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Sometime later, the barbeque – having gone on into the night – is populated by a lot of drunk students. Many of them were wearing traffic cones or lampshades, with one especially adventurous student balancing a traffic cone atop of a lampshade atop their head. There are guitarists trying to impress everyone – even though most are too drunk to appreciate any sound that isn’t the clink of glasses or cackling laughter – and a nice campfire, kindly started by a teacher that shall remain anonymous. Some frat boys are playing hot potato with what appears to be an actual grenade (someone should really investigate why there seem to be so many explosives planted around this place), a few nerds have broken out into a LARP session and were hitting each other with foam swords, cool 90s kids are riding skateboards around for some reason and there are even a bunch of furries at the party – though everybody awkwardly sidles away from them whenever their dead cartoon eyes are near. A few celebrities have shown up, ranging from a popular TikToker, a local deejay and Bill Murray – who crashes all the parties. All this was great fun until P Diddy showed up and everyone ran away very quickly.
 
Back in their dorm room, after briefly calling the cops on the Diddler, Losien faceplanted her pillow and fell into a deep – and loud – slumber. A shadow loomed over her and in her hand, a thin, dangerous object…
 
In the morning, Losien, with a supreme hangover, crawled to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. She wondered why everything was white, then realised she had a lampshade on. After removing it, she screeched at the alien face in the mirror. From the main room she heard Maeve wake with a start at the scream. Losien screamed again when the soap did nothing to alleviate the damage to her skin. Then she heard the uncontrolled laughter from Maeve and ran out of the bathroom brandishing the lampshade;
 
Losien: “You drew on my face with permanent marker!!!”
 
The door crashed open as Newb barged her way in, evidently expecting trouble. Startled, however, Losien instinctively swiped with the lampshade and knocked Newb flying from the room. Maeve laughed even harder.
 
Losien: “Ohmygod!”
 
She started to run to Newb, but still suffering with a hangover, she stumbled, tripped and, just as Newb was getting up, smashed her in the face with the lampshade again.
 
Newb: “What the hell did I do to you!?”
 
Losien: “It was an accident!”
 
Maeve: “Best morning all semester.”
 
Iriana then ran out of her room, hearing all the noise, but ran straight into the opposite door and bounced off of it because she had a traffic cone covering her whole head.

The nurses have changed shifts. Now, all of the attending nurses are Nurse July. Their yellow hazmat suits are identical of course. The narcoleptic Nurse June has been replaced with a narcoleptic Nurse July.

Newb: "Have I mentioned how much I hate you, Aladdyn?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Several times! And I heard you every time! It's like you think I'm deaf or something!"

Bokken Monkey: "I wish I were deaf sometimes."

The door creaks open, and the three quarantined patients tense. In steps another nurse, but she looks a bit different.

Bokken Monkey: "Wait a second. That's no nurse--"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "That's a space station!"

TotallyEvil: "Are you making fun of my ass?!"

TotallyEvil pushes back her nurse cap to glare at him.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I didn't even know you had a pet donkey! I certainly would never make fun of him!"

Newb: "I swear to God, Aladdyn--"

Bokken Monkey: "Why are you here? You're from the Sleeper-Agent-Villains-in-Training program, right?"

TotallyEvil gasps.

TotallyEvil: "How do you know that?! That's top secret!"

Bokken Monkey: "Sure, if by 'top secret' you mean 'publicly accessible information in the college database', 'prominently displayed on the college website', or 'written on your name badge'."

TotallyEvil looks down. Her namebadge does, in fact, state, "TOTALLYEVIL: Sleeper-Agent-Villains-in-Training Program."

TotallyEvil: "Damn."

Bokken Monkey: "What are even you doing here though?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "She's a nurse now, obviously!"

TotallyEvil: "One of you knows how to play along at least."

Aladdyn looks at her in confusion.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Playing? What do you mean? Oh! Are we doing costumes? You're dressed up as a nurse? Wait one second!"

His luggage creeps out from under the bed, and opens up. Aladdyn swan dives from the side of his bed into it, and disappears in a flurry of clothes.

TotallyEvil: "Did that suitcase just. . . eat him?!"

Newb: "I wish."

A blue arm rises up from the pile of clothes and grasps onto the lip of the open suitcase, and Aladdyn drags himself up from what appears to be an impossible depth within the luggage. He's now wearing a doctor's coat and stethoscope.

TotallyEvil: "Perfect! This will make things easier!"

Newb: "Make what easier? I've had it up to here with Aladdyn, and restraints or no restraints, I'm gonna hand you your ass if you try to pull any of your--"

TotallyEvil: "I'm here to break you out of quarantine!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Yay! We've converted you to the light side!"

TotallyEvil: "Uh. Sure. Whatever gets you to go along with this."

Bokken Monkey: "I get that you're evil, but if your plan is to unleash rabies on the college, it won't work, because none of us actually--"

TotallyEvil: "Wait, you have rabies?!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Yep!"

Newb: "Aladdyn, stop being an idiot. None of us actually have rabies. Get out, TotallyEvil."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "You don't want her help escaping this vile prison?"

Newb: "I don't need her help!"

The other three look at each other, then at her, and her very obviously heavily restrained limbs. It's what happens when you try to sock one too many nurses in the face.

Newb: "Despite appearances to the contrary. Why do you want to help anyway?"

TotallyEvil: "It's boring without having my archnemeses around to prank, you know! And I'm losing my touch! Maeve pulled a totally evil prank on Losien, and I didn't even think of using permanent marker! If I don't get you out of here right now, I'm afraid I'll completely lose my edge and become some dainty tea-drinking princess without an unheroic thought in her head!"

Iriana: "Sorry, did someone mention me?"

Startled, everyone jumps up into the air. Even Newb. Somehow. Bringing her restraints and bed with her.

TotallyEvil: "Where did you come from?!"

Iriana: "I've been here the entire time?" 

Bokken Monkey: "Did anyone else feel a shiver? Like deja vu?"

Newb: "No."

TotallyEvil: "Nope."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Afraid not, friendo! But if it'll make you happier, then I totally did!"

Nurse July: "Zzzzzzzzzzz. . ."

Geoffrey the Zombie Teapot: "Tea." 

Everyone except Iriana jumps again.

TotallyEvil: "What the hell?! Are all of y'all in a ninja training program or something?"

Geoffrey the Zombie Teapot: "Tea?" 

Iriana: "No, he's been here the entire time too!"

Geoffrey the Zombie Teapot: "Teeeeaaa?" 

Iriana: "Of course you can train to be a ninja if you want! You can be anything you want to be!"

Newb: "I don't foresee this ending well."

Geoffrey the Zombie Teapot: "Tea! Tea! Tea!" 

