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Sacrifice

PostOct 19, 2019#101

Ramesses I lay dying. He had reigned just two years but he believed he had done great works during those two years, and greater still when he worked as vizier for Horemheb. Horemheb was an emotional, fretful man that presented a stoic, solid veneer. The man constantly worried about things, feared people and their intentions. Ramesses had acted as much as a councillor as a vizier.
 
Unlike his predecessor, and friend, Ramesses I had children, most notably his first-born son, Seti. As soon as he had ascended to the throne of Egypt, Ramesses, being the wise forward thinker that he was, declared Seti as his heir. He had a granddaughter, which ensured his legacy, though the girl was not truly suitable and he hoped another child would present a better option. The previous generations had been such a turmoil that it caused great stress to the kingdom and the people of Egypt. Thebes, the capital city, was under strain in patriotism after it, and its gods, had been abandoned in favour of Aten. The patriots were ever more fervent than they used to be, feeling the need to assert their cultural identity, while others had become disillusioned with the whole concept of a Theban identity at all and some even questioned the need of gods or, worse still, kings.
 
While Tutankhamun had paved the way for patriotization and Horemheb had surged in popularity by those same patriots, using the slogan of “Make Thebes great again”, Ramesses had attempted to act with facts and precision, rather than haphazardly pander to the public.
 
He tried to think of what man Seti would become as king of Egypt. Had had noted how religiously zealous Seti was, likely influenced by the cultural return to the old gods that renewed greater devotion to them by many of the populace. But he was also a great commander of people, able to spark up a grand speech far better than he, Ramesses, ever could. The greatest worry for Ramesses was Seti’s great secret, one which the man kept in collusion with the foreign witch…
 
 
Sauda: “The king is dead. Long live the king.”
 
Seti: “My poor father.”
 
Sauda: “Tragic.”
 
She smiled, sweet and sympathetic. She had practised over and over to perfect the smiling that her old mentor, Ay, had taught her. He had been an artisan of human emotion and though she had killed him to protect herself, she missed his presence in these uncertain days.
 
She had used magic to limit her aging, though it had nothing to do with vanity. Having a frail, old body would limit her abilities both physically and socially. She was able to manipulate men and women more easily with a pleasing visage, and the pharaoh was no exception. Ramesses I had not trusted her, which she admired. He was a very smart man. His son, Seti, was her plaything.
 
Sauda: “But we must not waste a moment of your reign, pharaoh.”
 
He had appointed her as his vizier, much to the shock of the people. She was a foreigner and a woman. Yet, the pharaoh’s greatest talent lay with his eloquent speeches and he was able to sway them enough to accept his decision. She almost fancied he had a bit of magic on that tongue, the way he was able to persuade so elegantly. If he had been as cunning as she, or Ay, he might have made a great protégé of her own. Alas, he had just enough wit to have selfish desires and the will to enact on those, but not enough intelligence to plot and manipulate within her league.
 
Seti: “You are right.”
 
He rose.
 
He worse traditional Egyptian white. In the dusty lands of Egypt, pristine white was a great luxury. He wore a grand headdress that looked very heavy and made his head look far too big. He had the refined facial features of his father and was strongly built in body, though he was outmatched by many of his own soldiers that stood over him. He was guarded at all times. He had insider knowledge of the deaths of his predecessors and he wasn’t prepared to take any chances. He had one daughter, Asiya, but she was weak and diseased and unsuitable as an heir. The man was desperate to provide a suitable legacy not only for himself but for Egypt. He didn’t want to repeat the turmoil of the past, which had been his father’s greatest fear.
 
Sauda used that.
 
Seti I: “Then, we march. We shall retake the settlements of Canaan that were claimed by the Hittite Empire.”
 
The commanders were in agreement until the pharaoh announced he would ride into battle personally. He was quick to settle their protestations on grounds of his safety and placed the onus upon them to keep him alive.
 
The army travelled across the Levant. They quashed any rebellious factions in the region, who might have been left to the local militias had the military arm not been traversing the lands. Finally they reached the more serious fortifications and they laid siege to them. Many cities surrendered instantly, but those that required capture were done quickly and efficiently. The final major conquest was of Beit She’an. The Hittite Empire was unable to send enough troops to defend it, as so many were dying of plague in Hattusa and trying to maintain order there.
 
The city was claimed and murals to the great victory were being erected, especially murals created that presented the king himself.
 
Once he sat upon the throne of the city, Seti would need to enact the second part of the plan. The distasteful part.
 

Non-Story Note: Trigger warning for ultra-violence here on out.

 
Sauda: “Here. The sacrificial blade.”
 
He presented him with a small knife. It was very short, the blade barely able to pierce too deeply into the body of a man. But it was not designed to be used on men.
 
The soldiers marched through the streets of Beit She’an and stole away with the first-born children of these Levantines. None were older than ten, that being the accepted state of adulthood, and the youngest of them were mere days old. Dragged, kicking and screaming, the parents were beaten or killed when they resisted. Some fled when they heard the news spread throughout the city, carrying their children down to the River Jordan in hopes of escaping by boat. But the soldiers were there waiting. Mothers were drowned, still clutching their babies, fathers were gutted and left for carrion.
 
A large meeting hall of the palace of Beit She’an was converted for use by the mages. They had been summoned from all corners of the world by special invitation by Sauda herself. She couldn’t invite just anyone, only the blackest of hearts would be able to perform such dark magic.
 
There were plenty in the world that dabbled in dark magic, or “black arts”, thinking themselves naughty for using such sinister magic. Yet, very few had the stomach for the true depths of dark magic and what it required.
 
A girl was brought in, stripped and then shoved into bath of cold water to remove the muck that the Egyptians presumed was on all of the Levantines. The girl was too horrified and confused to even cry as she was then thrown onto the table. She looked up at the light that beamed down onto her. It was an orb of pure magic, burning with aether, that stung her bare skin. Seti stepped up to the table. He had needed a break to rest.
 
He slammed the knife into the girl’s stomach and sliced across. Her intestines spilled out and the mages were quick to gather up pieces and drain blood into the cauldrons around the chamber. She had managed to scream for a short time before clinical shock paralysed her brain, which Seti was very grateful for. He had gotten through a dozen children so far and had hundreds more to go. When they screamed, it hurt his ears.
 
He cut open the chest and yanked out her still-beating heart. Sauda took that and added it to yet another cauldron, wherein all the hearts were being placed. It slapped wetly against the other organs at the bottom.
 
Two soldiers, who had been hired from the prisons of Cairo where they were convicted serial murderers, dragged the girl’s body from the table and throw it from the balcony into a pre-dug pit outside. Some of the parents had learned of the pit and were gathering now, screaming and crying for mercy or vowing vengeance over the children who had already been discarded.
 
The next was brought in. A baby of two months. Dunked into the water and dropped onto the slab. Seti hated the babies most of all. They were the easiest and, strangely, that made it harder…
 
They worked throughout the night and day, without rest. Sauda used magic to restore their bodies to stave off fatigue and the great work continued on and on. Blood and guts piled up. The stink was horrendous. Flies buzzed everywhere.
 
One of the mages had caved. As dark as his own acts had been in the past, he couldn’t keep up with all of this. The other mages granted him a mercy by blasting his head apart. Quick and painless. Seti himself had almost collapsed, but they needed him to enact the deed. Only a being of great power could make the sacrifices. If Sauda did it, it was a killing. But Seti did it, it was a sacrifice thanks to his position as pharaoh. Dark magic was filled with rituals and rules and specifications that made it an ordeal to even find the right circumstances in which it could work.
 
Beit She’an had been specifically chosen for it contained a nexus of magic. It was a lesser nexus, sometimes called a mini-nexus, by mages, but it could still be used. The larger nexus in Giza would amplify the power of the Beit She’an nexus once the spell was complete.
 
With a cauldron full of hearts and more cauldrons brimming with blood of children, the procedure could commence. The mages heated the room with their light sphere and removed their clothes, for fear of static build-up that could interfere with the precision of the spell.
 
Sauda dipped a goblet into the cauldron of blood and poured it down her throat. Much of it covered her body, but enough went down her throat. It was vile. But she used magic to keep her body from retching. She then ate a heart. It was tiny, probably from a new-born. The other mages followed suit while Seti, wide-eyed, watched at the back of the room. The hearts were served on silver platters, like gourmet meats, and the goblets were fine silverware from the royal palace stock.
 
It took another day for them to drink and consume the human remains. When done, they initiated the incantation. This was the shortest part. A solitary poem written in an ancient and forgotten language. None of them understood the words, only that it worked.
 
The world froze around them.
 
It wasn’t just time that was frozen, it was reality itself. They were suddenly looking at the fabric of reality itself, the pages of reality as written out before them. Each of them would be granted their wish – their alteration to reality. What everyone wished for was their own private concern.
 
Seti had considered immortality but he knew he couldn’t live forever with such horrors in his mind. Instead, it was his legacy he dreamed of. He wanted a son. But not just any son. He wanted a great and powerful son whose name would last throughout the ages. He needed the very essence of a great pharaoh of the past. And thus, it would come to be.
 
Sauda wanted something more ambitious. She wanted a god that she could bend to her will. To be the master of a deity who be tantamount to being a god herself, without any of the negative downsides of being subject to faith. But she knew of her predecessor’s problem. Having a god was one thing, but keeping that god sustained through faith was more difficult. She already knew what to do;
 
The powerful patriotism of the Thebans would be enough to empower her chosen god but she wanted more than a city god. She wanted Ra. Even with the reality-warping spell, she doubted she would be able to gain control of a primal deity like Ra, but she believed she could change him.
 
She took the reality code for Ra and merged it with the code of another god. The city god Amun. With Amun-Ra crafted, she entered code to make her the controlling influence on the grand deity and left.
 
Once the mages and Seti had all finished fulfilling their desires, reality cracked back into existence. The room swirled around them and the walls seemed to fall apart and put themselves back together – reality was being rewritten.
 

Non-Story Note: Trigger warning over.

 
Seti was sat at the dinner table. While his family reclined, lazily, upon the pillows, Seti sat, cross-legged, and stared grimly at the soup in front of him.
 
Asiya was especially concerned over the changes in her father. He had been a warm-hearted man once, though strict and professional at all times. He valued his family more than anything, cared for her despite her birth defect, for which everyone else scorned her.
 
He had grown hollow, however. He rarely ate anything but soup and he spent his hours staring blankly at the world. He no longer listened to music or admired paintings. He never read books with her.
 
Her new brother had been born just a month ago and she had hoped this would bring him some joy. Instead he just stared at the baby, as though his mind was elsewhere. Her mother blamed the wars. She said war changed men.
 
When the dinner was over, Seti had eaten just half of his bowl and a little bread. He rose and left the room without a word to his wife or daughter whereupon he was stopped by an irate vizier.
 
Sauda, like her father, had changed. She had once been all smiles and friendly words to her but since she returned from the wars in Levant, she had been consumed by religion. She was appointed high priest, as well as vizier, of the faith and was the pillar of faith for Amun-Ra.
 
Sauda: “It didn’t work as it should have.”
 
Seti stood and stared blankly at her. She was trying to keep her voice down, but Asiya was near the door and could hear them clearly enough.
 
Sauda: “I cannot control him. I have some influence, but I cannot make him do as I wish.”
 
Seti I: “Do I have my wish, I wonder?”
 
Sauda: “We must do it again!”
 
Seti stared at the ceiling, as though he saw a ghost, before his head lolled back and he looked at Sauda with more emotion than Asiya had seen from him in months.
 
Seti I: “A-again? You want to do that… again!?”
 
Sauda: “A second wish, my king. Surely there is more you desire?”
 
Seti I: “I cannot… It is impossible…”
 
Sauda sneered. That was something Asiya had never seen her do before. She never wore a single facial expression of negativity, certainly not one of disdain.
 
Sauda: “Fine. I do not need you now. I am high priest. That title should be sufficient. I just need your consent.”
 
Seti I: “We cannot war in Canaan again. We are fighting your own people now.”
 
Sauda: “I do not consider Nubia my home, Seti. You know that.”
 
Seti I: “You don’t consider Egypt your home either, Sauda.”
 
Asiya couldn’t believe they spoke to each other with simple names.
 
Sauda: “I can find children anywhere.”
 
Seti I: “You will not kill Egyptians, Sauda.”
 
Sauda: “There are more than Egyptians in Egypt. We have plenty of slaves…”
 
Seti I: “And what am I supposed to tell people?”
 
Sauda: “The slave population is too high. Culling is required.”
 
Seti groaned and turned away. His eyes locked with Asiya, who looked like a startled deer. Yet he didn’t see her. He was looking through her, as though he couldn’t see children anymore.
 
Seti I: “Do as you will.”
 
Sauda finally smiled.
 
Sauda: “Thank you, my king. Remember to take that tonic I gave you. It will calm the nerves and let you sleep.”
 
Seti I: “I will.”
 
 
Asiya was bathing in the river. The lesions on her skin grated and scalped every day and left disgusting messes on her bedsheets and her clothes. They itched and irritated when she was hot, so regular baths in the river were necessary to cool the irritation and soothe her poor skin. She often wept and lamented over her condition. She frequently begged the gods to heal her, but never did they do so. She could only imagine she was being punished from some unknown crime. Had she committed and offence, or was she destined to commit such an offence? Was she paying for the crimes of her ancestors or her descendants? She sulked at that. She would never have descendants. No man would want her and even if they did, she wasn’t sure she would want to have children lest they inherit this condition for themselves.
 
Her little brother was named Ramesses after her grandfather. Asiya was pleased by that, as it suggested he still held his family in great value deep behind the new veneer.
 
Miriam: “I have a linen towel for you, princess.”
 
Asiya glanced up to see one of her maidens placing the towel down. Asiya relied on Miriam to find her the best quality materials that were still soft and non-irritating for her delicate skin. Miriam was the daughter of a slave who worked in a clothmakers, which had been some providence that perhaps showed the gods’ pity. Most of her clothes and blankets were made of linen, a very fine and thin material. She only wore thicker cloth around her groin and breasts, to conceal her modesty. Many women would be happy to bare everything else, but Asiya hated her hideous body and the horrible lesions that everyone looked at with revulsion. So, she wore linen over it. They were still visible, but were drastically euphemised.
 
Miriam had very brown skin, hailing from her heritage as a Hebrew of Canaan. Compared to most slaves, however, she was actually very pale. She had served Asiya ever since the princess was born and, therefore, spent most of her time indoors and out of the baking sun. Because she worked in the palace, she was expected to have higher standards of appearance than most slaves, so her hair was habitually washed and groomed, and her clothes were cleaned regularly.
 
As much as Miriam resented the enslavement of her people, she was also keenly aware that she was one of the luckier ones. Lucky because she worked for a nice princess in a nice place with nice things, but also because she was not a child. The past nights had been marked by horror for the slaves of Thebes and since the Hebrew people made up most of that population, they suffered the most. Children were rounded up and dragged, screaming through the streets.
 
Some of the Egyptians were unhappy with this, but many saw it as proper. The slave population was too high. Slaves humped like animals and shat out babies every day. They didn’t worship the true gods, they couldn’t read or appreciate culture and they were lucky they were allowed to live and serve in Egypt at all. The ungrateful louts had been living in caves and trees before Egypt civilised them. The savages needed to be kept in line and there were so many of the wretches on the streets that it spoiled the appetite for any decent Egyptian trying to enjoy their afternoon walk. So many jobs were lost to the slaves too, culling their numbers would provide better opportunities for hard working people. Some of the savvier traders and slavers, however, wondered why they didn’t just sell the slaves to other countries? While Ethiopia had abolished slavery, plenty of other nations in Africa still had slaves and there were some European countries looking for exotic specimens. They wouldn’t, of course, trade with the Hittites, Assyrians or Babylonians. They didn’t want to add to their numbers.
 
That morning, her own mother had to slip away with Miriam’s little brother. She didn’t know where to, but she constantly prayed for their safety even as she served the daughter of the man that condemned the boy to death. A part of her hated Asiya on principle. She often called her “the diseased brat” when she talked about her to other slaves or her family, but she knew that the princess couldn’t be blamed for any acts her father took and, she would admit, Asiya treated her well enough. As a slavemaster.
 
Miriam was preparing the oil for the princess’ skin. She used to hate the task, afraid that she might contract the disease herself, but over time she got used to it. It was best to use the oil after the girl bathed so the roughness of the lesions wasn’t so grating against Miriam’s own hands, which would revolt her. Then, Asiya called out.
 
Asiya: “Oh, look!”
 
Bobbing on the water was a basket. It was cheap and quickly crafted, but sealed well enough to be buoyant.
 
Miriam: “You should leave it, mistress. Someone’s trash.”
 
Asiya: “But it’s strange someone would throw away something so useful!”
 
Miriam was constantly surprised by her master’s appreciation of all trade goods. She actually hoarded a few things that would have been thrown away even by slaves. Miriam just rolled her eyes as the princess swam out for the basket. Even though she bathed in the river many times a day, Asiya still swam like an epileptic moose. Legs and arms everywhere. She pulled the basket back to shore with her teeth.
 
Asiya sighed.
 
Asiya: “I suppose you want me to do something with it, mistress? Huh?”
 
Asiya had pulled back a cloth in the basket and found a baby’s face looking up at them.
 
Asiya: “By the gods! Who would do this to a baby!?”
 
While Asiya was looking around the riverbanks for signs of the person who abandoned the child, Miriam stared into the baby’s face. It was her brother.
 
Miriam was suddenly on edge and was desperately trying to think of the right words.
 
Miriam: “I will… I should take the baby to the city, mistress. I’m sure I can find the mother.”
 
Asiya: “No!”
 
She pulled the basket away from Miriam, much to the slave’s horror. She was on the verge of snatching her brother and fleeing.
 
Asiya: “They’ll kill it.”
 
Miriam stammered;
 
Miriam: “What d-do you mean?”
 
Asiya: “Don’t you realise? He must be… one of the Levantine babies. His mother must have tried to save him and send him down the river to another city.”
 
Miriam was at a loss.
 
Miriam: “What… do you intend to do? If you’re right, your father will have the baby killed anyway.”
 
Asiya: “I will keep it.”
 
Miriam:You!?”
 
Asiya: “Yes! Why not!? I can raise a baby!”
 
She was climbing out of the river, towing the basket carefully and very closely. If Miriam wanted to snatch her brother, she would have to attack the princess first. She didn’t want to die, but she wanted to save her brother.
 
Miriam: “But you said he’s a Levantine baby. He’s Hebrew. A slave! Like me!”
 
Asiya: “Well?”
 
She looked around conspiratorially.
 
Asiya: “Nobody has to know that!”
 
Miriam was shocked. This kindness from her master. She knew Asiya was nice enough and kind for an Egyptian, but to show such compassion in defiance of her own father struck Miriam. She could barely accept that she had misjudged the girl so very much.
 
Miriam: “But… if anyone found out.”
 
Asiya: “Only you and I know of this. I will tell them the mother was a friend of mine who didn’t want anyone to know of the baby’s existence. I can make something up. You just have to swear you’ll not tell anyone, Miriam!”
 
Miriam: “Well…”
 
Asiya: “He is of your own people, you wouldn’t want him to die, would you?”
 
More than you realise, Miriam thought.
 
Miriam: “Why? I mean why would you… take care of him like this?”
 
Asiya: “Don’t you have a heart, Miriam?”
 
Miriam: “Of course! You’re doing the right thing! I just… don’t understand why you’re doing this?”
 
Asiya: “You want me to tell you my father is wrong? Fine then. My father is wrong. How we can go around stealing babies from their mothers is… that is what I don’t understand.”
 
As Asiya held the baby in her arms, Miriam fell to her knees. In a different world, where everyone was equal, she might have loved this girl. For now, a newfound respect would suffice.
 
Miriam: “Of course I will keep your secret, mistress. But he will need a wet nurse. I know one who could feed him. Shall I fetch her for you?”
 
Asiya: “Yes, please Miriam! But remember, don’t tell the woman who he is!”
 
Asiya handed the baby over to Miriam while she dressed herself. Miriam was a little disturbed that the princess was putting her own clothes on, but more so that she held her own brother in her arms and couldn’t tell anyone. She looked down at his face. He had always been a quiet, well-behaved baby. Her mother claimed he had been sent by the gods. Now, Miriam believed it.
 
Asiya: “Oh… but what will I call him?”
 
Miriam: “Um…”
 
Asiya: “How about Dave?”
 
Miriam winced.
 
Asiya: “Not Dave. How about… Jeff?”
 
Miriam frowned again.
 
Asiya: “Okay… what about Hullybumquatfeashillemiquiesenc’pac?”
 
Miriam’s jaw dropped.
 
Asiya: “No? I kind of like that name…”
 
Miriam: “What about Moses?”
 
Asiya: “Oh! That’s very pretty! I love it! Thank you Miriam! You’ve been so good! I know I am asking a lot from you, but please, please, please try to keep this a secret! We have to keep him safe, okay?”
 
She held out her arms to take the boy back. Miriam looked at Moses, then to the arms of the princess. She hesitated. She wanted to take him back to her mother, where he belonged. But since the gods had seen fit to send him to the princess, she had to accept that this was now where he belonged.
 
She put the baby in Asiya’s arms. The princess smiled happily down at the baby and Miriam’s heart swelled. She thanked the gods and ran, as fast as her skinny legs would take her, across the city to home.

Moses the Hebrew

PostNov 05, 2019#102

Ramesses II: “Good evening, young man.”
 
The three-year-old toddler waved to his father. Seti I watched the child with fascination and horror. It had come to pass; the boy was the reincarnation of the great Ozymandias. The child was still in nappies, but spoke like an aged gentleman. The body needed time to grow and mature, but the mind was well on the way to adulthood. As soon as the speech centres of the little brain were fully functional, as was his vocabulary.
 
The baby climbed onto a stool so that he could see the plans on the table. He grabbed a piece of graphite and started scribbling on the papyrus. He was trying to create plans for a new temple in Thebes, but his stubby hands and baby’s eyesight impeded his ability. Yet, he couldn’t see his own limitations and continued to make continued attempts at plans.
 
Ramesses II: “And here will be the harem. I am thinking of a central bath. Whores like baths.”
 
Asiya: “You can’t say that!”
 
Ramesses II: “What do you mean? Can’t say what?”
 
Asiya: “You! You’re… and you’re talking about…”
 
Ramesses rolled his baby eyes.
 
Ramesses II: “Women. I have no time for you, girl. Go and take care of that little brat your friend squirted out.”
 
Asiya: “You are so vile, you know that?”
 
The baby waved his pudgy arm at her to shut up.
 
Ramesses II: “Quiet, quiet. You’ll be of use when we get married. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of children. Until then, you keep your yap closed.”
 
Asiya looked to her father for support but he just watched the baby, silently. She then left, without further word, to find her baby with Miriam and the ghost named Jazz. Jazz had become attached to baby Moses and would often keep the child entertained with games of peek-a-boo, with an emphasis on the boo.
 
Asiya looked down at her baby. She had come to consider him her own. She was his mother.
 
Asiya: “We won’t let you grow up to be like that little monster.”
 
 
Moses: “I really don’t think we should be here, Ozy.”
 
Ramesses II: “We are teenagers with hormonal urges. We’re obliged to perv.”
 
Moses: “I thought you said you don’t even care about girls?”
 
Ramesses II: “I just said, we’re teenagers now. Don’t you know what hormones are?”
 
Moses: “No.”
 
Ramesses II: “Well, they’re—”
 
His finger, pointing to the sky, froze as he considered his own words.
 
Ramesses II: “Okay, I don’t know what they are either. But I do know that teenagers get urges. And I have urges. Look!”
 
They had managed to find a vantage point on a branch that stood upon a hill that overlooked the section of the river reserved for the womenfolk of the peasantry. They pilfered a short-range scrying mirror from Sauda’s temple and were using it to spy on the women. Many were washing clothes topless, others were washing themselves. Moses blushed but he couldn’t just look away.
 
Moses: “Don’t you have a harem or something?”
 
Ramesses II: “I’m the prince, not the king. The old coot hasn’t given me access to the harem yet.”
 
He then shrugged, wobbling the mirror.
 
Ramesses II: “Besides, this is way more fun!”
 
Moses: “I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.”
 
Ramesses II: “What’re they doing to do? Execute me? Ha!”
 
Moses, with a sudden sober moment, looked at his ‘brother’. Technically he was his uncle, but it had always been easier to consider him a brother since they were so similar in age.
 
Moses: “What’s going to happen to me when you’re king?”
 
Ramesses frowned.
 
Ramesses II: “What do you mean?”
 
Moses: “You’ll be king, will I be prince? Should I be a general in the army? I’m not very good at fighting, you know?”
 
Ramesses II: “I know. I watched you get beat up by that girl.”
 
Moses groaned.
 
Moses: “I was eight!”
 
Ramesses II: “And she was six!”
 
Moses: “I never should have stolen that teddy bear.”
 
Ramesses II: “You cried for weeks. It was hilarious. You know, I could have her flogged for you? Would you like that?”
 
Moses: “No!”
 
Ramesses II: “Suit yourself! Oh wow! Look at those!”
 
The two boys’ eyes bulged.
 
Moses: “Hold on, that’s—”
 
Ramesses II: “Sauda!”
 
They both gulped and gaped at the prophet of Amun-Ra waded into the river, accompanied by several other female priests. They were wearing lilac gauze dresses that were entirely transparent when wet, in some kind of ritual devotion to the gods. Not that the boys cared for the why of it.
 
Moses: “I think I’m in love…”
 
Ramesses laughed.
 
Ramesses II: “She’s pure evil that one.”
 
Moses: “What? What do you mean?”
 
Ramesses II: “She’s got everyone wrapped around her little finger, she has. But I see through her. I’ll probably have to have her head on a pike when I’m king.”
 
Moses: “Why!? She hasn’t done anything wrong!”
 
Ramesses II: “How do you know that? Mark my words, kiddo. She’s bad, bad, bad news.”
 
They both watched.
 
Ramesses II: “Amazing tits though.”
 
Moses: “By the gods! Some respect!”
 
Ramesses II: “You’ve been gawking right along with me, Moses.”
 
Moses: “Yes well… I mean… at least I wouldn’t say something so… crass. I just… she’s… we shouldn’t be looking in this thing!”
 
He turned and dropped from the branch to the ground.
 
Ramesses II: “You’re such a stick-in-the-mud, Moses, you know that? My ugly sister did this to you.”
 
Moses: “You shouldn’t be so mean to her.”
 
Ramesses II: “Why?”
 
Moses: “Because it hurts her feelings!”
 
Ramesses II: “So? Why should I care about that?”
 
He tossed the mirror down to Moses to catch before he then hopped down himself.
 
Ramesses II: “She’s a pox-ridden, soft-bellied, brain-dead child. I’ve seen prettier men!”
 
Moses: “Doesn’t mean you have to say those things. She did no harm to you.”
 
Ramesses II: “Her presence is enough to offend me. Look, I know she’s your mother and all that, but you need to stop thinking of women as equal to us. We’re men. Women are for breeding and that’s it. Hell, Asiya is barely even that. I’d probably have to cover her with a sheet. Just have her legs out.”
 
Moses: “So… disgusting.”
 
Ramesses II: “I know! I knew you’d come around.”
 
Moses: “I didn’t mean… tsk.”
 
Ramesses II: “I’ll tell you what, Moses. I have some ideas for statues I want to build in the future. Big, colossal things that’ll put everyone else’s crappy attempts to shame! How about we go find some models who could serve as inspiration?”
 
Moses: “You mean you want to go and ogle women?”
 
Ramesses II: “What? No? Why would I need women for models? We need to find snakes and lions and animals and stuff. Women. Ha! I already know what women look like!”
 
They went into the city and prowled the streets.
 
Moses: “I don’t think there’s going to be any lions around here, Ozy.”
 
Ramesses II: “But there might be some dogs! I want to get a good reference for a statue of Anubis.”
 
Moses: “Why do so many of the gods have animal heads anyway? What’s up with that?”
 
Ramesses II: “Because it’s cool?”
 
Moses: “It is?”
 
Ramesses II: “Sure! Why have a normal face when you can have a dog face or a cat face! Our gods are all furries!”
 
Moses: “…what?”
 
Ramesses II: “There’ll be drawings of animal-people buggering each other one day, mark my words.”
 
Moses: “That’s… disturbing.”
 
Ramesses II: “Lots of people have their kink. Some people like sexy feet, some people like sexy hair, some people like sexy underwear, some people like sexy cat-faces.”
 
Moses shuddered.
 
Moses: “Why do I always regret talking to you?”
 
Ramesses II: “Facts of life, boyo. People are fucked up in the head. It’s why I focus my attention on being productive. Making things that will last throughout the ages. That’s my goal. My great endeavour! Let others dream of shagging fox-girls. I dream of human history!”
 
Moses: “Who on Earth dreams of fox-girls?”
 
Ramesses II: “Many, many, many…”
 
Moses: “We’re getting close to the construction district. I don’t think there’ll be many animals around here.”
 
Ramesses II: “Probably not. Lots of slaves around here. They’d probably eat any animal that strayed here.”
 
Moses: “That might be true. After all, we don’t feed them enough.”
 
Ramesses II: “Oh? What’s that sound?”
 
They both stopped and Moses strained his hearing.
 
Ramesses II: “Oh, that’s what it is! The sound of the world’s smallest violin, weeping for all the sad little slaves of Thebes.”
 
He was rubbing his forefinger to his thumb.
 
Moses: “Asshole.”
 
Ramesses II: “Never fear, brother. I’ll make sure my slaves are well fed when I’m pharaoh.”
 
Moses: “Really?”
 
Ramesses II: “Sure! Need them strong so as they can lug around my big stones!”
 
Moses: “You know, if we hired professional, skilled labourers…”
 
Ramesses II: “We’d have no money left.”
 
Moses: “I’m sure we’d have plenty of money left. We just wouldn’t have as much money left. We don’t need all the money, just enough money.”
 
Ramesses II: “Thank the fucking gods you’re not going to be pharaoh.”
 
Moses: “If the gods think this is okay, they’re not doing their jobs very well.”
 
Ramesses II: “Whoa, whoa, whoa now. Hold your damn horses there, cowpoke. Blasphemy will get you smited.”
 
Moses: “Smote.”
 
Ramesses II: “Don’t correct my English, kid.”
 
Moses: “English?”
 
Ramesses II: “Whatever.”
 
Moses: “I’m just saying. The gods haven’t done any favours to these people, have they?”
 
Ramesses II: “Most of them don’t even worship our gods, so why should our gods help them? If you’re going to worship heathen deities, then let those deities help them.”
 
Moses: “Be careful what you wish for, brother. That might come true one day.”
 
Ramesses II: “Listen! That sound!”
 
Moses: “Not this again!”
 
Ramesses II: “No, really! Can’t you hear that? Sounds like shouting?”
 
They jogged towards the commotion, curious what was going on. The construction area was usually one of the more orderly of zones since everything had to run perfectly to ensure safety and productivity. They discovered a guard dragging a woman by her hair.
 
Ramesses II: “Oh, it’s just a slave.”
 
Moses: “But why is he hurting her?”
 
Ramesses II: “Because she’s a slave? And a woman? Who cares? Come on, Moses! We need to find dogs!”
 
Feeling guilty at seeing the pain of the woman, Moses was about to turn away and follow his brother, but he suddenly recognised her.
 
Moses: “Wait, Ozy! That’s Miriam!”
 
Ramesses looked at Moses as though he had just spoken French at him.
 
Moses: “One of your sister’s servants!”
 
Ramesses II: “Oh right. I can never remember the names of all these pointless women around the palace. Maybe, we should try the harbour. I bet there are dogs there!”
 
Moses: “We can’t just leave her! She’s your sister’s servant!”
 
The guard pulled a clump of Miriam’s hair from her scalp as he tried to drag the kicking-and-screaming woman away. She was suddenly loose and tried to scramble away on all fours but the guard grabbed her ankle and yanked her over. He started laughing as she struggled against him.
 
Ramesses II: “She’s guilty of something, Moses. Just leave her. What do you care?”
 
Moses: “She’s… she’s always been nice to me.”
 
Ramesses II: “Oooooooooooh, I see! You want to slip the old pork sword in there, eh?”
 
Moses: “No! No! It’s not like that! I just--!”
 
The guard then withdrew his whip and cast it upon the unfortunate woman.
 
Moses: “Hey! Stop!”
 
Ramesses II: “Moses! Come back!”
 
Moses rushed at the guard and grabbed his whip. The guard was caught completely by surprise and when Moses smacked the butt of the whip’s handle into the guard’s face, the man stumbled backwards.
 
Safety is of paramount concern in the construction area due to the high risk of injury from tools and stones. So when the man fell backwards, he tripped and landed straight onto a chisel. The blade jabbed into the back of his neck and burst through with a horrific burst of blood that splattered over Moses. The young man gasped with horror at what had happened.
 
He dropped the whip.
 
Silence washed over the area. Witnesses were everywhere.
 
The voice of Ozymandias finally drifted through the air and into Moses’ ears.
 
Ramesses II: “Move along people. Nothing to see here! Routine, uh, inspection of safety procedures! Clearly, this was a failure! More stringent measures will be enforced in coming weeks. Back to work now! Off with you!”
 
He then heard the sobbing of Miriam.
 
Miriam: “Thank you, Moses! Thank you! He wanted to hurt me, maybe kill me! You saved me!”
 
Moses: “But I…”
 
He tried to frantically wipe the blood from his clothes, but the red liquid spread around further.
 
Ramesses II: “Out of the way, wretch!”
 
Ramesses II barged past Miriam.
 
Ramesses II: “You’ve done it now, you gods damned clod! Seti will have you strung up!”
 
Miriam: “He wouldn’t! Moses is a prince!”
 
Ramesses II: “No he bloody isn’t! Not in truth! And Seti, more than anyone, is aware of that! He’ll not be lenient. You’ve seen how he is. He’s a zombie. The guards will demand your head and the pharaoh will give it, no questions asked. You’re fucked. Well and truly fucked.”
 
Miriam: “Can’t you help him!?”
 
Ramesses turned and sneered at her.
 
Ramesses II: “Who are you talking to, slave!? Quiet yourself before I finish what the guard started! Give them an inch and they take a mile, Moses. See? I’m not pharaoh, I can’t stop the king from killing you. Come on.”
 
Moses allowed himself to be pushed along. Miriam quietly followed behind them, at a distance from Ramesses.
 
Ramesses II: “You’re going to have to escape the city, Moses. It’s the only solution. One day, when things simmer down, you can come back. Maybe when the old man is dead a buried? Right now, though, you have to get out of dodge!”
 
Moses: “Dodge?”
 
Ramesses II: “Talking now? Good. You need your wits about you. Here, take my purse.”
 
Moses: “I have money.”
 
Ramesses II: “And now you have more money. Use it to bribe any guards that spot you and buy a fast horse. Go wherever you want.”
 
Moses nodded. His ears were thundering, and his heart was pounding in his chest like galloping hooves.
 
Ramesses suddenly stopped and glared at Miriam.
 
Ramesses II: “Don’t you forget what you did here, today!”
 
Miriam: “But I--!”
 
Ramesses II: “This is your fault. I suggest you get lost before I have the guards grab you as a conspirator. Go hide behind my sister’s skirts.”
 
Miriam looked at Moses but then ran as fast as she could. Moses watched her go. He really did like her. She was the nicest person in his life, aside from his adoptive mother. He never understood her kindness but he always appreciated it.
 
Ramesses suddenly slapped him on the back.
 
Ramesses II: “Wake up, idiot boy! You need to go now! There’ll be a whole unit of troops on their way here, right now! The sooner you’re gone, the more likely you’ll escape the city!”
 
Moses: “Thank you, Ozy.”
 
He fell into an embrace with his adoptive brother.
 
Ramesses II: “Don’t thank me. I’m pissed off with you, you fucking spaz. Now I’ll have nobody to talk to.”
 
As they unfolded, Ramesses patted Moses’ arm.
 
Ramesses II: “Stop letting your emotions get the better of you, Moses.”
 
With that, they parted ways. Moses fled Thebes after purchasing a stout stallion on the edge of town. He bought some cheap clothes that might have been worn by salesmen, as a disguise for travelling. Patrols were sent after him, but orders were somehow confused and conflicted as new orders kept coming through from the royal household.
 
Moses went on for two days without rest or food until he reached his limit and fell from his saddle to the dirt. There he lay and stared up at the blue sky before his weary eyes forced themselves shut and the world vanished.
 
When he awoke, he found himself lying on a simple bed with a thin sheet covering him. His body was sore and he felt like he had slept for days. He groaned as he sat up and peered with bleary vision at his surroundings. He realised he was in a barn when a cow mooed at him.
 
Moses: “Hullo cow.”
 
Cow: “Moooooo…”
 
Moses: “Nice to meet you too. Although, looking at you now… I am very hungry.”
 
As though she heard him, the cow trotted away and out of the barn. There was a lot of hay around but he couldn’t see any signs of food so he staggered across the wooden floor to the exit that the cow had fled through. His eyes tried to retreat from his skull as the light blasted his retinas.
 
Moses: “Bugger me!”
 
Woman: “I’d rather not.”
 
Moses: “GAH!”
 
Woman: “That’s not a nice way to greet the woman that saved your life, you know? Including the ass you want buggered.”
 
Moses: “I don’t—sorry. You’re joking with me.”
 
The woman smirked.
 
Woman: “Yes. Except for the saving part. I’m not the strongest of women and dragging you for half a mile was not easy. Your horse was very stubborn. I think you rode the poor thing to the brink of death. Yourself too!”
 
Moses: “Yes. Sorry. Thank you, so much for saving me, ma’am.”
 
The woman’s eyes lit up.
 
Woman: “Ma’am!? Oh wow! So polite! I like that! Can you say it again?”
 
Moses rose an eyebrow.
 
Moses: “Thank you, ma’am?”
 
She grinned, as though she had won a lottery.
 
Woman: “That is great! You’re so well spoken! Like you’re a noble or something!”
 
Moses: “Oh… uh… fancy that!”
 
Woman: “We haven’t got any fancy noble dishes out here, but I have some bread already baked, if you want some?”
 
Moses tried not to sound too desperate;
 
Moses: “Yes please…”
 
Woman: “This way.”
 
