two men and bring Losien to me.”
 
Edgelord: “I think one of them was a non-binary robot.”
 
Chris levels another blank look at Edgelord.
 
Edgelord: “We’re on our way.”
 
Captain Pleiades: “And what’ll you be doin’?”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “I will be waiting for the final showdown with Losien Simon, of course!”
 
Edgelord: “So we’re not in a horror movie but we are in an action movie?”
 
Chris the Bad Guy: “Go!”
 
Pleiades’ Crew go one way and The Otakus go another.
 
Elsewhere, the three heroes slow down to get their bearings. They look from whence they had come to see that they have given the robo-clowns the slip for now. The three of them are panting, out of breath.
 
Losien: “Why are you panting? You’re a robot!”
 
Char: “Oh right. I just thought I’d join in. AH!!!”
 
Aladdyn: “Why are you screaming at me again!?”
 
Char: “It’s that terrible GC Will Smith come back to haunt me again!”
 
Aladdyn: “Oh brother…”

The Otakus creep down the corridors of The Ditch, the island home to the newest batch of NeS Heroes. The island sports a series of varied facilities, from the training pit to the common rooms to the garden centre. To the far side of the island stands a tall, red lighthouse. At the bottom is a solitary door to gain access, though only after a winding path up the hill upon which the lighthouse stands. The Otakus emerge from the main complex to the bright light of day to look at the lighthouse.
 
Edgelord: “Up there.”
 
Raman: “Are you sure Edgelord-san?”
 
Edgelord glares at Raman Man.
 
Edgelord: “San!?”
 
Raman Man quickly flips through his brain files, accessing the extremely important information from his otaku training.
 
Raman: “The honorifics are difficult to remember… sama?”
 
Edgelord: “Sama is better, but I am your teacher!”
 
Raman: “Sensei!”
 
Edgelord: “Good. And yes! I’m sure there’s one of them up there. It’s too conspicuous for there not to be someone up there.”
 
The five men ran up the path, as fast as their body weight would allow them and arms spread behind them like anime ninjas. At the top of the lighthouse there didn’t appear to be any light source, no giant bulb and no great flame. Edgelord put it down to it being daytime.
 
They reached the door and eventually they managed to jimmy it open with a shuriken.
 
Edgelord stood aside and motioned his students to go in.
 
Raman: “Uh, shouldn’t the teacher show the way?”
 
Edgelord glared at him.
 
Edgelord: “Raman-kun, you are beginning to prove a disappointment.”
 
Raman: “Sorry sensei… shouldn’t I be Raman-san? Or is it Raman-chan?”
 
Edgelord: “It is kun when I address you! Are you questioning me now?”
 
Raman: “No no! Arigato sensei!”
 
Edgelord: “Arigato means thank you… and you should say domo-arigato to me.”
 
Raman: “Uh… uh… domo… domo-konichiwa?”
 
Edgelord: “You disappoint me, Raman-kun…”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “We can’t have weakness in our ranks, Edgelord-Sensei. Shall I dispose of this failure?”
 
Edgelord: “No. No need. Raman-kun will learn in time. But Dave-san’s replacement should be here soon.”
 
Dank Ravenknight looked at Edgelord with surprise. To any onlookers it would be very difficult to tell these men apart at a glance. All were overweight, all wore trenchcoats and trilby hats and they all had the same neckbeard. Only their brilliantly coloured katanas marked them apart – like Power Rangers. Dank Ravenknight’s katana was a sickening neon green, like illuminous snot.
 
A cry came from down the path.
 
Edgelord: “Here he comes now.”
 
The Otakus turned to see the replacement member for the unfortunate Dave-san who had been obliterated earlier by ray gun.
 
There came skipping up the path an equally obese white man except he wasn’t wearing the standard issue uniform of The Otakus. He had a blonde wig on top of his brown hair, which was kept in two pigtails on either side of his head. He wore a tiny sailor-suit uniform that was evidently inspired by Sailor Moon but it didn’t fit him at all. The tiny skirt revealed the man was wearing male-panties under there and his bare legs were extremely hairy down to the little ballerina slippers. His dark beard was at odds with the blonde wig and the small, pink backpack he wore seemed all the more diminutive compared to his body size.
 
Edgelord: “Mike-kun, is it?”
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “Kawaii-Mikeu, if you don’t mind, Edgelord-sensei!”
 
Kawaii Mikeu gave a v for victory with his fat fingers and pulled a cute tongue at them.
 
Edgelord: “Kawaii Mikeu-kun! Welcome to The Otakus. You know our names, right?”
 
Kawaii Mikeu bowed deeply.
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “I am well versed, thank you Edgelord-sensei!”
 
Raman looks put out by this obviously far-superior newcomer to the team. He holds back his tears and just sulks.
 
Edgelord: “Kawaii Mikeu-kun, we’re going to the top of this lighthouse to find one of these NeS Heroes.”
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “The villains always think they’re the heroes! No worries, Edgelord-sensei! I shall smite them with my magical girl powers!”
 
Edgelord: “Then go, Otakus, to the top!”
 
The men all hurried inside and jogged up the stairs. They managed to get half-way before they started to run out of breath and had to take a rest. Further down was Edgelord himself, who was the most overweight of the bunch and therefore most out of shape. Dank Ravenknight whips out his inhaler to take a deep drag of it.
 
Raman: “Want to share that?”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “You don’t have asthma!”
 
Raman: “But I can’t breathe!”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “Should have brought you own, Raman-kōhai!”
 
Raman: “Kōhai? Which one’s that again?”
 