Outside the administrative building, wherein was the infirmary and the currently quarantined persons, is Losien Simon, leader of the NeS Heroes. She was wearing a red bandana, tank top, camo-pants and had an assault rifle strapped to her back. She’s also covered in dirt and sweat that creates a surprisingly alluring sheen; though where the dirt came from and how she got so sweaty doing nothing more than walking, is anyone’s guess.
 
Losien: “Okay, team, this is the plan for extraction of friendlies from the enemy encampment!”
 
She thrust a finger to the map that has been spread across a picnic table and held down with grenades.
 
Maeve: “Why are there so many grenades around here?”
 
Losien: “Quiet, private!”
 
Maeve instinctively snapped to attention and saluted at Losien before realising what she was doing.
 
Maeve: “Wait, why am I only a private?”
 
Losien stared at Maeve and pointed to her own face, where the monocle, moustache and penis-pointed to her mouth were still prominent in permanent marker.
 
Maeve: “Right yeah. But why the hell is the groundskeeper a general?”
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “Experience! I was in ‘Nam!”
 
Maeve: “You were?”
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “Yeah, last year on holiday.”
 
Maeve: “What?”
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “What?”
 
Maeve: “Do we have to work with these weird pizza guys? They keep waving fruity pizzas at me.”
 
Fruit Pizza Gang Member: “Our new boss is quarantined too.”
 
Maeve: “And Gandhi?”
 
They all turned to look up at Mahatma Gandhi, who just shrugged in response.
 
Losien: “I’ll take whatever I can get at this point! We’re desperate, outnumbered, outgunned and under prepared! Anyone that is willing to aid the cause, I’ll take!”
 
Maeve: “Is that why there’s a giant hamster here?”
 
Next to them was a four-foot tall, very hairy man who may be human, or may be a massive hamster. From within the hairy face, two beady eyes glare with madness and rage.
 
Warvarine: “I’m here for the raid!”
 
Losien: “See? He’s fine. Warvarine’s World of Warcraft bio says he has loads of experience with this kind of thing.”
 
Maeve: “Well, okay. Just don’t expect me to do much. I don’t want to have to repeat a year because this angry beaver bites someone.”
 
Warvarine growled, but no one was sure if that was anger at the suggestion that he would do such a thing, or if it was anticipation of doing such a thing.
 
Losien: “Troops, we need…”
 
She paused for dramatic effect.
 
Losien: “A training montage!!!”
 
Scene One: Weapons
 
Losien: “Present arms!!”
 
Warvarine held up a ten-foot sword, which appeared extremely heavy, yet he swung about like it was a foam bat. Groundskeeper Jack held up a twenty-inch hand spade. The Fruit Pizza Gang held up their fruity pizzas.
 
Losien: “Private Gandhi! Where’s your weapon!?”
 
Gandhi: “Well, I am a man of peace so—”
 
Losien snatched the AK-47 from the hands of Maeve and thrust it into the palms of Gandhi.
 
Losien: “Shut it, private! I want to see you pumping bullets into those targets like a virgin teenager trying to impress a girl at the local fair!”
 
Gandhi: “Like a what?”
 
 Losien thrust her face into Gandhi’s.
 
Losien: “Are you braindead, private!? Do you want to die out there!?”
 
Gandhi: “Uh…”
 
Losien: “Shoot, Gandhi! Shoot!!”
 
In a panicked fluster, Gandhi started firing bullets – killing a statue of NeSU’s founder, which Losien had painted a target on, and a pigeon that had been happily crapping on the statue’s head.
 
Losien: “Excellent work, private! I’ll make a soldier out of you yet!”
 
She put a cigar to her lips and slapped Gandhi on the back, who then accidentally shot a random teacher through a window (fortunately, nobody seemed to mind as the students suddenly had a free period).
 
Scene Two: Running
 
In a line, the team was now jogging in synchronisation with the beat of the training chant.
 
Losien: “I will do whatever Los says.”
 
Group: “I will do whatever Los says!”
 
Losien: “This will take up all of my days.”
 
Group: “This will take up all of my days!”
 
Losien: “I will not take a bathroom break.”
 
Group: “I will not take a bathroom break!”
 
Losien: “I won’t even pee in the lake.”
 
Group: “I won’t even pee in the lake!”
 
Losien: “All these students lookin’ at us.”
 
Group: “All these students lookin’ at us!”
 
Losien: “We are creating quite a buzz.”
 
Group: “We are creating quite a buzz!”
Losien: “Shoot the nurses holding my friends.”
 
Group: “Shoot the nurses holding my friends!”
 
Losien: “This is war I won’t make amends.”
 
Group: “This is war I won’t make amends!”
 
Losien: “Hut-two-three-four-hut!”
 
Scene Three: Obstacle Training
 
Losien: “Get down a give me twenty!”
 
Maeve made a valiant effort, but could only just about manage half of a push up before she collapsed.
 
Losien: “Crawl, Gandhi! Faster! The enemy is chompin’ at your ass!”
 
Gandhi wriggled and crawled through the flowerbeds (much to the dismay of Groundskeeper Jack) as Losien threw small stones at him.
 
Losien: “Climb! Come on, climb!!”
 
The Fruit Pizza Gang were all climbing up a climbing frame – in the kid’s playground, much to the anger of the parents and amazement of the toddlers.
 
Losien: “Get that hook up there, do you wanna—oh, you did it… well done, Jack.”
 
Losien seemed disappointed that Groundskeeper Jack had so deftly managed to throw a grappling hook up the side of the building with ease.
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “I could miss a few times if you’d like?”
 
Losien: “Open it, Warvarine!! Open it!”
 
Warvarine yanked open the chest. Unfortunately, this practice chest was empty.
 
Losien: “Again! All those chests won’t loot themselves!”
 
End Montage.
 
Losien: “Troops, you are the sorriest lot I have ever come across, and I should know, I’ve come across a lot of sorry lots.”
 
She paused while her brain caught up with her own words.
 
Losien: “But that is exactly the kind of soldiers this war needs! Absolute losers that no one will miss if and when you die!”
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “Wait, what?”
 
Losien: “Soldiers read—”
 
Before she could finish, Warvarine bellowed;
 
Warvarine: “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!”
 
He charged, ridiculously oversized sword raised.
 
Losien: “—y you—god damn WoW raiders!!”
 
Everyone else then charged after him. From the administration building, windows smashed and from them protruded a vast array of guns. The nurses, both Junes and Julys, opened fire on the attackers, spraying bullets from their UZIs and assault rifles. Gandhi returned fire, blasting away with his AK-47, but was, inevitably, the first to be gunned down in the chaos of battle.
 