As she went, he tried to control his pace and not run ahead of her in search of the bread to satiate his ravenous belly.
 
Woman: “I’m Zipporah, by the way. You can call me Zippo. Or just Zip, if you’re feeling very friendly!”
 
Moses looked nervously at her.
 
Zipporah: “I was just playing with you. You are very straight-laced, aren’t you? Does your wife like that in you?”
 
Moses: “I have no wife.”
 
The woman tilted her head and he sensed something in her gestures but wasn’t sure what it was.
 
Zipporah: “Girlfriend then?”
 
Moses: “No girlfriend either.”
 
Zipporah: “Good.”
 
Moses: “Good?”
 
Zipporah: “On account of you being half-dead on the roadside.”
 
Moses: “Oh right. Of course.”
 
Zipporah: “And because you’ve been staying with an unmarried, young lady for two days. She might have been jealous.”
 
Moses: “Oh! Well, uh, nothing happened! So…”
 
Zipporah laughed at him.
 
Zipporah: “Right. Yes, I know. I was there. You don’t need to convince me.”
 
Moses: “Sorry! Sorry, I’m just… not thinking straight.”
 
Zipporah: “It’s the hunger. Inside here.”
 
She suddenly paused, much to his despair. His stomach was becoming overbearing.
 
Zipporah: “Just, uh, need to clarify that if you tried to… do anything, my father lives nearby. He’ll come running if—”
 
Moses: “You don’t need to worry about me, Zipporah. I’m not that kind of man.”
 
She smiled with relief.
 
Zipporah: “I didn’t think you were. I just… well, a woman can never be too careful.”
 
She led him inside the cottage. The house was made of baked clay, so it was orange on the outside. Inside, the walls were lined with wool to keep the heat inside. There was a simple table with a lot of bread on it, which he imagined she planned to sell in whatever the local village was. His fingers twitched eagerly, but he waited for her to select him a piece. Once the bread was finally in his hands he chomped on it, which prompted a smirk from Zipporah.
 
She poured wine into a wooden cup and handed it over to him. He gratefully washed down the bread and felt his stomach doing somersaults, having food inside it after such a long absence.
 
Zipporah: “You didn’t tell me your name, by the way.”
 
Moses: “Sorry! I’m Moses.”
 
Zipporah: “Moses? Huh.”
 
He frowned.
 
Moses: “What’s wrong?”
 
Zipporah: “Oh, nothing really. I just didn’t expect you to be Hebrew. You seemed pure Egyptian, to me.”
 
Moses: “I am! Why did you think I was Hebrew?”
 
Zipporah: “Your name. It’s a Hebrew name. I’ve met a few Moses in my time!”
 
He chewed on his bread more slowly.
 
Moses: “I did not know that…”
 
Zipporah: “Learn something new every day, eh? Your parents must have just liked the name, I guess.”
 
Moses: “I guess.”
 
She waited for him to say something more but when he appeared lost in his thoughts she flicked her hair and started moving things around in the pretence of tidying up.
 
Zipporah: “So, can I ask why you were going crazy?”
 
Moses: “Going crazy? Oh, I was just running aw—I was just—really… excited! To leave Thebes. For the first time in my life.”
 
She looked at him and he knew she saw straight through his awful attempt at a lie. She then burst out laughing.
 
Zipporah: “You are weird.”
 
Moses: “I think weird is just another word for interesting.”
 
She smiled.
 
Zipporah: “I agree!”
 
Moses: “So you think I’m interesting? There are worse things to be called.”
 
Zipporah: “Like debtor?”
 
Moses: “Debtor!?”
 
Her smile became sly.
 
Zipporah: “Well, the way I look at it is that you owe me.”
 
He looked at the bread.
 
Zipporah: “Bread, wine, lodgings, medical care, horse fees. It’s quite a debt you have…”
 
Moses: “I have money! My—”
 
He reached down. His purse was gone.
 
Zipporah: “Don’t tell me you’re penniless?”
 
Moses: “I… uh…”
 
Zipporah: “Such a bad man. I hope you plan to repay me somehow?”
 
Moses: “Yes! I will! Of course I will! Anything at all. Just tell me what you need.”
 
Zipporah: “Great! I’ll make a list!”
 
She skipped off and Moses wondered what happened to his purse. He guessed it must have fallen off when he was riding so fast. A degree of despair washed over him at that realisation. There had been a lot of money in that purse and now he had nothing to even buy his way in the world. He wondered what he would do once he worked off his debt to Zipporah.
 
He stepped outside as she was coming back.
 
Moses: “Can you tell me where I am?”
 
Zipporah: “You really are funny. Nothing so exciting has you has ever happened to me.”
 
He thought that seemed peculiar. A stranger riding into town in need of sleep and food. That happened daily in Thebes.
 
Zipporah: “This is Madyan. It’s a tiny, nowhere village in Arabia. This is pretty much the only static village in our land.”
 
Moses: “Our land? Your people?”
 
Zipporah: “The Midians. We call our land Midian. North of us is the Levant, part of your Egyptian Kingdom. But Midian is a free land. There are not a lot of Midians, honestly. We are a very small group of people. But we live freely. No kings. No pharaohs. Just us, the gods and the sky.”
 
She swelled with pride.
 
Moses: “Sounds…”
 
Zipporah: “Nice? Romantic? Peaceful? Lovely?”
 
Moses: “Quaint.”
 
Zipporah: “Oh…”
 
She flicked her hair again, this time with irritation.
 
Zipporah: “Well, I suppose you city types won’t appreciate this way of life and you Egyptians like living under the heel of your kings’ boots.”
 
Her lips dipped and he realised she was deeply unhappy, though she only showed irritation to him. He groaned at his unthinking comment. He did also realise that he had never experienced Egyptian life under the heel of the king, since he was part of that heel himself. Miriam, on the other hand, had.
 
Moses: “You’re probably right. I’m sorry Zipporah.”
 
He paused.
 
Moses: “Zip.”
 
She turned her head back to look at him and couldn’t hide the small smile that was back on her lips.
 
Zipporah: “There may be hope for you yet, Mr Big-City-Boy.”
 
She gave him a long list of tasks he had to do to repay her. Fixing things, moving things, building things. Since he had spent so much time with Ozymandias, he had learnt a lot about building and he was able to surpass the woman’s expectations by far. He even started to come up with projects that he thought would be useful to her. The days became weeks and the weeks became months before he realised he now lived with her. The more time he spent with her, the more he liked spending time with her. Their life was hard work but simple and rewarding. Every task surmounted was a small victory and he felt completeness each time he achieved such a victory. She was initially impressed with his handiness and then amazed by it as he improved the living conditions on the farm.
 
She was a few years older than him, which came as a surprise to both of them. He had thought she was younger and she had thought he was older. This led to a lot of jokes as she called him child and he called her an old lady, though the age gap was so narrow. Her father was a priest for the Midians, who travelled across the land to meet with him and receive his guidance and blessings. Unlike the massive Egyptian pantheon, the Midians had just three major gods in total. And none of them had dog heads.
 
Asherah was the leader of the trio and entitled ‘Queen of Heaven’, where she guided her children, humanity, to their final rest. Ba’al was the god of weather, able to bless the lands of Midian with rain. His domain was upon the highest point of Mount Pe’or. The third god was known as Yahweh. He was the warrior god who emboldened the Midians in battle against those that would try to take their lands, though few ever did since the land was considered unsuitable for agriculture. Moses had never really felt close to the Egyptian gods, but under the guidance of Zipporah he genuinely felt something for these this trinity. Whenever the cows were slaughtered for food, he prayed to Asherah. Whenever the crops thirsted for water, he prayed to Ba’al. Whenever he hunted antelope, he prayed to Yahweh.
 
He never knew the moment that he fell in love with Zipporah. It was as though they had always been together. They were married under Asherah, Ba’al and Yahweh by Zipporah’s father and Moses forgot his old life in Egypt. The news of Seti I’s death came to the village and Moses could hardly remember the old king’s face. He prayed to Asherah that she might show mercy to the old man and then resumed his life, farming and herding.
 
Many years later, in the year 1246BC, Moses travelled into the Levant to seek out wares from the port markets. Being Egyptian, he knew of the quality that foreign craftsmen could provide that the Midians were incapable of. So he made trips to Levantine lands once a year to gather vases, jugs and other earthenware. While there he came across a large train of people that were travelling from the northern lands of the Hittite Empire. Though the empire had fallen on hard times, it was still a powerful nation of warriors who were striving to maintain control of their territory. Apparently, a princess of Hattusa was leading the caravan as she was due to marry the pharaoh of Egypt himself. At this news, Moses was filled with regret that he never bothered to even write to his long-lost adoptive brother and his emotions swelled within him. He would have to correct this disservice and so he joined the caravan of the Hattusan princess to travel back to Egypt proper.
 
However, when the caravan reached the Sinai Peninsula, Moses felt an unusual sensation, as though it welled up within his very core. He was drawn away from the long passage of people and towards the mountains in the south. Alone, he journeyed southwards for several miles until he reached a tall mountain that he knew to be Mount Sinai, or Mount Horeb as it was called in Egypt. As he began to climb, he knew he was being pulled their by a powerful deity and he initially assumed it to be Ba’al, who resided on his own mountain in Midian. Half-way up the mountain, he came upon a plateau where the sun struck the dusty rock with great vehemence. There was, however, a small pond that must have been filled up by the recent rainfall.
 
He crouched down and plied the cool liquid to his weary face. He was a man now and the boy that absconded from Egypt was long gone. He wondered if his brother would even recognise the worn, leathery face behind the scraggly beard. He made a note to try to prune the beard into something more respectable before setting foot into the king’s palace in Thebes.
 
As he saw his reflection, a light caught his eye and he looked up to find that one of the bushes had caught fire!
 
Moses: “AH! A BURNING BUSH!”
 
He started tossing water from the pond, onto the fire.
 
Bush: “Hey! Hey! Stop that!”
 
Moses: “AH! A TALKING, BURNING BUSH!!!”
 
He started tossing the water onto the bush more vigorously than ever.
 
Bush: “HEY! I SAID STOP THAT, ASSHOLE!”
 
Moses: “AH! AN OFFENSIVE, TALKING, BURNING BUSH!”
 
Moses started kicking water at the bush.
 
Bush: “Oh, for my sake! Stop it! It’s me!”
 
Moses paused.
 
Moses: “Father!?”
 
Bush: “What? No! Why would you--? I mean, you could call me that if you want to…”
 
Moses: “…mother?”
 
Bush: “What in the--!? Do I sound like a woman!?”
 
Moses: “You’re a bush! Why wouldn’t you sound like a woman?”
 
Bush: “I am not your mother!”
 
Moses tugged on his beard in thought.
 
Moses: “Aunt Petunia?”
 
Bush: “Oh, for the love of me! No! None of your family members!”
 
Moses: “Oh, are you my conscience then?”
 
Bush: “Good grief, am I really so low on your thought processes? I’m your god!”
 
Moses: “Aha! Ba’al! I knew it!”
 
Bush: “NO! He’s a bastard! Hustling in on my cult! I’m Yahweh!”
 
Moses: “Oh…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “I hope that wasn’t a disappointed groan I just heard…”
 
Moses: “… but you’re a bush…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “So?”
 
Moses: “You don’t have ears…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “I don’t have a mouth either, but I’m managing well enough!”
 
Moses: “Oh right…”
 
A moment of awkward silence passed.
 
Moses: “So… nice weather we’re having?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “If I wanted to talk about the weather, I’d talk to Ba’al.”
 
Moses: “Oh right. You’re a warrior god. Do you want to talk about some battles you watched? I’m not much into that kind of thing, honestly.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No, Moses. I want more than that.”
 
Moses shifted uneasily.
 
Moses: “I’m sorry, Yahweh, but I’m a married man.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “What’re you--? Oh! Ew! I didn’t mean that!”
 
Moses: “Ew? That’s a bit homophobic of you!”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Can’t stand all that bottom burgling!”
 
Moses: “Whoa! Now that’s uncalled for, don’t you think?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Who’s god here, you or me?”
 
Moses: “You?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “So, I’ll be making the rules around here. Now listen up! You’re Hebrew.”
 
Moses: “Lots of people think that when they meet me. I’m actually Egyptian, but I—”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “That wasn’t a question, numbnuts. I’m telling you. You are Hebrew.”
 
Moses: “Um… oh.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “That’s it? This is supposed to be some kind of big reveal for you!”
 
Moses: “Well, not really. Everyone always thought I looked Hebrew so this just kind of confirms what everyone already knew…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Damn. I thought that would prove my awesome powers. What about this bush? It’s burning! Pretty cool, right?”
 
Moses: “Uh, well, bushes tend to set on fire in dry places under the sun like this so I sort of thought that—”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Right. You can shut up now. Just be impressed okay?”
 
Moses: “Okay?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “So, like I said, I want more. More than being a warrior god. I want to the most awesomest god!”
 
Moses: “I don’t think that’s a word.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “It’s 1246BC and we’re speaking English. Literally, none of these words exist.”
 
Moses: “1246BC? What does that mean?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “1246 years before Christ.”
 
Moses: “What’s Christ?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “I have no fucking idea, it hasn’t happened yet!”
 
Moses: “That’s confusing.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Yeah, well, I work in mysterious ways!”
 
Moses: “I don’t think ‘I don’t know’ is all that mysterious. Just inconsiderate, frankly.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Don’t be giving me your cheek now!”
 
Moses grabbed his cheek in fear.
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No, no, not—English is a stupid language.”
 
Moses: “Well, we could speak in Midian?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “It’s a dead language.”
 
Moses: “Dead? But I speak it everyday!”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Right, but when this is written, it’s a dead language.”
 
Moses: “When what’s written?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “This. This conversation. Actually, you know what, nevermind. WriterGod’s writing religion was really confusing for me too. Let’s just stick to the basics. I need followers, and you will get them for me.”
 
Moses: “Uh, I disapprove of human trafficking, Yahweh.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No! Not—You will go to Egypt.”
 
Moses: “Okay…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “And free your people!”
 
Moses gasped.
 
Moses: “Zipporah and my son have been captured!?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “I really want to facepalm right now. Alas, I have no face and no palm. I mean the Hebrews that are enslaved by your brother.”
 
Moses gasped.
 
Moses: “Ramesses really is my brother!? He’s Hebrew too!?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No! I was just—I just used the word you would use to… Okay, just the pharaoh then. You must free the Hebrews from the pharaoh.”
 
Moses chewed his lip.
 
Yahweh (Bush): “What’s the problem?”
 
Moses: “I did say I’m not the warrior type. And even if I was, I don’t think I could just go charging in there…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “I am a god, Moses. I will help you.”
 
Moses: “Do you think my brother will listen to me?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No, I won’t let him listen to you.”
 
Moses: “… why!?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Because… he must be punished first!”
 
Moses: “Okay, can you do the punishing before I get to Thebes then? That would save some time.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No, you must offer him the chance to give in first.”
 
Moses: “But you just said you wouldn’t let him give in.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “I know.”
 
Another awkward silence.
 
Moses: “That doesn’t make any sense.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Okay, well… fine. I can’t tell him what to do because he’s under the protection of the Egyptian pantheon. They’re a bunch of assholes that won’t let me have the Hebrew slaves. They’re complaining because they like having slaves to build their temples. Can you believe it?”
 
Moses: “Slavery is terrible, you’re right.”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “What? Oh yeah. That too. I just mean they should be building temples to me instead!”
 
Moses: “Oh. Well, we don’t have a lot of building materials in Midian, to be honest…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Midian! Fuck Midian! It’s a shithole!”
 
Moses: “Oi! That’s my home!”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “No, no! We’ll be going to Canaan!”
 
Moses frowned.
 
Moses: “Why would we go there? Aren’t there already lots of people there?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Don’t sweat it! We’ll just kill them all.”
 
Moses: “Um…”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Come one, Moses! We need to get your people out of there!”
 
Moses: “Well… okay. What about my wife?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Who?”
 
Moses: “My wife, Zipporah!”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Oh! You’re seriously griping about some woman? Don’t you know that men are the best? Get new women! Have wife’s in abundance!”
 
Moses: “What? No! That’s not what I want! I’m Egyptian! Marriage is imported to us!”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Tell that to the harem the king keeps.”
 
Moses: “The pharaoh is different, I guess. But, whatever, that’s not for me. My wife is equal in everyway to me!”
 
The bush laughed. It was weird to watch it shaking about.
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Women, equal to men! That’ll be the day! But, chillax. I’ll send one of my pets to tell her to meet you here.”
 
Moses: “Pets?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Yes. They’re called angels. Basically, they’re my slaves.”
 
Moses: “Slaves!?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Did I say slaves? I meant to say people-who-will-obey-my-every-command-unquestioningly-else-they-get-tossed-into-the-firey-pits-of-hell.”
 
A third awkward silence followed.
 
Moses: “You are a good god, right?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “Of course!! I’m all about love and peace and kindness and mercy and all those lovey-dovey emotions and bollocks like that. Unless you deny me as god, then I’ll arrange your murder. Like the pharaoh!”
 
Moses: “You’re going to kill my brother!?”
 
Yahweh (Bush): “… which answer will convince you to do what I say?
 
 
In Midian, Zipporah woke up in a cold sweat. Her bed was dripping and she felt dizzy. The night was chill and it beat against the sweat on her sheets.
 
Zipporah: “That was not a good dream.”
 
She looked up and gasped with horror.
 
Bertwick: “It wasn’t a dream. Or rather it was a dream but it was real and now the dream’s over and this is real but not a dream and… I forgot what I was talking about. Why am I here again? Who are you?”
 
His sagging, lazy wings drooped even further as his old eyes leered at the woman in her bed.
 
Bertwick: “Oh! You need to go to a mountain.”
 
Zipporah: “Which one? Why? Who’re you?”
 
Bertwick: “Now, now, now! So many questions! All in good time! I think I need a cup of tea. Do you have a kettle?”

19744
Site Admin
19744

PostNov 12, 2019#103

THE GAMBIT, PART TWO: BOLD MOVES

Riaken, lord of the Derkesthai - a race of dragonlike men from a distant planet far across the universe from the Milky Way Galaxy - sits astride his magnificent dragon mount. It is an intelligent, sapient creature that has served him well since he first learned to ride, bearing him aloft through space to destroy his father's enemies.

Except now he could go after HIS enemies, as his father - the gigantic dragon, former God-Monarch Typhon - was trapped in an unbreakable time lock. Riaken had always been king in name of his people, but now he is king in truth, without his father's heavy talon resting atop him.

Draco-Qhobeg: "Registering FTL blip, milord. System entry imminent. It's... smaller than expected."

Riaken raises an eyebrow at the words of his majordomo, coming through his earpiece. He knows full well that his guest, Navitatex Qemik of the High Empire's Terminus Remnant, commands one of the mightiest battleships in the universe, the Scion of Divinity. Why would he come to the Derkesthai's home world in any lesser vessel?

The other dragons and their riders, in flight around their lord just beyond their home planet's orbit, straighten to attention as Qemik's ship slows out of FTL speeds, revealing a small passenger shuttle, one actually smaller than Riaken's great draconic steed.

Khievest: "I could snap that flimsy thing in two with a single bite."

Said draconic steed's rumbling voice is contemptuous, and not exaggerating all that much, insofar as the shuttle's size goes. Riaken's demidivine senses, however, register the power levels shimmering around the ship.

Riaken: "It would be a greater challenge than you anticipate."

Khievest: "I welcome it."

Riaken: "Patience for now, friend."

Riaken and his accompanying dragon riders swoop up to the shuttle as it approaches. The pilot can be seen in the cockpit through the window, with Qemik standing at attention behind the pilot's chair. He meets Riaken's two reptilian eyes with his three multicolored ones. Riaken inwardly shrugs and takes up position ahead of the shuttle, turning his steed's tail to it, clearly showing his lack of fear from any weapons the shuttle possesses, as he leads it down to the surface. The other dragonriders flank the shuttle. Ostensibly it's an honor guard... but it could also be interpreted as an imprisonment.

The shuttle and dragonriders swoop to the planet below. This, the world known as Drakonos Prime, is the home of the Derkesthai, known in legend to be where the mighty God-Monarch Typhon met Riaken's mother in an era too ancient to be remembered.

Atmospheric entry is easier here than on most inhabited planets, for the atmosphere is thinner here. Derkesthai are hardy, thriving in the thin air, and become even stronger in the truly oxygen-rich environments of other planets. It's a very hot planet despite that (due to its solar proximity), full of dust storms and more volcanoes than bodies of water. The vegetation is sparse and tough, designed for survival rather than beauty. Veins of precious rock and metal glitter across the surface. Even after millions of years of mining, Drakonos Prime's supply of ore is endless, due to the constant volcanic activity feeding its creation. Too, there is rumored to be power in the heart of the planet, that constantly aids this process.

Riaken deliberately leads them over a grumpy volcano that belches out a cloud of hot, steaming magma dust. He, Khievest, and his other Derkesthai and their steeds are immune to the heat, and he imagines the Remnant shuttle is in no danger either. But he wonders if the sudden upsurge of scalding dust might unsettle Qemik.

Typhon's Watch looms up ahead, the capital of Drakonos Prime, from which Riaken has reigned for countless eons. Carved from the tallest mountain on the planet, its main body is an enormous tower, several miles thick and over fifty tall, shaped to look roughly like the serpentine body of a dragon, albeit one rearing upright. Thick arms jut out at various places up and down the body's height, ending in clawed talons. Throughout the surface, veins of ore glitter in the light of the looming orange sun that fills a third of the sky.. Lava flows in deadly beautiful magmafalls from various points upon the citadel.

The top of Typhon's Watch is carved into the shape of a dragon's head, which is even bigger around than the rest of the tower, and it is into the open mouth that Riaken and his escorting dragonriders lead their guest. Khievest lands gracefully, his talons gripping the grooved floor - carved directly from the mountain's rock - for purchase, and Riaken hops nimbly off, flapping his own wings, partially to slow his descent, but mostly to look impressive.

The Remnant shuttle has landed, and Riaken strides up to it as its boarding ramp lowers. Out of the hatch strides Navitatex Qemik, de facto governor of the Terminus remnant. He is flanked by two bodyguards, each wearing the distinctive black armor with silver trim of High Imperial soldiers, albeit these two's uniforms are somewhat more ornate than the typical grunt's.

Riaken: "A bold move, to come here without the aegis of your flagship."

Qemik: "It is a gambit, I admit."

Riaken pauses. There is nothing outwardly unusual about the way Qemik's utterance sounds, but his demidivine senses - a poor facsimile of his divinely draconic father's oracular senses; such was the price of having a non-divine mother - express themselves as an intuition, one noting that there is a double meaning to the Navitatex's words.

His intuition tells him nothing more, so Riaken dismisses it for now. He's already wary of tricks, after all.

Riaken: "It was bold to invite yourself into the heart of your enemies. To come without your flagship, some might consider... foolhardy."

Qemik: "Are we enemies then?"

It's a ridiculous question on the surface of it. The High Empire has long been the archnemesis of the God-Monarchs the Derkesthai have always served. But both High Empire and God-Monarchs are gone now, and only Qemik's Terminus Remnant and Riaken's Derkesthai are left.

Riaken: "Our old masters are enemies. Whether we are remains to be seen."

Qemik smiles tightly, and Riaken intuits that the de facto governor is remembering the clash between the Scion of Divinity and Riaken's personal flight of dragonriders in the final, apocalyptic war between their old masters.

Riaken's gaze flicks to the bodyguards briefly. They don't look overly tense, though they are clearly alert. Either they believe Qemik to truly be in command of the situation - entirely likely, given the fawning devotion the High Empire always seems to have for its highest ranking leaders - or they accept that they are just for show, and that they have no power to stop the Derkesthai from slaughtering them.

Looking back to Qemik, Riaken muses that Qemik doubtlessly has some sort of nanite weapon on his person, one of the more advanced High Imperial varieties, powerful enough to wipe out every Derkesthai in this room while leaving Qemik untouched.

But Qemik must know that any such weapon would be not terribly effective on Riaken himself, given Typhon's blood that ran through his veins. For the Navitatex to know this - which he assuredly does - and to still come into the heart of Riaken's domain, without his mighty warship, no less... he must truly believe an alliance is possible.

Qemik: "What purpose would enmity between us serve? We are both masterless now, and it seems that your purpose is the same as mine: to shepherd the flock that remains to me."

Riaken: "And why would that preclude enmity between us? I could destroy you now in vengeance for my father's downfall."

Qemik no doubt is well-informed enough to know that Riaken always chafed under his father's dominion, but he is wise enough not to mention that.

Qemik: "Because you, like myself, are pragmatic. We both have countless enemies now, who would see us annihilated simply because of the perceived crimes of our masters, who themselves are beyond any retribution's reach now."

Riaken: "The Derkesthai remain powerful."

Qemik: "As does the Terminus Remnant. But you know this. As you must also know that, alone, we would be hard-pressed to defend ourselves from every last onslaught that might be directed our way."

Riaken's silence this time is a long enough pause to be noted by someone without the demidivine king's rapid thought processes. He is indeed aware of this. He has been building up Drakonos Prime's defenses nonstop since the Great Time Lock War, and maintaining as low a profile as he can, though it stings his pride to do so.

Many enemies seeking vengeance would break like waves on the rock of the Derkesthai… but enough waves over time always win over rocks.

Riaken: "What do you propose?"

Qemik: "A non-aggression pact, to start. And discussions regarding the accord between us. We will both be very useful to each other."

Riaken notes Qemik's use of the word "will" rather than "would" - assuming, almost arrogantly, that Riaken will accede to this - and allows himself a tight smile. Qemik is right, and Riaken knows it, and Qemik knows that Riaken knows it.

Riaken: "A pity you were not on the High Empire's throne."

For the first time Qemik seems a bit nonplussed.

Qemik: "Only one is worthy for that seat."

Riaken: "It stings, doesn't it? You worshiped him. But now he is gone. Can I be certain you, or those under you, won't seek misguided, zealous vengeance, despite the pragmatic virtues of an accord between us?"

Qemik's voice is level.

Qemik: "As you know, I am a pragmatic man, like yourself. I will not pretend that I do not mourn his loss and long for his return. But he is indeed lost, and he indeed shall never return. I desire life and prosperity, not to follow him into doom."

Riaken: "And do all of your subjects feel the same way?"

Qemik: "You know the answer to that. But your people also worshiped your father. I face the same risk from them, as you do from mine."

Riaken: "As long as we both know what we're getting into, Navitatex. Come, let us dine. I will show you the grandeur of Derkesthai entertainment, and we shall feast all night long."

Qemik clearly is hiding a grimace - Riaken knows, after all, of Qemik's distaste for Proconsul Kim's constant parties - but he doesn't object, having no doubt expected this from his knowledge of Derkesthai customs.

Riaken: "Then, at dawn, we shall discuss our future, you and I."

PostNov 12, 2019#104

THE GAMBIT, PART THREE: TRIPLE CROSS

At the head of his star galleon, the Fiolxon pirate Blackmane barks orders at his crew, who lash the solar sails and load the cannons with asteroid-fragment shrapnel.

Blackmane: "And away! Treasure ho!"

The star galleon, and a small fleet of other pirate ships, leaps forward in space, accelerating past light speed, before slowing to abruptly appear in the Terminus Remnant's capital system.

Blackmane: "Looks like Pollos' info was right on the money."

Indeed, the Scion of Divinity is long gone, having left hours ago for Drakonos Prime, and the patrol pattern of the High Imperial Quinquereme-class battlecruisers is just as Pollos described. The pirate fleet streaks through the open corridor of space, straight for the new space station that serves as a vault.

The High Empire reacts swiftly, a well-oiled machine, especially given Qemik's rigorous drilling over the past months. Nanite clouds fluff out of the large HQ station - the Dominarium, or capitol citadel, for this part of the High Empire, this particular citadel known as the Silver River Dominarium - to surround it in a protective cloud, while starfighters soar out of launch bays towards the pirates. The nearest Quinqueremes turn about to race towards the vault.

They're too slow though. The pirate ships Blackmane brought are by far the fastest in Coaleshion, and are already nearly to the vault in the short time that it takes the Remnant military to mobilize. Several pirate ships peel away to ward off the incoming Remnant ships, while Blackmane's galleon rears right up to the vault, taking out its weapons batteries (their exact locations provided based on the schematics Pollos procured) in surgical shots, before launching mag-grapples, so the pirates can tug the vault away.

Blackmane: "Classic snatch and grab. But the biggest prize I've ever snatched and grabbed!"

That's when alarms and astonished cries rise up across the ship's bridge. Blackmane snaps his head away from the vault on the screen to a more distant readout, and swears.

Blackmane: "But it's gone! It's halfway across the universe!"

Except it's not. The Scion of Divinity has just appeared at the edge of the system, right where the pirates warped in, cutting off their easiest path of escape. Drone missiles zoom out in a whirlwind, most taking out several of the smaller pirate ships, and the rest cutting the mag-grapples with surgical precision.

There's a lot of panicked swearing and anger over the pirate's comm channels, most of it castigating Blackmane. He's the foremost pirate captain in Coaleshion, and allied with several other top pirate captains for this job, and they're all here, now caught in the jaws of the massive battleship's ambush.

On board the Scion of Divinity's bridge, everything is calm and orderly. Crew members carry out their assigned tasks efficiently, manipulating the crystalline controls with practiced ease to protect the vault. A young woman sits in the captain's chair that is normally Qemik's seat.

She is a drow, rare among that race in that this is her first incarnation, and so she does not have centuries of experience. Yet she is cunning and brilliant, having risen to the rank of Praefexus on her merits, before Qemik recognized her value and promoted her still further, to Navitatex Beta, making her his acting second-in-command.

The only reason he hasn't made her full Navitatex, and taken the rank Coryphaex, or admiral - a rank which he was effectively already acting in the role of - was due to the blasted Pollos' influence on Proconsul Kim, who was technically the supreme ruler of Terminus and wrapped around Pollos's grubby finger.

Navitatex Beta Meridian: "Deploy the primary nanite cloud in a wide dispersal field."

Lieutenant: "Captain, that won't stop pirate ships from escaping through it."

Meridian shoots the lieutenant a look that tells him he's an idiot.

Meridian: "Of course not. But if we make it a small-enough dispersal to stop them in their tracks, they'll have plenty of room to go around it. Wide-dispersal will slow them down enough that we can pick them off."

Lieutenant: "As you command, Captain. Apologies."

Meridian returned her view to the holographic displays. Inwardly, she was smiling broadly, though she kept her outward expression stern. Qemik's gambit had paid off. He had created this vault precisely for this purpose: bait. When he'd left on the Scion of Divinity for Drakonos Prime, the battleship had only gone a few light-years away from Silver River Dominarium. From there, Qemik had taken his personal shuttle onward to Drakonos Prime, while Meridian took acting command of the Scion and waited for Pollos' pet pirates to fall into the trap.

As Blackmane's allied pirate fleet fell apart before Navitatex Beta Meridian's well-executed tactics, a smaller corsair zipped from the nearest asteroid belt to dock with the drifting vault, while everyone else was distracted.

Kulimm: "Ming, you've outdone yourself."

Kulimm is a Grey, and thus is short with a bulbous gray head and huge black eyes. She's quite distinctive for her race, given her many cybernetic replacements and augments, including a bionic eye, both her arms, and one of her legs. She places a hacking charge on the airlock of the vault, which blinks before scrambling the airlock's codes, causing the door to slide open.

Tsou de Ming: "You have no idea, Kulimm."

The tall, green-skinned, three-eyed Cameeli woman, who is one of the most notorious pirate captains in the entire galaxy, steps past her second-in-command and steps into the vault's corridors. She had caught wind of the Coaleshion pirates' grand scheme to rob the vault, and had surmised the whole thing to be a trap. Deciding to take advantage of their stupidity, she had taken some of her pirates in a small stealth corsair - rather than her normal vessel, the star galleon  Bloated Scallywag - to sneak into the Terminus system hours ahead of Blackmane's ambush.

They had waited, and now that everyone is distracted, they have made their move!

Random Pirate #1: "Cap'n, what should we take? There's too much for us to get it all out before they take notice of us."

Tsou de Ming: "We can ignore the Sub-Vault Arrays that make up a quarter of this station. Those are all stuffed with incohesive molecules, useless for anything except feeding those weird crystal nanites these High Imps are obsessed with."

Kulimm: "Where did you get such good info on this vault's layout, Ming?"

Tsou de Ming: "A little bird told me."

She pulls out an esoteric compass to scan the various crates around them. The pet gryphon on her shoulder squawks.

Gryphon: "Bawk! Leave me out of this!"

The other pirates chuckle and start loading the most likely-looking pallets onto their hover-pad.

Kulimm: "Well, if that's all I can get out of you, no point in waiting any further."

Tsou de Ming: "Eh?"

The tall Cameeli pirate turns around to see the cyborg Grey leveling her blaster at her.

Kulimm: "I'm tired of living in your shadow, Ming."

Tsou de Ming: "Mutiny, then? It'll never work."

Kulimm: "On the contrary."

The other random pirates draw their blasters and point them at Ming too.

Kulimm: "You were very kind to let me choose which of our men would come on this raid."

Tsou de Ming: "Oh, don't mistake it for kindness."

Kulimm: "Ha! So you acknowledge it for stupidity then? I'll be taking this by the way."

She snatches the esoteric compass from Ming's hand. Ming's green skin finally switches to the purple of anger.

Tsou de Ming: "That's mine to steal from that fop earl. Not yours to steal."

Kulimm: "Finders keepers, Ming."

Tsou de Ming: "He's not interested in you."

Kulimm's gaze darkens, and Ming smiles viciously, her skin's purple shade flashing orange in savage glee for a few seconds before returning to angry purple. She has never brought it up before, but she has known for some time that Kulimm fancies Xerxes Rumplekirk, with whom Tsou de Ming has a love/hate relationship. That is, he loves her and she hates him. Usually.

Kulimm: "He will be."

Tsou de Ming: "On the contrary, he'll never have the opportunity. Because you'll be cooling your heels in a Remnant jail cell for quite some time."

Kulimm: "What are you playing at- Ulp!"

Alarms blare throughout the vault, and crystal apertures sprout from the ceiling to project force field bars that hem in the pirates, while laser turrets pop out of the walls and destroy their blasters with pinpoint accuracy.

Kulimm: "What the-!"

Tsou de Ming is the only pirate not affected by the security.

Kulimm: "You sold us out! You filthy bootlicker!"

In response, Tsou de Ming's skin turns even darker purple, and she punches Kulimm solidly in the jaw through the bars, and plucks the compass away again.

Tsou de Ming: "I did no such thing. Didn't you wonder how we managed to sneak into the Terminus system, and stay hidden for so many hours?"

Kulimm: "It's a stealth corsair."

Tsou de Ming: "Please. Our stealth tech is nothing to High Imp tech. But I've stolen the vessel of a particularly advanced race before - numerous times actually - and picked up quite a few trinkets from it."

She holds up a thingamajig with overlapping circles etched into it as a design. Her skin is steadily brightening into a pleased orange.

Tsou de Ming: "And I once sweet-talked Xerxes into fiddling with it to do what I wanted it to do. Maybe it wouldn't work against topnotch High Imp tech - but that's long gone in the Great Time Lock War. It kept us hidden from their sensors, both in the corsair, and in here. Until I dialed it down, so it only hides me.

Kulimm: "You b-"

Tsou de Ming: "Language, Kulimm. I knew you were planning a mutiny. That's why I let you pick the men for this mission. Wanted to get rid of all of you at once. Like I said... don't mistake it for kindness."

Her skin now fully a bold orange, she pulls the hoverpad down the corridor back to the corsair, as Kulimm and the other mutinous pirates fume helplessly behind her.

As Tsou de Ming's corsair streaks away from the system, the last of the Coaleshion pirates is destroyed or captured by Meridian...

7429
7429

Idle Hands

PostNov 16, 2019#105

Back at the IDK, Gebohq and Evil G -- the Hands of the NeS -- watch over as the other heroes reunite with Losien via clown car.

Evil G: "What the-- did something actually happen?"

Gebohq: "The others finally met up with Losien."

Evil G: "I know that -- I have eyes!"

Gebohq: "Isn't one of them blind?"

Another retort stops before it starts, and instead, Evil G considers, holding the one brown-colored eye closed and then the other, grayed eye. He then gets side-tracked looking at random paraphernalia on the walls. Gebohq rolls his own eyes before going back to watching the events of NeS play out on the TV.

Gebohq: "This all only goes to support my concern over talking vehicles."

Evil G: "Did you forget that we were dorm buddies with a transformer robot?"

Gebohq: "Galvatron turned into a dragon! And a woman. But not a vehicle!"

Evil G: "Wikipedia says otherwise."

Gebohq: "The NeS wiki is the only true source of truth, and only the coolest of people help support it!"

Evil G: "Well that definitely doesn't include this writer."

The two of them look directly at the fourth wall. The writer is a bastard, though, as are all writers, and so the two of them are literally staring at a wall like the idiots they are. The writer also wants to remind the pithy meta-commentators that a space bus could run them over at any time as buses are known to do to characters not wanted anymore.

 Evil G: "Right, so what's your deal with hating on talking vehicles anyway?"

Gebohq: "At least one ejected me mid-drive when I was running from the law."

Evil G: "And they say I'm the evil one..."

Gebohq: "In any case, there seems to be some dissent among the hero group..."

Evil G: "Haha! Losien's got the right idea!"

Gebohq: "...so they shouldn't need us still, which is good."

Evil G: "You sound disappointed."

Gebohq: "No, just concerned, I guess."

Evil G: "Weirdo. The only thing I'm concerned about is the lack of antics."

Gebohq: "There's plenty of antics!"

Evil G: "And I want more! I don't just want one doughnut, I want boxes of them, and I want them yesterday!"

Gebohq: "Geez, let them have some character development."

Evil G: "BOR-ING! This isn't high literature, this is NeS! Gimme more jokes, more punches, more babes! Snap snap snap!"

Gebohq: "Well, they're having more car problems now."

Evil G: "That's funnier than it should be."

Gebohq: "And now Chris is back in the scene. I really can't see this going well for him."

Evil G: "Don't underestimate the ability of the 'heroes' to do something really, really dumb."

Gebohq: "Yeah, but this guy is just so... sad."