Kawaii Mikeu leaps to his feet with sudden renewed energy at the opportunity to prove his great weeaboo knowledge.
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “It is the term used to address underclassmen! We should address Dank Ravenknight as Dank Ravenknight-senpai and he calls us kōhai!”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “You’re knowledge of Japanese is encouraging, Kawaii Mikeu-kōhai!”
 
Raman’s lower lip wibbles and he quickly wipes his eyes.
 
Edgelord reaches them, panting, and flumps down onto a step. It takes them all around twenty minutes to get to the top of the stairs were they all fall to the floor and lie there trying to catch their breaths. One of their number, Emperorofpantsu, pulls out packets of cheese and onion crisps for everyone to snack on to get their energy back.
 
Dank Ravenknight: “This is an arduous quest. But we can do it!”
 
Kawaii Mikeu leaps to his feet and v for victorys again.
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “We are The Otakus! If we can’t do this, no one can!”
 
Raman decides not to be outdone and leaps to his own feet.
 
Raman: “We are The Otakus! We—ah—we are the best—the bestest of them all!”
 
The others slowly get to their feet, groaning from the strain and using the walls for support. A few extra crisps later and they feel they’re ready to go on. The corridors of the lighthouse are extremely narrow given the limit space of the building. However they soon come to a very large room at the top of the lighthouse which is empty. Its walls are all glass, allowing a view of the ocean beyond the island and the distant lands of Australia in one direction and New Zealand in the other. The room is filled with a lot of clutter, such as books and ornaments and statues and plants. Someone clearly lives here. That someone is probably the girl sitting at a small, white lattice table beside the window. She is seated with her back to the men and her nose in a book. On the table is a china tea set, complete with a steaming teapot. Not noticing the men behind her, the girl takes a sip from her teacup and then dips a dainty biscuit into it to then nibble on.
 
The men all look at each other quietly. Then they shuffle to the back of the room to make a battle plan.
 
Raman: “Is-is she a waifu!?”
 
Edgelord: “What!? No! Don’t be fooled! The only real waifu are anime waifu! Real girls are off limits! Don’t you know how terrible they are? They don’t care about you, they only care about themselves! They don’t care about nice guys like us! We hold the door open for them so they don’t have to strain themselves, we offer them money to buy all the toys they like, we work so they don’t have to—”
 
He points to Dank Ravenknight.
 
Edgelord: “Making websites.”
 
He points to Emperorofpantsu.
 
Edgelord: “Drawing hentai.”
 
He points at the final member, Sushi Baka.
 
Edgelord: “Trolling forums.”
 
The men all nod in understanding of their teacher’s wisdom.
 
Edgelord: “And what do they care about our feelings? Nothing! They don’t even look at us!”
 
Raman: “I wonder what they feel?”
 
Edgelord: “What? What do you mean? Don’t speak nonsense! They don’t have feelings! If they did, they would love us and not those guys that treat them so badly! Girls don’t want nice guys like us. That’s why we have our anime girls. They’ll never turn us down.”
 
Raman: “But, Edgelord-sensei, she looks so… passive and cute and not-at-all-intimidating!”
 
He looks over at the girl. She’s wearing a girl, flamboyant dress from centuries ago. The shoulders are puffed up and she has long, white, silk gloves up her skinny arms. Her hair is black and has tight curls that spill down her shoulders and back. She sips softly on her tea again.
 
Edgelord: “Fool, Raman-kun! Even the quiet girls have minds of their own!”
 
Raman: “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. But—now, what if—we try this plan! If you all pretend to attack her, then I save her from you and then she’ll love me! Out of gratitude she will want to have sex with me!”
 
Edgelord nods with keen interest.
 
Edgelord: “You know, that could work! Sex as reward always works in anime and movies, right? Oh, so obviously I’ll be the one to save her. I am the teacher after all.”
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “But wait! I’m Kawaii Mikeu, I can’t be the bad guy! I’m a magical girl! I have to save her! And then we can have yuri sex!”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “You can’t have yuri sex, you have a… you know? Second katana.”
 
Emperorofpantsu: “Futanari!
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “But—but—no! I am not futanari! I am a magical girl!”
 
Emperorofpantsu: “Okay, well, I don’t care who gets the girl. I just want her panties.”
 
Edgelord: “It’s a deal!”
 
Raman: “You know, I wonder if I’m wrong about this?”
 
Edgelord: “What do you mean?”
 
Raman: “Well, I just thought… what if she doesn’t want to have sex with any of us? Even if we save her?”
 
Edgelord: “But she will owe us sex! It’s not like we have to save her but we did that for her so she has to give us something in return. And it’s always sex. It was your idea Raman-kun!”
 
Raman: “I know, I know. I just wonder…”
 
Sushi Baka: “Okay, screw this. I have my body pillow of Konata Izumi. I’ll do this if you chumps won’t.”
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “Don’t call our sensei a chump, you baka, Baka-senpai!”
 
But Sushi Baka has stopped listening and goes on the attack with his elite ninja-samurai skills. He steps forward and shouts at the girl. As one of the only Otaku members to have studied the files on the enemy of the day, Sushi Baka recognises this one as Iriana Emp.
 
Sushi Baka: “Irichan!”
 
Iriana looks up from her book and blinks a few times as she sees, for the first time, a group of six men standing at the back of the room. She glances down at her teacup.
 
Iriana: “Did I drink some of that funny tea again? I really shouldn’t keep that LSD tea around.”
 
Sushi Baka: “I, the mighty Sushi Baka, challenge you!”
 
He slowly draws his neon pink katana from his hip, where it was hanging, and holds it poised towards her with a double-grip. Iriana perks up.
 
Iriana: “Oh! Your katana is pink! How cute!”
 
Kawaii Mikeu: “The word is kawaii you dumb bitch!”
 