Losien and Maeve dove for cover behind a hedgerow, which was apparently bullet-proof.
 
Maeve: “It’s Game Over, man!!”
 
Losien: “It’s not over till the fat lady sings!!”
 
They both turn and watch as Warvarine pushed forward, using a screaming fat woman as a meat shield.
 
Losien: “That was screaming, not singing.”
 
The women gave each other the Action Movie nod of assertiveness and started crawling towards the building, a hail of bullets whirling over their heads. Fortunately, NeSU has excellent marksmanship classes, being the premier institution for the likes of the former imperial stormtroopers, meaning the nurses couldn’t hit the side of a barn.
 
Alas, the Fruit Pizza Gang were not sides of barns and were gunned down in their furious, fruit-laden charge at the building. One of them held his durian pizza aloft with his dying breath, frozen there as a very stinky monument to the sins of fruit-on-pizza. Losien and Maeve crawled over one of the dead pizza boys.
 
Fruit Pizza Gang Member: “I’m not dead yet!”
 
A bullet smacked him in the face.
 
Fruit Pizza Gang Member: “Now I am.”
 
From behind them, they suddenly hear a noise.
 
Maeve: “… is that Ride of the Valkyries?”
 
They turn their heads to see Groundskeeper Jack valiantly riding a lawnmower to the rescue. He is shouting ‘dun-dun-DUN’ along with the music, and managing to mow the lawn on the way, kicking up grass into the confused vision of the crawling women.
 
Losien: “Let’s give Mr Groundskeeper some cover!”
 
Maeve and Losien open fire with their assault rifles, killing a few of the gun-toting nurses and allowing the groundskeeper a straight path to the building.
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “Look out, comin’ through!”
 
On the back of the lawnmower is a massive homemade fertiliser bomb. But even with the covering fire from the two women, it seemed certain that the lawnmower would be shot to pieces. But suddenly a petrol bomb flew through the air and smashed into the side of the building.
 
Professor Pi R. O. Main E. Ack: “Yeehoo! You’re all clear kid, now that’s blow this thing and go home!”
 
Groundskeeper Jack: “I am a leaf in the wind. Watch how I—”
 
BOOM!!!!
 
The explosion seemed far too large for such a bomb, and probably should have vaporised both Maeve and Losien, but, somehow, they survived. Coughing, to clearly indicate to the audience that they were suffering, the two of them, wearily, got to their feet, covered in blood, dirt and sweat – though this time, there was good reason to be covered in such things. They staggered through the haze and smoke, stumbling over debris, until they were able to get inside the administrative building. With the nurses, and probably a whole lot of patients, blown up, the two women slowly walked towards the infirmary. Behind them, the professor admires his handiwork, having joined in for the lolz. Warvarine, the only other survivor, ran by, searching for loot drops.
 
Maeve and Losien, battered, bruised and victorious, entered the infirmary. The room is empty, except for one, still sleeping, Nurse July.
 
Losien grabbed the nurse and shook her awake.
 
Losien: “Where are they!?”
 
Nurse July: “Huh? The students? They all left. A student called TotallyEvil had an alarm clock and wouldn’t turn it off, so I wasn’t going to stop them. I just---zzzzzzzzzzz.”
 
She fell asleep again, hanging in Losien’s hands.

Losien and Maeve storm out of the ruined administration building.

Losien: "TotallyEvil must have kidnapped them! We've got to go after her!"

Maeve: "Taxi!"

A taxi cab roars up out of nowhere and the ladies pile in.

Losien: "Follow those kidnappers!"

Taxi Driver: "On it!"

He puts pedal to the metal and after a rough, bouncy ride, the taxi squeals to a stop. Losien and Maeve hurry out and look to see:

Bound and Gagged Kidnapping Victim: "Mmmrhghghghmh!"

Maeve: "Wrong kidnapping victims!"

Taxi Driver: "Not my fault you didn't specify! Now pay up!"

Elsewhere on campus, TotallyEvil is leading Aladdyn and Bokken along the winding paths between buildings. Aladdyn and Bokken are pulling along Newb's bed, on which Newb is still restrained, because she keeps trying to punch out both Aladdyn and Totally whenever they start to free her bonds. Iriana is perched daintily on the edge of the bed, holding Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot.

TotallyEvil: "Damn! I thought for sure we'd have found Losien by now! Then I could return your sorry asses to her and go back to being your archnemesis! I wonder-- What the fuq?! Why did you put on a Rambo costume? When did you put on a Rambo costume?"

Aladdyn shrugs.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I dunno, it just felt appropriate."

Newb: "Gah! For the last time, let me out of here so I can strangle Totally! She's clearly plotting against us!"

TotallyEvil: "Well, duh. But I'm not doing anything about it until you're back safely with your team leader. Until then I'm responsible for you!"

This takes the wind out of Newb's sails, but she still looks suspiciously at her.

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: "Tea?" 

Iriana: "Right, we're looking for her. We just don't know where she is."

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: "Tea. Tea, tea." 

Iriana: "We just came from there, Geoffrey."

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: "Tea tea, tea tea!" 

Iriana: "Well, I suppose it's possible Losien would've come looking for us."

TotallyEvil: "Quiet back there! No harebrained schemes out of any of you!"

She pauses.

TotallyEvil: "Not until you're back with your team leader, that is. Then you can do all the harebrained schemes you want!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Yay! I'll start planning out some harebrained schemes then!"

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: "Tea!" 

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "That'd be great! I welcome the help of someone with expertise in the field of devising harebrained schemes!"

BokkenMonkey: "Wait, you can understand him too?! You know what, never mind. I don't want to know."

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: 

TotallyEvil: "What did I say about keeping it quiet back there?!"

NSP: Haha, brilliant! The characters have known themselves to be in a story at numerous times in the past, but them being in a game now instead is a new twist! Thanks for joining! =D

***

TotallyEvil: "And why isn't Losien with you? The whole point of me reuniting these tossers (Bokken and Aladdyn) with you tossers (Newb, Iriana, Geoffrey, and Maeve) is so Losien can resume her hero team leadership and I can get back to pranking y'all as your archnemesis!"

Newb: "Pfft, you should change your name to TotallyPranking or TotallyTooWussyToBeActuallyEvil."

TotallyEvil: "You take that back! I'm totally going to take over the world! It's in my blood! Just like my father!"

She cuts off in shock when she sees Aladdyn, now in his Dr. Evil costume.

TotallyEvil: ". . . Dad?! What are you doing here?!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Er--"

TotallyEvil: "No, I promise I can explain!"

TotallyEvil starts babbling panicked excuses for something or other to an ever-more-bewildered Aladdyn, despite the blue-skinned half-genie's attempts to reassure her that he's not actually Dr. Evil. Meanwhile, BokkenMonkey forces himself to stop laughing, because it's getting to the point where painful stitches are developing in his sides. He peers into the taxi cab.