Evil G: "Relate to him much?"

The only response is a slap from Gebohq at Evil G's hand as the latter attempts to steal a doughnut from the former.

Evil G: "Ow! I oughta..."

For a moment, Evil G looks as if he'll stand dramatically from his chair. The lights darken and everything quiets in anticipation for a dramatic showdown. The two shoot death glares at each other. Epic choir music starts building up as fury builds between the two. The counter shakes, the wall decorations vibrate, and the fabric of reality rumbles...

Evil G: "...eh."

Gebohq: "Meh."

The two slouch back into their chairs and return to watching TV.

39819
Site Admin
39819

Long Live the King, Baby

PostDec 09, 2019#106

 Blackmane was sat on the bench of his cell, picking at his teeth with his tongue. He fixed his eyes on the guard, unwaveringly, who stared back, equally unwavering. Initially, Blackmane had thought this would be a fun game to play, but he soon came to realise that this was not the kind of guard he was used to. This guard was more like the hardcore royal guards who were not guards at all, but soulless machines. The man stood like a statue. Unblinking. Motionless. Blackmane didn’t think the man was even breathing.
 
Now, Blackmane knew he was going to lose this contest and, even worse, the guard would laugh at him – but only on the inside. His dead glare would continue on and on, but Blackmane would see the laughter behind the veneer!
 
Kulimm: “Can’t they just hang us already? Or are they going to let us die of boredom?”
 
Blackmane didn’t like this one. She was obnoxious and arrogant, but none of the talent that warranted it. Some people were vain because they were beautiful. Some people were elitist because they were intelligent. This Kulimm was below average in every way, and yet she thought herself the bee’s knees. Blackmane could tell that she was trying to impress him with her aura of cool, but he was choosing to ignore her beyond a few acknowledgements of her presence. There were others of her entourage in the cell, but they seemed to blame her for their capture. He couldn’t criticise her for that point, since he was subject to the same treatment by his own people.
 
Most of the pirates had been wiped out. A decisive cull in the Coaleshion space pirates. He had been kicking himself ever since The Scion of Divinity first blasted back into the system. He should have known. An easy target, ripe for the picking. It was too good to be true. But he had grown accustomed to good information from the insider in the High Empire. Everyone knew it was Pollos, the man barely did anything to hide that fact, but the information never came directly from the source itself, as a means of covering his tracks. Blackmane wondered if someone down the food chain had made the mistake, but he doubted it. No, this was a set-up. Pollos was a sneaky bastard, but it turned out that Qemik was a sneaky bastard too.
 
Just as Blackmane thought he was about to cave, and surrender the staring contest to the guard, steps came down the corridor, thus allowing him to bow out gracefully with the fair excuse of something else happening. Both he and the guard knew who would have won, but knowing who would have won and actually having won were two different things.
 
Meridian: “This is the pirate leader?”
 
Blackmane intended to pause and then lazily saunter over to the High Imperial officer to casually concede that he might be the man in question.
 
That was his intention, at least, but his slow response gave Kulimm the opportunity to leap in.
 
Kulimm:I could be considered one of the leaders.”
 
Meridian: “Is that so?”
 
Kulimm: “They call be Terror of the Seven Voids! I have ravaged entire systems! I have sto—what’re you doing? Wait!”
 
BANG!
 
Kulimm reeled on the floor from the hole in her leg. Meridian returned the gun to its holster on her hip. It was a traditional piece from Caledonian history. It would never stand up to armour, but on flesh it still worked just fine.
 
Blackmane: “Whoa. That was cold as ice!”
 
Meridian: “You would be Blackmane, I assume?”
 
Blackmane eyed Kulimm, who was whimpering to herself.
 
Blackmane: “Depends on whether the answer will get be shot.”
 
Meridian: “If you’re not, I’ll shoot you.”
 
Blackmane: “Then I guess you found me out!”
 
Meridian: “You’re going for a little trip to the interrogation room.”
 
Blackmane: “Look, you’re cute and all, for a tiny, ape-creature, but I prefer to stick to my own species.”
 
The drow shook her head with disappointment.
 
Meridian: “Pirates always want to do this the hard way…”
 
She put a hand on her gun, but Blackmane jumped to his feet. His boots slapped heavily against the cold, hard floor.
 
Blackmane: “I suppose there’s a first time for everything! I mean, you’ve probably got all the right bits, yeah? Or not! I’m open to tentacles right about this point!”
 
One of the guards opened the cell. The bars were translucent and had a cold aura to them when Blackmane drew close. He guessed the aura was why the guards all appeared to be wearing special gloves in these cells.
 
He stepped out and glanced back in the cell at his fellow pirates. He hated to admit it, but this drow was about to make everyone’s life a whole lot more difficult. He could tolerate the irate and angry captors, it was fun to watch them explode, and even more fun with the captors bound by rules about prisoners. But the methodical ones were scary.
 
He looked up to the guard with the deadeye stare and motioned to the bench.
 
Blackmane: “Keep it warm for me, yeah?”
 
Meridian: “Be as cocky as you like, Blackmane. Get it out of your system… while you can.”
 
Blackmane: “Does that mean I can take a leak too?”
 
Meridian: “There’ll be plenty of leaking for you to do. It might not be the fluids you want to leak, however…”
 
He looked around at the guards.
 
Meridian: “Is she always such a hardass, or am I special?”
 
The guards, again, were stony professionals. There wasn’t even a glimmer of entertainment from any of them.
 
Meridian: “Take your time, Blackmane. Make all the jokes you want.”
 
Blackmane: “Yeah? I do have a stand-up routine I could perform. It might be a bit racy for such a family-friendly venue, though.”
 
The guards didn’t react and Meridian just looked at him with an enigmatic expression. It wasn’t even stern. It was just blank.
 
Blackmane: “Tough crowd. Reminds me of when I invited my girlfriend to the family dinner. Shame it was my wife’s family dinner.”
 
Even the pirates in the cell were awkwardly silent, while watching Kulimm bleed out. If they laughed, they were as expendable as the grey.
 
Blackmane: “Huh. Did anyone ever watch that documentary, Silent World?”
 
Silence.
 
Blackmane: “I guess so!”
 
A long, awkward moment passed.
 
Blackmane: “Well this is nice.”
 
Meridian: “Have you run out of material? Shall we proceed? Or do you need to continue embarrassing yourself?”
 
Blackmane: “I might be a pirate, but I do have feelings, you know?”
 
Meridian: “I see. We are not finished. I will continue to wait.”
 
Blackmane: “And how long do we wait?”
 
Meridian: “As long as you need to demonstrate your hubris to your friends.”
 
Blackmane:That long!? You might need a seat!”
 
Meridian turned to one of the guards. The man marched off and, a second later, came back with a small stool. He put it down and Meridian sat.
 
Blackmane: “That… was pretty funny. Want to join my comedy act?”
 
She returned her enigmatic, blank expression. It was like a grandmother indulging her grandkids by listening to them ramble on about the latest Pokémon game.
 
Blackmane: “Do we get to have fag breaks?”
 
There was a stifled, awkward cough in the cell.
 
Blackmane: “I suppose it’s true what my wife said. Only takes me five minutes to demonstrate my hubris and I’m spent.”
 
Nothing.
 
Blackmane: “I guess that was my way of saying, I’m ready.”
 
Meridian: “Very good.”
 
She stood up.
 
Blackmane: “Ready to squeal uncle. Please be gentle with my buttocks. I’m a virgin back there.”
 
Meridian sat back down.
 
Blackmane: “Okay, okay. No more jokes.”
 
Meridian: “Please! Have your fun. I shall continue to wait.”
 
Blackmane: “You really take the fun out of all this, don’t you.”
 
She stared. Of course, that was the point. He could peacock all he wanted, but eventually he was the one that looked the fool.
 
Blackmane: “Okay…”
 
He grit his teeth. He wanted to end with a sarcastic remark, such as ‘your majesty’, but he knew that would get him stood out here like a moron even longer. Oddly enough, he almost wanted torture over this.
 
Meridian stood. The guard took the stool away while the other guards led him down the cellblock until they came to the interrogation room. It was a blank room with nothing but a stool in it. The stool was floating off the ground, tethered by a gravitational lure so it couldn’t be picked up and thrown, but it was also pliable enough that no one could kill themselves on it.
 
He sat, as directed.
 
Meridian: “Do you know what is going to happen now?”
 
Blackmane: “You want me to give up my contact? I tell you now, you’d better be offering a very hefty reward for such information.”
 
She rolled her eyes.
 
Meridian: “No. You are going to sit in here for a few hours. After that, I parade you past the cellblock with your friends in it and ensure they see me release you.”
 
Blackmane smiled in admiration.
 
Blackmane: “Nice. They all think I gave you everything you wanted in return for my freedom. Then they have no fear in giving everything up, since they know I did it.”
 
Meridian: “Simple.”
 
Blackmane: “And you people call me despicable.”
 
Meridian: “You are despicable.”
 
Blackmane hid the grin he felt. At last, he got something out of her. A personal comment. It was small, but it was something. He would see how much he could yank this chain.
 
Blackmane: “The way I see it, there ain’t much difference between you and me.”
 
Meridian: “Then you’re a fool. You steal and murder your way through life, ruining other people’s lives.”
 
Blackmane: “Yes, I ruin lives. I ruin the lives of those who ruined other lives.”
 
Meridian: “Oh, I see! I thought I was speaking to Blackmane, but it seems I’m speaking to Robin Hood!”
 
Blackmane: “Bingo! Ding, ding, ding!”
 
Meridian: “Except even the poorest of High Imperial society are provided for, Blackmane.”
 
Blackmane: “Your empire went around conquering people every day. Claiming lives so that you could force your way of live upon those that were lucky enough to survive. Doesn’t matter how much food you give them, you stole plenty from them; starting with their freedom.”
 
Meridian: “As spoken by someone ungrateful for that food. If you had ever truly starved, Blackmane, you’d soon appreciate the hand that feeds.”
 
Blackmane: “A fair society shouldn’t need a hand to feed it.”
 
Meridian had a tight-lipped smile.
 
Meridian: “The thing is, you might be right. But I believe in that hand. Freedom is what? An ideology, just like any other. How many people in this galaxy worship some god or other? They almost always believe that they must obey that god, unwaveringly, or they will be punished. Well, I met a true god. We called him The Highemperor. No one would go hungry under his guidance and his protection. He didn’t conquer people, he saved them from themselves.”
 
Blackmane: “Saved you, did he? Your drow people, yes I have seen some of you before, aren’t part of the High Empire, so I know you weren’t conquered. You got a personal tale. That makes you eager to proselytise.”
 
Meridian: “Let me put it this way. You represent this freedom, right? And look what you do with it. Steal and hurt people. Within the High Empire, that doesn’t happen. We were protected from the likes of you. Freedoms are great to have, but every society has restrictions. Don’t kill, being the obvious example. We just had a leader to guide us in the right freedoms.”
 
Blackmane: “It’s like listening to a propaganda machine.”
 
Meridian: “And listening to you, is like listening to a barbarian. Besides, I think you’ll be fine by yourself in here. And don’t think I didn’t notice you unlocked your manacles.”
 
Blackmane grinned broadly and he dropped the cuffs from his wrists.
 
Blackmane: “She’s good! I know there’s nothing to be gained by removing them, but it was a small victory, right?”
 
Meridian: “I’ll have someone put them back on.”
 
Blackmane: “Is that necessary? Aren’t we friends now?”
 
Meridian: “Necessary or not, it’s the rules.”
 
She exited and commanded a guard to put new manacles on their current guest. She marched away from the cellblock. Most of the people on the station were humans, though there were plenty of other beings around too. However, she, as a drow, was one of the shortest, at four foot tall. She had to crane her neck to talk to everyone around her, especially Blackmane, who had been almost seven foot. She realised, now, that she had been swept up into conversation by Blackmane and grumbled that she had indulged him. She had been winning the psychological warfare before that.
 
As she went, she tapped into a floating crystal, several commands, topmost of which was to have the grey healed back to full health. It would be a good tactic to express deepest apologies for her behaviour when the grey came in for questioning and, thus, garner a mix of fear with appreciation for the healing. She was sure Kulimm would talk given the right amount of pressure. She might be proud of her pirate background, but she was jealous and greedy. With some promises, the woman would certainly give over her conspirators. The grey had not come from the bulk of the fleet, but from a ship that actually made it to The Vault. She had been caught, but goods were still missing; Meridian was certain betrayal was at work, and Kulimm would spill the information on those that escaped.
 
Meridian used a teleporter to transfer herself to her room on the dominarium. Although she had a room aboard The Scion of Divinity, where she was officially stationed, all the crew had their own apartments on the station itself.
 
When she appeared in the living room, the lights automatically came on. Any drow would find the décor of her apartment to be intriguing for its complexity and for its hodgepodge, mismatched styles from centuries past. There was no consistency of era, with some objects exhibiting features of a hundred years ago, while others were thousands of years old in style. Some objects were genuine antiques, but most were replications. Caledonia had many antiques as people were reborn and would recollect their former possessions. The value of objects was better estimated when it was known people were going to come back. In many cultures, the dead of a thousand years ago are just that; dead people from a thousand years ago. But to most living drow today, those people were family and friends.
 
Except Meridian.
 
Few of her kind existed. An anomaly.
 
Cloning was a new and unknown technology amongst the drow as it, and space faring, were relatively new concepts, having only developed faster than light travel in the last two decades. She was not the first cloned drow, though she was one of the first to be cloned with science. Clones, or mimics, or the past were always done with magic and the results were often messy. She, however, was a healthy, normal woman.
 
Except, she had no soul.
 
At least, everyone thought so. How could she have a soul if there had never been a soul before? Souls were quantifiable and were stored in the over-soul, ready to return to a new body whenever the return was made. No one knew how long a soul would remain in the over-soul, it varied wildly and most considered it random. Nobody even remembered being there, except for having a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling at the idea of it. Meridian didn’t have that feeling.
 
When a drow died, they saw it as going to sleep for a while. Some even saw it as a vacation. If she died, she didn’t know if her soul would go to the over-soul. Most of her kind believed she would just die and end, like all the other mortal species out there. And if that was true, was she even a drow?
 
She was considered an abomination by her people. Even those that tried to be nice to her, they often pitied her and thought of her as “it’s not her fault”.
 
She put her gun into the cupboard and sealed it safely shut. All of her guns were genuine antiques, and all kept in working condition. She rarely got to fire them, but when she did it was like the blast was an echo of the history she didn’t have. She attached herself to old things because she tried to imagine how life was for people back then. To her, it seemed a romantic and simple time. To every other drow, it was yesterday.
 
There were other drow that believed she would go to the over-soul, which made her happy in one way but that belief came with a souring comment; how much room is there in the over-soul? It wasn’t designed with extra souls in mind, so if more souls join that it can handle, will the whole system break down? It was a dangerous and terrifying proposition, and that made Meridian dangerous and terrifying.
 
She had been the very reason cloning was suddenly banned, officially, in drow society. She wasn’t created on Caledonia, or cloned by any drow, but she had found her way there and she was an instant, infamous, celebrity.
 
She looked at the weapons. Sometimes she thought about using them on herself, so that she could go and join everyone else in the warmth of the over-soul, finally. But, she could never bring herself to do that. To end her life. That fear of death made her ever more certain; she would not go to the over-soul. If she would, why was she so afraid of death?
 
The High Empire gave her a much greater purpose. Here, she could make the lives of others better. She could act as the great protector. She would keep everyone alive and healthy as long as they could and woe betide any who threaten the Remnant flock.
 
The crystal lit up with a message and she saw that Kulimm had been healed. She smiled. She had just enough time to watch the latest episode of Captain Zero, and drink a cup of hot milk before she would have to get Blackmane out of the interrogation room.
 
 
Pollos felt the noose tightening around his neck.
 
After the last blunder, it wouldn’t be easy to keep himself above water. Many of his corrupt underlings had been arrested thanks to the information gleaned from interrogating the pirates captured just days ago. Qemik wasn’t back from his meetings with the Derkesthai, but with Pollos’ own side dwindling, Qemik’s powerbase would be growing. Pollos didn’t want power, power was just the tool to get him what he really wanted; luxury. Everyone in the High Empire was given more than enough. Enough food, enough entertainment, free healthcare, free amenities, and then extra wealth for disposable use. But enough was never enough. He wanted more than enough and he believed he deserved it.
 
But, his new ace was about to arrive and he hoped it would be enough to re-establish his power centre and stave off Qemik’s advance.
 
He marched off to find Proconsul Kim.
 
No sooner had Pollos started off, than Kim came looking for him.
 
Kim: “POLLOS!!”
 
Pollos was taken aback for a moment. With all that was happening, he felt that perhaps even Kim had finally seen through him and turned against him. But that was asking too much of the cat-man.
 
Kim: “I… have finally found it!!!”
 
Pollos: “The ultra rare foil of Cylla at the Babbling Brook?”
 
Kim: “YYYYYEEEEEEEEEES!”
 
Kim held the trump card aloft. Pollos grinned, though it was really to himself rather than Kim’s victory. This was why he was winning in the highest political game in the Remnants; he paid attention to Kim’s idiot desires. Qemik was far too sensible and, frankly, good at his job to really stoop to pandering to Kim. Qemik wouldn’t know a common Lady Kanna card from a omega foiled laser copy of Lily Laandsbrooke at Gloriana Hollow if they were laid before him. Pollos, on the other hand, paid attention to this nonsense and, thereby, had Kim in the palm of his hand. The Daughters of Highemperor cards were still a popular pastime in the Terminius Sector. The cards of missing daughters were now more valuable than ever. Tragic for the daughters, immeasurably fortunate for the owners of those cards. Even the common cards of Allolane, one of the lost daughters, was worth a great amount of money and, oddly, status. Even people who were not interested in the cards were snapping up these ‘fallen daughters’ cards.
 
Pollos: “Congratulations. Did you send a memo to your friend?”
 
Kim grinned, slyly.
 
Kim: “Damn right I did. I bet she cried.”
 
Kim’s friend was Gwynne, another anthropomorphic cat person with a love for the Daughters Cards. Kim’s rivalry with his friend over the cards was always a sure-fire way to stoke Kim’s interest in something.
 
Pollos: “I was hoping you’d meet someone with me, Kim? He has already been spoken to by your friend, Ambassador Gwynne, and she has vetted him to ensure he is who he says he is.”
 
Kim: “Oh? Sounds important!”
 
Pollos was quick.
 
Pollos: “Nothing too important. But important enough.”
 
Kim wouldn’t want to get himself into anything too serious and, in his mind, boring. That’s what Qemik and Pollos were for. But important enough for him, while not being boring, was how Pollos would play it.
 
Kim: “Then lead the way! I need to show off my new card to Billy anyway.”
 
Pollos blinked.
 
Pollos: “Billy?”
 
Kim: “Yes! He’s the janitor down on the shuttle bay. I met him a few days ago. You know he has an omega rare foil of Kleo on the Clouds of Calypso?”
 
Pollos: “A janitor?”
 
Kim: “I know, right!?”
 
Pollos made a mental note to add this person to the list of important-persons to keep watched and controlled. Control the janitor, control Kim. Gwynne was harder to control because she not only had an important position, but she didn’t live on the dominarium. Most of the others who spoke to Kim, on the other hand, were on the station and, therefore, within Pollos’ sphere of influence.
 
Pollos: “In here. Our new friend awaits.”
 
The doors opened and, sat upon a floating sofa, was a tall man with a strapping physique, chiselled jaw and long, thick, curling locks.
 
Kim: “HOLY CRAP ON A STICK!! BOSS, YOU’RE BACK!!!!”
 
Kim bounced across the room with frenzied eyes. The man looked from Kim, then to Pollos. Pollos cleared his throat.
 
Pollos: “I’m sorry, Kim, but not quite. This is not Highemperor.”
 
Kim looked dejected for a moment, then puzzled.
 
Kim: “Don’t tell me you’re an alternate reality? You know, I met my doppelgänger once and he was really annoying.”
 
Pollos held back the word ‘irony’ and he motioned for the Highemperor-lookalike to stand up.
 
Pollos: “Want to introduce yourself?”
 
The man swelled his chest, planted his fists on his hips;
 
Citizen Rex: “I am Citizen Rex! Hero of the planet!”
 
He paused briefly.
 
Citizen Rex: “Except, I’m not on the planet anymore. So, I’m hero of the… stars!!”
 
Kim clapped.
 
Kim: “Oooh! Hero of the stars! That’s a pretty cool line!”
 
Citizen Rex: “You think so? Just took me, like, a second to come up with that! I’m sure I can come up with more!”
 
Kim: “You do look like the boss. Is that why you’re here?”
 
Citizen Rex: “Seems so. I’m to be a new commander of some kind. They promised I get badges.”
 
Kim: “Badges are pretty cool. You know, we should make more badges!”
 
Pollos tried not to giggle with glee that this was working out so well already.
 
Pollos: “Badges can be arranged. You’ll need to think of reasons for awarding them. Like, battles won. Something like that.”
 
Kim: “Yes! Or… most naps taken!”
 
Citizen Rex: “Ho ho! I think I can earn that badge pretty quickly!”
 
Kim: “What about, a badge for punching ten grizzly bears!”
 
Citizen Rex: “Easy! I can go do that right now!”
 
Kim: “What about a badge for… Oh! For beating the original Contra game! That definitely deserves a medal!”
 
Citizen Rex: “Yes! I already did that! I had a lot of downtime recently…”
 
He looked a little sad for a moment.
 
Kim: “Then we have to make that medal right away!”
 
He perked up instantly.
 
Citizen Rex: “This is amazing! I love it here!”
 
Kim: “One important question though.”
 
Citizen Rex: “What is it?”
 
Kim: “Do you have any rare Daughters of Highemperor cards!?”
 
Citizen Rex: “What are those?”
 
Kim now appeared sad, but similarly, it didn’t last long.
 
Kim: “Want me to show you my… collection?”
 
Citizen Rex: “That sounds cool!”
 
Kim: “COOL! COME WITH ME!”
 
Citizen Rex: “Do we have any ice cream here? I really love ice cream.”
 
Kim: “Damn right we do! All you can eat!”
 
Citizen Rex: “By the power of greyskull!!! This is the best place on Earth!”
 
Kim: “Earth?”
 
Citizen Rex paused. Then posed.
 
Citizen Rex: “This… is the GREATEST PLACE IN THE GALAXY!”
 
Kim: “That… was super cool!”
 
Citizen Rex: “I know, right!?”
 
Kim: “Let’s go, BFF!”
 
The two grown men skipped out of the room and Pollos swelled with pride at his own machinations.
 
Pollos: “Long live the king, baby.”

The Angel of Punishment

PostDec 12, 2019#107

When word of his wife’s approach, Moses descended Mount Horeb and travelled north, across the Sinai Peninsula, until he found her and her small caravan. She had brought their children and, after a long embrace with Zipporah, Moses took up Gershom into his arms.
 
Zipporah: “It’s a strange experience to actually be visited by gods and their messengers. The gods were always… kind of… metaphorical to me.”
 
Moses: “I’m worried about all this, but it could be a good opportunity for us. And I can help to end the slavery of my race. I just hope Yahweh doesn’t let us down.”
 
Zipporah: “He’s a god. He can’t let us down.”
 
Moses: “You didn’t see the burning bush. I mean, it was literally a bush that was on fire. Why would anyone thing that was a good way to impress someone?”
 
Zipporah glanced at the sky.
 
Zipporah: “Maybe be careful how much you criticise him…”
 
Moses: “If you’re going to set fire to innocent shrubberies, you’d better be ready for criticism. God or not.”
 
Zipporah: “Well, if we’re going to have a bitch, I wasn’t very impressed with the messenger he sent me. That angel.”
 
Moses: “It’s like we wound up with the bargain basement deity.”
 
They felt a rumbling in the ground.
 
Moses: “Okay, okay, we’ll stop complaining.”
 
The rumbling stopped.
 
Moses: “You know, if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the fire!”
 
The rumbling returned.
 
Zipporah: “Maybe we should just hurry on. We have a long trip to Thebes anyway.”
 
Moses: “Maybe our god should teleport us there? Or give us holy chariots? Or let us ride on clouds? Something?”
 
Zipporah: “Well, I was able to find these smelly, old donkeys. Maybe he sent us these?”
 
They followed the main road across the Sinai Peninsula. They had to rest for the night and came to an inn.
 
Innkeeper: “Welcome to the world-famous Prince’s Death Inn!”
 
Moses rose an eyebrow.
 
Moses: “That’s an unusual name.”
 
Innkeeper: “Oh ho ho! You don’t know the tale our of fine establishment, I see!?”
 
A few of the regulars groaned as they had heard the story many, many times over.
 
Innkeeper: “Back when my dad ran the place he admitted a customer who seemed to be just another traveller but, in fact, he turned out to be a prince! Not any old prince, but a prince of Hattusa! He had been in disguise to hide from the evil vizier who wanted to stop him from marrying the beautiful queen of Egypt. Alas, his enemies found him in this very inn and murdered him in his sleep!”
 
The man grinned eagerly and pointed to the ceiling.
 
Innkeeper: “Right above us, in fact! If you want his room, we call it the Prince’s Suite, it’s available. Costs a bit more, but the experience is worth it. A piece of history!”
 
Moses: “History? You said it was your father’s time, it wasn’t that long ago.”
 
Zipporah: “It sounds very macabre and romantic! We’ll take it!”
 
Innkeeper: “Lady knows a good yarn when she hears it! Be careful, some say the prince’s ghost appears in the dead of night! OOOooooooOOOOoooooOOOOooo!”
 
Moses: “If I wake up in the middle of the night and find you under a white sheet, I will not be impressed.”
 
Innkeeper: “Is he always like this?”
 
Zipporah chuckled.
 
Zipporah: “No, not always. It’s the stress of our travels.”
 
The innkeeper showed them upstairs to the room. They found that it was a very large room, though they could see the imprint on the walls where the original wall had been knocked down to expand two rooms into one large room. The bed was very fancy, and the sheets were dyed a deep, dark red. There were even dried flowers hanging in bunches on the walls.
 
Zipporah’s eyes bulged with delight and she admired the room, while Moses placed Gershom into the single bed at the far end of the room where the boy fell asleep.
 
Moses: “Thanks, innkeeper. It’s a nice room.”
 
The man left with the promise that he would return in a few hours with a mug of wine to help them sleep.
 
Zipporah: “Isn’t it romantic?”
 
Zipporah leaned in and kissed her husband’s cheek.
 
Moses: “The thought of murdered prince’s turns you on, does it?”
 
She smacked his arm.
 
Zipporah: “It’s the idea of the handsome prince trying to reach his dearly beloved queen! The tragedy just makes it more beautiful!”
 
Moses: “Wouldn’t it be better if he succeeded? A happy ending?”
 
Zipporah: “No! That’s boring! Sad stories make me happy.”
 
Moses: “That’s an oxymoron.”
 
She slit her eyes at him.
 
Zipporah: “Sad means happy for cultured people.”
 
Moses smirked.
 
Moses: “Says the farmgirl to the prince.”
 
She poked him in the chest.
 
Zipporah: “EX-prince! And who says farmgirls can’t be cultured!?”
 
Moses: “I suppose you got me there. But now, aren’t I prophet?”
 
Zipporah: “Oh! That’s true! That’s kind of sexy…”
 
Moses grinned and waggled his eyebrows at his wife.
 
Zipporah: “In a celibate, sterile, chastised kind of way.”
 
Moses: “Wow. Just wow.”
 
She laughed at him and rested her head on his shoulder.
 
Zipporah: “I’m teasing you. Besides, you know those priestesses in Midian are dirty, horny, whores.”
 
Moses: “Ah yes, I remember. Especially the ones dedicated to Asherah. At least your father wasn’t like that.”
 
Zipporah lifted her head from Moses and frowned at him with a bemused expression.
 
Zipporah: “Why on Earth would you think that? Do you know who my mother was? No.”
 
Moses: “You refused to tell me.”
 
Zipporah: “Exactly.”
 
Moses: “Well, we won’t have any of that in Yahweh’s new religion.”
 
Zipporah jumped onto the bed and threw up her bare shoulder to her chin. Her figure lounged and she curled up one of her legs.
 
Zipporah: “So you do plan on celibacy, sterility and chastity?”
 
She bit her lower lip.
 
Moses: “Not on your nelly!”
 
He jumped onto the bed as they started giggling at each other.
 
Man: “Just imagine how many other people have fucked on this bed.”
 
Moses leapt from the bed while Zipporah scrambled along the bed to the headstand. Both stared with horror at the unexpected intruder.
 
Man: “Oh, don’t let me stop you…”
 
He was tall and lithe, with thin but firm muscles on his bare arms. His hair was long, blonde and lank that hung heavy and limp past his shoulders. His eyes were bright blue, but they were dark and sallow with sleep deprivation. As he looked from Moses to Zipporah, who was in a state of undress, he sucked on his tongue admiringly.
 
Moses: “Who the hell’re you!? Get out!”
 
Zipporah’s eyes widened and she thrust a finger at the stranger.
 
Zipporah: “The prince! He’s the ghost!”
 
The man’s laughter trilled. His high-pitched voice was haughty but effeminate. He held a hand to his mouth as he laughed at them. When he settled down, he looked at Zipporah condescendingly.
 
Man: “I am no mere ghost. I am a servant to your master.”
 
He walked away from the bed and, when in the middle of the room, wings appeared from his back. It was as though they had merely been invisible until that point and, when he turned around to face them, the wings vanished again. Despite the human appearance, his clothing was unusual enough to stand out, even without the wings. It was a white, leather vest that was pristine and unsullied with any sign of dirt or wear. He had black, leather trousers that shone in the candlelight of the room and he had heavy boots that were of an alien and advanced design to the couple. Around his waist he had a red jacket fastened, tied by its own arms. On his hands were white, fingerless gloves.
 
Zipporah: “You’re one of those angels? Like Bertwick?”
 
Man: “I am an angel, but entirely unlike that unless prick, Bertwick. I forgive you for that comparison because you’re an ignorant fool, but make that comparison again and you’ll regret it.”
 
Moses frowned and moved into the line of sight between his wife, on the bed, and this angel.
 
Moses: “I don’t care who you are, you don’t threaten my wife.”
 
The stranger threw his head back and laughed.
 
Man: “Or what, exactly? You’ll shout at me? You’ll, gasp, dare I say, attack me?”
 
The man straightened, but he still wore a cocky smirk on his lips, and leaned towards Moses.
 
Man: “Don’t make me laugh.”
 
Zipporah: “What do you want!?”
 
She had crawled to the edge of the bed and seemed to be growling inwardly, with a deep, primal fear and hatred of this creature.
 
Man: “I am here to scald you. That’s all. You haven’t performed your duties to your lord adequately.”
 
Moses: “Exactly who are you? Why is Yahweh not here himself?”
 
Man: “I am Archangel Mastema, Angel of Punishment.”
 
Moses: “Punishment!? What for!?”
 
Archangel Mastema: “Why, the sacrifice, of course!”
 
Zipporah leapt from the bed.
 
Zipporah: “No!”
 
Moses shrugged.
 
Moses: “I mean, it’s kind of gross but I can get a cow…”
 
Zipporah: “No!”
 
Moses: “… I don’t think the innkeeper will mind, Zip. He’ll probably like it! Prince murder and cow sacrifice in one room.”
 
Zipporah: “That isn’t what he wants!”
 
Moses turned to Mastema, who was smirking broadly and his eyes were wide with delight.
 
Archangel Mastema: “Did you think a cow would suffice? This is the god of gods. Deity of cultures a million years ago, deity of worlds beyond your ken, ruler of Writers – and you want to offer up… a cow.”
 
Moses frowned.
 
Moses: “Dude was a bush.”
 
The angel faltered.
 
Archangel Mastema: “The office may have fallen into new hands, but the role must be given all due deference by you… pitiful mortals. And you have failed in that duty.”
 
Moses: “Well, now I’m having second thoughts about this whole thing.”
 
Mastema tilted his head coyly.
 
Archangel Mastema: “You think to desert, do you? And what do you think the punishment for that will be?”
 
Moses gulped but puffed up his chest.
 
Moses: “You don’t scare me! I can’t exactly free the Hebrew slaves if I sacrifice myself, can I?”
 
Zipporah: “He doesn’t want you.”’
 
Moses looked to his wife and then to the angel.
 
Moses: “You’ll not have my wife either!”
 
Zipporah: “He doesn’t want me.”
 
Moses: “Then wha-?”
 
He realised there was yet another person in the room. He looked past the angel to the sleeping form on the single bed.
 
Moses: “No! Not my son!?”
 
Zipporah: “That’s what they do, Moses. The priestesses. They take the boys, they… use them and then kill them in honour to the gods. You asked why I wasn’t so devout as my father, that is why.”
 
Archangel Mastema: “The firstborn son of important houses must be sacrificed to the Trinity when the second is conceived.”
 
Moses: “But we haven’t…”
 
Zipporah groaned.
 
Zipporah: “I was going to tell you after you did you business. I didn’t want to distract you from freeing your people. Sorry…”
 
Moses: “I will find time to be happy later. For now, we’re leaving. You can tell—”
 
The angel was gone.
 
Moses: “Um… that was easy. I thought I was going to have to kick him in the nads.”
 
He dashed across the room and picked the boy out of the bed. Gershom lolled his head, still asleep, but managed to whine a complaint at the disturbance. Zipporah was slowly picking up their things;
 
Zipporah: “We can’t escape, Moses.”
 
Moses: “I’m not going to stand about and wait for that creep to come back.”
 
Zipporah: “We’re doomed… Yahweh… Asherah, Ba’al… they’re everywhere.”
 
Moses: “Egypt.”
 
He looked at her in earnest.
 
Moses: “We’ll seek the protection of the Egyptian gods.”
 
Zipporah: “Egypt? We’ll be slaves!”
 
Moses: “Better to be slaves than have our son butchered like an animal.”
 
Suddenly the colour from the world vanished. It was a surreal experience for the humans to find themselves in greyscale. If they knew what black and white televisions were, they might have made a connection. Zipporah tried to speak, but her voice was muffled and fuzzy like static. Moses shouted, but it was just as distorted, despite being louder.
 
He marched across the room and opened the door, but he found himself stepping onto a wide plane of black and white. The ground was grey and the sky was stark white, but black, dead trees lined the landscape like a forest.
 
He turned to go back, but the door was gone and the three of them were trapped in this barren, alien landscape. Moses tried to tell Zipporah to follow him, but the words were lost so he motioned with his head as he carried the child onwards. They trekked for fifteen minutes but the world around them never altered, never changed. Zipporah screamed at the sky, her wail sounding like a garbled screech of a radio signal.
 
Then, there was a point of red in the sky that grew and grew, like an expanding sun. They started to run in the opposite direction to it, but the red circle exploded in a splatter of red; drops of red splashed the grey-white terrain and stained it like brushstrokes of ochre.
 
Zipporah fell to her knees and, again, screamed at the sky.
 
Archangel Mastema: “The demand for blood cannot be ignored.”
 
His voice was the only sound in this wilderness, sounding loud and clear against the muted world. Zipporah leapt to her feet and launched herself at the angel, but he slapped her aside. Moses almost dropped his son as he tried to grab Zipporah.
 
Archangel Mastema: “Yahweh is your master. You are his slave. Your child belongs to him, not you. You are all his property and he demands the sacrifice. The child’s blood will be spilt.”
 
Then, there is the look of surprise on the angel’s face and, a moment later, Mastema is engulfed in a blaze of bright, yellow flame. The humans shielded themselves from it instinctively, but there was no heat. A moment later and the flames burst apart and disappeared, leaving a new figure in the place of Mastema; Yahweh himself. Or rather, another proxy for Yahweh. This time, he was a teddy bear.
 
Yahweh: “He’s gone.”
 
Zipporah had reached breaking point, tears were streaming down her face.
 
Zipporah: “You want my son’s blood!? Then here!!”
 
She didn’t notice that her voice now blasted through the air clearly. She turned and yanked the trousers of her son down, much to the surprise of Moses, and she cut off the boy’s foreskin.
 
The child screamed in sudden agony, blood went everywhere.
 
Yahweh: “Holy shit! Did you just cut off that kid’s dick!?”
 
Zipporah: “HERE IS YOUR SACRIFICE!”
 
She threw it at the bear.
 
Yahweh: “What in the blue blazes!? Did you just throw foreskin at me!?”
 
She roared at the bear.
 
Yahweh: “What in the hell have you been smoking, lady!? Calm your damn tits! The asshat is gone. You don’t need to kill the kid!”
 
She stared wildly at Yahweh and he thought to resolve this a little more politically.
 
Yahweh: “Your, uh, sacrifice of foreskin was sufficient. Even though you fucking threw it at me. Well done. You win. Now we should probably take that kid to a doctor or something. I’m pretty sure open wounds get infected.”
 
The was a loud groan, like the creaking of old wood, as the world around them stretched and then slammed down on them. Moses winced and ducked his head but nothing hit him. He found himself in a city, which he instantly recognised as Egyptian, and was right outside a medical clinic. He rushed inside.
 
 
Yahweh: “I have dismissed the crazy bastard from service. He’s no longer an angel, arch or no. Sorry for what happened to you, bro.”
 
Moses: “It was bloody traumatic! Sorry isn’t really enough, is it?”
 
Yahweh: “I suppose so, but there’s no real way to fix it. I could erase your memories, change time, but I don’t think that is any kind of resolution, is it?”
 
Moses: “No. Just… make sure you don’t have any other crazies in your angelic ranks, yeah?”
 
Yahweh: “I think a degree of crazy is necessary for the job, to be honest, but there’ll be none so eager to torture innocent people, at least. Most certainly not my mostest favouritest people in the world!!”
 
The teddy bear fell over.
 
Yahweh: “Uh, bro, don’t suppose you could… help me out?”
 
Moses reached out and propped the bear back into a seated position.
 
Yahweh: “Thanks.”
 
Moses: “At least you’re not on fire this time.”
 
Yahweh: “I figured something cute and cuddly was needed after what you guys went through.”
 
Moses: “I don’t even know what you’re supposed to be.”
 
Yahweh: “I’m a teddy bear!”
 
Moses: “You’re supposed to be a bear!? Why in the hell would you think bears are cute or cuddly!? You know they eat people?”
 