Iriana shrinks in her chair, being shouted at by a man in a Japanese schoolgirls uniform in an uncomfortable situation.
 
Sushi Baka: “Prepare yourself!”
 
Sushi Baka then leans down and gets on all floors. The process is slow and awkward but when he gets there he then rolls forward. He then gets up, almost falling over as he does so, and jumps to the right. He makes another slow, clumsy roll to the right again. When he gets up he waves his katana about, to demonstrate his prowess.
 
Iriana claps.
 
Iriana: “That was really good!”
 
Sushi Baka’s face flushes red.
 
Sushi Baka: “It—it was? You think so? I practiced for hours and hours to get those rolls in.”
 
Iriana nods eagerly.
 
Iriana: “I couldn’t do that! I’m not nearly so nimble.”
 
Sushi Baka stands there, now unsure what he’s supposed to do. He has a proud grin on his face and starts to do some more ‘moves’ to show this girl what he can ‘really do’. His pink katana smacks into a lamp and smashes it to pieces, startling everyone.
 
Sushi Baka: “Sorry! Sorry!”
 
Iriana shrugs.
 
Iriana: “It wasn’t mine anyway.”
 
Sushi Baka: “You’re much nicer than my mom! She yelled at me for breaking the one at home. She just doesn’t understand how much training it takes to be a samurai-ninja-warrior!”
 
Iriana nods after sipping her tea.
 
Iriana: “I understand. My father doesn’t understand me either. He just doesn’t appreciate tea the way he should.”
 
Sushi Baka: “Yeah! You know, she shouted at me about how much it cost! Like she doesn’t have enough money? And I was like, ‘why did you spend so much money on a stupid-useless lamp anyway!?’ and she was like ‘you spend hundreds of dollars on those toys!’ and I’m like ‘they’re not toys, mom! And they’re useful!’ My HG Quebeley the Damned version is gonna be worth, like, double the price in, like, fifty years! It’s all sealed in the original packaging. You know, I had an MG Gundam AGE-2 Normal and my stupid mom let my little cousin open it! And play with it! He got jello all over it! I cried for weeks. How could she do that!?”
 
Iriana nods sympathetically.
 
Iriana: “I once gave my father a copy of Pride & Prejudice and he used it as a coaster. A coaster for coffee at that!”
 
Suashi Baka took a seat opposite Iriana.
 
Iriana: “You know, I don’t even think my father can actually read…”
 
At the back of the room, the other men stare in awe.
 
Raman: “He’s actually talking to her!”
 
Emperorofpantsu: “And she’s talking to him! Without disgust!”
 
Edgelord: “How did he do that!?”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “She’s probably going make him give her money. That’s what women do, isn’t it? Take a man’s money.”
 
Edgelord: “Come on, we just go over there.”
 
Raman: “Not to fight?”
 
Edgelord: “No! We should see what they’re talking about!”
 
Raman: “You want to talk to a girl? I don’t know what to say to her!”
 
Edgelord: “Me neither! We just copy Sushi Baka-kun!”
 
Then men all shuffle towards the table. When Iriana looks up at them they all bow to her with varying degrees of courage.
 
Iriana: “Hello.”
 
Raman faints.
 
----------
 
In New Zealand, Wai, the ‘Wandering Artificial Intelligence’, has left the camp of his would-be rescuers. He would have liked to thank them but he doesn’t know if he can trust them, why they would have helped him or what they might expect in return. He decided it would be best to vamoosh.
 
He had wandered into a fishing town, where the ocean wind blasted the pebble beach. He asked a few of the locals if anyone knew of robotic repairs but came up empty. Once he happened to namedrop the group he was once associated with, NeS Heroes, and he unexpectedly got a result. The ‘weird losers’, as they were affectionately dubbed, had bought an island they called The Ditch. It had been a waste of space for years and the original owner was more than happy to get rid of it and only the NeS Heroes had been stupid enough to buy it.
 
He had expected he would need a boat to reach the island but he was told of another way.
 
Wai went along the pebble beach to a pier and stood at the very end of it. His android body had seen better days. Parts of him were worn and torn and the years had seen a lot of disrepair. He once remembered being smashed into tiny pieces. Then he had managed to get repairs easily but here on Earth it was far trickier to get the adequate parts. He could have gotten the parts and repairs at The Sanctuary, the robot city, if he could get there. Closer was The Ditch though. Maybe his old friends were still there. He wants a new direction in his life but he does need those repairs.
 
As instructed to do, Wai does a merry little jig at the end of the pier.
 
Nothing happens.
 
He tries a different dance.
 
Nothing happens still
 
He tries to do the Macarena, the worm, the Saturday Night. He even tries twerking.
 
Finally he tries Gangnam Style.
 
A short-wave portal opens up and swallows him with a slurp. He is then spat out again and he could swear he heard the portal burp. Why the portal needs a stupid dance to open is anyone’s business. He supposed whoever created the portal liked K-Pop.
 
He gets up and finds that he is in a room with wooden flooring and a lot of clutter. In one corner there is a giant teddy bear, another there is a bookcase brimming with books and there are a lot of china plates with cats on them. He frowns and turns around, feeling the rays of light splashing into the room through the massive windows that overlook the ocean over which he had just travelled. Sitting around a small, white table are six grown men in trenchcoats (and one in a sailor suit, which his robotic brain blanked out) and one girl in a pink dress. They are all drinking from tiny teacups.
 
Wai: “I should not drink that funny tea!”
 
Iriana: “That’s what I was thinking!”
 
Wai: “Oh wait, I can’t drink tea.”
 
Iriana: “Heathen!”