BokkenMonkey: "Say, where is Losien anyway?"

Newb: "She disconnected. Like a noob."

Maeve snickers.

Maeve: "Like a you, you mean?"

BokkenMonkey: "Disconnected? What do you mean? Like a game? Are we in a game now? Back when I was on your hero team, all those years ago, we were in a story, or at least that's what everyone told me. When did we switch to being inside a game?!"

Iriana: "It was in the patch notes."

Everyone, other than TotallyEvil and Aladdyn who are otherwise occupied in the background, turns to the princess in shock, who calmly sips her tea.

Newb: "You get patch notes?"

Iriana: "Geoffrey fetched them! He's such a good boy!"

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: "Tea! Tea, tea! Teeeaaaa!" 

Maeve: "Give them here."

She snatches the sheaf of papers that manifested underneath Geoffrey when no one was looking.

Maeve: "This is nothing but repetitions of the word tea. I don't speak Geoffrey."

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: 

With a sizzle and a pop, Losien reappears.

Losien: "Finally! I swear, I thought my mother was going to stop trying to interfere with my life after I saved the world and she became 30 years younger, but apparently Dad's off being an outer-space ambassador again and she's bored. So now she tries to control my game time!"

Newb: "Losien."

Losien cuts off mid-rant.

Losien: "Yes?"

Newb: "When did we change over from being in a story to being in a game?"

Losien: "We're in a game?!" 

Newb, Maeve, and Iriana facepalm.

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: "Teeaaa?" 

Taxi Driver: "Hey, I ain't got all day here! Pay up!"

Losien rubbed her chin in thought.
 
Losien: “If we’re doing video game logic for a while, then we can fast track getting out of college and back into the hero business!”
 
Newb: “Aside from helping me see Aladdyn’s health bar for next time I feel the need to bash his face, I don’t see how this will help us get out of college.”
 
Losien: “Because now we can level up our skills! No real effort required, just press the action button to perform a task and instant experience points!”
 
The heroes were then locked into performing a series of mind-numbing mini-games to increase their experience points. The process is repetitive, boring, but very efficient. From the sky, a voice then boomed;
 
LEVEL UP!
 
Losien: “Huzzah! Let me check my skill tree!”
 
The skill tree map opens and… it’s a lot.
 
Losien: “I think I’d need to level up my intelligence skill just to understand how the hell my skill tree works.”
 
Aladdyn: “Uh-oh…”
 
Newb: “More ominous words were never spoken. What is it?”
 
Aladdyn: “My bladder meter is full!”
 
He runs off into the nearby bathroom and, even outside the toilet, the others could see the green bar through the walls. It quickly started to deplete.
 
Newb: “If we’re using video game rules, aren’t there any cheats, mods or console command we could use to max out our stats and beat the exam?”
 
Losien: “What a terrible thing to suggest, Newb. I love it!”
 
However, before they could act on their plot the RICOCHET anti-cheat software kicked in and the entire team was suddenly booted from the game – in this case, that means existence.
 
 Losien: “Ah, crapcakes.”

Losien blinks, and finds herself leaning back from a computer, a controller in her hands. She furrows her brow quizzically.

Losien: "Where. . . ?"

Plickity bum.

Her attention is drawn to a new Skype notification.

Losien: "Wait a second, who uses Skype anymore?"

errrmmmnewb: "yo did u get kickd 2"

For a moment, Losien continues to be very confused, then settles as she realizes, yes, she's home, and she was playing a very immersive video game.

Losien: ". . . Right?"

She shakes her head and types a reply to Newb.

cheesncrakrs1999: "yea, dam anticheat"

There is a long pause before Newb types her response.

Plickity bum.

errrmmmnewb: "duz this sem strang 2 u 2?"

Losien frowns. Her first instinct is to reply, "What do you mean?" yet she can't help the nagging feeling that something is--

Plickety bum.

errrmmmnewb: "Wake up, Losien! For the love of the Writer God, WAKE UP!"

Losien barely has time to wonder why she actually hears Newb's voice coming through at the same time, before--

***

Losien gasps awake. Gasps and tearful cheers surround her.

Losien's Mom: "You're finally awake!"

Losien's Brother: "After all those years in that coma!"

She's in a hospital gown, in a hospital bed, in a hospital room, in what is most likely a hospital.

Losien: "I was in a coma?"

Losien's Nurse: "Someone call the doctor, stat!"

Though confused, Losien accepts the hugs of her family.

Losien: "I still feel like something is off. . ."

Losien's Doctor: "That's natural after such a long coma."

Losien looks at her newly entered doctor. She's distracted for a moment by what appears to be a pink blob in a janitor's uniform, but it's gone as soon as she looks that way. She turns back to her doctor.

Losien: "You look familiar."

Losien's Doctor: "Oh? Were you subconsciously aware of your surroundings maybe? This will be great for my research paper!"

Losien: "Are you sure you're a doctor? I thought you were a pyromaniac professor."

Losien's Doctor: "Dammit, Losien, that's my role in the other play. Stop getting your roles confused."

As if the blinders are taken off, Losien suddenly REALLY sees what's around her--

***

She's still in a hospital gown in a hospital bed. But the "room" is a stage with painted backdrops, with pink blobs acting as stage workers behind the scenes.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "That was amazing! I love it when actors break the 4th wall!"

Losien: "Aladdyn?"

The half-genie is in the audience, clapping furiously. He's the only one there, but since this is just a rehearsal, that's fine.

BokkenMonkey: "Get off your arse, Aladdyn! You're head of costuming, you can't just loaf off!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I prefer waiting until the last minute to do your costume."

BokkenMonkey: "Oh come on! Just because I tripped and ruined my costume after you completed it once--"

Losien: "Ten times."

The words are automatic, and she frowns. Yet, she does remember that her fellow thespian has had a streak of bad luck that keeps ruining his costumes. Doesn't she?

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Yeah! Let's wait for the bad luck to get out of your system first, friendo!"

BokkenMonkey: "It's out of my system! Let's go-- Urk!"

He promptly trips and falls into the dry ice. Fog billows out across the stage, but then it gets even thicker, mistier, and colder--

***

Losien blinks her eyes open, cryogenic mist hissing away. She's in a chilly metal pod, looking out through the glass panel, which quickly pops open. She steps out on unsteady legs, shivering from her long cryosleep.

Maeve: "You too, huh?"

Losien: "Maeve? What are you--"

She cuts off, as it all comes back to her. The doomsday failsafe, putting people in suspended animation to rebuild the world after some disaster. She remembers volunteering for the project, but she doesn't remember being put into cryogenic suspension.