Yahweh: “Well, I mean… I’m a toy bear! Give me a break!”
 
They were sat on a bench in the middle of the city, watching people wander around them. Moses was snacking on a fried scorpion, while trying not to look like he was talking to a stuffed animal.
 
Yahweh: “Are we ready for Operation Scare the Piss Outta Egyptians? We’re gonna slam them with plagues!”
 
Moses: “Egads! That’s horrible!”
 
Yahweh: “Not actual plagues. They’re not going to get sick and die. That would defeat the point. We need to break their will. So one day, I’ll send frogs to the city.”
 
Moses glanced down at the teddy with a frown.
 
Moses: “Frogs?”
 
Yahweh: “Like, millions and millions and millions of them.”
 
Moses: “Okay, that does sound kind of gross.”
 
Yahweh: “Locusts.”
 
Moses:Really gross.”
 
Yahweh: “Flies.”
 
Moses: “Really, really gross.”
 
Yahweh: “And festering boils!”
 
Moses: “Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!”
 
Stranger: “Yeah, I hate fried scorpion too.”
 
Moses looked at his food and then nodded.
 
Moses: “Yes, sorry. Didn’t realise I said that out loud.”
 
The stranger laughed and kept going.
 
Yahweh: “Haha, you look like a crazy person.”
 
Moses: “Okay, so what’s first?”
 
Yahweh: “First, I will make the rivers turn to blood!”
 
Moses: “Holy shit! That’s first!? If they don’t give in at rivers of blood, they’ll never give in to bloody frogs and locusts!”
 
Yahweh: “I know, but those will be hilarious. Especially frogs. Can you imagine? It’ll be great!”
 
Moses: “Won’t your rivals try to stop you?”
 
Yahweh: “You mean the Egyptian Pantheon? Technically, they can’t interfere in human affairs directly.”
 
Moses: “But you can?”
 
Yahweh: “Not directly. That’s what that magic staff I gave you is for. You summon my powers through it.”
 
Moses: “Okay, won’t they be able to get someone to do the same thing?”
 
Yahweh: “Most of the gods are now under the sway of the most powerful ruler of the Egyptian Pantheon.”
 
Moses: “Amun-Ra.”
 
Yahweh: “And he is under the control of another. Deal with her and they’re powerless…”
 
Moses: “Her? You can’t mean—she’s still here!?”
 
Yahweh: “And as dangerous as ever.”
 
Moses: “My brother always said she was dangerous. If she’s so powerful, how exactly are we going to deal with Sauda?”

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PostDec 19, 2019#108

THE ZERO SANCTION

Metal boots trample grass and plants on the forested world of Tangris, home of the Aeon Lords. Greys march in disciplined ranks, wearing bulky armor decorated with sinister motifs of skulls and suchlike, wielding chainsaw blades and massive guns. The ground is thick both with corpses of Aeon Knights and with Greyarchy soldiers.

These are Greys from an alternate timeline, where they ruled their universe, before their magical nexus was wiped out in a cataclysm. Now they have come to the primary timeline, wreaking havoc throughout the galaxy in search of this timeline's magical ultranexus.

Grey Major: "Milord, we've pinned down the leaders of the on-planet defense."

He snaps off a brisk "aye aye" in response to whatever he was told, and signals his subordinates to take up position around the bluff, but without advancing further.

On the bluff, crouching in the bushes and channeling their souls to shroud their exact presence, two Aeon Lords converse quietly, eyeing the opposition.

Rigorian: "I count forty of them. Not odds we can beat, not with their equipment."

Whippen Kur: "That doesn't matter. Is the last ship away?"

Rigorian: "There were only six shuttles left last I saw. Even if those didn't get away, we evacuated two-thirds of our order successfully."

Whippen Kur: "We'll buy more time then, just in case, before we slip away--"

Rigorian: "Too late."

A Greyarchy dropship, this one much more ornate and well-shielded than any other, comes from orbit, hovering just over the bluff a short distance away, and four Greys leap out of it to land on the ground with a resounding thump. Three of them are over 6 feet tall, which is an astonishing height for a Grey, and the fourth one, the clear leader, is over 7 feet tall, with a swishing cape behind him. All wear impressive armor, all wield ornate weaponry.

God-Emperor of Greykind: "I can sense your presence. There is no escape."

The two Aeon Lords exchange glances. They've been masking their exact presence, but it seems that the God-Emperor of Greykind's legendary mystic might is no mere fable. They share a nod, and stand up out of the bushes, walking forward to meet the God-Emperor and his three accompanying primarchs (out of ten total in his service).

Whippen Kur: "Perhaps escape is not our plan."

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Do you think to defeat me in a heroic duel then? To cut off the head of the serpent whose coils strangle your order?"

Rigorian: "Your coils are loose. We've already evacuated our order, while you lot have been on a wild-goose chase around the forest after us."

The God-Emperor of Greykind's smile is twisted and sinister.

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Perhaps you refer to those six shuttles we caught attempting to slingshot around the planet to evade our blockade."

Whippen Kur murmurs a quiet dirge for the fallen. Still, as Rigorian had pointed out just minutes ago, that leaves two-thirds of the Aeon Knights alive and free. Still a heavy loss, particularly when counting all those who had died in the ground fighting when the Greyarchy's armies dropped from the skies scant hours ago.

Rigorian: "Balance shall be restored in the end. It always is. For every innocent or champion you kill, restitution shall come upon you."

The God-Emperor of Greykind laughs sardonically.

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Threats, is it? I could destroy you both myself, and that's even without three of my primarchs and a legion of my finest troops around us."

Rigorian: "No threat. I speak of the universe. It always finds balance in the end."

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Do your platitudes give you comfort in the face of your own death?"

Both Aeon Lords already knew they were dead men. They'd surrendered themselves to that fate the moment they took on the role of leading the Greyarchy troops away from the evacuating Knights. But the longer they stalled with talking, the more of a chance they had to assess their surroundings and inflict as much damage as possible before meeting their deaths.

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Without your precious order, there will be no more flares to distract me. I shall have the ultranexus that is rightfully mine!"

The galaxy's defenders had realized early on that the Greyarchy was after Earth's ultranexus. Fortunately the Greyarchy didn't know where Earth was, or even that Earth was the planet they were looking for. The Aeon Knights had dispatched groups all around the galaxy, channeling their souls in tandem to present bright mystic flares that distracted the Greyarchy's forces with false flags, sending them on wild goose chases around the galaxy that led them no closer to the ultranexus.

But the God-Emperor of Greykind had finally caught onto this, and had realized the source of these fakeouts. And now Tangris is a conquered world.

Whippen Kur: "You'll find that plenty of Aeon remain to stymy you, your majesty. And the galaxy has other defenders yet."

The God-Emperor of Greykind's only response is to draw his chainsaw sword and raise his other fist, which crackles with the flames of an impending fireball. The two Aeon Lords tense, ready to spring into action for the last fight of their lives-

A scream of metal tears through the atmosphere as a blazing comet appears high overhead and shoots straight down towards them. Everyone - Greys and Aeon Lords - looks straight up at it, as it hurls downwards at phenomenal speed, outdistancing the lasers fired at it by the Grey blockade in orbit.

Inside the rapid delivery vessel, Templar Yurk of the witch-wardens guides his ship, which is little more than a well-shielded torpedo. Sweat pours down his brow as he plummets, his warhead armed, his hands clenching the steering to slip out of the way of orbital lasers. General Thrass has assigned this task to him, to deliver the Zero Sanction upon Tangris, where the God-Emperor of Greykind and three of his primarchs currently are, out in the open.

The witch-wardens have expected an attack on Tangris ever since the Aeon started their ruses, and have prepared. Not a defense of the Aeon, no, but an ultimate counterstrike. The Zero Sanction is a weapon that Grand Lord Inquisitor Alpha developed centuries ago, designed to be a last resort against the Aeon should it ever be needed. It would blanket a world in a blast of esoteric energy that would blunt the souls caught on the planet.

Normal people would experience little or no effect, but Aeon would theoretically lose their ability to channel their souls. According to General Thrass, Lord Inquisitor Alpha had expressed confidence that the same technique would be sufficient to severely weaken, and perhaps outright remove, the God-Emperor of Greykind's own supernatural prowess, despite it not being soul-based.

As for any unfortunate Aeon still on the planet? Acceptable casualties. Even the most progressive of the witch-wardens are none too fond of anyone with supernatural abilities, no matter how much of a force for good they might be.

Grey Primarch #1: "I can't telekinetically shove it away, it's got some kind of shielding--"

Then it hits. Or more correctly, at a scant fifty meters above them, Templar Yurk's delivery vessel's warhead activates. Its tip glows with a bright white light, as a sonic boom pulses through the air, the only physical effects of a soul-blunting explosion.

Then it stops. Everything stops.

Hermes Trismegistus: "An interesting confluence of fates."

Three Fates: "I quite agree. I rather like you, the previous Runekeeper was such a stick in the mud, would just complain about the destruction of magic and blah blah blah."

Hermes Trismegistus: "As I see it, my role is to keep magic as a whole in the NeSiverse running, not to worry about each and every user of it. And I don't answer to the same people that he, or you, did."

Three Fates are three identical women who seem to share a mind. She/They are the cosmic deity over all fate and destiny in the NeSiverse. Hermes Trismegistus is a Greek god from Earth, who became a fantastically powerful mage close to two millennia ago, and recently also become the Runekeeper, cosmic deity over all magic in the NeSiverse. A thick tome is carried in the crook of his elbow.

Three Fates: "Perhaps, but even now we must both answer to Ohgmorkoth."

Hermes Trismegistus: "Just call him the Big O, like he wants to be called. Much simpler."

Three Fates: "Says the man who insists on his surname being spelled out every single time."

Ohgmorkoth is the nominal supreme deity of the NeSiverse, but is really more interested in hedonism, and leaves it to his vizier, Fladnag the White, to manage affairs.

Aeon: "Oi, you! Stop mucking about with time!"

Another god, this one the cosmic deity of all time in the NeSiverse - whose name might easily be confused with the name of the order of knights and lords whose planet Tangris is - appears, looking crossly at his fellows.

Three Fates: "Just exercising our prerogative to observe a momentous event!"

Aeon: "If you're not going to interfere, then all you're doing is making my job harder! Do you think time runs itself?"

Hermes Trismegistus: "I don't remember you ever giving the Doctor such a hard time about his time hijinks."

Aeon: "He travels through time. He doesn't stop it. Usually."

Three Fates: "Such a spoilsport. I was enjoying the scent of destiny in the air."

Aeon: "If you want that, go to the debris of the Time Lock War in Earth's solar system. Still quite a scent there."

Three Fates makes a face, or more correctly, three identical faces.

Three Fates: "Much too strong an odor, even for us."

Hermes Trismegistus: "Peace. We've seen what we wanted to see. It is not our intention to complicate your duties, Aeon. We'll leave. Won't we, Three Fates?"

Three Fates: "Fine."

The deities disappear, and time starts up again. The explosion bursts out, the air rippling all over the planet. Every last Aeon Knight still on the world, every last Greyarchy soldier who can use magic, they all feel it. As though something inside them is shriveling.

The God-Emperor of Greykind, in less than an instant, is the first to realize exactly what is happening. Even as the guided torpedo continues its flight to the surface and slams into the ground between the primarchs and the two Aeon Lords - creating a minor earthquake and sending sprays of dirt and rock everywhere - the God-Emperor snarls defiantly and clenches his fist, summoning his will against this weapon.

When the smoke starts to clear, Rigorian and Whippen Kur pick themselves up.

Rigorian: "What the devil?"

He attempts to summon his ruhand, but cannot. Whippen Kur already knows what has happened. Their souls have been blunted. A quick glance around shows Greyarchy soldiers hurled to the ground and slowly getting to their feet. A number of them - clearly magic users, or more correctly former magic users - are looking rather lost and confused.

Whippen Kur steps to the side, to look past the impact crater of the torpedo, to see the fate of the God-Emperor and his primarchs.

The God-Emperor is slowly rising to his feet, his armor steaming, and faint power crackles around him. His three primarchs are smoking corpses on the ground around him. Grim realization sets in for the Aeon Lord: the God-Emperor literally drained the souls of his three nearest primarchs to sustain himself. He is still far weaker in magic than he was before, but not totally powerless.

Rigorian: "We have to get out of here while we still can."

Whippen Kur: "Wait - that torpedo had a pilot. I could sense it before the blast. He may still be alive."

Rigorian knows better than to try to argue with his friend. He quickly helps Whippen Kur shift some debris, and some groaning ensues as the battered templar of the witch-wardens rises to his feet. He is as tall as Whippen Kur, being a Lorek, a species with no hair or eyes. His matte black armor is steaming, and he's sweating profusely, but is alert due to the alchemical boosts running through his system. He yanks his ballistic cyberpunk revolver out of his holster and turns towards the God-Emperor of Greykind.

Whippen Kur: "A witch-warden. I should not be surprised."

Rigorian: "Are you mad, Lorek? Leave that Grey git and his army, we should get out of here!"

Templar Yurk: "I have a duty."

He cocks his pistol and fires. The God-Emperor snaps his head around at the sound of the shot, just in time to take a heavy step back from the stopping power of the bullet, which leaves a deep dent in his armor - but does not penetrate it. Three more shots in quick succession force him back several more steps, keeping him off guard, but he snarls and thrusts out his hand.

A fireball hurls toward Yurk, but it is less a fireball and more of a spray of sparks. Yurk doesn't even flinch, his armor and witch-warden protections more than sufficient to protect him against this weak magic. Whippen Kur and Rigorian experience, for the first time in more years than they can count, the sensation of being helpless; they have no powers or weapons anymore.

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Insolent cur! Major! Fire!"

The Greyarchy Major in charge of the squad surrounding the bluff has been checking his troops, but instantly forms them up in a haphazard approximation of proper formation and gives the order. Laser bolts sear through the air. Most of them miss, due to the short amount of time the Greys had to aim, on top of their still being frazzled from the Zero Sanction's blast.

Templar Yurk: "Ugh!"

A few laser blasts scorch his armor, and at least one cuts through it to give him a light injury. Whippen Kur and Rigorian have dropped to the ground and avoided injury. Yurk aims again at the God-Emperor's head and fires, but the Grey leader's armor has a built-in force field to protect his head, and the bullet doesn't pierce it, although the force of the impact nonetheless snaps the God-Emperor's head back with a pained yelp as he stumbles back and goes to one knee. Yurk presses his lips into a thin line, then comes to a decision.

Templar Yurk: "Be ready to run."

Rigorian: "What?"

God-Emperor of Greykind: "Major, I said FIRE!"

The witch-warden templar has pulled a pair of grenades from his bandolier. With expert precision he throws them simultaneously in opposite directions. The Major and the soldiers nearest him are torn apart by the blast, while the God-Emperor is thrown back several meters to land on his back, though his armor - the finest in the Greyarchy - protects him from serious harm.

When the smoke clears, the witch-warden and both Aeon Lords are gone.

Threads

PostDec 20, 2019#109

The seven leashes of Coaleashion are technically compressed (albeit large and long) fields of magnetic force and exotic matter, but given their often blue-green hue and the fact that spaceships can literally float on them to be carried along by magnetic current, they are quite similar to seas. These twisted and gnarled pathways make the system difficult to navigate, which is one reason why the High Empire's Remnant sector doesn't closely monitor it.

The other reason of course is that Navitatex Pollos takes substantial bribes in exchange for leaving it alone.

Coaleashion is most famous for its pirates, which teem here under Pollos's lax watch. And its nobility, the Houses of White anointed by the High Empire in ages past, are those most knowledgeable and powerful in this system. But for most of its inhabitants, who are neither pirates nor nobles, it is simply the place they live, and they are unaware of the larger political climate.

The Gnarled Leash is unique among the seven leashes in that it twists in on itself, spiraling tighter and tighter, passing several planetoids (known as prides or skulks) along the way, before ending in the center at a place called Wits' End Skulk. The High Empire is famous for treating its citizens well, but due to Coaleashion's unique position of being largely left alone, it is generally those who live on the nicer prides who get better access to the Remnant's technology and resources.

Those on the skulks have lesser access, and when it comes to Wits' End Skulk, only reachable through a long and arduous sail down the entire length of the Gnarled Leash, its inhabitants must fend for themselves almost completely. The skulk's appointed governor lives in a small fortified palace made entirely of the High Empire's famous crystal, but the rest of the structures dotting the planetoid are made of rock, concrete, or metal, and usually at least somewhat haphazard in construction, not to mention often poorly maintained.

Mantle: "Nothing in the fridge except Uncle Eq's booze. Again."

The young man sighs as he closes the fridge door in the dingy apartment that he has lived his entire life in, here on Wits' End Skulk. Despite its dinginess, it's surprisingly expansive, being the entire third floor atop a cluster of two-story shops. The building isn't that wide, so it's still fairly small, but Mantle still has no idea how his uncle managed it. Then again, as popular as Uncle Eq is, he's not surprised that the man has those kinds of connections.

Mantle: "I'll head on down to the market. Uncle Eq!"

There is no reply. Mantle checks all the rooms and finds no one.

Mantle: "Must be out. I'll write him a note."

He does so, before exiting to the stairwell that hugs the side of the building, locking the door behind him, and descending to join the eternal throng of people pressing the streets. The young man sticks out by virtue of not being a Fiolxon - the vulpine and feline race native to Coaleashion - but instead is human, or at least appears to be. He himself isn't certain whether he's actually human or not, but assumes he is in lieu of evidence otherwise.

He surveys the threads as he always does, doing it by  habit and instinct, the observations coming easily to him. As usual, it's a chaotic tangle, and he finds it fascinating to watch. He spots a thread indicating a pickpocket, follows it with his gaze to the pickpocket, and sees that the pickpocket is a starving young woman. Going to the young woman, who shrinks back in surprise at being approached directly, he smiles in a friendly manner.

Mantle: "I'm going to the market. If you want come with me, I'll get you something to eat."

Surprise and wariness war on the woman's vulpine face.

Fiolxon Woman: "And what do you want for this? I'm not selling my body."

Mantle: "I don't want anything. I just noticed you're hungry and want to help. I'll buy you something, then we'll go our separate ways."

The woman is surprised, and appears to be debating internally, before her growling stomach wins. She hesitantly falls in step beside Mantle, and he slows his pace for her. He feels the thread of his coinpurse thrumming a bit, and thus knows that the woman is contemplating just snatching his coinpurse and making a run for it.

Mantle: "Please don't."

The thread stops thrumming, and he can practically feel the woman's surprise. She says nothing however, and Mantle lets it pass. Presently they arrive at the market, which is an open-air plaza full of stalls, merchants hawking their wares.

Mantle: "Pick a stall."

More surprise from her threads, but after only a moment, she makes a beeline for a stall selling meat pies. The merchant eyes her warily, noting how poor and ragged she is.

Fiolxon Woman: "One of these."

Merchant: "I'm not a charity, missy."

Mantle: "Two of them, please."

He sets down the coins for them. The merchant greedily snatches them up and bites them between his teeth, before nodding. Mantle picks up the two largest meat pies and gives them to the woman, who immediately begins devouring them. Mantle smiles gently and gives her a nod, before disappearing into the crowd to find the fruits and vegetables he wants to stock his larder with. While perusing the stock of one particular stall, he notices a dark thread the next stall over. A glance shows a man sneaking up to filch some jewelry while the merchant is turned away to speak to a customer.

The would-be thief's threads are not hungry. He is simply a thief whose belly is reasonably full, and wants something to finance wine and whores with. Mantle sets down the apple he was inspecting, and walks over to that stall, deliberately placing himself between the would-be thief and the jewelry. The threads around him jangle with irritation. The merchant looks over from the customer he's speaking to.

Jewelry Merchant: "Look to your heart's content, sir! Have a lady in mind? I'll be right with you- Hey you! What are you doing!"

He has noticed the would-be thief skulking behind Mantle, who runs off while throwing a glare in Mantle's direction.

Mantle: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't think I'll be getting something today. Sorry to bother you."

He goes back to the fruit stall.

A short while later he's on his way back to his home, carrying a bag of food under one arm. He comes to a stop in the middle of a traffic jam, so to speak, a crowd of people not moving. His eyes follow the threads of irritation and fear and awe, and notes that one of the skulk's minor nobles is coming down the street, his guards forcing people out of the way. Mantle shrugs and ducks through an alley as a detour.

An alley detour is usually a risky venture, and so it is today, for before Mantle reaches the end of the alley, the would-be jewelry thief from earlier steps into his path, holding out a sharp knife.

Would-Be Thief: "You cost me a fine piece, your maneless cur."

Mantle can't help but take some offense. "Maneless" is a common, if severe, insult among Fiolxon, who pride themselves on their manes. Even Uncle Eq, despite not being a Fiolxon, prides himself on his mane, and as a result of his upbringing amidst these people, Mantle has styled his blonde hair into something resembling a long golden mane, and takes a measure of pride in it.

Mantle: "I like to think my mane is decent, considering I didn't have the fortune to be born a Fiolxon."

He doesn't care about not being a Fiolxon, but he tries to be diplomatic when he can. The would-be thief's threads, however, show he won't be mollified, but it's nevertheless a matter of principle for Mantle.

Would-Be Thief: "I don't know how, but you got in my way deliberately. I can tell. I'm not gonna let that pass. How about I relieve you of your coin purse?"

Mantle sighs. The thief's threads show that he won't be persuaded otherwise, so he doesn't bother trying to negotiate.

Mantle: "No."

Would-Be Thief: "I was sorta hoping you'd say that."

The thief's threads give away his attack before his motions do, and so Mantle is already ducking to the side as the knife thrusts out. His free hand slams down on the thief's forearm at just the right angle, and he grunts in pain, the knife clattering from nerveless fingers. The thief's threads twist wildly, but Mantle is an expert at reading them, and is already moving to counter the thief's imminent fist.

In a short time, the thief is crumpled on the groan, clutching his stomach and groaning in pain.

Would-Be Thief: "Emp damn you..."

Mantle: "Find a better way to finance your wine and whores. Maybe find something better to spend coin on than wine and whores, in fact."

This is why alley shortcuts aren't particularly risky a venture for Mantle. He strides off, and is soon back at his home. He goes inside and is met by his uncle.

Uncle Eq: "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Mantle: "I left you a note."

Uncle Eq: "Who has time to read? That fridge was too full of booze, so I had to get busy emptying it!"

This much is clear, as the horse-headed man is clutching a bottle, and there's already another empty bottle on the couch behind him.

Mantle: "Let me put this up before it spoils, Uncle."

Uncle Eq: "Alright. But then we're gonna have a night on the town together!"

Mantle throws his horse-headed uncle a look. Well, not biological uncle, clearly, but that's what Eq always said to call him, and Mantle thinks of him as family, having been raised by him.

Mantle: "We are? Why?'

Uncle Eq: "Because it's your 21st birthday of course! We're gonna make a man out of you! I'm gonna take you to the best tavern around, get you wasted, and then get you laid! I'll pay for it, don't worry."

Mantle rolls his eyes but also smiles fondly at his uncle's eternal exuberance as he finishes putting up the food he bought, before turning back to his uncle.

Mantle: "Uncle Eq, you know I'm not interested in any of that."

Uncle Eq: "Sure, you've always said that, but just wait till you get there! You'll be thanking me. No one knows how to party like me!"

That much is true, the horse-headed man is a fairly well known party planner on the Wits' End Skulk, though his parties tend to be more impromptu than planned affairs.

Mantle: "You know I'd like to spend time with you, but I really have no interest in drinking or whoring around."

Uncle Eq: "Look, if it's guys you want, I won't judge. There are plenty of gay whores you know!"

Mantle: "What? No, Uncle, that's not it. I just... I don't know how to explain it. It'd have to be someone special, I guess."

Uncle Eq: "Trust me, the whores at the place I'm taking you are pretty special!"

Mantle sighs longsufferingly, but is nonetheless soon steered outside by his uncle. The young man knows he'll have fun despite his refusal to drink and whore around, because Uncle Eq is a pretty cool dude despite his own tendencies towards such things. He's rather surprised when Uncle Eq takes him to one of Wits' End Skulk's ports though.

Mantle: "We're going to a tavern on a different skulk?"

He's only rarely been off Wit's End Skulk in his life.

Uncle Eq: "Nope. I'm taking you to a pride, son."

Mantle perks up with interest. He's never been to a pride. He and Eq board a small schooner, whose Fiolxon pilot is an amiable chap despite interspersing colorful curse words into every sentence. Mantle's eyes are alight as he watches the vast array of threads in the Gnarled Leash as the magnetic flux sprays around them much like sea spray might.

Mantle: "Watch out! A rip tide there!"

The threads up ahead clearly indicate that to his eyes, but the Fiolxon navigator gives him a funny look.

Fiolxon Navigator: "What? How by Highemp's flaming left big toe would you know?"

Uncle Eq: "Listen to him. My nephew has a knack for noticing things."

The Fiolxon shrugs and steers wide of the riptide.

Fiolxon Navigator: "You know I'm charging by distance traveled, right? That wide detour just added a few more coins' worth of distance."

Uncle Eq: "You know I'm good for it. I can pay in credits today if you prefer.

Fiolxon Navigator: "Maybe half and half."

The poorer skulks tend to use coins as currency, but the richer prides, with more access to Remnant resources and technology, use the standard High Imperial credit system. Thus those who tend to frequent both prides and skulks use both currencies.

Several planetoids are passed before they finally reach the head of the Gnarled Leash, and the schooner takes a dip around part of the Broken Leash before sailing out into the wide flux of the Master Leash. There are far more prides than skulks on the Master Leash.

Mantle: "Wait... Uncle, we're going to a pride on the Master Leash?"

Uncle Eq: "Mantle, we're going to the Ivory Pride."

Mantle jaw actually drops. The Ivory Pride is the largest and most splendid planetoid in Coaleashion, and its capital, where the king and joint House council reign. Even as the schooner sails into port, Mantle's eyes widen as he surveys the city, which is almost entirely constructed of towering crystal. He continues to gawk as Uncle Eq leads him through the city to a bustling tavern, which while clearly rich is also clearly bawdy.

Uncle Eq: "Two glasses of the good stuff! It's my nephew's 21st birthday today!"

Mantle: "Just one. I'm not drinking."

Uncle Eq: "You'll break my heart, Mantle. Make it two anyway, I'll drink both!"

Mantle watches the crowd with interest. So many threads, and with such vibrancy! There's dancing and singing going on, a few jugglers, and plenty of laughter and carousing.

Uncle Eq: "I take it this means I can't convince you to get laid either?"

Mantle: "Sorry, Uncle."

Uncle Eq: "So... see anything interesting?"

Mantle knows his uncle is referring to what Mantle calls the threads. He's seen them all his life, lines of light and color that no one else can see, but which indicate pretty much everything, from emotions to physical phenomena and anything else. Individuals have them, objects have them, places have them, the stars in the sky have them. Even empty space is full of them! His horse-headed uncle always refuses to speculate on what the threads are, but Mantle suspects that he has at least some idea.

Mantle: "Always. Uncle... if you really want to do something special for my 21st birthday... tell me about my parents."

Uncle Eq sighs, and takes a swig before answering.

Uncle Eq: "You deserve answers, I know. You've always deserved them. But I still can't tell you. It will cause nothing but trouble."

Mantle: "But why?"

It's an old conversation, one they've had many times.

Uncle Eq: "If I told you why, that'd be as good as telling you who they are."

Mantle: "Can you at least tell me why they named me Mantle?"

Uncle Eq: "Maybe I can do that. For starters, it wasn't they who named you, it was just your mother. Your father saw you as an achievement, didn't really care about you as a person. And your mother... My understanding is that it's a double meaning. One, she saw you as a mantle of her shame."

Mantle: "What? She was ashamed of me?!"

Uncle Eq: "I'm sorry, Mantle. But you're man enough to know that now. But the other meaning is that she also saw you as a mantle of her glory."

Mantle: "That makes no sense."

Uncle Eq: "Both of your parents were proud people. And they used to both be good people. But trust me, by the time they had you, they weren't the sort of people anyone would want to know. Certainly not fit to raise you, even if they hadn't gone and gotten themselves killed. But your mother had enough humanity left in her to recognize that she was on a dark path, though she couldn't, or wouldn't turn away from it. Hence you were a mark of shame too, for that part of her that still held a spark of good. But that same spark of good meant she loved you deeply."

Mantle: "Thank you for telling me, Uncle."

Uncle Eq: "I'm sorry it's not really what you wanted to hear."

Mantle: "Did... did either of them see the threads?"

Uncle Eq: "Not that they told me. But it's not like they ever confided anything in me. I was only loosely acquainted with them."

Mantle: "What? Then how--"

Uncle Eq: "They were notorious, I knew them well enough. They abandoned you, before going to their deaths. I choose to believe that your mother was giving you up though, that small part of her recognizing that you would be better off without them. In my business, I hear things from everyone, so I heard about you, and knew what I had to do."

Mantle: "But you raised me yourself, instead of finding me another home. You didn't have to. Thank you, Uncle, that... that really means a lot."

Uncle Eq: "Yeah, and here you are repaying me by refusing to drink or get laid!"

They both chuckle, the tension lessened.

There's a bit of a stir then, as a new patron comes into the inn. He's a Fiolxon, whose rich raiment and pure white fur mark him as a member of nobility. Mantle is surprised that there's no bowing and scraping however, but a look at the man's threads tell him why. This noble is a bit of a rascal, who regularly mingles with the common folk rather than having the haughtiness most nobles do.

Uncle Eq: "Baron Gaknisard Go. Say hello."

Mantle: "What? Why?"

Uncle Eq: "Maybe he can convince you to get laid."

Mantle rolls his eyes, but his uncle's threads show that the horse-headed man has a deeper intent. He shrugs inwardly and goes over. The baron - who looks to be about Mantle's age, or perhaps a couple years older - is already sitting at a dice table and throwing dice with extraordinary luck. And no wonder: the Fiolxon's threads show that he is blessed with extraordinary luck indeed.

Baron Go: "Ha! Double sixes again! Hey, friend! Care to try your luck!"

Mantle: "I don't think there's anyone in Coaleashion who can beat your luck."

Baron Go: "Smart fellow! But have you met everyone in Coaleashion then?"

Mantle: "No, not by a long shot."

The baron studies Mantle for a moment, throwing his next pair of dice without looking. There's laughter from spectators and groans from his opponents as the dice turn up on sixes again.

Baron Go: "Who are you?"

It's more than just a request for introductions. The baron senses something about Mantle.

Mantle: "I don't know. But I go by Mantle."

Baron Go: "Ha! Good answer. Maybe I can help you figure out who you are."

Mantle furrows his brow.

Mantle: "How?"

Baron Go: "I know a bloke who specializes in the impossible."

Mantle: "Er, okay?"

Baron Go: "He's a hoot. Always turning water into the best wine I've had, but it never causes hangovers, because once he leaves, it turns back into water, even the wine we've imbibed! So we're suddenly stone-cold sober, ha!"

Imhoptah: "The barkeep will kick me out if I do that here. Undercutting his business."

Baron Go: "Gah! Way to take a few years off my life, man! I didn't know you were here, where'd you come from?"

Even Mantle is shocked. The six-armed man just appeared from nowhere. Not just a simple teleport, but even the threads don't know what to make of him. His threads are knots within knots within knots, and even as Mantle's eyes follow them, he starts to get dizzy.

Imhoptah: "You want me for something important. No way I could possibly know that, so here I am."

Mantle: "Huh?"

Baron Go: "Ha! Told you, Mantle, that's what he does! This here is Imhoptah, a hundred-armed smith."

Mantle: "I'm sorry for your loss."

Indeed the knotted threads do indicate that he once had 94 more arms.

Imhoptah: "I'm fine. A hecatoncheires could never get over such a loss, so naturally I'm over it."

Mantle is starting to get the gist of Imhoptah's impossible logic, but it's still mentally straining.

Imhoptah: "Interesting threads you see."

Mantle: "What? You see them too?"

Baron Go: "What is this now?"

Imhoptah: "No, I don't see them, but I can tell you can."

Mantle: "Could either of my parents see them? Is that where I get them from?"

Imhoptah: "Neither of them could see the threads, you are unique in that regard. But you did get it from them. A synthesis of their abilities in you."

Mantle: "How on Coaleashion could you know that?"

Imhoptah: "I couldn't. Hence, I do."

Uncle Eq: "I forgot that I have to be way more drunk whenever I'm dealing with you."

Imhoptah: "Oh hello, HG! Didn't know you frequented these parts. Thought the parties here weren't wild enough for you."

Uncle Eq grins.

Uncle Eq: "With me here, they get wild enough!"

Baron Go: "I know you. Didn't I see you at my cousin's bachelor party last month?"

Uncle Eq: "Sure did!"

Mantle: "But Imhoptah, does this mean you know who my parents--"

Tsou de Ming: "This is a stick-up!"

There's a commotion as the tall green-skinned pirate woman stalks in, wielding a blaster pistol.

She instantly finds several blasters pointed at her from the patrons.

Tsou de Ming: "Ha! Just what I was hoping for. Look, think you fellows can help a girl out? I'm being followed, and if I cut out the back, that means they'll come in. Hold them off for me, will you?"

Some raucous laughter assents, and she blows everyone a kiss before dashing through and cutting out the back. Before Mantle can recover himself to try asking Imhoptah his question again, Peter Capaldi bursts in.

12th Doctor: "Where are they? They've stolen my TARDIS for the last time!"

He finds blasters pointed at him.

12th Doctor: "Guns, always guns. What is it with you people and guns?"

Mantle is astonished by the man's threads, they are complex indeed!

12th Doctor: "Look, if you've heard any whooshing noises, or seen a pair of fishy blokes come through here, tell me! Don't make me use my eyebrows!"

Baron Go: "Oh, guess you're not after that green chick then."

All the blasters are holstered.

12th Doctor: "Haven't seen them then? Drat the luck."

He ducks back outside. Mantle turns back to Baron Go, but then two men burst in. Blasters are immediately pointed at them.

Soriel: "Ready for a fight right away? My kind of place."

Highemp: "Dammit, this was her plan! Stall us before we can get back the TARDIS she stole."

Soriel: "To be fair, we stole it too, so maybe it's karma."

Highemp: "Karma gets along with me too well for that."

Baron Go: "Funny, I often say the same thing."

The Fiolxon noble strides up to the two cloaked swordsmen nonchalantly.

Baron Go: "Now look, just because you're a Highemp cosplayer doesn't mean you can expect every woman you look at to fall for you. That's just blasphemy."

Highemp: "Cosplayer? What are you on about?"

Imhoptah: "This would be an awkward conversation to have."

Highemp: "You! I didn't know you ever left Majaethrix."

Imhoptah: "From time to time."

Highemp: "But hey, good thing I ran into you! I love this place's crystal vibe. When I found my capital and get you to build it, think you can work in that sort of design?"

Uncle Eq: "I can safely say I didn't see that coming."

Soriel: "First things first, Highemp. Stealing back the TARDIS we stole?"

Highemp: "Right. Ciao folks!"

Baron Go: "Sorry, chaps, but we can't let you through."

Soriel: "Oh good! A reason to fight!"

Highemp: "She's a thief and a pirate!"

Baron Go: "So? Common pastimes around here."

Soriel: "Enough talk."

Soriel slashes at the baron with lightning speed, but the baron nimbly dodges aside. Soriel looks utterly shocked, but keeps attacking. Again and again he keeps missing. Mantle sees Baron Go's threads, and thus knows that it's not a matter of the Fiolxon baron having immense reflexes and speed, but a matter of his practically miraculous luck.

Highemp: "This is a job for--"

Uncle Eq: "Superman?"

Highemp: "--a true master of power!"

A sword composed entirely of pure white energy flashes into existence in his hand, and slashes at Baron Go quicker than thought. Mantle is utterly astonished to see the sword cutting through the baron's threads of luck, severing them entirely! The swing finishes with a shallow cut in the baron's arm.

Baron Go: "Yeowch! What the Tartarus?!"

He's clearly in pain and shock, having never been touched in combat before. The patrons of the tavern are all staring in horror, for the baron is widely known as untouchable.

Highemp: "That was a warning. Let us through."

Mutely, the crowd parts.

Soriel: "Oh come on! I wanted a fight!"

Highemp drags him through the tavern and out the back.

Baron Go: "Barkeep? A round for everyone, on me!"

The tavern cheers, restored to its normal good humor, as the baron slumps down in his chair. He's not pained so much as he is numb with the shock of his luck failing him. Mantle looks at him in concern, seeing the tattered threads dangling loosely.

Before he can say anything, the door bursts open again, as Matt Smith comes in, wearing a Fez.

11th Doctor: "Alright, where are they? Stole my TARDIS yet again, but what's worse is that they haven't at least returned it! I mean, that's just the polite thing to do!"

Mantle is astonished to see, via the threads, that this man is the same one as Peter Capaldi. Baron Go points out the back door in response to Matt Smith's question, who nods in thanks and dashes out.

Mantle: "Wait!"

11th Doctor: "Yes?"

Mantle: "Your fez is pretty cool."

Matt Smith's face breaks out into a broad grin. He doesn't know it, but Mantle saw his fez-loving thread.

11th Doctor: "I know, right?"

Then he is gone. Mantle turns back to Baron Go, who has patched up his cut with some crystal nanites, healing it instantly and scarlessly. He's still a bit listless.

Mantle isn't even surprised when the tavern door bursts open again before he can say anything.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: "Has anyone seen Suzy?"

Aellah: "You know no one else knows who you mean when you call her that."

Mantle stares in surprise at these two men's threads. The first has threads of plot armor, and the second has threads of eternal super happiness.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: "Right. Tall three-eyed green pirate woman?"

Instantly blasters are pointed at them.

Aellah: "Why am I not surprised?"

Xerxes Rumplekirk: "Oh, come on, don't be like that, folks!"

Uncle Eq: "She's a charmer, what can I say?"

Xerxes Rumplekirk: "I know! Which is why I'm so disappointed she stood me up. I just want to see her!"

The blasters are withdrawn, and the patrons jerk their thumbs towards the back door.

Aellah: "True romantics at heart! Thank you all, Xerxes will be very happy to see her."

Uncle Eq: "Good luck on your date!"

Then the two are gone. Baron Go picks up a pair of dice and throws them.