As the heroes scurry to the lighthouse, Aladdyn decides the time is right for a pep talk.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Great job, fellow heroes! Due to our valiant efforts, the villain has been broiled!"

Char: "He was? How gruesome!"

Losien: "I'm pretty sure you mean foiled."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Why would we wrap villains in tinfoil?"

Losien: "Never mind."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Ahem, yes. As I was saying, great job! By following my plan-"

Losien: "Your plan?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "-to hit the sleep button, we saved the day!"

Char: "Wow, that was a good plan!"

Losien: "It was your idea, Char!"

Char: "Really? Cool!"

Losien: "Also, it was just one of them, Aladdyn, let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "It'll be a snap! All we have to do is hit all their sleep buttons!"

Losien: "Even assuming all the robots have one, we're still facing like two dozen villains who aren't even robots!"

Char: "We are? Sounds dangerous! Someone could get hurt!"

Losien: "Well, that's why we have you around, to patch us up!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Does this mean I have to stop buying Snapples?"

Losien: "...what?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Well, if I'm relying on the doc here to heal me, I don't want to ward him off! After all, a Snapple a day keeps the doctor away!"

Char: "Really? I hope our enemies don't learn of my weakness!"

Losien facepalms.

Dank Ravenknight: “This dude is trying to hustle in on our chick.”
 
Raman: “I don’t think she likes being called that.”
 
Edgelord: “Defend the waifu!!”
 
Raman: “I thought you said real girls can’t be waifus?”
 
Edgelord: “Her sweet, sweet nectar will be mine!”
 
Iriana glares from her tea to Edgelord.
 
Iriana: “It will not! If you want tea, you can pour your own!”
 
Edgelord thrusts a finger at Wai.
 
Edgelord: “You. Will. Die! Mortal!”
 
The other Otakus clap their hands in appreciation of a well placed line. Edgelord then runs at Wai with a high-pitched attack squeal. Wai, fairly perplexed at what is taking place before him, sidesteps and as the fat, clumsy man scuttles past Wai slaps his back. The man went flying forward and lands on his belly, bottom sticking up in the air.
 
Wai: “Looks like there’s a full moon this evening!”
 
Edgelord struggles to pull his trousers back up as she gets back to his feet, wheezing from the effort.
 
Dank Ravenknight: “Men! Draw your Otaku Blades!”
 
The six men draw their shiny, neon katanas from their belts. Each man strikes a confident pose with their uniquely coloured blades.
 
Wai: “Okay, boys, I don’t think there’s any need for this.”
 
Dank Ravenknight: “Raman! Cover me!”
 
Before Dank could charge forward, Raman throws a blanket onto his head. Dank stops where he is, realising what has happened and wordlessly despairs at the idiocy of Raman. He stands still in the awkward silence before he snaps and slashes the blanket to shreds. He glowers at Raman but Kawaii-Mikeu takes it upon himself to take matters into his own hands.
 
He waggles his sword, which is much shorter than the others and coloured peach, at Wai.
 
Kawaii-Mikeu: “I will strike you down, evil-doer!”
 
Wai: “Evil? Me?”
 
Kawaii-Mikeu jumps into the air, quite magically for such a massive man, and comes down to belly-flop onto Wai. Without much option in the way of recourse, Wai slams his fist into the overweight magical girl’s gut. Kawaii-Mikeu staggers about trying to gasp for breath. Wai puts a hand on his shoulder.
 
Wai: “You okay, fella? Sorry about that.”
 
Sushi Baka: “Ninja stars, GO!”
 
Sushi Baka starts lazzing cheap ninja stars at Wai. They cut through the air but misses Wai.
 
Wai: “Whoa! Hey now! You could poke someone’s eye out with those!”
 
Sushi Baka slashes his sword and Wai dodges. With each stroke of the sword, Sushi Baka makes lightsabre noises;
 
Sushi Baka: “Bzum. Zum. Bzzzuuum!”
 
Wai: “That is really annoying.”
 
Sushi Baka: “Zzzzzzum! Zum, zum, zum, bzzzzum!”
 
Wai: “Quit it.”
 
Sushi Baka: “Bzzzum, zuuuuuum, zum, zum!”
 
Wai: “Quit it!”
 
Sushi Baka: “Bzum! Bzum! Bzzzum!”
 
Wai: “That’s it—”
 
Outside, the three NeS Heroes hear a terrible scream and look up to see the body of Sushi Baka come flying from the window. He screams the whole way down and the three heroes step aside just in time for the crunch.
 
Losien: “Ouch…”
 
Char leans down to check on the fallen Otaku.
 
Char: “He’s dead, Jim!”
 
Aladdyn looks at Losien.
 
Aladdyn: “I thought your name was Losien!”
 
Losien: “We should go—”
 
She is cut off by another man screaming and they look up again to see another of the Otakus, Emperorofpantsu, come flying out of the window. He likewise lands with a sickening squish. Char checks on him next.
 
Char: “Still alive!”
 
Emperorofpantsu: “Tell… my… mom…”
 
Char: “I’m sure she knows.”
 
Emperorofpantsu: “Tell her… delete… my… harddrive!”
 
Char: “Uh…”
 
The man dies.
 
Aladdyn: “Wow! They’re dropping like bees!”
 
Losien: “Bees? You mean flies?”
 
Aladyyn: “Why would flies drop?”
 
Losien: “Why would bees dr—forget it. We should go and see who’s doing this, they might be a new ally or…”
 
Aladdyn: “Or they might have bug spray!”
 
Losien: “What? No! They might be a new enemy and Iriana is probably up there!”
 
Char: “Given the psychological nature of these… Otakus, it would be a bad thing to leave such a young girl in their presence unattended.”
 