Losien: "Wait, what disaster happened? Nukes? Demons? An asteroid that's 25 years late?"

Maeve: "Worse."

Dread shivers up Losien's spine.

Maeve: "The world ran out of booze!"

Losien: "At least it wasn't tea. Iriana would be inconsolable."

Maeve: "Well, I am inconsolable!"

Losien: "I thought you'd quit drinking anyway."

Maeve: "I did! But a crisis like this could drive me to drink!"

Losien looks pointedly at her.

Maeve: ". . . If only I could."

Losien: "Right then. Where's the way out of this place?"

Maeve: "Right behind you. But why bother? There's nary a drop to drink out there. . ."

Losien turns around and sees a door so close that her eyes won't focus on it. She backs up a little bit, and sees black letters fly past her head--

***

She sits back in the desk chair, bringing her nose out of the textbook she'd been immersed in.

Professor Lou Neebin: "And that wraps up this NeSU class on navigating different layers of reality!"

BokkenMonkey: "That was incredibly trippy."

Losien: "So I'm not the only one that happened to, then?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "It was so weird! But fun!"

Maeve: "I'm just glad there isn't actually a booze crisis, that would be horrible."

Losien: "Professor, did you spike our tea or something?"

Professor Lou Neebin: "Absolutely not! A clear head is needed to understand interdimensional mechanics!"

Newb: "TotallyEvil must've done it."

Iriana: "No, she wasn't anywhere nearby when I brewed this."

Newb: "Did you spike our tea, Iriana?"

Iriana: "No! I tell you ahead of time when I serve the special blends!"

Losien: "Then. . . who could have done it?"

Our heroes look at each other, puzzled.

Geoffrey the Ninja-in-Training Zombie Teapot: 

Professor Lou Neebin: “Well, as punishment for tripping balls in my class, your group has volunteered to do community service.”
 
Losien: “We didn’t do it on purpose!”
 
Newb: “Shouldn’t you report us to the police if you suspect drug use?”
 
The professor glared at Newb, then picked up a phone on their desk.
 
Newb: “Community service sounds wonderful!”
 
Professor Lou Neebin: “Good. It’s also an opportunity for us to test my new reality warping teleportation device!”
 
Losien: “You want to use us as your lab rats? No way!”
 
The professor picked up the phone again.
 
Losien: “Potentially deadly experiments sounds… won…derful…”
 
Professor Lou Neebin: “You’ll find your uniforms in there.”
 
The group file into a small locker room and find folded up ‘uniforms’ on the bench. A few moments later and the group emerge in their red and white Christmas outfits, complete with floppy hats, black boots and little bells on their belts. Luckily nobody was being made to don a fake beard; Aladdyn had chosen to add a fake beard of his own accord.
 
Professor Lou Neebin: “It seems that the real Santa Claus may, or may not, be dead, so each year, student-heroes volunteer to make the deliveries. This year, it’s you lot.”
 
There was a small chorus of disdainful ‘yays’.
 
Professor Lou Neebin: “And this is your new and improved vehicle!”
 
Behind the teacher was a Tesla Cybertruck coloured bright red.
 
Losien: “Oh no…”
 
Professor Lou Neebin: “Unlike the previous version, this one is eighty-percent less likely to kill you!”
 
The NeS Heroes, joined by the unfortunate BokkenMonkey and Maeve, were crammed into the gaudy Cybertruck. Losien, who always ends up at the wheel despite her atrocious driving skills, couldn’t seem to get the vehicle to move. It took a slap on the car’s rump from the teacher to get it to kick into gear and blast out of existence.
 
The vehicle blasted back into reality somewhere above North America.
 
Losien: “Is there a map to tell us where to go?”
 
Newb: “I think we have to use the onboard GPS.”
 
The screen showed their vehicle as being in a neighbouring solar system.
 
Maeve: “Modern technology sucks, there must be a map in here somewhere!”
 
They all start opening things, moving things, pushing things; the Cybertruck looked like it was having its own personal rave in the sky. As the windows bobbed up and down, a sound floated, dimly, through the air.
 
Losien: “There is a fell voice on the wind!”
 
Newb: “Oh no, it can’t be!”
 
Losien: "We should have known! The most feared monster that slinks from the depths to torment the world of man every winter!”
 
Outside, riding a broom stick, was a witch – a witch wearing the same bright red Santa outfit as our heroes.
 
Mariah Carey: “All I want for Christmaaaaaaaaaaas—”
 
She pointed at the heroes in their ridiculous truck.
 
Mariah Carey: “—is yoooooooooou, hahahahahaha!”
 
She cackled and soared towards truck. The lights started blinking faster and the windows went up and down faster.
 
Newb: “There must be a button to get us out of here!”
 
BokkenMonkey pushed a button… the ejector seat initiated and he was fired through the roof (which didn’t open, so now there was a BokkenMonkey-shaped hole in the roof).
 
Aladdyn: “Don’t worry, friendo! I’ll save you!”
 
Aladdyn leapt up onto the roof of the car as though surfing. Mariah Carey, with a wand, fired noise at the team – smacking their eardrums with the dreaded earworm.
 
BokkenMonkey came back down, having touched the stratosphere, and Aladdyn held his arms out to catch him. And the ejector chair.
 
Iriana: “Shouldn’t we warn Aladdyn not to do that?”
 
A series of nonchalant glanced passed between the others.
 
Next moment, BokkenMonkey, Aladdyn and the ejector chair smashed through the roof of the teleporting Christmas car and crashed out the bottom of it. The car started to spin out of control in a nosedive.
 
Newb: “If I die because Al tried to catch Bokken, I am going to haunt the fuck out of everyone!”
 
The car spun and whirled, lights going crazy – leading to a whole lot of UFO sightings on the ground – until, abruptly, the car crashed into a treehouse. Through the smoke, the NeS Heroes managed to make out  the diminutive figures of some kids.
 
Kid: “Santa…s?”
 
The ejector seat then careened itself back into place, as though it had never moved, with BokkenMonkey sat there, holding Aladdyn in his arms.
 
Aladdyn: “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

The sleigh chugs and sputters unsteadily through the air as it finally reaches NeSU airspace again. It has a slight list to it, and is smoking, shaking, and rattling.

Just what did they do to that poor sleigh over the past week? Never mind, I don't want to know.

Iriana: "Looks like the New Year's parties are in full swing. I don't see anywhere to park."

Losien gulps. Her face takes on a haunted expression.

Losien: "We  might have to . . ."

Her eyes and voice become filled with pain and long-buried shame, as her next words come out in a dread whisper.

Losien: ". . . double-park."

Shocked gasps answer her.