They are not sixes.

Mantle: "Baron--"

10th Doctor: "Has anyone seen a Time Lord around here?"

Everyone looks to see David Tennant bursting in.

10th Doctor: "You see, it's just that I thought I was the last one, but I've seen no less than two other TARDISes here! And they're both using the same chameleon circuit pattern that I am!"

A glance at his threads tells Mantle what's going on with him, that he's an earlier incarnation of the same man as the Fez and the Eyebrows.

Mantle: "It's complicated. You might be able to find out if you head out the back."

10th Doctor: "Thanks!"

Mantle: "I'm sorry about Rose."

David Tennant freezes in his tracks.

10th Doctor: "What did you say?"

Mantle: "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. But it's just so obvious that you're hurting."

Tennant is silent for a moment, staring at Mantle.

10th Doctor: "Obvious, huh? I'll have to work on that."

Then he too is gone. Of course, there's no way he can hide his threads from Mantle, which is what made his hurt obvious to the young man.

Baron Go: "Emp damn it!"

Mantle turns around to see the Fiolxon baron raising his fist in frustration at the sight of the non-sixes dice, and bringing it down, ready to slam into the table.

In that moment, something crystallizes inside Mantle. It seems so obvious, so simple to him. He reaches out with mental fingers and touches the tattered threads, weaving them back together into a seamless whole.

The baron's fist hits the table, and the dice bounce... and land on double sixes. He stares at them, then picks them up and throws them again. Double sixes. He throws them again several times, and every time it's double sixes.

Baron Go: "YES!"

Imhoptah: "Most curious, Mantle."

Uncle Eq: "You did something, didn't you? Well, I guess that's sufficiently momentous for your 21st birthday, even if you refused to get laid or wasted."

Mantle: "Imhoptah - that Highemp cosplayer - could he see the threads too?"

Imhoptah: "No, I don't think so. But he has great sight too, even if it is not the same as yours. And I wouldn't fret about him. Not too many people can sever threads like that, and he won't be a problem for long. Relatively speaking."

Uncle Eq: "Technically, he's already not a problem."

Mantle: "He really was Highemp, wasn't he?"

Uncle Eq: "Not out loud, son. But yes. From his earlier days, as a wanderer. He was much less of a git then."

He takes another swig.

Uncle Eq: "Well, time for you to be off then!"

Mantle: "Huh? What do you mean?"

Uncle Eq: "You've got a power now. You can actually use those threads, if I understand right. I always knew I'd never be able to keep you isolated forever. Just hope you've got a good head on your shoulders."

Mantle: "I do, Uncle. Thanks to you."

Uncle Eq: "Sometimes in spite of me, more like, eh? Ha!"

Mantle: "But where should I go? What should I do?"

Uncle Eq: "That's up to you. But I'd suggest Imhoptah here as a tour guide."

Imhoptah: "I'm an impossible smith, not a tour guide."

Uncle Eq: "You're not telling me no, are you?"

Imhoptah: "...no, I'm not. But at least don't call me a tour guide. Where do you want to go, Mantle?"

Mantle hugs his horse-head uncle farewell, and shakes Baron Go's hands. Then he turns to the six-armed smith.

Mantle: "Thanks, Imhoptah. I... I don't suppose we can go see my parents? Before they died?"

Imhoptah: "Maybe someday. But not now."

Mantle: "Alright. Um... somewhere where I can help people? And hopefully with lots of interesting new threads."

Imhoptah: "Sounds good. Let's duck into the bathroom then."

Mantle: "Huh? Why? That doesn't lead anywhere."

Imhoptah: "Exactly. That's why this will work."

He opens the bathroom door and steps through, shoving Mantle in ahead of him. But instead of a tavern bathroom, he's on a new planet entirely, far away from Coaleashion.

His journey has begun.

---

NOTE: Anyone can feel free to write for Mantle, but please don't give him any other powers besides seeing, and now weaving, "threads", and don't expound on his origins any, because I have a very specific idea for that. He doesn't really have a purpose right now, just wants to help people and see new things and maybe find a purpose in life too. The idea is that he'll be traveling with Imhoptah across the multiverse, at least for now.

He won't be a wanderer forever though, so he's not just another Xerxes/Aellah-style or Highemp/Soriel-style wanderer. But for now, if you write him, please just write him as a wanderer. Thanks!

Last of Their Kind

PostDec 23, 2019#110

Stepping through the doorway, Mantle looks in awe around him. Cobblestone streets wend their way between buildings made out of something that looks like well-polished bronze, though it's hard to see very far, as blue fog shrouds everything. Threads are everywhere, vibrant and strange and new, twisting and writhing within the fog.

Mantle: "Hmm, place smells like one of Uncle Eq's farts after a night-long liquor bender."

Imhoptah: "It's a side effect of the concentrated aether here. Or more technically, the specific kind of aether here."

Mantle glances at the doorway through which they just emerged. No longer connecting to another world, it looks like the entrance to a small shop. Looking back around, he starts to note some oddities. Several cobblestones are torn up, and there look to be scorch marks. The exteriors of the buildings look damaged in some cases, as though by battle.

And that is exactly what the threads tell him, that the buildings have been wounded, collateral damage in a fight.

Imhoptah: "Hmm, wasn't like this last time I was here."

Greyarchy Patrolman: "You there! What are you doing? It's past curfew! I need to see your permits."

Mantle turns to see a diminutive Grey, clad in bulky armor save for his bald gray head. He is wielding a chainaxe, and a heavy pistol is holstered on his hip. His threads are a strange combination of bored and ruthless; this is a man who uses violence at the drop of a hat, due to some kind of alien military training, but one who doesn't think much of it, seeing it only as his job, and his religious duty.

Mantle: "Sorry, sir. We just stepped out for a bit of a fresh air. We'll go back inside."

He gestures to the small shop whose doorway they just left.

Greyarchy Patrolman: "Hmph. Open your windows next time. You're not a native, and you still like this confounded air? Barmy, the lot of you. I'm tempted to just put a laser through your skulls and be done with it."

Imhoptah: "What, and have a lot of paperwork to fill out?"

Greyarchy Patrolman: "Paperwork? What are you talking about? This is the Greyarchy! Putting holes in a couple of local troublemakers' heads is nothing!"

Mantle mentally reaches out and tugs on one of the Grey's threads.

Greyarchy Patrolman: "Bah, you two aren't worth even the minimal drain to my pistol's power pack. Inside with you, and don't let me see you again!"

Mantle nods, and tugs the six-armed smith into the shop with him, as the Grey stomps off, his boots rattling the cobblestones with every step.

Imhoptah: "Conquered by Greys. That's new."

Mantle: "I've heard a couple rumors back home. But I've met a few Greys, and they were nothing like this one, and never talked about a Greyarchy."

Imhoptah: "That's because the Greyarchy is an empire of Greys from a timeline alternate to yours. Hmm, shop appears to be empty."

Mantle: "Abandoned."

According to the threads.

Mantle: "You mentioned aether. What is aether?"

Imhoptah: "What? The finest schools of the Ivory Pride didn't teach you?"

Mantle: "Er, no, I'm from a skulk. That was my first time visiting a pride. Uncle Eq did his best to educate me, but..."

Imhoptah: "Hmm. In short, aether is gaseous magic, vril is liquid magic, and orichalcum--"

He raps on the shiny, apparently bronze, wall of the shop.

Imhoptah: "--is solid magic. Hmm, this place reminds me a bit of Atlantis, with all the orichalcum used in construction."

Mantle: "A magical people live here then?"

Imhoptah: "Yes, it's a colony of fayries."

The swaying of one of the impossible smith's knotted threads as he speaks clues Mantle in to the weird spelling.

Mantle: "What are those?"

Imhoptah: "Well, I'll show you, as soon as we can find one."

Mantle looks around at the threads, and follows them with his vision. When he wants, he can see threads on the other sides of solid objects, and so has no trouble seeing threads for several blocks around.

Mantle: "Looks like there's people a few buildings over. In a basement."

Imhoptah: "To the basement then!"

The six-armed smith goes behind the counter and tugs open a hatch leading to the shop's basement.

Mantle: "That's this shop's basement, not the basement we want-- Oh."

He stops as he remembers Imhoptah's impossible methods of transport. They descend, and soon find themselves in a cellar, with voices coming from the other side of a rack of wine barrels.

Female Voice: "What the-- I hear something!  We have intruders!"

On the heels of that proclamation, a woman zips around the wine barrels to face them, hands planted on her hips as she glares at them. She is evidently human, though she's over six feet tall and rippling muscle. Her hair is bold red and cropped short.

A donkey-headed man comes around the barrels then, looking past her. There is a sword and a pistol on his hips, but he hasn't drawn them.

Asshead: "Not Greys, Mietta."

The muscular redhead nods but still regards the pair skeptically. More ass-headed men and women peer around the wine barrels.

Mietta: "They're no one from the colony. Could be spies."

Mantle: "Sorry, we're from offworld. We were accosted by Greys upon, um, landing, and managed to talk our way out. Hoping to find some friendly faces."

Mietta: "You talked your way out of trouble with those fanatics? Still, I hear truth in your words. I think they're okay, Nerifian, but I'll keep an eye on them."

The donkey-headed man nods and steps out from behind the redheaded woman. There is a lot of gray in his hair, but the majority of it is still dark.

Nerifian: "Welcome to Zeebat Eight. Sorry we're in such a troubled state."

Mantle: "Hardly your fault. Why were you invaded?"

The threads have indicated clearly to him that the Greys are not native, and are hostile, so it's obvious what happened.

Nerifian: "Why does any despot invade a place?"

Imhoptah: "They were attracted to the aether here. The Greyarchy is seeking an ultranexus."

Nerifian: "What, like the one on Earth in ancient times?"

Imhoptah: "Or the new one that is on Earth now."

Nerifian and the other donkey-headed people look surprised at this.

Mietta: "That would explain the strange new vigor you and the others started experiencing recently, your majesty. You were almost entirely gray before then."

Nerifian pats her shoulder affectionately.

Nerifian: "Indeed it would."

Asshead #2: "Hey, if we told the Greys about the new ultranexus on Earth, maybe they'll leave us alone!"

The suggestion is clearly not popular with any of the others, who frown at him.

Nerifian: "And give up the greatest font of magic in existence? Never."

Asshead #2: "Just a thought. Sorry."

Nerifian: "But where are my manners. I am Nerifian, elected king of the last fayries. This is Mietta, a Henry and friend to the fayries."

Mantle: "I'm called Mantle. This is my guide and friend, Imhoptah the impossible smith. I'm sorry, you said she's a Henry? What does that mean?"

Mietta: "Ha. I get this question everywhere I go. It's the nickname for my species. Technically we're called Heinyrians, but for some reason most people in the multiverse have trouble with that."

Mantle: "You mean you're not human? But you look human."

Mietta: "Nah, humans look like Henries! We were the first sapient species in the multiverse, you know?"

This leaves Mantle to speculate a bit about himself. Could he be a Henry?

Imhoptah: "How did you come to be here? The NeSiverse is far away from Heinyrios."

Mietta: "According to my people's legends, we used to have an ultranexus of our own, before a trickster goddess stole it away and left a pile of turnips in its place. Maybe that's just a myth explaining why we have such a booming turnip agriculture, but it still fascinated me enough that I wondered what it'd be like to live near a great nexus of magic. I found Zeebat Eight, and it buffed me up! I don't know how to use magic, so I just get some straight physical boons, but that's enough for me! And I stayed since I became good friends with the fayries."

Mantle: "That's pretty neat! Erm, did you say the last fayries? Seems pretty pessimistic."

He pauses to wonder if Uncle Eq is a fayrie. Something to ask Imhoptah later perhaps.

Nerifian: "It is fact. We are unable to reproduce any longer. We were part of the Imperium, who sent a supercomputer, Monde, to help us. Monde wound up governing every aspect of our lives, and we were happy and indolent... but we lost our vitality, our curiosity, everything that keeps a species from being stagnant. After our last king died of old age, I took some of my like-minded fellows and we founded a colony here, away from Monde, and we deliberately split from the Imperium so we would not be tempted back into indolence. Here we found our spark again, building and innovating. It is a challenging but fulfilling life, but we are unable to change our impotence. The fayries on Uranus and Neptune are all died out now, however, and others run the aether processors there."

Imhoptah: "Wait, you must still have a gate to Uranus, right? To keep pumping in the aether you need?"

Mietta: "Yes, but those Greys are apparently too smart to try and invade Imperium-controlled territory. Shame, would have loved to see their asses handed to them."

Mantle: "I might be able to solve your impotence problem."

He is studying the threads closely. The fayries look at him with skeptical interest.

Asshead #3: "Even Monde wasn't able to do that. How could you?"

Imhoptah: "He has a unique gift."

Mietta: "Something that an impossible smith deems unique? Okay, color me intrigued."

Nerifian: "I will be glad of any efforts you make on our behalf, young man, but first there is the matter of our occupation. We are a small resistance, unable to do much but make a bit of trouble for the Greyarchy and hope that eventually they decide we're more trouble than we're worth."

Asshead #4: "I still think Mietta should just go out and kick all their asses."

Mietta: "Ha! I appreciate your confidence, but I don't think I could take all of them. Even if I could, there are other ways to get to me. If they found you all, and held you hostage, I would essentially be helpless."

Mantle: "Maybe I can find a non-violent solution."

Nerifian: "Oh? I must warn you, these Greys seem to have a poor grasp of any language other than violence."

Mantle: "This will be a test for me. I... I've never liked hurting people, but sometimes I've had to, in order to defend myself or others. But now that I have, um, this unique gift, I really think I might be able to be the pacifist I've always wanted to be, while still being able to help and defend others."

Nerifian: "Hmm. Come on back here, to our makeshift war room. Sounds like we have some planning to do. And you can tell us what your unique gift might be able to do..."

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Reunited Brothers

PostJan 03, 2020#111

Guard: “Sire, this man says he knows you.”
 
The pharaoh looked up from his newest blueprints to frown.
 
Ozymandias: “And you thought that was enough of a reason to let him in here? You really think he knows me?”
 
Guard: “I said that, Sire. But he insisted he definitely knows you.”
 
Ozymandias: “Again, do you really think that is true?”
 
Guard: “And I said that too, but he said he definitely absolutely knows you.”
 
Ozymandias: “And that was enough?”
 
Guard: “No, Sire! I insisted that was not enough, but he said he definitely, absolutely, pinky-swears that he knows you!”
 
Ozymandias: “Oh, well, if he pink-swore it must be true, right!?”
 
Guard: “If you say so, Sire. But I did not believe him.”
 
Ozymandias: “And yet…”
 
Guard: “He said he definitely, absolutely, pinky-swears and crosses his heart, Sire!”
 
Ozymandias: “… how long does this go on for?”
 
Guard: “Sire?”
 
Ozymandias: “Who the hell are you? If you’re here to try to sell me clothes that only wise men can see, I shall offer you this pineapple that you can shove up your—”
 
Moses: “It’s me!”
 
Ozymandias: “Oh, yes! That has cleared everything up!”
 
Moses: “You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?”
 
Ozymandias: “Name!”
 
Moses: “I’m your brother, Moses!”
 
Ozymandias: “What!?”
 
Ozymandias looked properly at the bearded man before him.
 
Ozymandias: “Y-you’re alive!? I don’t believe it!”
 
Moses: “Yes, I finally came to visit!”
 
Ozymandias: “No, I actually mean it. I don’t believe you. My Moses would never have survived on his own. He was too soft. If you are Moses, you had help!”
 
Moses: “Uh, well, I suppose I did. I met a woman…”
 
Ozymandias: “Now I know you’re telling the truth. Only Moses would need to be saved by a woman!”
 
To Moses, Ozymandias had hardly changed at all. His face was as smooth and chiselled as his statues. Moses wondered if Ozymandias appeared this way in his previous life, or if this is a whole new body for him. He became aware that he, by comparison, looked weathered and old. He tried to smooth his beard a little.
 
Ozymandias: “Well, you’ll be happy to know that I won the pool then!”
 
Moses: “Pool?”
 
Ozymandias: “There were bets on how long you’d survive. And here you are, all these years later! Seems I won!”
 
Moses: “There was a bet on how soon I’d die? Great. Well, at least you believed in me.”
 
Ozymandias: “Yes. I had reckoned on a whole week before we found your carcass. I was the one with the longest survival time, so I win by default.”
 
Moses: “Oh…”
 
Harem Girl #34: “By the gods, you’re a jerk.”
 
The brows of Ozymandias fell low on his face, but he didn’t turn around to look at the woman behind him.
 
Ozymandias: “Did I hear a woman dare to open her stupid yap just now?”
 
The second woman, who was holding a leaf fan, shook her head, panicking, at the first woman who had spoken. The woman, who was holding a bowl of grapes, pursed her lip but glared at the back of the king’s skull.
 
Ozymandias: “It’s good you’re back, brother.”
 
He grinned and wrapped an arm around Moses’ shoulders and Moses felt a warmth in his heart. He loved his wife and his family in Midian, but the affection of an old sibling, someone he grew up with, poured into his very being.
 
Ozymandias: “I need someone around here that isn’t a complete waste of space.”
 
Moses: “Just a bit of a waste of space?”
 
Ozymandias: “Exactly!
 
Harem Girl #34: “I think that’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to anyone.”
 
Ozymandias actually gave a growl.
 
Ozymandias: “Was that the twittering of a female? A harem girl at that?”
 
Harem Girl #34: “I am not--!”
 
Harem Girl #12: “Hush! Don’t get me into trouble again!”
 
Ozymandias: “I hope your vagina doesn’t give you this much trouble, Moses.”
 
Moses: “I don’t have a va—oh, you mean my wife.”
 
Harem Girl #34: “Asshole.”
 
Moses: “I love my wife very much.”
 
Ozymandias: “Of course you do. And you, being you, you probably mean it! Unlike most men, who actually just tolerate their wives.”
 
Moses: “You know, you’re even worse with this than when I left. Were you killed by a woman in your past life?”
 
Ozymandias: “Oh right, because I need justification for my actions. I must have been traumatised, it’s the only explanation! Here’s the real explanation, Moses. Listen carefully…”
 
Moses, curious, leaned in.
 
Ozymandias: “Women are utterly pointless.”
 
Moses rolled his eyes.
 
Ozymandias: “They’re baby-makers. That’s all. Now, can we please get on with some cool stuff? I’ve been planning these statues to the gods that will definitely earn me massive kudos points in the underworld.”
 
Harem Girl #34: “Because the gods will accept your bribes, I’m sure.”
 
Ozymandias: “You do realise that the pharaoh is not bound by the laws of Egypt, woman? So, if I stab this guard’s spear in your eye, no one will protest. In fact, they may even commend me on my technique.”
 
Harem Girl #34: “Well, that’s the only spear you’ll ever get near me.”
 
Ozymandias: “You think I want my spe—my penis anywhere near you!? You’re like a damned, chattering squirrel in my ears! Chitter-chitter-chitter-chitter!”
 
He tapped his fingers against his thumbs like a couple of talking mouths.
 
Ozymandias: “It’s a none stop assault on my brain with your incessant whining.”
 
Moses: “Um… hello, my name’s Moses.”
 
Ozymandias: “What’re you doing, Moses? Don’t talk to her! Harem Girl #34, stop talking to us and peel those bloody grapes! That’s the only reason you’re here!”
 
Harem Girl #12 gasped.
 
Harem Girl #12: “You remembered her number!”
 
Ozymandias: “Of course I do! I have to shout it at her all damn day! She won’t shut up!”
 
Harem Girl #34: “I am not Harem Girl #34!”
 
Ozymandias waggled a finger at her.
 
Ozymandias: “Oh yes you are! Don’t think you can try to pass the blame to one of the others. I know you damned number now!”
 
Harem Girl #34: “My name is Maathorneferure!”
 
Everyone winced with pain.
 
Harem Girl #34: “It’s my name!”
 
Moses: “Ma’at horny furry urry?”
 
The woman looked wounded, as though struck by the hundredth arrow. He tried to wave his hands at her;
 
Moses: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I can try again! Matt horn effer urs! Maa horsey farts—no, no, that wasn’t it.”
 
Ozymandias: “Why are you bothering to apologise to her, Moses? She’s a woman. They cry. It’s what they do. I thought you’d have grown some balls since having a wife under you. But, I suppose this is you. Soft-bellied, to this day. Do you want her?”
 
Moses: “What!?”
 
Ozymandias: “This annoying chipmonk. I wouldn’t give one of my whores to just anyone, you know?”
 
Harem Girl #34: “I am not--!”
 
Moses: “No! I have a wife!”
 
Ozymandias frowned at Moses, trying to figure that out.
 
Ozymandias: “So?”
 
Moses: “I’m married. I’m not pharaoh.”
 
Ozymandias: “I wasn’t suggesting you marry the clod!”
 
Harem Girl #34: “I will not--!”
 
Moses: “No, no! I love my wife! She’s the only woman for me!”
 
Harem Girl #12: “Awww, so sweet!”
 
From the distance, a guard could be heard;
 
Guard: “Ha, gaaaaaaaaay!”
 
Moses: “Like we haven’t heard that joke a million times over.”
 
Ozymandias: “Okay, fine. You don’t want her. Shame. Might have shut her up for a while. If she wasn’t so good at peeling grapes, I’d have her bound and gagged in the harem chambers.”
 
Harem Girl #34: “You’d probably like that, you sick—”
 
Ozymandias: “Anyway, let’s get you some chambers. If you want your wife up here, I suppose I’ll allow it. So long as she doesn’t babble on all the time. Between this pest and Sauda, my life is filled with annoying tits!”
 
Moses: “I see what you did there.”
 
Ozymandias: “Clever, wasn’t it?”
 
Moses: “I’m surprised Sauda is still here. You said she was dangerous…”
 
Ozymandias: “Yes she is. More than I ever realised. Which is why she’s still here. If you think this one is bad—”
 
He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the angry woman, who barred her teeth at his back.
 
Ozymandias: “Then you’ll be in for a shock with Sauda. She hasn’t changed. At all. Not a single blemish. Magic. And she has total sway over the religious cult. I’m a religious man, Moses, but she has this army of zealots. An entire harem of her own! Just without the sex. Instead, it’s lots of weird rituals. Which often seem to be about sex, but they’re about the gods. I don’t even know where to begin.”
 
Moses: “Can’t you do something about her?”
 
Ozymandias: “You mean, like— cccccchurk?”
 
He drew his thumb along his throat.
 
Ozymandias: “Too powerful. Her weirdo priests will protect her to the death. I’ve tried many times already.”
 
Moses: “I didn’t mean exactly that, but okay…”
 
Ozymandias: “Forget her. Let her have her lesbian orgies, or whatever she’s doing.”
 
Harem Girl #34: “You’d like that too, you—”
 
Harem Girl #12: “Hush!”
 
Ozymandias: “Let me show you my plans and we can get some work done! Finally, brothers united!”
 
Moses felt guilt well within him.
 
Moses: “I’m sorry, brother. That’s not why I’m here.”
 
Ozymandias: “If you came for the wedding to Harem Girl #34, you missed it. But that’s okay, you’re here now. So, what’s the problem?”
 
Moses: “I mean, I won’t be staying.”
 
Ozymandias: “Seriously? You found somewhere better to live than here in Thebes?”
 
Moses: “I mean… I’m here to set my people free.”
 
Ozymandias: “… I hope you’re not talking about my harem?”
 
The harem girls perked up with interest.
 
Moses: “No.”
 
They deflated.
 
Harem Girl #34: “Figures.”
 
Moses: “The Hebrew people. The slaves that Egypt took from Israel lands. My god’s chosen people.”
 
Silence washed over the room.
 
Ozymandias: “You… want me to free my Hebrew slaves?”
 
Moses: “Yes.”
 
Ozymandias: “Because they’re… chosen people of the gods?”
 
Moses: “Of Yahweh, yes.”
 
Ozymandias: “I guess you didn’t come back entirely sane. I think it still counts though. I still win the pool. You are alive, anyway.”
 
Moses: “Ozy…”
 
Ozymandias: “What’s in this for me, hum? You show up, after all this time, not to help me build Egypt but to steal my property. Why? Why should I do this for you? You are alive because of me, did you forget that? I treated you like my brother, and this is what you repay me with?”
 
Moses: “I can… I will deal with Sauda for you.”
 
The king was taken aback.
 
Ozymandias: “How?”
 
Moses: “My business. But if I do it, you’ll let my people go?”
 
Ozymandias: “… okay. What the heck. It’ll be entertaining to watch her blast you into pieces. I promise, it’ll be a nice funeral.”
 
Moses: “Thanks…”
 
Ozymandias: “You’re welcome. In fact, I’m going to design your tomb right now. Better get it finished before you’re dead tomorrow.”

The Substance

PostJan 04, 2020#112

The Temple of Luxor stood on the Eastern bank of the River Nile and was still having additions made to it. The recent expansion was designed by Ramesses II himself, though he had been reluctant ant to add to the prestige of Sauda’s religious cultists.
 
Ever since the Aten heresy, the power of the religious class had increased exponentially. Many who lay on their deathbeds were dedicating their entire fortunes to various temples in Thebes, hoping to bring the deities back and get in their good graces.
 
The Temple of Luxor was not, unlike most Egyptian temples, dedicated to any specific deity or pharaoh. Instead it was the rejuvenating temple for the pharaohs – the crowning palace. As a symbol of this, a statue of Mut was carefully crafted from Nubian sandstone, spoils of conquest. The queen of the gods had her wings carved delicately, though many worried the stone would break, they did not; proof that Mut herself was pleased with this offering. Upon her head was the double-crown of Egypt – the united crowns of upper and lower Egypt. The lower crown was red, while the white of the upper crown protruded from it. Many claimed that the statues gaze would follow them as they passed by, watched by the god herself.
 
Sauda was deep inside the temple. The room was made of polished copper, creating a room of dark reflections. At the centre, however, was a basin, in which was a pool of still vril.
 
Sauda was writing hieroglyphs on a sheet of papyrus when the stranger entered the room. She didn’t look up when his boots struck the copper loudly, but said;
 
Sauda: “How did you get in here?”
 
Stranger: “I am here about a deal.”
 
Sauda: “Everyone wants to make deals, it seems.”
 
He took two more steps into the room before she looked up at him. Her bodyguards had better not be dead, she growled in her head.
 
Stranger: “I require your… assistance. I believe your abilities with arcane magick will help.”
 
Sauda: “I half expected you to be an assassin from the king. The last one got this far, too.”
 
Stranger: “You’d be no good to me dead.”
 
Sauda: “Who are you?”
 
Stranger: “Does it matter? I have many names, from many cultures. My original name was spoken in Latin. Then I bore an Irish name. Then an Atlantean name. Here, now, they call me Deir-mon.”
 
Sauda: “Before you tell me what you want from me, explain why I should do anything for you.”
 
Deir-mon: “I will give you something highly valuable.”
 
Sauda sighed, but decided to indulge the stranger.
 
Sauda: “Pray tell.”
 
The man, who was clad in a thick, black robe that seemed very impractical for the Egyptian weather, pulled a flask from his robes and held it out to her.
 
Most people should exercise caution under such circumstances, but Sauda was brimming with arrogance; confident she could outmatch this stranger, no matter what tricks he had up his sleeve. Being the owner of a deity had altered her greatly since she was the sneaky liar under King Ay.
 
She snatched the flask from him and popped the cap.
 
Sauda: “Blood.”
 
Her initial lack of enthusiasm changed to curiosity as she looked up at the dark face under the hood.
 
Sauda: “Powerful blood. What is this?”
 
Deir-mon: “We call it blood ink. The ink of… reality. The reality written by the gods. That ink is mixed into the blood of certain people of great… destiny.”
 
Sauda: “How poetic.”
 
Deir-mon: “You can sense it for yourself. There have been few to possess blood ink in centuries. This flask you hold is over a thousand years old.”
 
Sauda: “Powerful blood from over a thousand years ago… and what am I to do with it?”
 
She saw the smile on his jaw, which was the only visible feature. White skin, like the Europeans, and perfect, unnatural teeth.
 
He had seen through her little ruse. Of course, she wanted it and she could think of hundreds of uses for blood magic. But trying to barter even more out of him would have been nice. A man with such resources was a man worth haggling with. She wondered what other delights he might have for her to investigate.
 
Sauda: “Fine. What can I do for you?”
 
She put the flask into the folds of her clothes. She saw him hesitate, clearly wanting to keep the flask before she completed the assignment, but she wasn’t going to be doing that. That hesitation told her that he considered her a powerful enemy should he need to fight her. When he relaxed, he was clearly ready to trust her not to screw him over.
 
Deir-mon: “I have something… precious.”
 
He took out a box but when she reached out to take it he held it back.
 
Deir-mon:You cannot open it.”
 
She frowned.
 
Sauda: “You mean me specifically?”
 
Deir-mon: “Yes. You specifically cannot open it. The substance within would destroy you in an instant.”
 
She scoffed.
 
Sauda: “It doesn’t look like much! I feel no power radiating from this at all! It’s just a box!”
 
Deir-mon: “Exactly.”
 
Sauda groaned with impatience.
 
Sauda: “What do you mean?”
 
Deir-mon: “The box is nothing special. It is just a box. No wards, no protections, no spells, no technology, no advanced engineering… it is a simple box.”
 
Sauda: “So?”
 
Deir-mon: “It cannot be anything more than a simple box. Anything more than that and the box would be destroyed. The most protective box for this substance, is an unprotected box.”
 
Sauda: “I’m becoming irritated, Deir-mon. Speak plainly.”
 
Deir-mon: “The substance within will nullify all power. All magic, or otherwise, will be nullified. Destroyed. Without exception. You know of the nexus at Giza…”
 
Sauda: “Yes…”
 
Deir-mon: “The substance within once destroyed a nexus far larger and more powerful than Giza’s. The box was opened… the world was almost obliterated.”
 
Sauda: “Ridiculous.”
 
She said the word, but she didn’t mean it. She was trying to convince herself.
 
Deir-mon: “You know it is true. You know I wouldn’t lie. I have no reason to.”
 
Sauda: “Such… power?”
 
Deir-mon: “No. Not power. The opposite of power. The negation of power.”
 
Sauda: “With such a thing, I could—”
 
Deir-mon: “Do nothing.”
 
Sauda: “Because it would destroy me.”
 
Deir-mon: “Exactly.”
 
Sauda: “And you? I sense… a lot of power within you. I don’t know what it is. I don’t think it’s magic, yet you radiate strength. Like a vampire, but greater. Much greater. What are you?”
 
Deir-mon: “Another pointless question, priestess. I am a customer, nothing more. Once our transaction is complete, you will never see me again. I will return to the underground from whence I came.”
 
Sauda: “You’re in hiding?”
 
Deir-mon: “I’m in waiting. For the future.”
 
Sauda: “That’s not enough of an explanation. I can’t work for a threat to me…”
 
Deir-mon: “I rarely interact with the living. I sleep for decades in my crypt. I am awake now and in the mood for sport. I made a deal with Athena, a god among Greeks, but it was not satisfying. This is my last deal before retire again.”
 
Sauda: “Deals with gods and you need me?”
 
Deir-mon: “You control a god, do you not?”
 
Sauda: “You’re well informed…”
 
She looked at the box.
 
Sauda: “If I am unable to handle this substance, what am I to do with it?”
 
Deir-mon: “Like you, I cannot handle it. I need it in a form that I can use it. I want it planted into a weapon. It may lose its… area of affect, but that is a reasonable trade-off so that I can use it in my hands.”
 
Sauda thought, if it could work in his hands, it could work in hers.
 
Sauda: “I cannot handle it, therefore I cannot do what you ask.”
 
Deir-mon: “You have many human servants and slaves. My minions are… powered. So, you will need to use your most trusted servants. They perform the tasks as directed by you.”
 
Sauda: “I could do that… but I will need to kill them afterwards. You know trusted servants are hard to come by?”
 
Deir-mon gestured to her robes, where the flask was hidden.
 
Deir-mon: “And you have been handsomely paid.”
 
She patted the blood ink.
 
Sauda: “That I have… arcane magick is actually mechanical in nature. No aether, nor vril, no powers involved. I see why you came to me. Servants set it all up and handle the substance… it could work.”
 
Deir-mon: “Then the deal is made.”
 
She was thinking of the process that would be needed when she realised he was leaving the room.
 
Sauda: “The weapon?”
 
Deir-mon: “I am well versed in many weapons of the world. Any would suffice. But ensure that it is a simple weapon. Anything advanced or enhanced would, as you know, be destroyed.”
 
Sauda: “Sword it is.”
 
On her papyrus, she changed her writing to become a list of objects she would need for the arcane magick. Candles of many kinds, blood of several animals and people, there would need to be a heart. A good, healthy heart. Perhaps she should cut of someone’s penis too. Swords are phallic, after all.
 
She tapped her chin in consideration.
 
A big sword needs a big penis.
 
 
Moses scurried away as the stranger, who had said his name was Deir-mon, strode from the room. For a moment, the man stopped and stood stock still. Moses thought he had been caught, then the man chuckled and said;
 
Deir-mon: “Skulking around in the dark now, are you?”
 
Moses wasn’t sure if he was even the one addressed since he’d never met this guy in his whole life. He’d bloody remember.
 
Deir-mon: “I have no time for you, Theos. Don’t get in my way, and we will part amicably. Interfere… and we shall have to have a… conversation.”
 
The man strode off.
 
Moses wondered if he’d been mistaken for someone else, but then another man crept towards him. He beelined straight for him, so Moses turned to run, but he was caught in an instant.
 
Man: “You have just five seconds to tell me who you are, or you die.”
 
Moses: “Moses.”
 
Man: “… a bit more than that will be necessary.”
 
Moses: “Um. I’m Moses and I’m on a mission to stop Sauda so I can free my people.”
 
Man: “Okay.”
 
He released Moses.
 
Moses: “Okay?”
 
Man: “Okay.”
 
Moses: “Oh. I thought that would be harder.”
 
Man: “I might be able to use you. And you managed to get in here undetected, so you have some talent. I had to murder her bodyguards, how many did you have to kill?”
 
Moses: “None, actually. I have this staff. I channelled some divine power into it so I could be invisible to all. I wasn’t sure it would actually work on Sauda, but seems she was distracted anyway.”
 
The man looked straight at the staff with a look that might have withered Moses very soul if the glare had been directed at him.
 
Man: “Another god handing out artefacts. We’ll talk about this later. What was your plan for dealing with Sauda?”
 
Moses: “Oh, I… I have no idea, actually. I was planning to ask her to stop, you know, being a sod.”
 
The man, who had a Middle-Eastern complexion, frowned at Moses as though he had a luminous green complexion.
 
Man: “Are you an idiot?”
 
Moses: “No! I just… didn’t have a lot of time to think of anything better. I’m kind of winging it here.”
 
Man: “That is the key to failure. Never ‘wing’ anything. Plan. Plan every detail. We now have our weapon, at least.”
 
Moses: “My staff is pretty cool.”
 
Man: “I meant that… substance.”
 
Moses: “Isn’t it too powerful? That creepy dude said it would destroy us—”
 
Man: “Sauda. It would destroy Sauda. And him. And me. But you…”
 
The man eyed the staff again.
 
Man: “Without that, you’re just a man. And not a very brawny one.”
 
Moses: “Well, yes. I guess so.”
 
Man: “Not very intelligent.”
 
Moses: “Hey now…”
 
Man: “Untalented. Uncharismatic. Ugly—”
 
Moses: “Okay, okay! What did I ever do to you!?”
 
Man: “I am Aman Tabiz.”
 
Moses: “I thought that guy called you Theos?”
 
Aman: “I was. Once. Now I am Tabiz. We should leave.”
 
Moses: “Leave? Aren’t we going to enact this plan? I get the stuff and—”
 
Aman: “I just told you, we plan. You go in there and you die. Now come on. We make our plan and then we return when prepared. And with you, there will need to be a lot of preparation.”
 
Moses: “That was another insult, wasn’t it?”

Betrayal

PostJan 08, 2020#113

1320BC
Circe held her hat as she hurried up the winding staircase. The winds were strong on this day and battered the exposed staircase as it spiralled around the outside of the tall tower. It, and the entire island, were fashioned from orichalcum, one of the strongest substances in the universe. Solidified magic. The whole island, named Ææa,  was floating within sight of northern Italy, but on days with bad weather the view was clouded and the island swayed and bobbed uncomfortably.
 
Usually orichalcum would sink in an instant, being such a dense material, but there was spellwork on the underside of the orichalcum island that caused the solid material to repel from vril, which was gathered beneath the island, causing the orichalcum to hover slightly, appearing to float upon the water. While it would never tip over, it certainly rocked around.
 
Circe was used to it, like any lifetime sailor, but she hurried for another purpose, and that purpose was rage.
 
The veil from her hat was whipping behind her wildly. It was as long as her dress and, in such weather, was proving to be a hazard. She snatched off the hat and threw it over the side of the staircase. It flew away in the aggressive winds. Her long hair, coloured blonde but with two stark streaks of black either side of her temple, was now billowing in the wind instead. She was tempted to blast that off too, only it would require a shot from her wand.
 
Her dress was a cumbersome affair too, with shoulders that stuck up beyond her own head and a whole lot of belts and tassels. It all looked very grand and imposing to visitors, but was a stupid annoyance right now that was only making her even more angry. Her high-heeled boots smacked the orichalcum; while the material was dense, the outer layer was lusciously soft and so her boots didn’t have the same satisfying clomp it would have on stone.
 
Finally, she reached her girlfriend’s bedroom and barged in.
 
Circe: “YOU!”
 
The two women leapt from the bed. Fortunately, they were clothed, but had been caught in a moment of intimacy nonetheless.
 
Sappho: “Who are--?”
 
Circe wasn’t in the mood to talk this out.
 
With her wand, she blasted the stranger. The woman screamed with pain and anguish as her skin blistered and she fell to her knees.
 
It was satisfying to see the woman suffer, but it wasn’t what Circe had expected to happen.
 
Circe: “Not a human, I see.”
 
Her girlfriend, though Circe didn’t think she deserved that term as of now, leapt from the bed and interjected herself in the path of the wand.
 
Scylla: “Please Circe! She didn’t know--!”
 
Circe: “That’s no excuse!”
 