Losien: “You’re familiar with Iriana?”
 
Char: “I did preliminary research into the targets as defined by the parameters laid out by my former employer.”
 
Losien: “You could just say yes.”
 
Char: “…yes.”
 
Losien: “You still didn’t explain why you were with those robo-clowns in the first place.”
 
Char: “Yes, I wish I knew that too. Someone must have tampered with my memory files because I cannot remember at all.”
 
Losien: “More likely, knowing you, you just forgot.”
 
Char: “Forgot!? Me!? Never! I forget nothing!”
 
Aladdyn: “Because you have the memory of a chimpanzee, right!?”
 
He half-genie is grinning as though he had just made the most profound statement of the century.
 
Losien: “Al.”
 
Aladdyn: “Yes, oh fearless leader?”
 
Losien: “Less talking, more running up the stairs.”
 
Aladdyn: “Aye, aye, boss!”
 
Aladdyn runs at the stairs and bounds up them like a leopard.
 
Losien: “Well, at least he has enthusiasm.”
 
Char: “He does have great physique. He could probably make it up this lighthouse in just minutes without breaking a sweat!”
 
Losien: “You could too, being a robot and all.”
 
Char: “These old gears don’t move like they used to, Losien.”
 
Losien: “Old? You?”
 
There is another scream from above and the two of them part as another body slams into the ground with a great crack. This body is blue. Losien looks down with concern.
 
Losien: “You alright down there, Al?”
 
Aladdyn can’t speak but he manages to raise a thumb.
 
Losien: “Oooooookay, Char?”
 
Char kneels down and whips out his bandages while Losien starts up the stairs. By the time she gets to the top she has heard a whole lot of angry shouting and squealing from within the topmost room of the Ditch Lighthouse where Iriana Emp spends most of her time reading books, drinking tea and writing Twilight fanfiction.
 
Suddenly, a huge middle-aged man wearing a little schoolgirl’s uniform is sent flying past Losien, sprawled on the ground. His tiny skirt hides nothing and Losien’s eyes bulge in horror before she manages to plunge her fists into her own eyesockets. She ducks into the room to get a more appetising view – though even the view of steaming poop on a hot day would have been more appetising than what she had just witnessed – of a man with a bowl-cut slapping one of the Otakus.
 
Wai: “How many times do I have to slap you? You’ll be going out of the window next if you don’t stop!”
 
Edgelord rushes at Wai with a scream like a frenzied Native American and his vibrant katana over his head. His face is already black and blue and he moves like a crippled hippopotamus. Wai shakes his head and, in a sudden move, uppercuts Edgelord. As the Otaku sails straight through the ceiling, Dan Forden suddenly appears;
 
Dan Forden: “TOASTY!!!”
 
Dan Forden then runs off to continue his day job, shouting toasty into random fights across the globe.
 
Losien: “Wai?”
 
The android turns at the familiar voice and he sighs with relief when he lays his eyes on Losien’s face.
 
Wai: “I was beginning to think I had come to the wrong island.”
 
Wai, without turning from Losien, quickly thrusts his fist out to catch Dank Ravenknight in the jaw as he ran at Wai. Dank falls unconscious on the floor. Losien looks from Wai to Iriana, who is still sitting at the table.
 
Losien: “Iri?”
 
Iriana: “Losien! Come and join me! This is all very exciting!”
 
Iriana has a bag of popcorn she has been stuffing her face with and waves it to Losien. Losien rolls her eyes but looks around the room. She sees one Otaku now unconscious on the floor and another, Raman, huddled in the corner like he has PTSD. The hole in the ceiling was where she last saw Edgelord and Kawaii-Mikeu is showing off his ‘magical girl wand’ back in the corridor. The other two Otakus are corpses outside.
 
Having finished ticking off the Otaku-count, Losien walks over to Wai.
 
Losien: “Why did you punch Aladdyn out of the window?”
 
Wai: “Who?”
 
Losien: “The blue genie guy.”
 
Wai: “Oh! He came running at me like a lunatic so I assumed he was with these guys.”
 
Losien: “Well, punching poor Aladdyn aside, I’m glad you’re here. There’re a lot of villains on the island right now and we could use your help.”
 
Wai: “I’m not in the best shape, to be honest—”
 
Losien glances around at the destruction Wai has wrought whilst ‘not in the best shape’.
 
Wai: “But I’m glad to help.”
 
Losien nods and turns to Iriana.
 
Losien: “Iri, we could you use your…”
 
Losien chews her lip a moment. ‘Help’ is far too strong a word.
 
Losien: “Moral support.”
 
Iriana draws a deep breath, as though called to some great purpose, and puts down the bag of popcorn. Instead she hoists up her teacup and totters over to Wai and Losien as though she is gliding along the floor. The there of them march from the room. Wai and Losien step over Kawaii-Mikeu but Iriana, wearing a dress, wriggles around his massive form, before she can get to the stairwell and descend.
 
Back in the room Raman mutters to himself with a tear in his eye;
 
Raman: “I will never, ever, talk to girls again…”

The NeS Heroes travelled across the small island, the whole way keeping a lookout for danger, but managed to reach the old repair hangar without incident. The hangar was also attached to a repair dock, which partially delved into the ocean, while the hangar strutted out across the land. There was a very short runway that was now overgrown and a lot of old, broken machines cluttered it. The rust had rendered these machines virtually unidentifiable but one of them definitely appears tank-esque while another was probably once an ice cream van.
 
The interior of the hangar building is likewise filled with old equipment and objects beyond repair. There also seems to be a lot of weird movie props. Mannequins with clothes from popular movies and television shows, props used by characters and model sets used for science-fiction features. Torn movie posters hang on the walls and a few cut-outs stand up with actors grinning at onlookers.
 