Maeve: "Losien, no!"

Bokken: "Don't give in to the darkness, that ways lies madness!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "And parking tickets!"

Iriana: "You're better than this, Losien!"

Losien: "Does anyone have a better idea? I'll take the fall for this,"

Newb, hitherto silent, grabs Aladdyn and puts him in a stranglehold.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Gk!"

Newb: "I wish that we had a place to park."

Nothing happens.

Newb: "That doesn't require double-parking."

On the roof of a stately university building below them, two parallel lines in yellow paint appear.

Losien: "Great idea, Newb!"

She promptly parks the sleigh atop the roof with a minimum of fuss, landing perfectly between the two lines.

Bokken: "You can let go of Aladdyn now, you know?"

Newb: "I like strangling the bastard."

Maeve: "That desperate for physical affection, huh?"

Newb immediately drops Aladdyn like a sack of potatoes.

Iriana: "So how do we get down from here?"

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea?" 

Iriana: "Yes, I think a spot of tea is just the ticket, Geoffrey!"

Losien: "How is tea going to help us get down from here?"

Iriana: "It won't, but it will make us feel better about the fact!"

Maeve: "Girl after my own heart!"

They clink teacups together.

Newb: "Sigh. If you want something done . . ."

She puts Aladdyn in a stranglehold again.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Gk!"

Newb: "I wish we could get down from here!"

Aladdyn's instinctive flailing and kicking immediately knocks Bokken off the roof.

Bokken: "AAAAAAaaaaagghhh!"

Down below, a Fruit Pizza Gang Member is walking proudly. He has graduated the Red Shirt courses and is now a fully licensed Mook, having displayed superb skills in using pizza boxes as boomerangs and shields.

His highly trained situational awareness hears the falling Bokken. Looking up, he sees the NeS hero hurtling down towards him and thinks fast! He rejects the obvious option of simply stepping out of the way, because no self-respecting hero or villain would ever take the obvious way out. Thinking faster, he pulls a pizza box out of his pocket (somehow) and holds up it above himself as a shield!

Bokken: "AAAAGGHH--"

WHUMP!

Unfortunately, it's still just a pizza box, and both it and the Fruit Pizza Gang Member crumple as Bokken lands atop them.

Newb: "Whoops."

She reconsiders.

Newb: "A way down from here that's easy and painless."

Maeve looks over towards the roof's doorway.

Maeve: "Has anyone tried the--"

The door clicks open just as Newb makes her wish.

Maeve: "Seriously? Aren't y'all a bunch of badasses, who can bash down doors, pick locks, or shimmy down the sides of buildings with ease?"

Losien: "You've been out of the game way too long, Maeve. And in the meantime it seems like you've filled your head with Hero Force propaganda."

Maeve: "Yeah, whatever."

She looks over at Newb, who is still gleefully strangling Aladdyn.

Maeve: "You know, breath play is a little too dangerous for my tastes."

Newb immediately lets go of Aladdyn and thrusts him away.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "AAAAAAaaaaaaggghhh!"

Off the side of the building.

Down below, Bokken picks himself up and dusts himself off.

Bokken: "Well, that could have gone much worse--"

WHUMP!

He crumples as Aladdyn lands atop him.

Aside from Aladdyn and Bokken, the rest of the team head towards the door. But then Newb stopped, with ‘that look’ on her face.
 
Maeve: “I know I said you guys should be able to do crazy stuff to get off this roof, but I didn’t mean to make you actually consider it…”
 
Newb: “I have to, it’d be so fuqing cool!”
 
She suddenly ran and leapt off the side of the building.
 
Losien: “Is she planning to use Aladdyn as a meat shield? Again?”
 
Losien, Iriana and Maeve rushed to the edge of the rooftop to watch.
 
Newb had gone over the side of the rooftop and whipped out a zipline that plugged itself into the wall of the building she departed. She plunged at first, but the clip on the line triggered with a finger pull and, though still at a encouraging action movie pace, and her boots struck terra firma – narrowly missing the groaning pile of three men (the lowest of which was probably dead, still clutching a fruit-laden pizza in the air).
 
Losien: “Show off!”
 
Newb: “You can use it too! Come on, leader!”
 
Losien: “Not in a million years of Jupiter.”
 
By the time the three other women got to the bottom of the stairwell campus security were writing Newb a ticket for property damage.
 
Security Guy: “You also have detention for a hundred years.”
 
Newb: “But it’s just a little hole!”
 
Maeve: “That’s what sh— WAH!”
 
Like a sudden wrestling move, Newb grabbed Maeve and whipped the British woman over Newb’s shoulder and slammed her down again… ontop of the pile of bodies, which resulted in a whole lot of further groans or yelps. There did come a small voice from somewhere within the mass of limbs;
 
Aladdyn: “It wasn’t me this time!”

Newb: "But action heroes cause property damage all the time!"

Security Guy: "And do you have an action hero license?"

Newb: "Of course!"

Security Guy: "This is a professional hero license, not an action hero license. They're different things. Also this one is inactive."

Newb: "Damn. Wish I had some psychic paper or something."

A light bulb goes off in her head.

Newb: "Hey Aladdyn, c'mere!"

She roots around in the pile of bodies until she grabs Aladdyn's leg.

Newb: "I wish I had an action hero license!"

Nothing happens.

BokkenMonkey: "I think that's the Fruit Pizza Guy's leg."

Newb shifts and grabs another leg. Aladdyn immediately squeals.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "TICKLISH!"

BokkenMonkey: "Oh hey look, the Fruit Pizza Guy had an action hero license in his pocket."

Losien: "Why would a mook have an action hero license?"

Newb: "Don't question it, Los! Gimme, Bok!"

BokkenMonkey: "What's the magic word?"

Newb: "It's I'll kick your arse and stomp on your nuts if you don't, innit?"

BokkenMonkey: "Right you are."

Newb: "Here you go, sir! One action hero license!"

The Security Guy doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that this license isn't Newb's, only happy to examine it.

Security Guy: "This is a counterfeit license. I'm going to have to arrest you for use of counterfeit action hero licenses."

Newb: "Oh come on!"

The room is small and clearly little used, as boxes full of old papers and other random school supplies line the shelves of the four walls. There is one small window, which is glazed, to allow a sliver of light in. There is the smell of old cigarettes and sweaty gym socks. There are a few desks in the room, currently occupied by the NeS Heroes, and at the front of the room is an old, box-like television that, when turned on, makes a loud crackling ping sound. Atop of the TV is an old video cassette player, which a bored assistant teacher pushes a VHS into. On the TV appears Captain America.
 
Captain America: “So, you’ve decided to be a criminal.”
 