Circe managed to curveball a shot from her wand so that it skimmed by Scylla and struck the woman. Sappho was thrown off her feet and smashed into the wall. Despite her skin blistering and breaking just moments ago, it was already healing over as the cells knitted back together.
 
Scylla: “Run, Sappho!”
 
Scylla jumped at Circe and grabbed her wand hand and pushed the weapon towards the ceiling. A rogue blast of magic streaked out and slammed into the orichalcum, were it harmlessly dissipated.
 
The dark-haired intruder staggered to her feet but took her lover’s advice and jumped through the window, breaking and shattering it with a tremendous crash. Circe managed to shove Scylla aside and ran to the window. She saw Sappho land on the floor, several storeys below, and started to conjure up lightning strikes from the already clouded sky. The woman, however, moved in the blink of an eye. Some kind of vampire, Circe mused, and watched Sappho run so fast she could run over the water, straight towards Italy.
 
Circe could chase her down, easily even, but now she wanted to turn her ire on her supposed partner.
 
Circe: “How could you!?”
 
Scylla: “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please forgive me!”
 
She was over ten years younger than Circe, and a part of Circe tried to consider this as grounds for mistakes, but her Circe’s heart was just as fragile no matter the experience of her lover. Even now, the youthful face of Scylla made her look all the more desperate and innocent. But no…
 
Circe: “You betrayed me! How could you do that to me!?”
 
Scylla: “You’re always away and I—”
 
Circe: “Don’t you dare do that! Don’t you blame me! You can’t make me feel guilty for what you did!”
 
Scylla: “Okay, okay! It’s all my fault! I’m sorry! It’s all me! Please, please forgive me!”
 
Scylla was a naiad, one of the water nymphs associated specifically with fresh water rather than the Oceanids of the saltwater variety, and therefore came with a whole culture that differed from the wilder and more bold Oceanids. The naiads were typically more graceful and loving in nature, and so even Circe’s cold heart was warmed by the beauty and manners of this youthful spirit. Most were faithful, though possessive and jealous, so this turning of tables had taken Circe by complete surprise. She had thought she knew her love of three years.
 
Circe: “No! No! No!”
 
Scylla: “Please! I beg you, Circe! I’m sorry! I was wrong! I was horrible! I was selfish! Please! I love you!”
 
Circe: “Don’t say that!”
 
Scylla, seeing an opportunity to press her plight, dropped to her knees. Her own blonde hair was extremely long and full and fell onto the ground all around her like a sea of yellow. She bowed her head and then looked up with large, watery eyes.
 
Scylla: “I love you!”
 
Circe: “No you don’t! Stop saying it! I hate you!”
 
Circe grabbed the traitor by her hair but through her screams, Scylla still shouted;
 
Scylla: “I love you! I love you!”
 
Circe: “Stop it! Stop! Stop!”
 
Scylla: “I love you, Circe! I love you!”
 
Circe: “I said stop!”
 
There was a sudden boom and Circe realised what she had done. The wand in her hand felt very, very heavy. She looked down at it, she could still sense the tingle of transformed aether around its tip, and then down at the writhing body of the girl she had loved. Scylla’s screams of pain fell on deaf, stunned ears. Circe was horrified by what she had done, but a deep and nasty part of her was smug with satisfaction. Scylla deserved it.
 
Circe stepped back. If Scylla could have cried for mercy, she probably would have, Circe suspected. But now that the transformation had begun, Circe had no intention of offering forgiveness.
 
Instead, she used her wands to manipulate the spellwork on the orichalcum walls of the tower. Sappho had leapt through the window, but Circe just moved the walls aside. Another flick of the wand and wind blew the pulsing, mutating body out into the air. The scream that plunged down from the tower was no longer the pleasing lilt of a naiad, but the grotesque squawk of whatever monstrous abomination she was changing into. She had tried to do that to Sappho and wondered if Scylla would be untortured had Circe had been able to eke out her vengeance upon the vampire creature, Instead, Scylla would pay.
 
Circe felt a dark pit in her stomach and it was very heavy. She hated Scylla with such incredible violence and yet loved and mourned for her. She hated herself and yet pitied herself. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel. She wanted to stop the transformation that was still destroying Scylla far below, but she also wanted Scylla to suffer beyond measure. Instead of doing anything, Circe just cried out a deep growl of primal anger at the wind that whipped across the floating island.
 
Circe had always been a sinister presence in the world, ever since her birth, but with Scylla she found some measure of goodness that had been locked inside her. And that goodness she had found was now mutating, along with its owner.
 
Circe: “You did this! You did this!”
 
She screamed down at the creature that was now crawling along the island. A massive, ugly, bulky monster with fins and legs and tails and eyes. Many, many eyes. It didn’t understand where it was, or what was happening to it, Circe could tell. But finally, it managed to plunge into the ocean.

 
Some years later, Circe travelled across the ocean towards the distant lands of the Levant. Her pet creature, The Scylla, swam deep beneath the ship. When the witch was on land, the beast lurked near the shore and waited for her mistress to return. At least now, Circe knew, Scylla could never betray her again.
 
Sauda: “The ritual begins. Are you sure you have the stomach for this?”
 
Circe smiled. She had deformed the only woman she had ever love, butchering other people’s squalling offspring would be easy. She joined the dark mages for the ritual and, as promised, she was able to make her deepest wish…

Circe's Wishes

PostJan 10, 2020#114

The dark ritual was over. The Canaanite children were hacked to pieces and the dark mages made their wishes. Only, nobody knew how long before those wishes came to pass. This frustrated Circe, who wanted her wish to be immediate. She would have to take steps to unravel the mysteries of fate and determine exactly when her wish would happen. If it was going to happen just minutes before her death, she would not be pleased. Even worse if it happened while she was sitting on the loo.
 
She walked along the shore were a decrepit, old wharf struck out into the ocean. Many of the local people stood further back, high on a dune, watching her resentfully. Many had tried to attack her last night, but wound up splattered to the four winds. She didn’t like senseless violence, she had to admit. Murdering all those babies had a purpose. Turning people into mush was just to keep them from touching her. Senseless. They should stop complaining about losing one or two mouths to feed and think about making replacements.
 
She looked over at her ship. It was a narrow trireme built by the Phoenicians some decades ago. It was marked by holes, rotten timber and the sails were tattered and torn. None of that mattered, so long as the oars were in fine condition. There was plenty of telekinesis to be done to keep it afloat and functional for a single trip.
 
She waited at the start of the wharf until her companion finally arrived.
 
Circe: “Why are you invisible?”
 
The figure of a woman shimmered into existence. Several of the onlookers shouted at the display of magic. The woman’s hair wasn’t just black, it was void-black. As though all light and colour were washed into it and lost. It was like ink running from her scalp. Her eyes, in stark contrast, were luminous yellow and the light would reflect with a glittering whenever it struck the iris just right. In the dark, they would light up like lamps.
 
Medea: “I didn’t want to… interact… with anyone.”
 
Circe: “I knew you shouldn’t have done this. I did warn you.”
 
Medea couldn’t reply. She was clearly using magic to purge her memories, but just knowing what she did was taking its toll on the young woman’s mind.
 
Circe: “I should have just taken your place. Letting you do it too was irresponsible of me…”
 
Medea: “It was my idea to do it.”
 
Circe: “I still should have stopped you.”
 
Circe saw herself in the girl. A kind of innocence, despite the yearning for power. The reluctance to do what was necessary to get that power. Circe didn’t fault Medea for it, it was only natural. If everyone had the stomach to murder their way to greatness, humanity would have been dead long ago.
 
Medea: “It is done now.”
 
Circe: “At least we didn’t have to kill you, like the other one.”
 
Medea’s pale skin went paler still. Faltering as she had, she was almost made one of the sacrifices.
 
Medea: “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you…”
 
Circe: “You didn’t. In fact, I’m impressed you made it through. I’m proud of that. But, we should go.”
 
Medea nodded and pulled the white hood up over her hair. The two women went to their ship down the wharf and the crowd shuffled along to the shoreline. Circe could feel their hate, like a cloud of toxicity.
 
Medea: “I’ll never come back here.”
 
Circe: “Willingly, you mean.”
 
Circe floated herself onto the deck of the ship, as said back at Medea;
 
Circe: “Who knows what the future holds?”
 
Medea followed Circe onto the ship but had a sad look on her face.
 
Circe: “Come now, it’s not all bad. You’ll get your deepest wish and live merrily.”
 
Medea: “My deepest wish… maybe I should never have made it.”
 
Circe: “Why do you say that?”
 
The oars along either side rose and then sharply plunged into the water and shoved the ship forward.
 
Medea: “I think you have to be very careful about these things. I don’t know if I changed reality properly. If I didn’t… it might not be good…”
 
Circe: “If that’s the case, we’ll deal with it when the time comes. But honestly, I think you’re worrying too much. I want to check the fates, so perhaps while I’m at it we can check yours too?”
 
Medea: “Good idea.”
 
Circe: “I’ll be glad never to see Sauda again, at least.”
 
Medea: “I wonder what someone like that wishes for…”
 
Circe: “Something powerful.”
 
She smirked.
 
Circe: “Like me.”
 
Medea: “Should I even ask?”
 
Circe: “Better not. Knowing you, you wished for something very selfish.”
 
Medea sneered at Circe.
 
Medea: “And power isn’t selfish?”
 
Circe: “I meant… personal.”
 
Medea: “I’m surprise you didn’t.”
 
Circe: “I don’t care about people anymore, Medea.”
 
She saw the flash of hurt on the girl’s face.
 
Circe: “Except for my family.”
 
Medea: “I hope so.”
 
Circe: “Unless you betray me. Then I’ll turn your innards into lampshades.”
 
She then saw Medea shiver with horror and fear and couldn’t help but smirk again. Keeping her little niece in line would serve her greatly. Medea was very powerful, and capable of great things when she dedicated herself. However, she was emotional and prone to attachments. That wasn’t a bad thing, Circe decided. She didn’t want Medea to become a rival, of course. Letting Medea become just powerful enough to be useful, but not so powerful as to usurp her was the trick. Someone like Sauda, on the other hand, was problematic.
 
There were many in the universe that could technically be more powerful than her, but she didn’t see it that way.
 
She long ago learnt of the Narrative and the Story mechanics and of such things as Writers and even of those that called themselves Powerplayers. She dabbled, but it was not satisfying. Power, to her, hand to be earnt. She worked for real power. She wouldn’t just flick her fingers and have it because she wanted it.
 
A good mass murder, that was the better way to earn power!
 
Sauda would probably be one to take the quick route, Circe judged. So long as she existed, she would be the greatest rival for power in the world. For now, all she could do was strive for greater power than Sauda could muster and see who came out on top.
 
Had Sauda not been such a dangerous rival, she might have liked her. In many ways she was as exciting as Medea, as ambitious as Circe but she had such an immense sexual energy that appeared to radiate from her physical and psychological being. She could flick her eyelashes just right, soften her eyes perfectly, cock her neck at the exact angle. All of it induced a thirst in those around her. Circe almost envied it, but since Scylla she doubted she would ever want anyone again.
 
She didn’t want attention or sex. She had wanted Scylla to love her and adore her. She had never felt more human than when she was with that stupid girl.
 
Circe glanced at the water, aware of The Scylla paddling along beneath her. She empathised the hate of those villagers because it was the same hate that boiled within her too. Sometimes she tortured the beast. It did nothing to defend itself. It never fled. It took the full force of her rage, whimpered and crooned with pleads for… mercy.
 
Medea: “Are you okay?”
 
Circe whirled on Medea and the girl shied away quickly, bringing Circe’s mind back to the present. She realised she had bit her own lip so hard it was bleeding.
 
Circe: “I’m sorry, Medea. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
 
Medea: “You kind of scare me all of the time.”
 
Circe laughed.
 
Circe: “There’s my Medea. You always had a wicked tongue.”
 
Medea: “Some say your girlfriends do too.”
 
Circe rolled her eyes.
 
Circe: “Typical. Are these the gossipings in Colchis? I have no woman now.”
 
Nobody knew the origins of The Scylla and Circe wasn’t going to expose her emotional weakness to the world.
 
Medea: “For now. My father said you used to be…”
 
Circe: “A slut?”
 
Medea: “…incorrigible.”
 
Circe laughed.
 
Circe: “I like that. But they’re hyperbolic. A sexually free woman is obviously going to be the source of mutterings. Even in Colchis. I mean not lesbian, if that’s what you think.”
 
Medea frowned.
 
Medea: “You could have fooled me.”
 
Circe: “Man or woman, it doesn’t matter.”
 
Medea: “Oh! What do they call that, now? Both-sexual?”
 
Circe: “I am not bi-sexual either.”
 
Medea: “Then…?”
 
Circe: “Pan-sexual, if you please.”
 
Medea looked startled.
 
Medea: “Doesn’t that mean you’ll shag anything!?”
 
Without taking her eyes off of the horizon, Circe reached up behind Medea and gave her a sharp smack on the back of the head.
 
Medea: “Ow!”
 
Circe: “Don’t be an ignoramus. I am attracted to personality, not to bodies.”
 
Medea: “I know a dog with a very good personality.”
 
Circe: “Careful that sly tongue doesn’t get you into trouble.”
 
 
1310BC, ten years since the first ritual was enacted to grant the dark mages their wishes. Sauda sent messages to Circe and Medea and all three found that their wishes can not worked out. Medea did not get her wish, Sauda did not have hers to the extent she wanted and Circe reported that hers hadn’t happened either.
 
Something must have gone wrong and Sauda wanted to try again.
 
What Circe didn’t tell Sauda, was that she had checked her fate and she knew that her wish would, in time, come to be. She just had to wait.
 
Medea was unwilling to try again, resigned to her misery, Sauda believed, but Circe knew she was too emotional for another mass killing. Circe, on the other hand, was very keen.
 
She sailed across the Mediterranean until she came to Egypt and travelled to Thebes. She was surprised that this would take place within the capital of the powerful Egyptian Kingdom, but the people didn’t seem to care for the lives of the slaves. The tale spun was the need for depopulation of the slave numbers and many of the wealthy Egyptians thought it only sensible. Sometimes Circe wondered why people called her evil…
 
She arrived at the Theban Necropolis and was guided by a bunch of girls in gauze outfits. More of that sexual energy, only it was now being spread to Sauda’s disciples.
 
Circe: “Why are we in this entombed city?”
 
The girl looked up at Circe, slightly over her bare shoulder, and practically purred her words through the turquoise veil;
 
Disciple: “No gods would allow us to defile their temple.”
 
Circe grinned at that.
 
Circe: “How entertaining!”
 
They went down into one of the tombs still under construction, the one meant for Seti I himself. Down there, Circe met with Sauda and the other dark mages she had managed to convince to join their cause.
 
Soon, carts filled with children were being driven across the necropolis. Even the guardian of the necropolis, Meretseger, stood silently and just watched. She had protested at such sacrilegious behaviour upon sacred grounds, but Sauda, being head priest, had jurisdiction to determine not only what was sacred ground, but also declared this to be a religious ceremony and, therefore, permitted. Meretseger had murdered the guards bringing the children; her circumventing this ceremony, but Sauda countered by having her priestesses bring the children instead, forcing Meretseger down. Circe admired the social power that Sauda had accumulated but wasn’t jealous. She didn’t care for ordering people around.
 
When the time came, Circe couldn’t help but give a happy smile as she anticipated her new wish coming true…
 
 
Many decades, and many adventures, later, Medea was slouching in her seat. She crumpled up a piece of paper, aligned it on her desk and, with perfect precision, she flicked it straight to the back of the head of Aman Tabiz.
 
Egyptwarts, Isis’ School of Magic, was currently occupied by just a handful of students. Medea, Aman Tabiz, Imhoptah, Hermes Trismegistus.
 
Aman just sighed as he felt the paper hit him.
 
Medea: “Where were you last night?”
 
Aman turned around his in seat. It was much too small for him, given how bulky he was.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Were you in my room?”
 
Medea gave a little shrug and widened her eyes.
 
Medea: “I… might have been?”
 
Aman Tabiz: “You are such a pain.”
 
Medea: “You love it.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “Why are you even a student here anyway? Your magic is… much too good to still be a student.”
 
Medea: “I’m here for the hot boys.”
 
Aman glanced around the room, first at the many-armed guy, then the old guy and then at the teacher. A woman.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Riiiiiiiiight…”

Wish Fulfilment

PostJan 12, 2020#115

Medea: “Sauda! Old buddy, old pal!”
 
Sauda: “Medea… what do you want?”
 
Medea: “Can’t I just be here to see an old friend?”
 
Sauda scoffed.
 
Medea: “Okay, fine. I’m here to help you out.”
 
She flopped herself onto a stack of overstuffed cushions. While much of the government officials had moved to the new capital of Egypt, Pi-Ramesses, the religious head, Sauda, was steadfast in not migrating her organisation to the arrogantly titled city to the north. As far as she was concerned, anyone that moved to Pi-Ramesses was giving the king’s ego a blowjob. She wasn’t prepared to do that.
 
So the Temple of Luxor was still fully decked out in all its usual regalia. Ramesses was in Thebes too, as he had to get married to the Hattusan princess a few days ago, but he would prepare to return to his new capital by the end of the week. Sauda was counting the days. Then she wouldn’t have to think stupid face being within ten miles of her.
 
Sauda sat softly onto a single cushion that was placed by the low table. On the table were a lot of papyrus scrolls with details on the last steps to create her new anti-power blade. The sword was complete, but she hadn’t yet tested it. She considered summoning Deir-mon to test it on him, killing the only one who might know of its existence, but she wasn’t sure how powerful the stranger truly was. A test needed a safer target and now that Medea had lumbered through her door, she was seeing the fates align.
 
Sauda: “Perhaps you are…”
 
Medea: “It’s about fate.”
 
Sauda grew suspicious.
 
Sauda: “What do you mean?”
 
She glanced at the door. Down the corridors was the arcane magick room where her guards were blocking access to the anti-power blade.
 
Medea: “I know why my aunt Circe wished for…”
 
Sauda: “Oh right. I already figured she wished to become the new NeSorcerer.”
 
Sauda smiled confidently.
 
Sauda: “She thought that would be enough to rival me, but didn’t expect I would garner the power of a deity! Silly Circe.”
 
Medea shrugged.
 
Medea: “Yes. That was her first wish.”
 
Sauda: “Well, the first wish didn’t work properly, so the second wish—”
 
Medea: “Your first wish didn’t work properly.”
 
Sauda: “But she said—”
 
Medea gave Sauda a baffled and amused look.
 
Medea: “You thought she wouldn’t lie to you?”
 
Sauda leaned on the table. She wore a pleasant, friendly expression on her face that said, ‘I am infinitely reasonable and do everything in your favour’.
 
Sauda: “You make a fine point, Medea. You do know your aunt better than any other living person. I am very grateful that you’re here to tell me this second wish. Does it pertain to me, somehow?”
 
Medea: “That is so strange…”
 
Sauda rose just a single eyebrow.
 
Sauda: “What do you mean?”
 
Medea: “That’s like some kind of magic all by itself. That weird personality switch you do. I almost want to believe you!”
 
Sauda: “Medea! Have I ever done anything to suggest I am not your friend? I came to you to join my ceremony, remember? Not your aunt, I asked you! My friend.”
 
Medea rolled her eyes.
 
Medea: “You didn’t ask Circe because she’s a threat to you.”
 
Sauda opened her mouth to protest but Medea shook her head and held out her palm;
 
Medea: “It’s fine. I’ll tell you exactly what she wished for, the second time.”
 
Sauda, able to read the signs, knew she shouldn’t say another word, but allow the old-skinned woman to speak her mind. Sauda felt that there was something in her body language that said Sauda would not like what Medea had to say, but she had to hear it anyway.
 
Medea: “She wished this; that you, Sauda, would lose all of your power.”
 
Sauda rocked back.
 
Sauda: “As in, stop being—”
 
Medea: “As in, everything.”
 
Sauda: “Everything?”
 
Medea: “Your social power, your political power, your magical power—”
 
Sauda: “My magic! No! Never!”
 
She leapt to her feet, unable to keep the pleasant visage any longer. She had to instantly make plans to counter this unexpected threat. Initially she questioned how Circe could waste the power of a wish on such a trivial thing, but given the selfish nature of Circe, her desire to be the one and only ultimate mage was easily understood. Sauda had been too busy amassing her own powerbase, she had not considered all the rivals that would try to tear her down.
 
Sauda: “Medea, is your aunt here in Egypt?”
 
Medea: “Highly unlikely. She rarely leaves Ææa.”
 
Sauda: “But how can see--?”
 
Medea: “It’s the wish that will do the work, remember? She doesn’t have to do anything at all. It’s already done.”
 
Sauda closed her eyes and tried to process.
 
Sauda: “Okay. It’s okay. It’s fine. Now that you have told me, dear Medea, we can do a new ritual. Ramesses would refuse me, but bugger him. I’ll do it anyway. Stage a rebellion against him if I must. I will find the wish code she made and undo it. I shall—urk!”
 
She looked down. There was a narrow, white blade protruding from her chest. It didn’t hurt, but it did feel strange. Like it was sapping her very soul.
 
She gasped and took a step forward, only to fall, heavily, to the floor.
 
Medea: “Ouch.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “I didn’t see anything special about this blade.”
 
Moses: “You killed her!”
 
Aman Tabiz frowned at Moses.
 
Aman Tabiz: “It’s a sword. That’s what they’re for.”
 
Medea: “I didn’t even see your friend come in.”
 
She wiggled her fingers at Moses.
 
Medea: “Hullo stranger. Aren’t you handsome.”
 
Moses: “Oh, uh, hello. Sorry, I have a wife.”
 
Medea: “Bugger.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “He has invisibility from that staff. He snuck right past all the guards to get this thing. Only, it stopped the invisibility once he got there.”
 
Moses: “Lucky you were there to rescue me.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “I handled it from there. You were a great distraction.”
 
Medea: “It was easy. I just told the truth!”
 
Sauda: “Ow…”
 
Moses: “She’s alive!”
 
Aman Tabiz: “Let’s try that again then.”
 
Moses: “No, wait--!”
 
Aman yanked the sword from Sauda’s back and stabbed it back down, brutally, through her lower back. He watched.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Strange. There’s no blood.”
 
Medea: “She’s got a lot of magic in her. Could she be fuelled by that instead of blood?”
 
Aman stabbed her again, a few times.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Still no blood.”
 
Moses: “Please stop. This is horrific.”
 
Sauda: “Ow…”
 
Moses: “She’s still--!”
 
Aman stabbed her in the skull and Moses dry heaved.
 
Medea: “Must be some kind of magic—”
 
Sauda: “Ow…”
 
Medea: “No way!”
 
Aman Tabiz: “This sword is the worst sword ever.”
 
He pulled it from the woman’s skull and observed that there was no injury there. No hole, no cut, not the slightest wound.
 
Aman was about to draw a new sword of his own, when Sauda spun over, as though she hadn’t just been stabbed a dozen times, and held out her hand at him. Aman saw his long life flash before his eyes and was annoyed that it was about to end because of a clumsy mistake. He should never have trusted this stupid anti-power thing.
 
Nothing happened.
 
Sauda glared and waggled her hand at him. She then looked at the offending hand and tried again. Still nothing. She tried her other hand. Nothing.
 
Sauda: “No! No!”
 
Medea gasped with amusement.
 
Medea: “It actually happened! She lost her magic after all!”
 
Aman Tabiz: “Truly?”
 
Medea: “I can sense it.”
 
Sauda: “No!! No!!!”
 
She jumped to her feet and was waving her hands about at Aman.
 
Moses: “Is this some kind of exotic dance?”
 
Deir-mon: “Seems the blade needs some refining.”
 
The mysterious NeSferatu was stood in the doorway. He wasn’t so tall as Aman, but his aura made him seem larger than possible.
 
Deir-mon: “It should have destroyed her entirely. A single cut. Instead, it just stole her powers. How disappointing.”
 
Sauda looked pleadingly at her hands.
 
Sauda: “This can’t be true…”
 
Medea: “I expect there’ll be no way for you to regain those powers either. Sorry, Sauda. My aunt is a thorough person.”
 
Deir-mon: “I believe that belongs to me…”
 
Aman took a step back from Deir-mon.
 
Deir-mon: “You would challenge me, Theos? After all this time?”
 
Medea: “Theos? What a girly sounding name!”
 
Moses: “Maybe we shouldn’t fight? We all got what we wanted, right? Sauda is defeated…”
 
Deir-mon: “I want my treasure.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “And why should I allow you to take it?”
 
Deir-mon: “Why shouldn’t you? Don’t you trust me?”
 
Aman Tabiz: “How did you survive the cataclysm?”
 
Deir-mon smiled, fangs flashed through the shadow of his hood.
 
Deir-mon: “How did you survive? By the time of the explosion, I was no longer in Atlantis.”
 
Moses looked at Sauda.
 
Moses: “Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?”
 
Medea: “Shush! Arguments like this always end in sex!”
 
Moses: “Whoa! I don’t want to be here for that!”
 
Medea: “I do~!”
 
Moses: “Sauda!”
 
Moses shouted as the Ethiopian woman slunk out of the room quickly, making her escape.
 
Aman Tabiz: “No you don’t--!”
 
It was all the distraction that Deir-mon needed. Aman Tabiz was a powerful human, superhuman even, but still a human. The NeSferatu moved in the blink of an eye and snatched the hilt of the sword. However, as soon as he touched the weapon, his speed disappeared. He was rarely surprised in his long life, but that was one of them. He knew what the anti-power could do, but he just didn’t factor it into his thoughts. He would need to think on a whole new level in future, to consider the possibility of loss of power.
 
Aman reacted and pulled on the sword.
 
Deir-mon recognised the arrogance of the pull. It wasn’t very strong, it was the kind of pull by a man used to super strength and, suddenly without it. Aman, like Deir-mon, wasn’t used to thinking of zero powers and was caught off guard. Deir-mon struck at the wrist of Aman with his talon-like nails and sliced open the skin. The tendons faltered in Aman’s hand and the sword was seized by the NeSferatu. He jumped back, and held the sword before him.
 
Aman grabbed at his own wrist to stop the blood, but he advanced on Deir-mon.
 
Deir-mon: “Do not underestimate me, Theos. You may be a skilled warrior of weapons, but I was a military commander long before I met you that fateful day. The way of the sword is still in my repertoire. Do you wish to lose all your powers for all eternity, just like our escaping friend?”
 
Aman hesitated.
 
Deir-mon: “Good to see you’re still no fool. I will take my leave then. I hope we never meet again, Theos.”
 
Aman growled and slumped down on the pile of cushions where Medea had been. He clutched at his wrist, but looked at both Medea and Moses.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Can one of you deal with this?”
 
Medea: “Oh! The mighty Aman Tabiz, asking the beautiful maiden Medea for help! This is a first.”
 
He looked away from her.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Moses?”
 
Moses looked at his staff and then at the gushing wrist.
 
Moses: “Maaaaaybe?”
 
Medea rolled her eyes and shoved Moses aside.
 
Medea: “Fine, fine. I’ll do it. Let a professional handle it. He’ll probably blow your whole arm off otherwise.”
 
Moses: “Sorry that Deir-mon guy got the sword, Tabiz.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “What about the witch? Is she really neutralised, Medea?”
 
Medea nodded.
 
Medea: “She’s powerless. She’ll never be able to use magic, or any other supernatural power, ever again.”
 
Moses: “Now that she has no magic to protect her, she won’t stick around for my brother to come after her. I suppose she’s already on her way out of Egypt…”
 
He remembered his own escape and, in empathic, hoped she would be okay.
 
Medea’s magic made short work of the cut as it knotted together the sliced tendons and skin.
 
Aman Tabiz: “These kinds of weapons shouldn’t be allowed in the hands of humanity. Where did that anti-power even come from? I always felt he knew more about the destruction of Atlantis than he let on…”
 
Medea: “Atlantis? As in the sunken city?”
 
He tested his hand by moving his fingers and nodded at her.
 
Aman Tabiz: “Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime. Right now…”
 
He rose.
 
Aman Tabiz: “It’s almost time for class.”
 
Moses snorted and laughed.
 
Aman Tabiz: “…”
 
Moses: “Oh, you were being serious…”
 
Aman Tabiz: “There’s so much happening in this city. I need to find a place here so I can help people.”
 
Medea: “You want to help people now? I thought you didn’t care about people.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “I do care. I just… care about everyone, not the individuals.”
 
Medea: “That’s plain weird.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “Says the evil witch.”
 
Medea: “Ex-evil. Let’s go to class then. I put bleach into Imhotep’s laundry, so he’s going to look like an idiot today.”
 
Aman Tabiz: “And that’s not evil?”
 
Moses watched them go before he looked around the silent room. It was odd how a place of so much excitement one minute, could become dead silent a moment later. Sauda was gone and his obligation to his brother fulfilled.
 
 
Moses entered the palace and was led by guards, who claimed to be expecting him. The pharaoh was in the dining hall and, when he saw Moses, he grabbed two goblets of wine, handing one to Moses.
 
Ozymandias: “I heard the good news! Well done, brother! I have no idea how you did it, but I’m impressed that you did!”
 
He led Moses through the hall, drinking his wine as he went. Moses sipped at his cup.
 
Moses: “I can tell you all about it, if you really want? But we need to arrange for my people to go free…”
 
Ozymandias: “Ah yes. The agreement. I would have done as you asked, boy, had you been more honest with me.”
 
Moses: “What do you mean?”
 
Ozymandias: “Planning to establish a rival nation and, most importantly, you want to overthrow the gods? This Yahweh you told me about. You plan to have his religion conquer the whole kingdom.”
 
Moses: “That’s not true! I just—”
 
He stammered because he actually wasn’t sure he knew much about Yahweh’s intentions at all and hardly anything about the religion. He just wanted to help his people out of slavery.
 
Ozymandias: “I heard it all.”
 
Moses: “Heard it? From who?”
 
They reached the next room and Ozymandias swept his hands towards a man stood waiting for them.
 
Ozymandias: “I believe you have met.”
 
The angel’s wings were visible and spread wide, creating a sincere and unwelcome presence. Moses couldn’t help but feel the anger rise within him, despite being such a calm and forgiving man even at the worst of times. But this creature was beyond Moses’ empathy.
 
Mastema: “It is good to see you again, old friend.”

The Plagues of Egypt

PostJan 13, 2020#116

Moses: “But you promised!”
 
Ozymandias: “Under false pretences!”
 
Moses: “I never lied to you!”
 
Ozymandias: “But you certainly didn’t tell me the truth, either! You come in here, after all these years of ignoring me, asking me favours and you don’t even have the decency to tell me the truth. A rival religion is one thing, a religion that wants to be the only religion is—not acceptable.”
 
Moses: “And you believe this guy? Did he tell you what he did to me and my wife and my child?”
 
Ozymandias: “He did, which only makes me all the more determined! This creature, this angel, was a representative of your deities. This trinity. Child sacrifice! That’s the kind of god you endorse, boy?”
 
He put his hands up before Moses could further protest.
 
Ozymandias: “Yes, yes. You’re going to tell me Yahweh wants to change that and that Mastema here—”
 
Mastema gave an elaborate bow.
 
Ozymandias: “—is cast out. That doesn’t change what your god is, or did.”
 
Moses: “You know, that’s how I came to be your brother, right? Baby killing? By Egyptians!”
 
Ozymandias: “Sauda is not Egyptian.”
 
Moses: “Endorsed by your father. And I believe, listening to one of my new friends – a really creepy old lady, I admit – that he even did baby killing himself.”
 
Ozymandias: “Nonsense!”
 
Moses: “So you’ll believe him over me? How many years have you known me?”
 
Ozymandias: “I knew you once, boy. Now, it seems, the years have passed and you are a sly devil. I don’t know how you got rid of Sauda, but I think it tells of something more than you let on.”
 
Moses’ lower lip wobbled.
 
Ozymandias: “Don’t do that.”
 
Moses started to cry.
 
Ozymandias: “Stop it! I refuse to feel guilty. You tricked me, Moses!”
 
He then sighed and sat in a chair. He rubbed his eyes and Mastema glanced at him with concern.
 
Mastema: “You can’t give in to him, pharaoh.”
 
Ozymandias: “Quiet you.”
 
He looked up at Moses.
 
Ozymandias: “I want to help you, brother. I do. But I can’t. I simply cannot allow this new religion to grow unchecked in neighbouring lands. What will the gods, the real gods, do to me then?”
 
Moses sniffled but he understood. His brother had to stand behind his gods.
 
Moses: “Then, this is a matter of gods to settle.”
 
Ozymandias then laughed.
 
Ozymandias: “Fine. Then so it is. May the best gods win!”
 
But Moses did not smile. He just turned to leave, but caught a flicker of doubt wash over his brother’s face at seeing Moses’ determination. Mastema, on the other hand, was glaring at him as he departed.
 
Moses had to admit, this time he really was hiding the truth. He would usually have felt guilty about it, but his anger over Mastema was masking his usual feelings. The Egyptian gods were neutralised, along with Sauda. She still had the connection to Amun-Ra that she instigated, but she had lost all supernatural powers and wouldn’t be able to evoke her deity to action. The other gods would not, without their overking, do anything to stop the coming chaos that would befall Thebes.
 
He expected some of the deities would make a stand over their own little shrines. But they would not act against Yahweh without word from Amun-Ra.
 
Outside, he rose the staff…
 
And, essentially, that scene from that movie that Al Ciao the Writer likes, ensued.

Prince of Egypt Song
 
Then, on the tenth day, Moses appeared again. The people of Thebes were broken, but not yet enough to convince the pharaoh to change his mind. If anything, he seemed to become even more resolute and stubborn.
 
Moses: “This had better be the last time…”
 
Moses grumbled. He was not happy at causing people all this suffering. He had to admit, they probably deserved it. It was recompense for the abuse done all these centuries to the Hebrew slaves. Yet, he was a man of empathy and when he saw the crying people, he wanted to stop.
 
Only the continued tears of his own people kept him going.
 
Miriam: “And what will Yahweh bring this night?”
 
Moses looked at his sister.
 
All these years, he had wondered why Miriam had been so kind to him but now that they stood together, she revealed the truth to him. With the loss of his brother, now came a sister and for that, he was grateful. He wondered if Yahweh had designed it this way.
 
Woman: “Can’t blame me for everything, you know? Good or bad, sometimes shit happens.”
 
The two of them turned around to see an angel stood there. Miriam gasped with horror and delight at the sight of such a supernatural being of splendour and beauty while Moses leaned on his staff, hoping this wasn’t another crazy one. So far Mastema was horrible and Bertwick, whom his wife had met, was less than useless.
 
Woman: “Please don’t make me swear.”
 
The two humans glanced at each other.
 
Moses: “Sorry, we didn’t mean to.”
 
Woman: “Calm your knickers down. A bit of cussing never hurt anyone.”
 
Miriam: “Right?”
 
Woman: “Get to the point, please.”
 
Miriam: “Uh, you came to us, remember?”
 
Woman: “Right, yes, the next plague is a tricky one. You need to tell all of the Hebrew people to mark their own doors with red paint. This sign will tell my angel not to visit those homes. Any door unmarked with be, as I said, visited.”
 
Miriam: “Okay, we I spread the word!”
 
Moses: “Hold on a moment. You’re talking oddly. You’re an angel, right?”
 
Woman: “I am.”
 
Moses: “But you keep using possessive pronouns.”
 
Miriam stared at her younger brother in wonder.
 
Miriam: “Wow! You know such big words! No wonder god chose you!”
 
Woman: “That’s because I’m also speaking. Not just her.”
 
Moses looked at Miriam.
 
Moses: “I wouldn’t mistake Miriam for god, if that’s what you mean.”
 
Woman: “I don’t mean your sister, I mean her.”
 
The two humans looked behind them. Nobody there.
 
Woman: “He means me.”
 
They look at the angel again.
 
Moses: “Why are all you angels so weeeeeeeeird!?”
 
The angel growled at Moses;
 
Woman: “I am not weird!”
 
Miriam: “You kind of are.”
 
Woman: “I am not! I am—She’s actually a pain in the ass.”
 
Miriam: “I am not!”
 
Moses: “You did get me in trouble with that guard that time.”
 
Miriam: “That wasn’t my fault!”
 
Moses: “I know, I know, just saying that’s why the angel thinks—”
 
Woman: “He doesn’t mean her, he means me. And I wouldn’t be a pain in the ass, if you weren’t such a loser.”
 
Moses: “I am not!”
 
Miriam: “You are a peasant farmer with a scruffy beard.”
 
Moses: “Hey!”
 
Miriam: “I know, I know, just saying that’s why—”
 
Moses: “Cheeky!”
 
Woman: “Just remember to make the sign. We don’t want any unnecessary deaths, right?”
 
Moses: “Deaths!?”
 
Woman: “I know. I disagreed with this decision, but I was outvoted.”
 
Moses: “Voted? They have voting in heaven?”
 
Woman: “No they bloody do not! She just thinks she has the right to complain! Seriously, she’s always complaining. Yahweh, please provide food for starving people. Yahweh, please make the water clean. Yahweh, please stop watching Game of Thrones. Yahweh, please stop going to parties with Bacchus and HorseGod.”
 
Moses squinted.
 
Moses: “Are you trying to do an impression of your own voice?”
 
Woman: “Uh, oh yeah. Could have just talked normally there.”
 
Moses: “Okay, I think I get it.”
 
Miriam: “I don’t.”
 
Moses: “Yahweh is talking through this angel. Why?”
 
Woman: “Oooooooooooh! That’s the problem! Haha! I totally forgot. You know, I keep appearing as bushes and bears and crap, I thought it would be better to just get myself a mouthpiece.”
 
Moses: “Ah.”
 
Woman: “Don’t call me a mouthpiece.”
 
Moses: “This is complicated.”
 
Woman: “I am Metatron.”
 
Miriam: “I thought you were Yahweh?”
 
Moses: “Try to keep up, dear sister.”
 
Miriam: “You’re not too old for a spanking, you know!?”
 
Moses: “I’m, like, fifty years old. I think I am too old.”
 
Metatron was a tall angel with dark hair that looked like it was always blowing in the wind. Her body was radiating light, like a gigantic lightbulb, that shimmered and flowed like water. Her eyes were stern, but wide and embracing – like a dutiful mother that was here to tell you off for sticking your hand in the fire. Concerned but also annoyed.
 