One mannequin appears to be wearing a Superman cape with a helmet of Sauron, the armour of Boba Fett and is holding a schoolbag that probably featured in any teenage romantic comedy of your choice. Iriana pokes the mannequin cautiously but it doesn’t seem to be alive. This might seem like a given to you, dear Reader, but she has recently been watching Dr Who and any innominate object with a face is liable to spring to life and try to kill people on a budget.
 
Iriana doesn’t watch much television and she seems to take it all a bit too much to heart. After watching Nightmare on Elm Street she was terrified of her own bed for two weeks. In the end she swamped the bed in protective Pikachu teddies.
 
Char: “It seems like most of the stuff in here will be useless.”
 
He picks up a bent spanner.
 
Wai: “There are some strange things in here though, isn’t there? What’s this?”
 
He picks up a vacuum-cleaner device and plays with the trigger. Nothing happens.
 
Losien: “I think it’s a replica proton pack. Why would anyone collect all this old movie junk?”
 
Aladdyn: “There’s even a grenade here!”
 
Losien: “Must be from some war movie.”
 
Aladdyn: “Yeah, must be!”
 
He pulls the pin and the others suddenly run away from him.
 
Aladdyn: “What? I thought you said it was a movie prop?”
 
From behind a dustbin, Losien lifts her head.
 
Losien: “Just… being cautious…”
 
Wai: “Pulling the pin a grenade when you think it might be fake is just tempting fate.”
 
Aladdyn: “That’s just cynical!”
 
He tosses the grenade over his shoulder into a pile of broken old junk. It smacks something small, black and round. It scutters across the floor of the hangar but in the silence they can hear its whirring legs and the fuse, somehow lit by the scraping of the floor, and they turn to see what it is.
 
Losien: “It’s a Bom-omb!”
 
The others look at her in confusion.
 
Losien: “It’s… it’s a bomb. Bom-omb? Get it?”
 
There’s a collective ‘aaaaaaaaah’.
 
Aladdyn: “There’s no need to panic, right? It’s just another movie prop! From Super Mario Bros? Man that movie was great!”
 
Now everyone looks at Aladdyn in confusion.
 
Losien: “There can’t have been more than one Super Mario Bros movie…”
 
Suddenly there’s a thunderous explosion as the bom-omb, evidently not a movie prop, sets off. The old roof at the front of the hangar is ripped to shreds and topples down, blocking the exit and filling the room with dust. Coughing and spluttering the heroes get back to their feet from beneath the debris.
 
Wai: “I told you. You tempt fate, this is what happens…”
 
Losien: “We may have a problem…”
 
Char: “Yes. We do appear to be trapped.”
 
Losien: “And that explosion was very loud.”
 
Wai: “Good point…”
 
There’s a pause as the heroes consider the situation, except Aladdyn who frowns and looks from person-to-person.
 
Aladdyn: “So it was loud? Do your ears hurt?”
 
They look at him in disbelief.
 
Losien: “We are not the only people on the island!”
 
Aladdyn processes.
 
Aladdyn: “So… you think it hurt their ears too?”
 
Wai facepalms. But this knocks off his untaped hand.
 
Wai: “Look what you made me do.”
 
Iriana: “Oh! I love that song!”
 
Wai: “Song?”
 
Iriana: “Taylor Swift is such a lovely girl!”
 
Wai: “She still exists? I guess there are some evils even time cannot erase.”
 
Iriana: “Heeeeeeey, don’t be mean to Taylor!”
 
Wai: “I think she can handle it.”
 
Losien: “We should prepare ourselves, the enemy will be on their way.”
 
Aladdyn: “They will!? How do they know where we are!?”
 
Wai: “Dude! Your brain!”
 
Aladdyn: “… you… you think the enemy wants my brain!?”
 
There’s a pause.
 
Wai: “I really hope so.”

Chris the Bad Guy is twiddling his thumbs (figuratively) and playing on his Nintendo DS (literally) while waiting for his final showdown with Losien. He jumps in startlement when a loud explosion sounds some distance away. He glances out the nearest window, seeing smoke come out of an old hangar.

Chris the Bad Guy: "Goodness! I hope no one was hurt! This island is just too dangerous. It's a good thing I'm here to kill Losien before she gets hurt by this deathtrap of a place!

He then sees the alien space pirates running towards said hangar, brandishing their weapons.

Chris the Bad Guy: "Wow, that's dumb. You're supposed to run away from explosions if you don't want to get hurt. I guess that's why they're the henchmen, and I'm the brilliant mastermind!"

The NeS Heroes are still trapped within the old hangar, which is filled with movie memorabilia and other assorted junk, and would probably need to be torn down and rebuilt if it were to ever serve as a hangar ever again. Despite being called the hangar, there’s no sign of any planes or even old parts to planes in the vicinity. Most of the junk to be found are the remains of old home entertainment systems – boxy televisions, VCRs, stereos, tape decks and even a few arcade machines and pinball machines.
 
The front of the hangar has collapsed and the group are stuck inside. Losien manages to get a view of the outside through a narrow crack in the rubble.
 
Losien: “Looks like those space pirates are waiting outside.”
 
Char: “What can we do?”
 
Wai: “I can move the debris with my robot strength, but we’d still have to face those pirates.”
 
Iriana looks at Char, who is also a robot.
 
Iriana: “Couldn’t you lift the debris too?”
 
Char: “Well yes! But I wouldn’t risk it.”
 
Iriana: “Because of the pirates?”
 
Char: “Because these are the hands of a surgeon! If I even chip a nail, it could mean death of a patient!”
 