The ‘heroes’ groan, whine and complain, except Aladdyn;
 
Aladdyn: “Yes!”
 
The assistant teacher glared at him.
 
Aladdyn: “I mean… no?”

Losien: "You've been rescuing us a lot lately, Totally. Are you having a change of heart and becoming good?"

Totally Evil: "What? No! But I can't fully use my totally evil arsenal of totally evil pranks unless I have my totally evil, erm, totally good archnemeses to use them on!"

Maeve: "Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

Iriana: "Oh! A Shakespeare reference! How cultured you are!"

They clink teacups again, and gulp back shots of their tea. All this while still running for their lives.

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea! Tea?" 

Iriana: "Of course, Geoffrey, you're cultured too! After all, you're a teapot! Even better, you're my teapot!"

Totally Evil: "You seem awfully attached to that teapot. I think I know what my next prank will involve."

Iriana and Maeve gasp and put Geoffrey protectively behind them.

Iriana: "Don't you dare!"

Maeve: "If you touch a hair on his head, I'll--"

Bokken Monkey: "What hair?"

Maeve smacks him for his cheek. On his cheek. Which cheek? Does it matter?

Totally Evil: "Your fury just makes me stronger!"

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea!!!!!!!" 

Totally Evil: "Whoa! Okay, fine, I'll back off. Geez. That kind of threat's a little extreme for a harmless prank, don't you think?"

Newb: "Wait, now you can understand him?"

Totally Evil: "You mean you can't?"

Losien: "Referring to your own pranks as harmless instead of evil, huh? I think you really are on the path to reformation!"

Totally Evil: "Yeah? Does that mean you're on the path to villainy? Extreme threats like that from your team mascot, on top of all the rule-breaking and detention-escaping you've been doing!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "So we're doing role switcheroos! I'm on it!"

His luggage, which is running on stubby legs beside them, opens and catapults costumes onto everyone with perfect accuracy. Somehow, the action results in them all being perfectly costumed upon being hit.

Totally Evil: "What the fudge?! Wait, why can't I say fudge? Ack, I did it again!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Angels can't cuss of course!"

Totally Evil is now in an angel costume complete with harp and halo, while our erstwhile heroes are in devil costumes. Aladdyn's skin has inexplicably turned red as well. He is wearing a striped mafia-style suit as his devilish attire for some reason.

Newb: “If we’re evil now, does that mean I can blow up the school?”
 
Losien: “To be fair, I think we’ve blown up a lot of places over the years and we were still the good guys.”
 
Newb: “I’m hearing yes?”
 
Losien: “Well, no. We still need our licences.”
 
Newb: “So after we get our licences I can blow it up?”
 
Losien: “Sure, knock yourself out.”
 
Aladdyn: “I can do that!”
 
Iriana quickly grabbed the hammer from Aladdyn’s hand before he could brain himself.
 
Newb looked Iriana up and down.
 
Iriana: “What? You might like inflicting pain on him, but I would rather he didn’t lose any more brain cells…”
 
Iriana pats him on the arm as though he is the ‘unfortunate cousin’ deserving pity.
 
Newb: “Uh, no, it’s just… you look great in that devil dress.”
 
Iriana’s dress is blood red with black trimmings and underskirt. A cute skull pendant with gem-laden eyes hangs about her neck. She has red shoes with black wedges and a pair of black stockings.
 
Iriana: “Thank you! And you look—”
 
Newb is in a black, chainmail bikini with black horns on her head and a whiplike tail.
 
Iriana: “… fiendish.”
 
While Aladdyn might be in a suit and tie, Losien is likewise in a more formal attire – a sleek red dress, traditional red heels and a dainty pair of red horns poking through her silken locks.
 
Newb: “Wow, when did Elizabeth Hurley get here.”
 
Losien: “Now that is a compliment, thank you.”
 
Newb: “Holy crap, it’s Losien!”
 
Losien: “That wasn’t a compliment though.”
 
Finally there is Maeve, who, like Aladdyn, has a suit on, only her whole suit is red, complete with a red tie and hat, but her shirt is bright white.
 
Bokken: “You look like you want to sell toothpaste.”
 
Maeve: “Why you cheeky little—oi, wait a minute. Why ain’t you in a devil outfit too?”
 
Bokken appears to be his usual self.
 
Bokken: “I guess because I’m cursed, I’m always a magnet for evil anyway.”
 
Aladdyn: “Let me help you.”
 
Before Bokken could protest, Aladdyn has whipped out a thick moustache from his luggage and slaps it onto Bokken’s face.
 
Losien: “Ho ho ho, a Mirror Universe joke!”
 
Newb: “You’re such a fucking nerd.”
 
Losien: “That was mean!”
 
Newb indicates to her attire.
 
Totally Evil: “Now now, no need for such aggression, we should all sing Kumbaya and hold hands…”
 
She slapped a hand over her own mouth, realising the words that were coming from her.
 
Totally Evil: “How… how do I turn it off!?”
 
Aladdyn: “Greatest prank ever!”
 
The NeS Heroes laughed merrily, like the ending of a Saturday morning cartoon.

Totally Evil Angelic: "I'm the only one who can pull off the greatest pranks! I'll show you. I'll show you all!"

Newb: "What will you show us? A harp solo?"

The NeS heroes devils laugh.

Totally Evil Angelic: "Gimme that luggage, Aladdyn! Um, please, sir, if it's alright."

Her face burns at her involuntary addition of politeness.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Sure thing, friendo!"

The Luggage obligingly trundles over to Totally Angelic and pops its lid open. Totally rummages within, and then crows in triumph as she pulls out a bow and quiver. A very pink bow and quiver, adorned with red hearts.

Totally Evil Angelic: "I'll be Cupid, Angel of Love!"

Bokken Monkey: "I don't think Cupid was an angel exactly."

He's cut off by Iriana's enthusiasm.

Iriana: "Oh, that's wonderful! How very sweet to see you embracing your new role!"

Everyone eyes Iriana askance. Her personality hasn't changed a bit despite her devil costume. Classic Iriana, Newb thinks.

Totally Evil Angelic: "Yes, that's it. Embracing my new role. Hehehehehehe."

She points a pink, red-heart-adorned arrow at Newb and lets it fly.

Newb: "Hey!"

Newb indignantly pulls the plunger-tipped arrow off her ass.

Newb: "Watch where you're-- Oh. Oh my god."

She has looked up from the plunger-tipped Cupid arrow and the first person she lays eyes on is Aladdyn.

Her eyes promptly become hearts.

Maeve: "Newb, you okay?"

Newb: "Aladdyn, I love you, you big dumb hunk!"

She claps her hands over her mouth, horrified at her own words.