Her wings were also like long auras of light that spread out from her back. Whenever they moved, there was a sound like whispered prayers.
 
Metatron: “I am one of the seraphim. I was chosen to act as the Voice of God.”
 
Moses thought that must be a great honour for an angel.
 
Metatron: “Even if he’s a braggart.”
 
Or not.
 
Metatron: “I am not! Take that back!”
 
Metatron: “No.”
 
Metatron: “Traitor!”
 
Metatron: “Just get on with it.”
 
Moses: “I don’t even know who’s talking anymore.”
 
Metatron: “Just mark the doors and tonight, my angel will pass over.”
 
Moses: “You mean Metatron? You?”
 
Metatron: “Not me. Another. My duty is the Voice of God. Tonight, it shall be the Angel of Death.”
 
Moses: “Oh yeas. The death part. Who is going to die? I’m not sure I’m… happy with this.”
 
Metatron: “How many Hebrew people have died and suffered so that these Egyptians can live comfortably? How many men, women and children? How many babies starved to death? This judgement has been long in the making, Moses. Don’t worry, it is not you who is responsible for the deaths to come. It is I, Yahweh, that shall perform the act. Or rather my angel will, heh.”
 
Moses: “I know that death is a normal punishment these days, but I still can’t say I like this…”
 
Metatron: “Moses, if you liked the idea of my killing people, then you would not be my chosen guy.”
 
Moses nodded slowly.
 
Metatron: “I agree with Moses. I don’t think death should be any kind of punishment, even for the most wicked of humanity. Life is the only thing they have…”
 
Miriam: “I think they do deserve it. How many babies were murdered the night my brother was saved? An eye for an eye. If they knew they would meet the same fate, then they would never have done it to begin with!”
 
Metatron: “That’s my girl!”
 
Metatron: “Murder solves nothing.”
 
Miriam: “I can’t keep up with who’s agreeing with me.”
 
Metatron: “It’s not murder. It’s execution. Now, Moses, on with the show.”
 
Metatron: “Show? Crass, Yahweh.”
 
Metatron: “You’re so crass, Yahweh. You’re so stupid, Yahweh. You’re so annoying, Yahweh. You’re so petty, Yahweh.”
 
Metatron: “You are! All of those things!”
 
Moses: “We should just get on our way…”
 
Miriam went into the town, while Moses remained on the hill. He was waiting for someone.
 
He sat on a cold rock and watched Thebes. The poor people had been ravaged by nightmares for days and there was a lot of cursing and wailing throughout the streets. The Hebrews had learnt what was happening and were staying in their homes. Some were attacked by the Egyptians, blaming them for what was happening, but the subsequent plague would affect those attackers greatest of all. That made Moses wonder if Miriam and Yahweh were right after all.
 
The sun went down as he sat there in the cold. He was wearing a thick robe given to him by his sister, who was working at mending clothes. He learnt that the rest of his family died decades ago, including his mother and father. Only Miriam’s family had survived, her husband and children. He thought how nice it would be if her kids could play with his.
 
Asiya: “Moses?”
 
Moses jumped up.
 
Moses: “Mother!”
 
The old woman was being led up the hill by some of the Hebrews brave enough to stay out late. His adopted mother, sister to Ozymandias, was shuffling along on a cane. When she reached him, he embraced her but was careful not to hold her too tightly, afraid she might snap.
 
She was blind now, unable to get around without help. Her skin disease had had the odd affect of making her skin appear younger, though sickly, so that she might have been over a decade younger than Moses rather than older.
 
Asiya: “Is that a beard!?”
 
Moses: “It is! Taken me many years to get it this long.”
 
Asiya: “Terrible. You’ve become a barbarian without me around, hum?”
 
Moses: “Well, you’re not wrong. I’ve been living in Midian, you know? Even married a farmer.”
 
Asiya chuckled and stroked her son’s beard.
 
Asiya: “I bet she’s a pretty farmer though!”
 
Moses grinned.
 
Moses: “I admit it, she is.”
 
Asiya: “I missed you, Moses. At least you sent me messages!”
 
Moses: “I wondered if you even got them. Ozy didn’t know I was alive.”
 
Asiya: “Tut! If he had even spoken to me, perhaps he would have found out! You know what he’s like. I was born with breasts, therefore I am not even human. Idiot.”
 
Moses: “Did you ever…?”
 
Asiya: “Marry? No. Nobody wants a diseased wife. In the end, even Ramesses didn’t marry me. Lucky that. I might have stabbed him in the night.”
 
Moses: “Oh well.”
 
Asiya laughed.
 
Asiya: “Were you hoping for some new brothers and sisters to meet, hum?”
 
Moses laughed too.
 
Moses: “You got me! I just thought I’d have even more people to celebrate.”
 
Asiya: “Tut, am I not enough then?”
 
Moses wrapped his arm around her and nodded to the two slaves that had brought her up, so that they could go indoors for the night.
 
He led her to the rock and let her sit on the part where he had already been sitting all day. The warm patch.
 
He sat next to her, arm around her shoulders.
 
Asiya: “I always said you wouldn’t grow up to be like him, didn’t I? I worked hard at that, you know? And look at you now, showing him how wrong he is!”
 
Moses: “I still feel bad.”
 
Asiya: “Of course you do. You’re not like him. You care. How my father could have brought such a cretin into the world, I’ll never understand. But, he was right about one thing, Ramesses will having a lasting legacy alright! It just might not be the legacy that father intended.”
 
Moses: “I just hope my legacy won’t be so negative too. All this… horror I brought to Thebes.”
 
Asiya: “It’s not all bad. When the frogs came, the children were playing with them. There was an old woman, older than me even, who was chasing them about. I think she was a witch.”
 
Moses thought of Medea.
 
Moses: “Shouldn’t be surprised.”
 
Asiya: “And when the locusts came, I think a lot of people got out their barbeques! You know lots of people like the taste of locust.”
 
Moses: “Ew.”
 
Asiya: “I especially liked when everyone had boils on the skin! I thought, welcome to my life! That was satisfying!”
 
Moses: “I thought you might get a kick out of that one.”
 
Asiya: “And the darkness for three days was a lot of fun for me too! I also thought, welcome to my life! Get a taste of what it’s like to be blind. I know a lot of people lit campfires and sang songs to the gods.”
 
Moses: “But the gods didn’t answer…”
 
Asiya: “No, they did not. I believe they are allowing this to happen because of the way we treated the slaves. So much hatred for another race. It really is just desserts.”
 
Moses: “You think all of this is acceptable punishment then?”
 
Asiya: “Probably. But I am just an old woman. How can I know what is right and what is wrong? Isn’t that the reason we have gods? If they believe this is justice, then who am I to argue?”
 
Moses: “You make a good point. But is Yahweh really the one to make that judgement?”
 
Asiya: “You seemed to think so.”
 
Moses: “I… think so. He seems to want what’s best for us. The Hebrew people I mean. But I still have doubt.”
 
Asiya: “Did your god ever say that you should not question him?”
 
Moses: “Not exactly.”
 
Asiya: “He probably expects you to obey him, but that doesn’t mean you cannot have doubts or questions. If he’s any sort of god, he’ll make his reasoning clear when it happens. Like these plagues. I think the message is clear to all.”
 
Moses: “I should have more faith in him. But to do that, I need to understand him better. But, for now, I need to free my people. On that, we both agree. Afterwards, we’ll talk.”
 
Asiya: “Good idea!”
 
She leaned her head on his shoulder and they sat watching for a long time before they saw someone drifting down through the night sky. He was glowing softly, though not with the same brilliance as Metatron. From his back were six wings, black as a crow’s, and in his hand was an oversized longsword that was coloured blood red by blade. Moses would later come to know this angel as Samael, the Angel of Death. For now, the man swooped slowly down towards the city and passed over each house. He cut the air above the house with his sword, as though cutting mortal bonds rather than the people themselves. Less than an hour into the night and wails and screams sounded out across the city. It broke Moses’ heart.
 
Asiya: “Don’t worry, Moses. The affairs of gods are not yours to burden. This is the judgement cast against these people.”
 
Moses: “But there are probably innocent people being affected too…”
 
Asiya: “Are any of us truly innocent, Moses? Didn’t I have slaves? Miriam. She told me she is your sister. I never knew. I raised you in front of her and never knew. I am guilty and I do wonder how I will be judged.”
 
Moses: “I believe recognising your guilt goes a long way to redemption, mother.”
 
Asiya: “I hope you’re right, my boy. I’ll be there soon enough.”
 
Moses: “Don’t say that.”
 
Asiya: “I had my future read to me.”
 
Moses: “Oh?”
 
She put her palm on the back of his hand.
 
Asiya: “I know when and where my mortal life ends. The real worry is what happens after that.”
 
Moses: “And what do you want to happen after that?”
 
Asiya: “Happiness. That’s what I want. To be somewhere that makes me happy. Someplace where everyone is happy. Where there’s no slaves, no kings, no illness, no hunger. Just a world of happiness.”
 
Moses put his chin on her head.
 
Moses: “Your kindness overwhelms me, you know? You suffered your whole life and you still want everyone to be happy…”
 
Asiya: “I could have had it worse. I had my greatest wish come true.”
 
She grew heavy in his arms.
 
Asiya: “You grew up a good man, didn’t you?”
 
He held onto her, but his tears joined those of everyone else in Thebes that night.

Parting of the Red Sea

PostJan 18, 2020#117

With so much death and horror at his doorstep, and no response from his gods, Ozymandias, the great king of Egypt, relented to the demands of Moses and Yahweh to release the Hebrew slaves that were taken into captivity from their homelands in the Levant centuries ago.
 
The entire Hebrew race were thrust from their shacks and sent out of Thebes and all of the other Egyptian cities. A great march of malnourished bodies headed towards the Sinai Peninsula far to the north, with none other than the intrepid Moses at their head. Many of their brethren would meet up with the pack in the north, where they awaited their saviour.
 
Miriam and her family had helped to bury Asiya, and even Ozymandias ensured that she had a place within the family tombs of the Theban Necropolis. It turned out that Moses had had a brother, whose nephews and nieces were well grown and capable people.
 
Many old faces appeared to Moses as they joined him, and many more new faces he had never before met but suddenly felt like long term friends. Despite their condition, there was much hope for a bright future amongst these lost people.
 
One face he was surprised to meet.
 
Moses: “Wait, aren’t you--?”
 
Woman: “Shhhhh! Don’t let on!”
 
Moses: “Your name was something like Matherfortwank?”
 
Woman: “Urgh. Just call me Thirty-Four.”
 
Moses: “Your harem number, really?”
 
Thirty-Four: “I’ll hold that number with pride! Call me a number and I will make that number a number of defiance!”
 
Moses: “Okay, Thirty-Four. For what it’s worth, I think it’s great that you escaped. Do you want to go back to Hattusa?”
 
They were trekking along the road at a slow pace. There were many old people and children, even babies, travelling with the caravan. There were some horses, some carts but not enough food for everyone. Several were tasked as hunters and they worked tirelessly. Many also headed for the lakes and rivers and streams to hunt fish.
 
Thirty-Four wore a simple and tattered robe over the sultry gauze that she had been wearing when she absconded from her husband’s palace. She tugged the rough hood over her forehead, as though someone might detect that she didn’t belong with this group.
 
Thirty-Four: “I might have, but I have heard that it is a dying, plague-ridden city. I don’t even know if my father or brothers are alive. Plus, honestly, I doubt they’d be happy to see me shamed and crawling back to them. They might even ship me back to Egypt.”
 
Moses: “You can stay with us. You’re always welcome. We need all the help we can get if we’re to survive.”
 
Thirty-Four: “I don’t know how much help I could be to you, Moses. I’m not very useful, I’ve come to realise. I’m not used to… doing stuff. I don’t know cooking or cleaning or mending or… anything. I’d just be a burden and you don’t have resources as it is.”
 
Moses: “I’m sure you’ll find someway to contribute. You’re resourceful and strong. I think you’ll do just fine.”
 
Zipporah: “I hope you’re not planning to let all this fame go to your head, already, oh husband of mine?”
 
Moses looked up to see Zipporah riding a donkey, carrying their son. She had been put up there on account of her pregnancy.
 
Moses: “What? What do you mean?”
 
Zipporah cocked her head.
 
Zipporah: “Seducing beautiful young ladies?”
 
Moses: “No! Come on, don’t tease me like that. This is… Thirty-Four.”
 
Zipporah had been ready to keep abusing her husband, but that name was too odd to not derail her train of thought.
 
Zipporah: “Thirty… four? That’s not a name you hear every day.”
 
Thirty-Four: “That’s who I am now, at least.”
 
Zipporah: “You seem a lot younger and fitter than I. Perhaps you could carry this one for me for a while?”
 
Thirty-Four helped to take Gershom from his mother and Moses knew she was pleased to have found herself of some small use already. As they kept going, Moses became aware of a very suspicious figure that was desperately trying to be ignored by behaving like someone desperately trying to be ignored and, therefore, drawing a great deal of attention. Moses decided he ought to be the one to question this old man. He was hunched over and covered by a thick, grey cloak. From the hood, Moses could just make out a scraggly, grey beard.
 
Moses: “Hullo there.”
 
Old Man: “WAH! I’M NOBODY! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”
 
Moses: “Uh… is that… a fake beard?”
 
Old Man: “NO! IT’S TOTALLY REAL AND ALL NATURAL AND NOT A FAKE BEARD!”
 
Moses frowned. He believed he recognised the face behind the beard. He yanked on it and it twanged, snapping back into the “old mas’s” chin.
 
Old Man: “YEOWCH! YOU LITTLE BLIGHTER! I SHOULD KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!”
 
The eyes widened with panic and frustration.
 
Old Man: “I MEAN—uh… I’ll just go this way.”
 
Moses: “No you bloody don’t!”
 
Moses was not usually one to man-handle people, especially women, but in this case he was willing to make an exception. He grabbed the arm of the faker before they could escape.
 
Moses: “Sauda!”
 
He hissed at her.
 
Sauda: “I’M AN OLD MAN! WHO IS THIS—”
 
Moses again twanged the fake beard.
 
Sauda: “GAH! YOU BAS—Okay, okay! Stop it!”
 
Moses: “What are you doing here!?”
 
Sauda: “I had to escape Egypt before your brother had me found and executed. Hiding with you lot is the best way to do that. Look, once we’re beyond the peninsula and into the Levant, I’ll be off. You’ll never see me again.”
 
Moses: “I don’t want to see you now! You should leave.”
 
Sauda: “Okay.”
 
She kept on walking.
 
Moses: “Why aren’t you leaving?”
 
Sauda: “I am.”
 
Moses: “You’re still with us.”
 
Sauda: “You’re going in the same direction as me and, in case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a lot of you. All the way along and back.”
 
Moses couldn’t help but growl.
 
Moses: “You--! I should have you arrested!”
 
Sauda: “On what authority? Are you king of the Hebrews now?”
 
Moses: “Well, no.”
 
Sauda: “Planning to become dictator?”
 
Moses: “No.”
 
Sauda: “Well then.”
 
Moses: “If they found out what you did…”
 
Sauda’s face flushed with red as she refused to look at him.
 
Sauda: “I know. You’re right. I deserved to be punished. Without all that power I… I can see things more clearly. I honestly don’t know why I did the things I did. It’s like… I wasn’t in control of myself. The magic was in control…”
 
Moses didn’t want to believe her. It was too easy a cop-out, even if it was the truth.
 
Sauda: “Have you ever seen people addicted to drugs or alcohol? The things they do… they don’t behave like normal people. The… substance becomes the only thing that occupies their minds. It was like that. I could only think about power and getting more and more of it. Now… I’m powerless and I can’t understand why I did what I did. I mean, I know why I did it. I wanted power. But I don’t know how my mind justified… atrocities I committed. There’s no way of saying sorry, I know. Nothing I do can make up for… my savage behaviour. But I do… repent my actions. My life is essentially over already, Moses. If you want me dead, then fine. You and your people have every right to execute me. But, I don’t think that is a healthy way to begin your new nation. And I am too much of a coward to kill myself.”
 
Moses and Sauda walked in silence for a long time. There were few he hated as much as her, yet he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, see her dead. He didn’t believe that murder was the answer to anything.
 
The wind blew upon the train of people as they went along and Moses could almost feel the aura of hope and excitement from everyone around him. He couldn’t take that from them, not now. He looked at her.
 
Moses: “So, basically, I’m stuck with you.”
 
Sauda: “… yes. I’m sorry.”
 
Moses: “You’re going to do everything I say, is that clear?”
 
Sauda: “Yes.”
 
Moses: “And you’ll obey?”
 
Sauda: “Yes.”
 
Moses: “I can’t call you by your name.”
 
Sauda: “I already have a cover name. I’m Balaam now.”
 
Moses rolled his eyes.
 
Moses: “You’re really going with the old man routine? That is a really fake beard, you know?”
 
Balaam: “This is an amazing beard! I brushed it and everything.”
 
 
The room was dark. The king had refused to allow any slaves or servants into the room to light candles, so he sat on his plush chair in the gloom. He stared at nothing for hours. The gods… were frauds. They didn’t exist. They had no answered the prayers of the people to save them from Moses’ magic. Their statues did not bestow their protections upon him and Thebes. They were inert constructs. He had spent two lifetimes building monuments to the gods and to the ghosts of his ancestors, and descendants of his first life, yet it was all for nought. They did not exist and the statues honoured only imaginary figures.
 
This truth was hard hitting and a dark pit had opened up in his mind.
 
There were many in the world who claimed the gods were not real and they were content with that fact. But Ozymandias had not just believed in the gods and worshipped the gods, his entire existence revolved around them. He had dedicated himself to them. And it was all in vain. His two lifetimes were wasted.
 
His only claim to fame was being the product of dark and evil magic conducted by Seti I and the hated Sauda. All of this was coming to him and he understood that this second life was a life fuelled by evil. He had to question, what was the point of even one lifetime if there were no gods? No gods meant no afterlife, right? No souls? No purpose? No point? It’s all… meaningless. It’s all pointless!
 
He suddenly grabbed a cup and threw it with such violence he thought his arm might snap. But the cup did not smash against the wall.
 
From the darkness stepped the smug figure of Mastema.
 
Mastema: “And here we are. Just as I warned you.”
 
Ozymandias: “Fuck off.”
 
Mastema: “Tut tut. Such unbecoming language of a pharaoh.”
 
Ozymandias: “I am no pharaoh. To be pharaoh means to be anointed by the gods. There are no gods, there are no pharaohs.”
 
Mastema: “Perhaps. Perhaps not. Even if gods exist, what are they really? What makes them gods? Their power? Is that, alone, worthy a reason to worship them? People worship gods so that they don’t crush them like insects. So what does it matter if they exist or not?”
 
Ozymandias: “Then what is the point of it all? Answer me that!”
 
Mastema: “Does there have to be a point?”
 
Ozymandias: “That is all I have ever done. Some drift through life for the enjoyment of it, but I never did. I had purpose. I had a grand vision. I had a grand plan! I wouldn’t waste this life, I would use it! But now…”
 
Mastema: “Truly, you are pitiful.”
 
Ozymandias snarled.
 
Ozymandias: “I told you already. Get out of here, you weasel.”
 
Mastema: “Why did you let the Hebrew vermin go?”
 
Ozymandias: “Moses’ magic was… too strong. So many people in Thebes died. How many more would die?”
 
Mastema: “So?”
 
Ozymandias: “What do you mean?”
 
Mastema: “People died. So what?”
 
Ozymandias: “I mean known to be cold, but even I have a heart.”
 
Mastema: “You just said that life is pointless. Meaningless. You are mere animals crawling on the surface of the planet. So people died... I ask again, so what? Why care if there is no purpose to them being alive or dead?”
 
Had the old king held a clearer head, he might have allowed sense to prevail over this sinister turn of argument. He was not a nice man at the best of times, but he believed murder and suffering, at least of male Egyptians, was fundamentally wrong. Even women and slaves had the right to some semblance of life. But in this dark pit of despair, the coiling words of the Angel of Punishment wormed into his ears.
 
He even licked his lips at the thought.
 
Ozymandias: “Then… let Moses use his magic. Kill every last man in Egypt. I will not relent. I will take back my property and… I will KILL MOSES!”
 
He launched from his chair, filled with the spirit of vengeance. His eyes held a deadly, glassy stare of mania and danger. He marched out of the room and Mastema, with a cocky smirk, slowly followed him.
 
 
Thirty-Four: “Moses! Moses! They’re coming after us!”
 
Moses turned around to see Thirty-Four running towards him with a large group of younger people. They were acting as messengers up and down the train for the past few hours, Thirty-Four again eager to be of use.
 
Moses was bleary eyed and in need of sleep, but he didn’t want to rest until nightfall, so he pushed himself, and everyone, to keep going.
 
Moses: “Who is?”
 
Thirty-Four: “My—your damnable brother! The king! His chariots are after us and they are wielding weapons of war. They mean to take us as slaves and slay those that resist. Moses, he has gone back on his word! He betrayed us!”
 
Moses felt a pang of sadness within his chest. He had hated to fight Ozymandias and punish him for his hubris, but upon his acquiescence he had believed that their parting was as amicable as it could be. This, however, marked them as enemies through and through. As of now, he had no brother.
 
Balaam: “What shall we do?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Who are you? Is that a fake beard?”
 
Balaam: “THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL AND COMPLETELY REAL AND NOT FAKE BEARD! HOW VERY DARE YOU!”
 
Moses: “Calm down, Balaam.”
 
Balaam: “BUT MA BEARD!”
 
Metatron: “Moses.”
 
The angel known as Metatron appeared before them in a blaze of liquid light. It stood strong and tall, like a beacon of heroism and righteousness in their sudden, and desperate hour.
 
Moses: “Metatron! Yahweh! What should we do? We can’t reach the peninsula in time. We have many days north to go before we reach it!”
 
Metatron: “I shall cast a fiery light in the sky for you to follow.”
 
She rose a strong arm and pointed to the distance. In the sky was a blazing inferno, as though the clouds were aflame.
 
Moses: “But… that will take us to the Red Sea. We don’t have ships to cross to the peninsula, we need to walk northwards!”
 
Metatron: “Trust me in me, Moses.”
 
Moses hesitated. He had thousands and thousands of people to consider. He had to lead them to safety and now Yahweh was asking that he place all those lives in his word. Moses sucked in his breath. He didn’t understand all of this god’s intentions, but he truly believed that Yahweh wanted to save the Hebrew people.
 
Moses nodded.
 
Moses: “We will follow the light.”
 
Metatron smiled and then burst into sparkles.
 
Thirty-Four: “Like a glitter bomb.”
 
Moses: “No rest now. Follow the light! Everyone, follow the light as fast as you can go! Help those who cannot! Throw the food from the carts so the elderly can ride! Carry the children! Quickly, everyone!”
 
The caravan was in a fuss, but they responded to Moses commands like a well-oiled machine. It was as though his words carried their own special magic and when they were said, they were obeyed perfectly. The caravan moved faster and the people hurried as well as they might.
 
Above them, as though to sing them to their destination, they could see flocks of angels soaring along. Some would swoop low and, by mere presence, would instil the determination in those whose spirits were flagging. Even the uninspiring Archangel Bertwick appeared, though he was stood on one of the carts with a lot of the elderly and telling boring stories of his pet dog Bumfluff.
 
Much of the day went by before they finally reached the end of their journey. The inferno above them finally burnt itself out and the people found themselves at the edge of the Suez River, otherwise known as the Red Sea by the Midians. As the flames went out, so too did the light and absolute darkness of night fell upon them. The whole Hebrew race fell into a grim and terrified silence. Even the children seemed to afraid to cry.
 
Thirty-Four: “What now, Moses? Where are the angels? Even that loser angel is gone.”
 
Moses shook his head in panic.
 
Moses: “I-I don’t know. Yahweh wouldn’t desert us now, would he?”
 
The desperation and fear were almost tangible, as though he could taste it on his tongue. He didn’t know what to do or why Yahweh wasn’t here to meet them. Perhaps their god was waiting for the right opportunity? Perhaps something had happened to him?
 
Some rested as the hours wore on. Others, however, began to question the logic of coming here. Moses responded by asking for them to put their faith in Yahweh and wait for his presence, yet Moses himself was doubtful. Zipporah approached her husband, who was seated on a rock and watching the river.
 
Zipporah: “Are you okay?”
 
Moses: “Not really. Seems I’ve sat on more rocks during hours of desperation than I’ve done anything else. Watching Thebes for so many days and now here I am, sat on a rock and waiting for a butchering army.”
 
She sat next to him and held his arm.
 
Zipporah: “Do you really think this could be the end?”
 
Moses: “I honestly don’t know, Zip. I’m sorry. Was I a fool to do all of this on the word of a bush?”
 
She laughed.
 
Zipporah: “Honestly, I have no idea what I’d have done if a shrubbery wanted a conversation with me. But we are too old to live a life of regrets. I regret nothing bad I did. Even the life changing stuff.”
 
Moses rolled his eyes.
 
Moses: “You have done nothing life-changingly bad.”
 
Zipporah looked guilty.
 
Zipporah: “I… sort of did.”
 
He rose an eyebrow and looked at her with curiosity.
 
Moses: “Oh? What’s this?”
 
Zipporah released his arm and clutched her hands between her knees like a naughty child.
 
Zipporah: “I… tricked you.”
 
Moses: “When? What do you mean?”
 
Zipporah: “Do you remember when I found you?”
 
Moses: “The greatest day of my life.”
 
Zipporah: “I said you owed me, remember that?”
 
Moses: “You might have been exaggerating, but that wasn’t a trick.”
 
She was quiet for a long moment. Then looked at him directly.
 
Zipporah: “It was me.”
 
Moses: “What was you?”
 
Zipporah: “I stole it.”
 
Moses blinked.
 
Moses: “Stole what?”
 
Zipporah: “Your… wallet.”
 
Moses: “What wallet? When--? Oh…”
 
He remembered the day she claimed he owed her, he had intended to pay her with the money that Ozymandias had given him. But his wallet had been missing, all his money gone.
 
Zipporah: “I hid it so you’d not be able to pay me and you’d have to stay… It was very selfish and terrible thing for me to do. I… didn’t want you to leave, I fell in love with you so quickly I… I am so sorry. I know you think I’m stupid.”
 
Moses: “I do think you’re stupid.”
 
She looked at him, trying to give her puppy-dog eyes despite being far too old for it now. They both started to laugh and cuddle on the rock, beneath the dark night sky.
 
Moses: “You old swindler you.”
 
Zipporah: “I’m such a bad girl, huh?”
 
Moses: “What did you ever do with the money!?”
 
Zipporah: “Nothing. It’s still there. At the farm. Hidden beneath the ground in the cooking room. I put it in a chest. I always meant to return it to you, but I honestly forgot about it. That was pretty dumb. Even if you didn’t leave me for being such a conniving thief, we could have used it to buy a nicer house or something.”
 
Moses shook his head with a wide smile.
 
Moses: “Stupid.”
 
She pinched him.
 
Moses: “Ow. Regret nothing, like you said. We had a great life in our little cottage. The farm was wonderful. We did a good job, all things considered. A bit of hard work did us right.”
 
Zipporah: “That’s right. We did it ourselves. We made our lives have meaning. Not the gods, not the people around us. Just us two. We did that.”
 
Moses looked at her.
 
Moses: “You are so right, Zip. I take it back. You’re not stupid.”
 
Zipporah: “I know.”
 
She smiled smugly.
 
Moses: “I mean it. You just got it. Come on, get everyone ready!”
 
They stood up and Zipporah started getting everyone else awake and to their feet. Moses approached the rushing river.
 
Balaam: “They’re here! Whatever we do, we must do it now!”
 
Up on the hill appeared dots of flame as chariots lined up, ready for the final charge against the unarmed slaves. Each little pinprick of light was like a vigil in Moses’ heart. He turned back to the river and took a step forward.
 
Thirty-Four: “Moses! Careful! What are you doing!?”
 
He glanced back with a smile.
 
Moses: “Yahweh won’t do everything for us. With his help, we forge our own path!”
 
He held up his staff and ran straight at the river.
 
Zipporah screamed with sudden horror that her husband was going to kill himself. She rushed after him, but was held back by Miriam and Thirty-Four. Several young men went after him but everyone froze when the river itself began to part before the old man. Moses was laughing like a boy as he kept running, his old, feeble legs wobbling as he went. The heavy waters rose up and up, creating two flushing walls. Very surprised fish splashed out of the walls and onto the soggy sand and blubbed in confusion.
 
Miriam: “Everyone, follow Moses’ path! He has shown us the way!”
 
Elated, the Hebrews surged forward and started to travel after their leader. They were not fearful of the looming river, they were not afraid of the army behind them, they were not perturbed by the darkness above them; the light of the old man before them cast away all doubts. Most people ran, others helped along the old as best they could. They dragged their carts and donkeys and mules. As the last of the river parted ways, Moses stopped and encouraged everyone to go past him.
 
He stood there and waited, keeping back the waves using the divine magic of Yahweh through his staff. He felt like a great light was welling up within him, a certainty that everything was going the way it was meant to.
 
The last few to pass him included Miriam, who stopped by him.
 
Miriam: “Come, brother.”
 
They walked together towards the opposite bank. There they saw Balaam pointing behind them and they turned to see a lone chariot headed towards them. In the distance, the Egyptian army had halted at the shore of the Red Sea, save for one brave and determined soul.
 
Miriam: “The king…”
 
Moses was sure he could feel the blind hate emanating from that lone chariot and though his vision was blurred with age, he thought he could see the wide-eyed glare from the face of the man he once called brother. Not only was his brother gone, but all semblance of Ozymandias was absent from this husk of a man. This devil in human skin was the very embodiment of corruption and Moses felt tears break from his eyes for the demise of the foolish, flawed man he had once known.
 
Moses had never intentionally killed anyone in his whole life. Even Sauda, the child-murderer, was alive and even within his protection. He recalled his hands murdering the guard, so many years ago, that had resulted in his expulsion from Egypt. That had haunted him for many nights. The sight of the man’s dead eyes. The act of his death penetrated Moses’ psyche. He hated himself for that one single accident. He had taken away that man’s basic right, the one right that all humans have, the right to be alive.
 
He stepped back onto the bank and watched the husk coming at him, with a death glare.
 
Moses: “That is not my brother. That is not a human being. That is a vile imitation of man…”
 
Miriam: “He’ll never stop, will he?”
 
Thirty-Four: “He will take me back… what will he do to me then?”
 
Balaam: “I will be executed… not just executed. I will be tortured, mutilated, and whatever my remains are will be displayed for all to see and mock…”
 
Zipporah: “We will all be taken as slaves. Gershom will be raised a slave, his children will be slaves and his children’s children will be slaves. Generations of our people will be treated worse than they treat their cows and cats and hounds. That monster will destroy us all, if not in body then in spirit.”
 
Miriam: “How can we ever hope to escape him, brother?”
 
Moses looked at his sister, his eyes filled with tears. He knew what he must do. To protect everyone he had to do the one thing he had swore never to do.
 
He threw his staff to the ground.
 
The crowd remained silent, respecting the loss that their saviour would feel, and the waves crashed down. They swallowed the being that wore Ozymandias’ form and ended his torment. Moses dropped to his knees and balled.
 
Moses: “Please forgive me, Ozy. Go to the gods, or to Yahweh, to any deity who will have mercy on you and show you more love than I could give you.”
 
The people slowly moved out, ushered on by Miriam who knew Moses needed time to grieve. Not just for the loss, but for the act itself.
 
Balaam, Thirty-Four, Miriam, they all departed until only Zipporah remained. She would never leave her husband, even if he wanted her to go. She would not. But she did stand aside when another figure stepped in front of her.
 
Metatron: “Moses. I know you are in pain. I feel that pain too.”
 
Moses managed to look up. He saw his wife stood to one side with her face captivated by the sight of dozens of angels who stood before them. Even the Angel of Death, Samael, was there. Archangel Michael and Jugudiel were there and even plain old Bertwick. Metatron was at the front.
 
Metatron: “When I decided to do this, claim the Hebrew people, I saw the opportunity to aggrandise myself. But watching you and them suffer and struggle the way you have has truly made me want to help you. Not for my own sake, but for your sake. For theirs.”
 
Metatron knelt down and placed her hands upon Moses.
 
Metatron: “You have shown me what it means to be a god, Moses. Gods shouldn’t be complacent oafs looking for a few prayers. We should be guardians and shepherds. We should feel the needs of our people and show them to a brighter and better future. I hope I can be the god that you, and they, deserve from now on. If you’ll still have me, Moses, I vow that I shall be the one and only god that you’ll ever need.”
 
Moses could only manage to nod and the Voice of God helped the old man to his feet.
 
Metatron: “You are near Mount Sinai, where we first met. Come back to me there and we shall create a new way by which people should govern their own lives, absent kings and rulers. The rules for everyone to live good and wonderful lives.”
 
Moses: “Just don’t appear as a fiery shrub this time, okay?”
 
Metatron grinned.
 
Metatron: “No promises!”

Book of Spells

PostJan 19, 2020#118

The Earth was a planet that stood as a bastion of glory for being the central fixture to a complex algorithm of cosmic leylines that functioned as a cosmic nexus of power. Since it’s construction, life had evolved to the point where there were plants on land and creatures in the oceans. Due to the high concentration of magic, some of those creatures bore magical signatures or traits, allowing them to feed on the aether or even vril of the world.
 
Runekeeper: “I detest that those animals are running wild.”
 
Runekeeper was known as the cosmic deity of magic and had been one of the original creators of the planet Earth. He had strove to create a nexus of magic and thus the world was rampant with the stuff. However, since its creation, other gods had made the Earth their home and even took up stations as deities over certain aspects; including magic.
 
Thoth: “I know you do.”
 
Thoth glanced at the tome chained to Runekeeper, defining the god’s need for control.
 
When the planet was first created, it had a thick outer coating of orichalcum around the whole planet. However, the intense magical pressure of the leylines caused the magical metal to melt and was drawn through the Earth by the strong gravity at the Earth’s centre. This would, eventually, result in a hard, solid core of orichalcum but a liquid outer core of vril that would push up, through the mantle, and burst into the skies of the young Earth. Only later would the vril outer core settle down and rarely blast vril onto the surface; instead the molten lava of the lower mantle would thrust above the crust.
 
But in the young days, the vril was a rich source of potential magical energy. The flowing stream of vril that was still oozing down the side of the ancient vril volcano was being splashed against a thin sheet of paper. Few would be able to touch raw vril, but Thoth, as a deity of magic, had no problems.
 
Runekeeper: “You should change them. Organise them.”
 
Thoth retracted the sheet from the vril flow and shook it. As he waited, the sheet glistened as it dried.
 
Thoth: “That is not how magic should be. Especially not here. Allow magic to run itself, naturally.”
 
One sheet done, he set it aside and added it to the rest. He then took up a new sheet and dipped it into the vril.
 
Runekeeper: “I asked you to manage the place, not sit around doing nothing. You seemed so promising, too.”
 
Thoth: “You have always tried to control and restrict magic through the cosmos. How many times have your efforts failed or backtracked later?”
 
Runekeeper: “Well…”
 
Thoth: “Magic is a force of nature. Even your friends, the Three Fates, understand that. They don’t meddle every which way. Magic is meant to be wild and free.”
 
Runekeeper: “You are a god of magic, Thoth. By definition, you are the manager of magic.”
 
Thoth: “I do manage it. I do not contain it.”
 
He shook the new sheet and waited for it to dry.
 
Runekeeper: “Inefficient. This world must be primed and in perfect condition as an offering to the God-Monarchs. Anything less than perfect and we will lose to the other three. Did you know, they’re creating sapient creatures for their planet? The very idea.”
 
Thoth set aside his latest sheet and dipped a new one.
 
Thoth: “Why don’t you?”
 
Runekeeper: “Whatever for? This world is meant to be perfect! Not a playground!”
 
Thoth: “You have the Three Fates on your side, right? You should be able to create a very interesting species with that kind of help.”
 
Runekeeper slipped a hand across his bald head. The skin there wasn’t even skin, it was more like plastic.
 
Runekeeper: “Perhaps… we could engineer them to become builders and constructors and they could create further great works within our great work… intriguing thought.”
 
Thoth was getting through his sheets at a fair pace, yet they had been there for days. Thoth was prone to long periods of silence, never feeling compelled to conversation. Runekeeper, on the other hand, felt the constant need to comment on the things that bothered him.
 
Runekeeper: “I did notice other deities taking up residence on Earth, without permission! Damn squatters. We can’t have them here during the handover ceremony. What would the God-Monarchs think if we gave them a world with hundreds of vagrant gods slumming it there?”
 
Thoth: “It might show them how pleasant a world you have created.”
 
Runekeeper: “Doubtful. Imeryn Hypericum, especially, would consider it a failing on our part. I just know that Phractal will have made absolute order and routine on his world, even with those creatures they’re creating.”
 
Thoth: “They have Memnoch too.”
 
He didn’t need to say more than that, Memnoch was a big fan of chaos.
 
Runekeeper: “What about the creatures that worship you? How does it work?”
 
Thoth: “Depends on the civilisation. There are several civilisations on one world that treat me differently and think of me in a different way.”
 
Runekeeper: “So they do not know you?”
 
Thoth: “We are gods, Runekeeper. We are multi-faceted. I am whatever I am whenever and wherever I am.”
 
Runekeeper: “This is why I do not do this worshipping nonsense.”
 
Thoth: “I think of it as my being a teacher, and they are my pupils.”
 
Runekeeper: “I think of it as pandering to grotesque creatures with limited brains and big egos. The NeSiverse would be a much better place, more ordered, without these lesser beings in it.”
 
Thoth: “You’d have a universe with nothing in it but magic.”
 
Runekeeper: “Such places exist.”
 
Thoth: “And yet, you are here with me.”
 
Runekeeper: “Quite.”
 
Thoth knew the deity wouldn’t admit it, but he did find the complex challenge of the NeSiverse to be an interesting diversion. Cosmic deities had to occupy themselves somehow.
 
Thoth: “Nearly done.”
 
Runekeeper looked down at Thoth.
 
Runekeeper: “Nearly done what? What are you doing?”
 