Iriana looked at Char’s hands.
 
Iriana: “Do you even have nails?”
 
Wai’s own right hand falls off again.
 
Iriana: “I suppose Wai is proof of your statement! I feel so terrible for you, Wai.”
 
Wai: “Thank you…”
 
Iriana: “How ever will you drink tea again!?”
 
Wai: “I thought I said I can’t drink tea?”
 
Iriana: “There really is no reason for you to live, is there? No hands, no tea…”
 
Char: “We can get those hands glued back on if there was something to help with the repairs in here, but short of stripping one of those arcade cabinets, there’s nothing useful here. Perhaps if I had more time to work on you, Wai, I could fix you up. But these pirates are a thorn in our side.”
 
Wai: “What we need is a good, old-fashioned distraction so we can escape them.”
 
Char: “What kind of distraction?”
 
Wai looks at Iriana.
 
Wai: “How’s your sexy face? Can you do the sexy walk? Can you strut your stuff?”
 
Iriana frowns as she considers what’s being asked of her.
 
Iriana: “I kissed a girl once!”
 
Wai: “…”
 
Char: “…”
 
She makes an attempt at what could be tenuously considered dancing, wiggling her hips from side to side and bobbing her head like a geriatric.
 
Iriana: “And I liked it?”
 
Wai: “I think I’ve seen more sex appeal in a freshly caught haddock.”
 
Char: “Do you have some underlying illness I should know about, Ms Emp? That appeared to be an epileptic fit.”
 
Iriana pouts.
 
Iriana: “I really did kiss a girl though. It wasn’t so wonderful as I imagined it would be though. I’ve always been a little confused about my sexuality.”
 
Char: “This does sound like a psychological issue, Ms Emp. Perhaps you should lie down on my couch and we’ll discuss.”
 
He whips out a notebook.
 
Char: “Now, please begin by telling me about your parents.”
 
Iriana: “Well, unfortunately, my mother died…”
 
Char: “A tragic death of a parent at a young age. Certainly grounds of stunted emotional growth.”
 
Iriana: “My father… is more complicated.”
 
Losien, listening from the chink in the rubble, sighs.
 
Losien: “Her father was an arrogant, self-centred, power-monger until he basically fried his own braincells and then could hardly tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself.”
 
Char: “I can see why you might value female relationships more than male then…”
 
Losien: “Sorry, Iri.”
 
Iriana: “That’s okay. I think I would have tried to put it more eloquently though…”
 
Losien: “I think we all know you’re not gay, Iri, even if you had that phase of trying to be. Not all men are like your father.”
 
Iriana: “I suppose not. But so far most relationships with men I see other heroes have go… badly.”
 
Losien: “Being heroes of a Story means our relationships are never normal or safe, I suppose. They always get kidnapped, or our the lover turning out to be the villain, or the lover being chopped up and stuffed in refrigerators. It’s part of writing clichés because some writer wants to spice things up.”
 
Char turns to Losien.
 
Char: “I think I should do your psych valuation next.”
 
Iriana: “But you know I’m a princess so I have to marry a prince and honestly, I think it’s too much pressure for me. Why can’t I just fall in love?”
 
Wai: “Oh no, please don’t!”
 
Iriana: “What? Fall in love?”
 
Wai: “Oh sorry, I thought you were about to burst into a Disney princess song about looking for love or something. That was a horrible moment…”
 
Losien: “You don’t have to marry a prince, Iri. You set that rule for yourself. You don’t have to follow that narrative convention if you don’t want to.”
 
Char: “Says the woman who just justified terrible relationships as part of the Story.”
 
Losien: “I’m a hypocrite and proud.”
 
Aladdyn: “Okay! I’m ready!”
 
They all turn to look at the blue-skinned, half-genie.
 
Losien: “Ready for what?”
 
In his hands are several veils that he has managed to rummage from a box.
 
Aladdyn: “The distraction!”
 
Fifteen minutes later and the rubble is shoved aside by Wai and from within the hangar emerges the lone figure of Aladdyn. The pirates glance at each other, suspecting some trick, but form a circle around the gap and the unarmed blue-skinned man.
 
Aladdyn thrusts one of the veils up to his face and pulls up his shoulder coquettishly.
 
Aladdyn: “My father trained me in the beauteous exotic dances of the homeland. Prepare your britches!”
 
He then proceeds to wiggle, gyrate and sway as stereotypical Arabian music starts to sound out from the only working stereo inside the hangar. He swaggers around the pirates, who all stare dumbfounded, and sexily rolls his hips before each of them, including the pulsating blob.
 
The others all sneak out and start running away. Losien glances back.
 
Losien: “I can’t believe it’s working!”
 
Wai: “I can’t believe they’re actually throwing money at him!”
 
Losien: “I think it’s Monopoly money.”

Once they are safely away, Losien, Iriana, Wai, and Char look back to see Aladdyn caught in the midst of the bickering pirates.

Iriana: Don't we need to rescue him?

Losien: Maybe he's competent enough to escape on his own?

Everyone turns their heads to look at Aladdyn and the pirates in the distance again.

Losien: Maybe not.

Wai: So what's our rescue plan?

Char: How about zombies!

Everyone gives Char a funny look.

Losien: Why zombies?

Char: Well, we have ninjas-

Wai: Wannabe ninjas.

Char: Pirates-

Wai: Who think Monopoly money is valuable.

Char: And robots! But no zombies!

Losien: How are zombies going to help our situation?

Wai: I mean, there's a little bit of everything in this place, right? Maybe there's some mad scientist's lab somewhere. We can unleash zombies on our enemies.

Losien: Because that will end well.