Everyone gasps in shock at her, then turns to Totally Angelic, whose smile is currently competing for World's Smuggest Smirk.

Losien: "You FIEND!"

She pauses.

Losien: "Okay, I concede, your prank is better."

Somehow, Totally Angelic's smirk becomes even smugger.

Newb has launched herself at Aladdyn and is now clinging to him and embracing him, all with a horrified expression on her face. Iriana snaps a photo.

Iriana: "So romantic!"

Maeve: "So gag-inducing."

New Voice: "Amazing! Such costumes! Such embrace of your roles! You'd be a great fit for the theater course!"

They turn to see a guy dressed up as the Phantom of the Opera.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Thanks, friendo! I pride myself on my theater skills and costumery!"

He pats the Luggage affectionately with his free hand, that is, with the arm that's not being monopolized by Newb.

Bokken Monkey: "So you're just gonna ignore Newb clinging to you?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Well, when she wants to murder me, I run away, but for someone professing love, I hug them back. But I'm getting mixed signals, so I don't know what to do--"

Losien: "Your usual state of existence, amirite?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "--so I'm just ignoring her!"

The women look at him, aghast.

Iriana: "Never ignore a lady, Aladdyn!"

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea! Tea, tea!" 

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Okay, Geoffrey, you're right. Ahem. Um. Hi, Newb!"

Newb: "He noticed me! Best day ever!"

All while an expression of horror and rage drapes her face.

Phantom of the Opera: "Fantastic drama! You really should join!"

Losien: "We're here for our hero licenses, not drama club."

Phantom of the Opera: "It's a class, not a club! And you get Secret Agent Hero credits for it! Infiltration's a good skill, you know?"

Maeve: "Action Hero licenses, not Secret Agent Hero licenses."

Phantom of the Opera: "Every three Secret Agent Hero credits you earn can be turned into two Action Hero credits!"

Bokken Monkey: "How many Secret Agent Hero credits does the class give?"

Phantom of the Opera: "2.99!"

Bokken Monkey: "Sounds legit. Let's do it."

Everyone nods enthusiastically. Aladdyn scratches his head with his free hand, confused.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "But isn't that useless to us?"

Maeve: "Shut up, Al."

Iriana: "It's okay, Al. We don't expect you to understand anything."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "But-- But--"

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea." 

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Alright, fine, I'll let it go."

Phantom of the Opera: "Splendid! The theater building is right there."

Losien: "Great, thanks! But who are you?"

Phantom of the Opera: "Just someone who wears many masks."

He twirls his cape and disappears. Iriana gasps and claps.

Newb: "I hate it when mysterious types do that. Don't you, Aladdyn my love?"

She clamps her mouth shut tightly at her involuntary addition.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Sure thing, girlfriendo!"

Newb stares murderously at him.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Um, friendo?"

Newb continues to stare murderously at him.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Er, enemy-o?"

Newb's murderous stare becomes downright genocidal.

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea, tea, tea. Tea. Tea." 

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Yeah, I just can't win. Hopefully Newb will be back to normal next post."

Our erstwhile heroes walk into the theater building. The Phantom of the Opera watches them from the shadows and takes off his mask, revealing--

Blind Llama Ghost: "Good. They're on the path."

He vanishes from sight, leaving behind the disposable Phantom of the Opera costume.

Newb: “Hey! I think I’m back to normal!”
 
Losien: “So quickly?”
 
Newb: “Yes. I feel a seething rage at Aladdyn.”
 
Aladdyn: "Phew! I was worried I would need to rethink my entire life for a moment!”
 
Newb then smacked Aladdyn across the face.
 
Aladdyn: “Ouch! Good old times…”
 
Newb: “How dare you!”
 
Aladdyn: "Um. What did I do?”
 
Bokken Monkey: “This time.”
 
Newb: “I saw what you were doing!”
 
Aladdyn’s brain rushed back through the past hour, trying to figure out what exactly it is she is angry about.
 
Aladdyn: “Because I mixed jam with mustard?”
 
Newb: “No. And ew.”
 
Aladdyn: "Because I drank tea without milk?”
 
Iriana: “Sacrilege!”
 
Newb: “No!”
 
Aladdyn: “Because I ate the last Oreo?”
 
Losien: “It was you!!!!”
 
Newb: “No!”
 
Aladdyn: “Because I—”
 
Maeve: “We’re gonna be here all day at this rate.”
 
Newb: “I saw you looking!!!”
 
Everyone looked confusedly at each other.
 
Newb: “At the other women!!!!”
 
Losien: “Oh no…”
 
Aladdyn: “Now I’m confused again.”
 
Maeve: “Who knew Newb would be so insufferable when in love?”
 
Newb: “I’m—I’m—N… nnnnnn… IN LOVE!!”
 
Despite trying to add the word ‘not’ into that sentence, she nonetheless swooned at the end of it and fell into Aladdyn’s arms.
 
Aladdyn: “Got you!”
 
Newb: “My hero.”
 
Iriana clasped her hands together with dreamy tears in her eyes.
 
Newb: “Someone… please… make this stop.”
 
Totally Evil Angelic: “Stop what?”
 
Newb: “My… heartache… I’m so in love I’m going to die.”
 
Totally Not Currently Evil tittered at her shenanigans.
 
Totally Evil Angelic: “How wonderful!”
 
Newb suddenly glared at Totally with incredible malice.
 
Newb: “Just because you made me in love with this big, dumb – incredibly handsome and wonderful – lug, doesn’t mean I can’t kick your angelic ass!”
 
Newb then rushed forward and Totally had to flee, her little angel wings flapping furiously, but far too small to actually give her any kind of lift.
 
Totally Evil Angelic: “Nuuuuuu! I’m innocent! Leave me alone!”

Maeve: "Innocent? So you're not totally evil anymore?"

Iriana: "Oh, that's wonderful! You've found redemption!"

Everyone looks pointedly at Iriana and her devil costume. She remains oblivious.

Totally Angelic: "Nuuuuu! I am totally evil!"

Newb: "Then I'm totally gonna kick your arse!"

Totally Angelic: "Nuuuu! I'm totally angelic!"

Newb pauses in her pursuit. Iriana claps again. Aladdyn claps with her.

Totally Angelic: "I mean, totally evil!"

Newb starts her pursuit up again.

Totally Angelic: "Argh! I can't win!"

Geoffrey the Ninja Zombie Teapot: "Tea." 

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "That's true! She and I can commiserate over not being able to win with Newb!"

Newb: "I see you looking at that other woman!"

She turns back to Totally.

Newb: "You skank!"

Totally Angelic: "What did I do?"

Everyone looks at her.

Totally Angelic: "Oh right."

Newb starts chasing her again. Totally Evil bolts again, into the theater building.