Thoth: “We have been here for days, and you only think to ask me that now.”
 
Runekeeper: “I wasn’t interested until now.”
 
Thoth: “I am creating a book. A book of magic.”
 
Runekeeper: “I see. What for?”
 
Thoth: “It will be a book of spells.”
 
Runekeeper: “What kind of spells?”
 
Thoth: “Any spell.”
 
Runekeeper: “You mean every spell? That book already exists and I won’t allow another.”
 
Thoth: “Not exactly, no. This is not a reference book. It will not teach the reader all known spells in the NeSiverse, for all time. I can’t see much use in that.”
 
Runekeeper rubbed his head.
 
Runekeeper: “What do you mean by that!?”
 
Thoth: “I am not just a god of magic, I am a god of learning and knowledge. If you had a book that contained every spell ever, then where is the learning? Where is the experimentation? You wouldn’t have to learn anything ever again. Just open the book and… you have your answer.”
 
Runekeeper: “I am not a god of knowledge or learning. I am a god of magic. Just magic. That is all I care about.”
 
Thoth: “I know…”
 
A moment of silence passed.
 
Runekeeper: “Well!? You didn’t explain your book!”
 
Thoth patted the primordial vril-coated sheets.
 
Thoth: “When used, this book will allow the reader to use any spell they desire. Whether they know the spell or not, they can use the book and the magic of their choice can be cast.”
 
Runekeeper: “And that is so different from my book, is it? There is no learning in that! No knowledge! It’s the same as my own Runetome.”
 
Thoth: “It is not for me, or for you. It is for mortals.”
 
Runekeeper looked like he had been slapped with a toilet brush.
 
Runekeeper: “You cannot mean that? You’ll give such powerful magic to mortals? With their tiny brains and selfish ambitions?”
 
Thoth: “Therein is the lesson, oh Runekeeper. Therein is the lesson.”
 
He finished with the last sheet.
 
Thoth: “It will now take a few billion years for the aether to be absorbed into these pages. I plan to leave them on the planet Uranus. Perhaps the book will be ready in time for your own species to be created?”
 
Runekeeper:If we create one.”
 
Thoth nodded and collected up his sheets. As he walked down the volcano, Runekeeper followed after him.
 
Runekeeper: “And that’s another thing. Did you know that some empire or other has taken control of that planet? Intruders! Who do they think they are?”
 
Thoth: “Perhaps you should ask them?”
 
Runekeeper: “Absolutely not! They’re… foreign.”
 
Thoth did stop at that and look at the other deity.
 
Thoth: “You mean… they’re not from the NeSiverse? You’re not going to talk to them because of that?”
 
Runekeeper: “They’re… peculiar. With peculiar, foreign ways!”
 
Thoth: “Sometimes, I think existence has no odd surprises left for me to discover. Then something truly bizarre happens and I realise I am put a drop in the ocean of reality.”
 
Runekeeper: “Your platitudes are endless. I bet you have a book of those too?”
 
Thoth: “Indeed I do. But for now, it is this book I am invested in…”
 
 
A few billion years later.
 
The year 1249BC, Ozymandias is king of Egypt and his great works are celebrated all over the kingdom. Statues of gods and ancestors adorn grandiose temples and buildings. His work on a whole new city, humbly named Pi-Ramesses, was nearing completion and many had already migrated there, including most of the government.
 
Most of the king’s children, too, had travelled to Pi-Ramesses.
 
Son #1: “I wish the old geezer would pop his clogs already!”
 
Son # 7: “Brother! Don’t say such things!”
 
Son #1: “You have got to be kidding me, Son #7? Do you know how old I am?”
 
The brothers looked at their eldest sibling.
 
Son #7: “You look the same age as dad.”
 
Son #1: “Exactly! He’s just fifteen years older than me! I swear, I’m going to die before I ever get to be pharaoh.”
 
Son #2: “Life isn’t about being pharaoh, brother.”
 
Son #1: “You think you’ll get to be pharaoh if I’m dead, eh? Think again. You’re just a few months younger than me. You’ll be dead before him too!”
 
Son #2: “Bollocks! You’re right!! Should we off him?”
 
Son #12: “You can’t say that!”
 
Son #10: “Maybe we can convince him to step down?”
 
Son #12: “Why do you even care, Son #10? It’s not like we’ll ever get to be kings!”
 
Son #20: “You think you’re far down the list?”
 
Son #1: “You’re not even old enough to be king anyway. Go away, you little brat.”
 
Son #20 went off to play with his younger brothers and sisters.
 
Son #2: “I have my own children older than half my siblings. That’s weird, isn’t it?”
 
Son #5: “So what can we do to convince him to step down?”
 
They brothers all turned, in unison, to Son #4. Khaemweset, commonly nicknamed Setne, looked up from his book and blinked blankly at his brothers.
 
Setne: “What?”
 
Son #3: “You know him best! What can we do about father? How can we impress him and convince him to step down?”
 
Son #12: “I bet he wants us to build stuff. That’s what he likes to do, right? Build stuff.”
 
Son #10: “And Son #4 likes to build stuff too. So, how about it?”
 
Setne: “You can call me Setne, you know? Just because father cannot remember our names, doesn’t mean we can’t!”
 
They stare blankly.
 
Setne: “Okay, secondly I don’t build stuff.”
 
They stare blankly.
 
Setne: “I am an Egyptologist!
 
They stare blankly.
 
Setne: “I study Egyptian history, make discoveries and restore forgotten monuments and such. I have made many discoveries in—”
 
Son #8: “Dude! Tell us what to do already!”
 
Setne: “No idea.”
 
They all groaned.
 
Setne: “Building something won’t impress him, unless you help him build things he wants to build. That will convince him, he should stay king. Instead, you could try to find something extra special? Something that would solve his problems and secure the throne.”
 
They stare blankly.
 
Setne: “Oh, come on guys. We could try to find a mythical artefact and show our worth to our father.”
 
Son #9: “And whoever presents the best artefact would become the next ruler, right?”
 
The men all stare at each other.
 
Then ran off, leaving Setne stood alone with his books.
 
Setne: “Ridiculous, the lot of them.”
 
There then appeared a figure in the doorway to Setne’s workshop. The workshop itself was crammed with old statues, both big and small, and pottery and clothing and even sarcophagi. Shelves of books were also a regular feature and many personal icons that identified Thoth as Setne’s patron were hung throughout the rooms.
 
Setne: “Hullo, stranger. This isn’t a shop, if that’s what you were thinking?”
 
Stranger: “No, indeed. I recently arrived in Egypt. I’m from Greece. I’m in search of knowledge. Knowledge of the magical kind and I was told that you might be able to help me find it?”
 
Setne: “Oh, I see. You would be better visiting the library, you know? My knowledge of magic is rather limited.”
 
Stranger: “Ah, no. I’m not seeking a teacher of magic. I’m seeking the location of a magical artefact.”
 
Setne: “Oh? What artefact is this? And, sorry, what did you say your name is?”
 
Stranger: “I am seeking the Book of Thoth and my name, well my name is Hermes Trismegistus.”

Journey Through the Old Necropolis

PostJan 22, 2020#119

1246BC, the middle of the year, the weather is hot and searing upon the heads of the Hebrew people as they made their way across the Sinai Peninsula towards Mount Sinai, where Yahweh had instructed Moses, leader of Hebrews, to meet with him.
 
While he was open to speak with everyone, there were a few people that seemed to be in his inner circle more than most. His sister, Miriam, who had practically raised him, was there. She was very old and slow, being much older than Moses himself, but her wits were not dulled by age at all. Her own children and her nephews were constantly running around to help her, and Moses. Moses’ own wife, Zipporah, was naturally a constant figure at his side, though she spent most of the time on donkey back as she was pregnant. Since she was older than usual for a pregnant woman, she had a lot of younger women attending her and being extremely careful to make sure she would come under zero stress, despite the long march.
 
Also, with him were two outsiders. The beautiful and mysterious woman that called herself Thirty-Four. Most recognised that she was of noble birth, but she had been incredibly eager to do almost any manual job that people ignored her breeding and accepted her as one of them – the downtrodden. What limited nurses they had in their ranks were constantly bandaging Thirty-Four’s hands because they were very sore and the skin was becoming raw from all the work they were not used to doing. Another enigmatic character was the black-skinned man with the fake beard. Everyone knew it was fake, but he insisted it was the most beautiful beard in the world so everyone just let him have his little fantasy. Some had thought he looked like a woman, but no woman would have a false beard, surely? Balaam was very smart and was quickly becoming the man to go to for advice on the terrain and geography of the area. Though some had tried to suggest that he be made an official lorekeeper, for some odd reason these plans never came to pass. Everyone just forgot they ever attempted to give him an official title. Balaam himself kept trying to make people leave him alone, but he couldn’t help but correct people and tell them what he knew, so most worked through his bitter and isolationist attitude to get the information out of him, eventually.
 
These people were walking together as they finally reached the base of Mount Sinai, which Moses recognised from his last trip here.
 
Miriam: “I am worried if the Egyptians will come after us…”
 
Balaam: “All that magic and the death of the pharaoh and the silence of their own gods? I doubt it.”
 
Miriam: “But the next pharaoh might want revenge for his father’s death? Who will be the next pharaoh anyway?”
 
Moses: “Probably his eldest son. I assume he did have sex at least sometimes, even if he hated women.”
 
Thirty-Four: “Breeding was what he thought women were essentially for, so yes. He has children. Many.”
 
Moses: “Wow! Really? Like three? Five?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Five…”
 
Moses: “Wow. Five kids!”
 
Thirty-Four: “And zero.”
 
Moses: “Uh… fifty!!?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Only thirty of them are legitimate, by his wives. The rest are concubines. Not that he would know. He couldn’t remember which were wives and which were concubines, that’s why we—I mean, they were all harem girls.”
 
Moses: “I don’t know if I’m impressed or horrified. Fifty! I don’t know if I could tell them all apart…”
 
Thirty-Four: “He couldn’t. He just called them Son #1, Son #2, etc. That shouldn’t be surprising.”
 
Moses: “It’s not. So will Son #1 become king?”
 
Thirty-Four: “He’s dead.”
 
Moses: “Oh. That must have been sad for Ozy…”
 
Thirty-Four: “He was an idiot brat anyway.”
 
Moses: “Son #2…”
 
Thirty-Four: “Another dead idiot.”
 
Moses: “Son #3?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Dead idiot.”
 
Zipporah: “Good grief! They’re all dead and idiots? What about Son #7?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Dead idiot.”
 
Zipporah: “Son #10?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Dead idiot.”
 
Zipporah: “Bloody hell’s fire! Were they all idiots?”
 
Moses: “And are they all dead?”
 
Thirty-Four: “Pretty much!”
 
Balaam: “That’s not quite true. I remember one of them was… good. Decent. Son #4.”
 
Moses: “Oh, so the fourth lived? He’ll be pharaoh?”
 
Balaam: “No. He is dead. But he was no idiot…”
 
 
Setne: “I’m surprised at the wealth of resources you have, Hermes.”
 
Hermes: “I was well paid for my last job. I helped the god Isis herself, you know?”
 
Setne’s eyes bulged.
 
Setne: “The—you’re joking with me, surely!”
 
Hermes: “No, indeed, I’m not! She told me she plans to open a school for magic, right here in Egypt, you know? I plan to attend classes. I’m sure a man like you could easily be admitted too! It does have a silly name though. Egyptwarts. I just don’t get the humour of these gods, at all.”
 
Setne: “Is it really just the gods with a penchant for silly names though? You do know there’s a temple of Tutankhamun called Temple-of-Nebkheperure-Beloved-of-Amun-Who-Puts-Thebes-in-Order!? And that’s with the exclamation mark.”
 
Hermes: “You might be right. Maybe it’s just me. Am I out of touch?”
 
Setne: “The older we get, the more out of touch we get. Just like our parents when we were young. Then again, my father was original born centuries ago, so it was even worse for me.”
 
Hermes: “Do you believe him when he says this?”
 
Setne: “I don’t see why not. Cynical are we?”
 
Hermes: “A little. I prefer to trust the things I can experience, rather than the words of others.”
 
Setne: “So what use is a magic book to you? Isn’t that just the words of others?”
 
Hermes: “They are just words. Until you test them.”
 
Setne: “Fair point!”
 
The two men had travelled south from Pi-Ramesses, along the Nile, towards Thebes. However, long before they reached that most famous of cities, they came to their destionation; Umm El Qaʻāb. Nicknamed, even now, “the mother of pots”. This was the necropolis for the most ancient of Egyptian pharaohs, dating over a thousand years ago. While pharaohs would now be buried in the Theban Necropolis, the rulers of the first dynasty, and earlier into the mists of time, were here.
 
The necropolis was built in a secluded land and the centuries left it blanketed in sand that gathered up around the tombs. They sought out one tomb in particular, commonly regarded as the Tomb of Osiris.
 
Pots lay strewn everywhere, as the necropolis had been poorly guarded against graverobbers. Those buried in the modern Theban Necropolis had much better traps and defences. Setne imagined at the unfortunates buried here must be very upset in the afterlife, having their stuff gradually disappear over time. Even their bodies were defiled as some amateur herbalists tried to claim that consuming parts of these dead people would imbue the consumer with supernatural powers. Gross. Just gross.
 
Hermes: “Are we sure this is the best lead, Setne? I would think the lead about Giza to be more likely, what with the nexus there.”
 
Setne nodded.
 
Setne: “I agree with you!”
 
Hermes: “So why are we here instead?”
 
Setne: “Aside from the magical nexus, you mean? I don’t want to be turned inside out by getting too close to that thing, thank you very much. Besides, I have heard that there is a dangerous spirit that lives within that pyramid.”
 
Hermes: “Another odd thing to believe in.”
 
Setne: “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Nobody knows who built the Pyramid of Giza. Many say one of the gods themselves came down to set it there. Others say, even, that a god from another planet built it as a prison. Whatever the truth, I believe there is something to be suspected. And, in truth, I’d rather not find out. At least… not without exploring the easer alternatives.”
 
He winked at Hermes and tapped his nose.
 
Setne wore beige clothes. As with most Egyptians, what started as white was soon yellowed by sand. However, being royal, the son of the pharaoh should have been able to get himself new clothes daily, but he insisted this was his ‘lucky gear’ and wasn’t going to prance about the desert in finery. He wore something he called boots on his feet too, which Hermes thought looked very uncomfortable. He had a turban on his head to protect from the sun, something that Hermes wished he had considered before they departed Pi-Ramesses. Where most men had swords, Setne had a whip. When Hermes pried to the purpose, Setne informed Hermes that he rarely met people who needed to be stabbed in tombs. Instead, he found himself in need of a rope and the whip made an excellent alternative. Being older than Setne, Hermes was grateful to have this experienced tomb raider on his side.
 
Hermes: “I suppose it’s unlikely to be a waste of time. Even if the book is not here, there’s surely something to be learnt.”
 
Setne: “A man after my own heart, Hermes!”
 
He gave Hermes a good slap on the back.
 
Setne: “But let’s hope none of the mummies are restless.”
 
Hermes: “Uh…”
 
Boy: “Oi! Oi! Who goes there!?”
 
The two men stop as they are threatened by a boy of around ten. He was stood atop one of the monuments and waggled a spear at them. The two men shrugged at each other.
 
Setne: “Hello, kiddo! I’m Khaemweset and this is my foreign friend, Hermes. We’re here to see the Tomb of Osiris. What are you doing up there?”
 
The boy lowered his spear a little, though Setne suspected that was because it was too heavy for the kid to hold up for long.
 
Boy: “You won’t be stealing anything or ‘ll have you gutted!”
 
Setne: “I don’t think I’d say steal is quite the right word. We are looking for a special object, though. Maybe you could help us? I’m a prince of Egypt, you know?”
 
The boy dropped his spear in surprise and then cursed as he failed to stop it falling off the monument to the sand below. He pointed at Setne accusingly.
 
Boy: “You better not be lying to me!”
 
He started to scramble down the side of the monument.
 
Hermes: “Maybe we should take that spear off him before he hurts himself…”
 
Hermes got to the spear and hoisted it off the ground before the boy could get to it. Upon seeing his weapon taken, the boy became very nervous, having lost the confidence it gave him.
 
Boy: “You-you better not steal! Are you really a prince?”
 
Setne: “I am. Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you. But why are you here?”
 
The boy puffed up.
 
Boy: “Well, your majesty, I am a loyal servant to the crown! I am the appointed head priest of the Tomb of Osiris!”
 
The two men balked.
 
Setne: “But you’re only a boy! Eight? Nine?”
 
The boy shook his head with sincerity.
 
Boy: “No, sire! I am not that young!”
 
Setne: “Oh?”
 
Boy: “I’m already ten!”
 
Hermes: “Why is the head priest a little boy?”
 
Boy: “Um…”
 
Setne: “You can tell us, kiddo.”
 
Boy: “They… killed themselves.”
 
Setne: “What!?”
 
Boy: “The other priests. They found out that the original priests here used to practice human sacrifice so they decided they should give it a try and see if Osiris would show up. But nobody volunteered, so they decided to practice on themselves. The last one drowned himself in a bucket, told me to tell Osiris to bring hm back to life if he showed up. But, well, he never did. Or at least, not that I could tell.”
 
Setne: “Since when were idiots asked to become priests?”
 
Boy: “I’m no idiot, Sire!”
 
Setne: “Sorry, kiddo. I didn’t mean you. You’re still alive, so you’re not an idiot. What’s your name by the way?”
 
Boy: “Bay.”
 
Setne: “Alright Bay, we need to send a letter to Thebes where the top priest, Sauda, will arrange for some new priests to arrive. Hopefully not stupid ones.”
 
Bay: “I already did, Sire! See, told you I’m not stupid!”
 
Setne: “Well done, Bay!”
 
Bay: “So she came here herself.”
 
Setne: “She did!?”
 
Bay: “I don’t know where she is now though. She said I could be head priest!”
 
Setne narrowed his eyes.
 
Setne: “Did she now…”
 
Hermes: “Should we seek her out? Maybe she’ll have information on the book?”
 
Setne: “I hope not. If she found out the book was here, she’d take it for herself. My father hates her with good reason.”
 
Bay: “Really!?”
 
Setne: “Oops! Sorry, Bay. Grown-up talk.”
 
Hermes: “Maybe you should return to your parents, child?”
 
Bay: “But then nobody will protect the necropolis!”
 
Setne: “I wonder why there is no guardian deity here? Very odd. Well, Bay, I suppose you could help us find the Tomb of Osiris?”
 
Bay: “Sure thing, Sire! Right this way!”
 
He started to march like a soldier as he led the way. The kid had dark brown skin and a mop of hair on his head that didn’t know what soap was. He even wore a little ceremonial robe, though it was still too big for him and trailed along the sand.
 
Bay: “Hut, two, three, four!”
 
The two men just shrugged at each other and followed after the child. He trooped across the desert necropolis until a large monument loomed out of the sand. It was partially buried on all sides, but the main entrance had been well excavated to allowed access. Even as they neared they felt a dark aura upon the place that chilled their very souls.
 
Setne: “I don’t fancy this place much.”
 
Hermes: “Osiris isn’t exactly the god of fluffy kittens, Setne.”
 
Inside the tomb, the walls are cold to the touch and the air equally so as their breath steams from between their lips. Setne could feel the water freezing on his eyelashes.
 
Setne: “How could the temperature drop so much? It’s scorching outside!”
 
Hermes: “Work of the gods? Or maybe magic?”


Bay was trying to get a torch from its sconce on the wall, but couldn’t lift it high enough to get it from its perch. Hermes reached out and hefted it free. Bay gave him a nasty look.
 
Bay: “I could do it myself, old man!”
 
Hermes: “No harm in getting help, even when we don’t need it.”
 
Setne: “People like to be helpful, Bay.”
 
Bay considered this as he looked up at the prince, but held his hands out for the torch.
 
Bay: “Thank you, old man. I need to carry it. It’s my duty as head priest to escort you.”
 
Hermes carefully handed the lit flame to the boy and the shadows danced wildly as the kid wobbled back and forth for a moment before steadying. He then trooped forth again.
 
As they progressed through the tomb they stumbled upon an unexpected sight.
 
A cow.
 
Bay: “Oops! Looks like one of the sacrifices got loose! I guess with all the priests dead, nobody has been fattening him up!”
 
Cow: “A sacrificial cow. Yes. That’s what I am.”
 
The humans look at the cow.
 
Setne: “Did… you guys hear something just now?”
 
Cow: “Uh, moo! Moo! Don’t sacrifice me though.”
 
Hermes: “I think the air down here is playing tricks on our minds. We should be quick about our business.”
 
Setne: “Right…”
 
They pass by the cow, with some hesitation. Setne glanced back to see the cow looking at them.
 
Cow: “Bye now. Have a nice day!”
 
Setne: “This is a silly place…”
 
Bay: “Where do we go now? To Sauda?”
 
Setne: “Maybe we have no choice? For now, let’s look for clues. If we don’t find anything to tell us where the book is, we can find Sauda and ask her. But only if we really must.”
 
Hermes: “Seems reasonable. The Book of Thoth should be here, in the tomb of Djer.”
 
Bay glanced at Hermes with surprise.
 
Bay: “You know of Djer?”
 
Setne: “We did our research before we came here, Bay. This was once the tomb of Djer, third in the first dynasty of known kings. Converted for use by Osiris’ priests later. So far as we know, Djer was the last Egyptian to hold the Book of Thoth. That’s what we need to find.”
 
Bay: “I could guide you to his sarcophagus?”
 
Hermes: “Thank you, child.”
 
And so, Bay tottered on. He wobbled a few times when he lost his grip on the heavy torch but managed to keep at an even pace. The cold gripped them as they ventured on, through the darkness. There were no other torches, so the light from Bay’s hands seemed like a sacred and precious flame of protection against this unnatural quietude that enveloped them. Hermes had considered taking the torch from the boy when he almost dropped it again, but was assuaged from doing so thanks to the child’s insistence on his duty and how important it seemed to him.
 
Eventually they reached the sarcophagus of Djer, and nearby was that of his wife. There were a lot of objects around, designed to aid the dead pharaoh in the afterlife, but much of it was stolen or broken. No books at all.
 
Hermes: “Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a book before. What do they look like?”
 
Bay: “I don’t even know what a book is.”
 
Setne: “Like sheets of papyrus all strapped together. I heard that the Phoenicians put some kind of writing on theirs!”
 
Hermes: “But Egyptians put writing on papyrus too.”
 
Setne: “Hieroglyphics are not the same thing. They’re pictures to demonstrate meanings, not symbols that have exact vocal connotations. A picture of a pharaoh means that pharaoh, but another picture of a pharaoh might mean any pharaoh. It’s sort of complicated.”
 
Bay: “I can read these walls.”
 
They look at the hieroglyphics on the walls of the chamber.
 
Bay: “Bird. Bird. Cat. Sun. Wiggly lines. Sun. Wiggly lines. Circle. Sun. Circle. Dung beetle. Sun. Wiggly lines. Bird. Bird. Cat. Dog-man. Hedgehog.”
 
Hermes:Hedgehog!?”
 
Setne: “You’re supposed to figure out what the symbols represent, Bay. Not just tell me what you see.”
 
Bay: “But you said—”
 
Setne: “Okay, yes, sometimes it’s just what you see. You’re right. Like this. Can you bring the torch up here?”
 
They gazed upon a depiction on the wall of Djer and, as Setne could clearly see, there was a book. A picture of what was clearly Thoth was holding the book aloft and Djer was kneeling to it. The four of them gathered around to look up at it.
 
Bay: “So that’s a book?”
 
Hermes: “It tells us that Thoth gave the book to Djer, but not what happened to it afterwards.”
 
???: “Yeah, funny that.”
 
Setne: “I suppose they wouldn’t have known when they made this. It looks like the book was probably stolen.”
 
???: “Well, you know, pharaohs these days are such cheapskates they pilfer things from older pharaohs for their own tombs.”
 
Setne: “That is a good point. I’ve been asked to find a few things for my father. Although, actually, they were from his first tomb, so I guess he stole from himself.”
 
???: “I wouldn’t mind being reincarnated myself, actually.”
 
Hermes: “So, if it was stolen by another pharaoh, we need to figure out which one.”
 
Bay: “Uh…”
 
Setne: “I assume it is one of the modern pharaohs and not the ancient pharaohs.”
 
???: “You know, one day these modern pharaohs will be considered ancient pharaohs too?”
 
Bay: “Um… prince?”
 
Hermes: “Well, the future isn’t here yet.”
 
Setne: “But it’s important to distinguish, because if it’s one of the modern pharaohs then they’re probably buried in the Theban Necropolis. Not here in El Qaʻāb.”
 
???: “Doesn’t that mean ‘mother of pots’? Is that seriously what they all this place nowadays?”
 
Hermes: “It is.”
 
???: “No respect for the dead, that’s what that is.”
 
Bay: “Priiiiiiiiiiiince…”
 
Setne: “Well, one day in the future when we’re all ancient, they might not even call this Egypt. They’ll just call it ‘that old place with the sand’ or something. I guess we all get forgotten and nobody cares we existed.”
 
Hermes: “That’s certainly bleak.”
 
???: “But something I can relate to. How sad the human memory is.”
 
Bay: “Prince! Prince! Prince!”
 
Setne: “Bay, we are having an adult conversation here.”
 
???: “Kids these days. No respect for their elders. Always pining for attention.”
 
Bay: “But--!”
 
Hermes: “So the book is in the Theban Necroplis. There is still a lot of ground to cover there. But maybe the workers of Deir el-Medina will know something?”
 
Setne: “Wow, Hermes! I am impressed with your research. You are right. The town may have some answers, but they are only builders. I don’t think they keep track of artefacts. More likely we’d want to visit one of the temples and ask the priests. The Temple of Hathor might be the best choice.”
 
???: “Oh, they have Hathor at the new necropolis? That must be nice!”
 
Hermes: “It’s a shame only Osiris is worshipped at this necropolis.”
 
???: “Indeed. Having some gods venerated here would be a breath of fresh air, I can tell you! Not that you get much fresh air down here. Or breaths for that matter, haha!”
 
They had a good chuckle at the bad joke, still admiring the wall painting.
 
Setne: “Okay, team! I think we have our next destination. Lucky we avoided Sauda, eh?”
 
???: “Oh, that’s the Nubian woman is it? She was here earlier. Looking for a bird, I think.”
 
Setne frowned.
 
Setne: “A bird? Down here?”
 
???: “That’s what I said!”
 
The two men turned to the third.
 
And realised they’d been joined by said third for a while now.
 
And said third was, in fact, dead.
 
???: “Hullo chaps.”
 
The mummy wiggled his fingers at them.
 
Bay: “I tried to tell you!”

Hot and Cold

PostJan 25, 2020#120

Hermes: “In your career as a tomb raider—”
 
Setne: “Egyptologist.”
 
Hermes: “What do you usually do about now?”
 
Setne: “Run in the opposite direction.”
 
They both glanced behind them to see the wall still standing there.
 
Hermes: “Any Plan B?”
 
Setne: “Kill it with fire?”
 
Hermes: “The torch!”
 
They both look at Bay, who suddenly looked like a deer in the headlights.
 
Bay: “Why are you looking at me!?”
 
Hermes: “Burn the mummy!”
 
Setne: “Quickly, Bay! Before it eats us!”
 
The mummy recoiled.
 
Djer:Eat you!? Now, now! There’s no need for all this!”
 
Hermes: “I believe it’s zombies that eat people, not mummies.”
 
Setne: “What’s the difference between them? Aside from bandages?”
 
Hermes put a ponderous hand to his chin.
 
Hermes: “You’ve got me there.”
 
There came an angry growl of a woman to one side. From the sarcophagus of Nakhtneith, wife of Djer. The mummy start upright and glared at the humans and her husband.
 
Nahktneith: “Could you all please keep it down!?”
 
In the silence that followed, she, grumpily, lay back down.
 
Nahktneith: “Some of us are trying to sleep! It’s decades before I should wake up.”
 
Djer put a finger to his lips. Or he would have if he still had lips. Or still had a finger, for that matter.
 
He motioned for them to all step aside, into an alcove and he whispered to them with a raspy voice.
 
Djer: “Sorry about the wife. She’s not her best so early in the century.”
 
He itched one of the bandages on his shoulder, which threatened to fall off. The men stepped back in awkward disgust, as though Djer had just farted a prime, stinky methane load. Only worse.
 
Djer: “I don’t suppose you brought some ceremonial wine with you?”
 
Bay: “No sorry.”
 
Djer: “You must be a new priest? You’re very short.”
 
Setne: “He’s ten.”
 
Djer: “Ah! A fine age! I got married to my wife at ten!”
 
Hermes: “Oh dear…”
 
Setne: “I would like to say things have changed since then. But they haven’t.”
 
The mummy then pulled a small stick from the bandages and popped it between the remains of his mouth.
 
Djer: “Would you mind?”
 
Bay, confused, held out the torch as instructed and the mummy lit the little stick.
 
Setne: “Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea? Fire, rags…”
 
Djer: “Don’t you start. I get enough of that from the missus.”
 
He glanced back, sudden afraid she heard him. He blew the smoke from his lit stick into the alcove, away from her direction.
 
Djer: “So, I think you were saying something about the Book of Thoth?”
 
Hermes: “Yes! Do you know something about it!?”
 
Djer was startled and patted his hand on the air.
 
Setne: “Not so loud! You don’t want her to give us all an earful.”
 
Hermes: “Do you know something about it!?”
 
Djer nodded, much to the horror of the humans as it looked like the head might snap off the fragile neck.
 
Djer: “What you said was spot on earlier. They came and took it away. The book was given to me by Thoth himself and they just took it. Assholes.”
 
Setne tried not to think of mummified assholes.
 
Hermes: “Why did Thoth give it to you?”
 
Djer: “I wasn’t the first. But it was given to me so I could learn the secret of magic!”
 
Hermes: “Wonderful!”
 
Djer: “But I just ended up inventing this stuff.”
 
He held up the blunt.
 
Hermes: “Oh…”
 
Djer: “I did learn some kind of secrets, I’m just not sure what those secrets were…”
 
He eyed the stick in his own hands suspiciously, as though it was to blame for his failure.
 
Setne: “Do you know who, specifically, took the book?”
 
Djer: “Yes! Of course! Someone called Hat-she-put. I don’t know where she put the hat, but she was named after it.”
 
Setne: “Hatshepsut.”
 
Djer: “Yes, that’s what I said.”
 
Hermes: “I hope she isn’t as… animated as you are, or this could be a problem.”
 
Setne: “Could be a problem anyway. Her tomb is going to be… well trapped.”
 
Djer: “Oh, that’s how it is! The young ones even get better traps than we do. Nobody respects us anymore.”
 
Hermes: “Young… yet very dead for a long time.”
 
Setne: “Time to go either way. At least now we know where to go.”
 
Djer: “It was nice meeting you nice, alive people. We don’t get a lot of guests.”
 
Hermes: “Imagine my surprise.”
 
The human left, giving awkward waves to the wiggling fingers of the mummy, and quietly stalked back down the dark, dank passageway of the tomb. When they finally burst out into daylight, heat rocketed against their skin so suddenly they all jumped back into the cold of the tomb.
 
Setne: “Let’s… wait here and try to slowly adjust to the heat, eh?”
 
Hermes: “Now that we know where to go, finally we can get the book.”
 
???: “A book, eh? What book would this be?”
 
The two men froze.
 
Setne: “Please, no more mummies…”
 
They turned around.
 
Sauda: “I hope I look a darn sight better than a dirty, old mummy…”
 
Setne’s eyes bulged. He knew Sauda was a dangerous and manipulative woman, at least that’s what his father said, and yet she was a sight to behold and she was completely unabashed. She smiled straight at him and he knew he’d been caught looking. It was more embarrassing that she didn’t rebuke him for it and he cleared his throat, trying to regain some composure.
 
Setne: “Well, yes, um, we, ah, need to find a book. It’s nice to see your—you! Nice to see… meet you! Very… nice…”
 
Hermes frowned at Setne.
 
Sauda: “Sorry, sir. I am Sauda. It is nice to meet you. Are you Greek perhaps? You have such a fine, educated air about you.”
 
Hermes straightened up and nodded with far more elegance than he had given Setne.
 
Hermes: “Why, yes! That is a good eye you have, Lady Sauda. I believe you are the high priest of all Egypt?”
 
Sauda: “I am. Which is why I am always pleased to meet intelligent gentlemen like yourself. I’m sure you have much wisdom that you could bestow. The more you know, the better you…”
 
She made a tiny shrug.
 
Sauda: “Perform.”
 
Setne thought he had stepped into the sun again, because his face was so hot.
 
Hermes: “Well, yes! I believe that too.”
 
Bay: “High priestess Sauda! I am head priest Bay!”
 
He bowed and Hermes grabbed the torch before the boy set fire to Sauda with it.
 
Hermes: “Careful now.”
 
Sauda: “Just five minutes of meeting you and you have already come to my rescue! How fortuitous!”
 
Hermes: “Ineed, so it seems.”
 
He put the torch back into the sconce inside the tomb, while Sauda looked down at Bay.
 
Sauda: “And why didn’t you tell me there were visitors?”
 
Bay: “They didn’t want to meet you!”
 
Setne choked.
 
Setne: “Ex-nay!”
 
Sauda: “Is that so…”
 
She looked up at Setne.
 
Sauda: “How cruel.”
 
Setne hoped the blood wasn’t rushing to his cheeks. Then he hoped it wasn’t rushing elsewhere either.
 
Setne: “We… didn’t want to bother you! We’re just looking for an old book, like Hermes said.”
 
Even the two steps she took towards him seemed to be carefully crafted to appear mesmerising in each tiny motion. Setne jerked his head upwards as he felt it lolling down.
 
Sauda: “And what book are you looking for in a mouldy old tomb? Perhaps I could be of service?”
 
Setne: “Um, nothing special. Just, ah, you know. Books! Hermes is an intelligent guy, like you said. He likes books. And… stuff.”
 
Sauda: “I do believe, you are keeping secrets from me, Prince Setne. Why would you treat me so…”
 
She took another step.
 
Sauda: “Heartlessly?”
 
Setne: “Well, it’s not that—it’s just—I, uh…”
 
Still stood in front of Setne, she turned her head to look at Bay.
 
Sauda: “Bay? What is the book they’re looking for?”
 
Bay, in duty mode, snapped to attention and even saluted.
 
Bay: “A book in the Theban Necropolis, Lady Sauda! I wasn’t paying much attention beyond that, on account of almost wetting my pants in front of scary mummies.”
 
Sauda: “What wonderful circumstance! I was planning to go to the Theban Necropolis myself! Perhaps we could…”
 
She laid a gentle hand on Setne’s chest.
 
Sauda: “Come together?”
 
Setne could hardly breathe.
 
Setne: “You—you mean go together, I think?”
 
Sauda put her hand to her mouth, little finger just between her lips.
 
Sauda: “Oh? What did I say?”
 
Setne: “C-c-c… Nevermind. Probably my mistake.”
 
He cast his eyes straight at the bright sky, quickly, to avoid looking into her face. Or anywhere else about her, for that matter.
 
Setne: “Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it!?”
 
Sauda: “Are we feeling shy, my prince?”
 
He tried to act affronted and snapped his attention down. His bluster quickly bolted from him as his eyes locked with hers. He was sure she had moved closer when he was looking upwards and now he didn’t know how to run away.
 
Setne: “Not…”
 
Hermes: “That’s done.”
 
Setne almost jumped out of his skin and whirled around like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Provided the cookies were planning to eat him, rather than the other way around.
 
Hermes: “We should probably leave soon. I wouldn’t want to be caught in the desert during the night. I have heard it can be very cold.”
 
Sauda: “Is there anything you don’t know, my Grecian friend?”
 
Hermes gave a rare smile. He looked like an idiot.
 
Hermes: “Well, of course! Many things!”
 
Nevertheless, he was brimming with pride.
 
Setne: “Well then. Let’s go.”
 
He managed to squeak.
 
The two men started but heard the distinct footfalls of a third. They stopped and turned. Sauda was gazing up at them both with wide ‘not so innocent but looking innocent anyway’ eyes. The eyes said, ‘we all know I’m naughty, but I’m going to pretend I’m not all the same’.
 
Setne: “Um…”
 
Sauda: “Don’t worry. I can keep up.”
 
Setne: “Yes… that’s the problem.”
 
Sauda: “Oh?”
 
Setne: “Well… it might… get dangerous!”
 
Sauda: “Then it’s lucky I’m with you two, isn’t it?”
 
Setne: “Don’t you need to… help Bay?”
 
Sauda: “He’s head priest here now. New priests will arrive soon. He’ll be okay.”
 
Hermes: “But isn’t he just ten?”
 
Sauda’s hands clasped before her excitedly and she grinned at Hermes.
 
Sauda: “Yes! Don’t we just grow up so fast in these lands!? I remember I was a full-time sailor when I was eight!”
 
Hermes: “Oh, I see!”
 
Setne could see it. The way she had Hermes wrapped around her finger. She was playing the gorgeous admirer of his learned ways. But the moment she turned her eyes onto Setne, she changed so dramatically into a seductress that oozed sex appeal. She knew the two of them and how to control their view of her with nothing but words and body language. If he didn’t know better, he would swear he was under mind control.
 
Setne: “Well, we only have two mounts.”
 
Sauda: “I don’t mind! We’re both adults. We can share.”
 
She smiled at Setne. It was a sweet smile that was deliberately filthy, her eyes screaming lewdness straight at him.
 
Sauda: “I ride very well.”
 
Setne swallowed, the coughed up the air and wheezed for oxygen.
 
Hermes: “Are you alright?”
 
Setne managed to nod.
 
Hermes: “I guess it would be terrible if we left you out here without a means of getting back. Of course, you can come with us.”
 
Sauda: “You are simply the kindest soul I’ve met in a long time. I have always said that Greeks are the most dignified people I have ever known. Thank you so much.”
 
She stepped in synch with the older man, like a beautiful pupil gazing up with adoration at her mentor, and together they marched towards the mounts with Hermes giving an animated speech about the damage the sun could do to such beautiful, young skin as Sauda’s.
 
Setne: “We’re in so much trouble now…”
 
He traipsed after them with no clue how to get out of this mess.

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