Char: Also, zombies require less patching up, and I don't have to worry about going back to rescue them, since they're just mindless undead.

Iriana: That's lifeist!

Char: Huh?

Iriana: Zombies and undead have rights, too! They have every bit as much right to drink tea as you!

Wai: Char and I can't even drink tea.

Losien: Iriana, zombies usually want to eat your brains.

Iriana: That's fine! As long as they don't steal my tea! Unless they ask permission first. Then I'm happy to share.

Wai: You've got to work on your priorities...

The white-skinned Aenar, Aniv, is fondling a tree after she was told by Captain Pleiades to feel up Aladdyn.
 
Aniv: “His skin is so rough and wrinkled! Is he so very old?”
 
The rest of the pirates are too busy with the mutiny to take care of their blind navigator. The are has erupted in a blaze of lasers, mazers, tazers, phasers and geezers!
 
Random Geezer: “Eeeeeeey!”
 
Captain Pleiades is hacking and slashing and blasting at the mutineers who sided with the green-skinned Vain in the latest dispute, all the while holding Aladyyn in her left arm and swinging him around like a doll.
 
Aladdyn: “Please stop throwing me around! I have motion sickness!”
 
Captain Pleiades: “Quit ya prattlin’, boy!”
 
She grabs his head and shoves him down as a sword of the stars swishes at him and narrowly misses chopping off his silly topknot. She then yanks him back up again as she firmly plants a boot into the man that attacked them.
 
Aladdyn: “Maybe I should go and stand over there? Away from death.”
 
Captain Pleiades: “I ain’t lettin’ you outta my sight, boyo! Right now, you’re the cause of all this! If I lost ya, I’d lose my prize and my pride! Stop squirming!”
 
Aladdyn: “I’m not squirming! I—oof!!”
 
He falls flat on his stomach, slipping out of the pirate captain’s grip. She reaches down to grab him again but he’s dragged a metre along the floor, wailing the whole way. He looks down to see a rope around his waist.
 
Aladdyn: “Where did that come from?”
 
Further off;
 
Char: “That w-w-was a remarkably good throw!”
 
Losien: “I have my moments! Few and far between that they are.”
 
Wai: “You’re way too modest. Okay, best reel him in.”
 
She pulls on the rope but relents after just a metre from the strain.
 
Losien: “He’s too heavy…”
 
Iriana: “He doesn’t look fat.”
 
Char: “I suspect it’s all that muscle. Here, allow me. I am a robot, after all. I don’t fatigue.”
 
The robot-nurse takes the rope and tugs on it. Aladdyn comes scraping along the ground and they could hear him crying out with the agony of it.
 
Char: “Ah… I suppose I’ll have to tend to those scrapes when we’re done.”
 
Back in the brawl, Captain Pleiades sees that her quarry is being snagged from under her nose.
 
Captain Pleiades: “I don’t bloody think so!”
 
She runs after the blue-skinned man as he escapes along the ground. He’s sat upright, with his butt scraping along the dirt. He’s screaming the whole way, interjected with moments of actual agonising squeals as he lands on his unfortunates. Seeing a large rock in his path, he rolls himself to one side to avoid being castrated.
 
Pleiades leaps at him and manages to get her arm around him. She slams her metal peg-leg into the earth and clutches her prey. She strains to keep hold of him as the robot of the other end keeps pulling.
 
Captain Pleiades: “Ya won’t be ‘avin’ him, ya scurvy dogs!”
 
Back with the heroes;
 
Char: “She called us scurvy! Now that’s just unsanitary! Do I seem like such a poor medic that I would have a disease like that!?”
 
Wai: “We’re robots, we can’t get diseases.”
 
Char: “Now, now. That’s not entirely true. Digital viruses behave just like biological viruses, you know?”
 
Losien: “How is she able to keep hold of him? She doesn’t have robotic arms!”
 
Char: “I suspect that she has an enhanced skeleton. That would give her body the durability to keep hold without tearing her muscles apart.”
 
Losien: “Like Wolverine? She has an adamantium skeleton?”
 
Char: “Exactly!”
 
Iriana: “Aren’t wolverines just angry badgers?”
 
Losien: “Wai, could you help Char pull?”
 
Wai reaches out and wraps his arms further down the rope. The two robo-men heave, which results in a wild squeal from Aladdyn but Pleiades is still holding fast.
 
Wai: “That’s an impressive skeleton…”
 
Losien: “Words I never thought I’d hear…”
 
Finally Pleiades’ peg-leg gives way and, unfortunately for her, snaps off. She is then dragged along with Aladdyn. She roars with frustration, but her voice is easily drowned out by the high-pitched screaming from the half-genie.
 
Further back in the fighting, the pirates have finally noticed that the captain isn’t even there. The former captain of the crew points to the heroes with a fierce growl.
 
Vane: “Oi! They’re kidnapping the captain! Nobody gets to off her but me!”
 
Suddenly reunited by their common enemy, the pirates all charge forth with a collective roar of bloodlust.
 
The heroes see the incoming storm and instantly, and oh-so-bravely, run away. Wai and Char are pulling the rope behind them as they go, still dragging both Pleiades and Aladdyn with them. Losien keeps pace with them but Iriana, while hitching her skirts up, has run as fast as her little stockinged legs would take her. Losien stares after her with some surprise as she’s left nothing but a dust trail behind her.
 
Aniv, back at her tree, suddenly realises that silence has fallen all around her. Her antennae twitch as she tries to sense people around her.
 
Aniv: “Oh dear… I’ve been forgotten again…”
 
She turns back to the tree.
 
Aniv: “Just you and me, Mr Prisoner. I hope you don’t mind my saying, you really should consider using lotion for your skin.”