Forums for The Plothole

Space Camelot
Marriage

Location: Algernon | Perce Forest | The Red Castle

Characters: Sir Gawain | Sir Sagramore | Sir Percival | Sebile

Sebile: "Do you think you can love me, good sir knight?"

She turned to put her big eyes before the gaze of her new fiancé. His face froze.

Sir Sagramore: "Ah-ah-yes! O-of course! You are quite lively!"

She blinked.

Sebile: "Is that something you like in a woman?"

Sir Gawain: "I think me means lovely."

Sebile: "Then my curse shall be broken!"

Suddenly magic bristled in the air around the knights. A beautiful, white wedding dress appeared all over her body, including an elegant veil. The bedroom was gone and replaced with a traditional English church, complete with an audience and a priest.

Sir Gawain: "How did we get here?"

Priest: "Do you, Sir Sagramore of Hungary, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded waifu?"

Sir Sagramore: "Waifu?"

Priest: "Sorry. I was wedding an otaku earlier. They marry imaginary women, you know?"

Sir Sagramore looked at Sebile, reached out and pinched her.

Sebile: "Ow! Is that what you like?"

Sir Sagramore blanched.

Sir Sagramore: "No! I just- making sure you are real."

Sebile: "That's almost romantic. If we weren't in a mindscape. But here, you never know!"

Sir Sagramore: "So you're not real?"

Sebile: "I am real. Now hush and say I do."

Sir Sagramore: "I do!"

Priest: "Do you, Lady Sebile, take Sir Sagramore as your lawfully wedded husband?"

Sebile: "I absolutely do!"

Priest: "Then I pronounce you husband and waifu-- uh wife!"

Sir Percival wiped tears from his eyes.

Sir Percival: "Such a lovely ceremony..."

Sir Gawain: "I'm pretty sure she said something about a curse, you know?"

Sir Percival: "The curse of solitude and heartache. Such a romantic turn of phrase"

Sir Gawain: "Yeah right..."

Priest: "You may kiss!"

And so Sir Sagramore kissed the beautiful Sebile and the mindscape around them melted down to reveal the real world again. Yet, as the kiss went on the castle began to change. It started to clean itself. The dilapidated furniture mended itself. The dust dusted itself. The curtains hung themselves. It was as though time were in reverse.

When finally it was over, the Red Castle was as new.

In the bedroom was a small bedside table with a rose within a glass. It seemed to be magically suspended. They noticed that all but one petal had fallen.

Sir Gawain: "Why does it feel like there should be a singing candlestick right now?"

Sebile: "Now I'm freeeeeeeeeee!"

Sebile leapt onto the bed and started to dance like a loon.

Sir Gawain: "But why were you cursed in the first place! I'm thinking you must be an evil witch!"

Sebile: "I am!"

She looked at Sagramore.

Sebile: "I was! But now I'm a nice girl because I'm married and everything! See!?"

She showed off her new ring, which had somehow come straight from the mindscape.

Sir Sagramore: "So... you did trick me?"

She leapt from the bed again and curled her arms around his neck.

Sebile: "No, no, no, no! I am repentant of my ways! I will be a good and faithful waifu-- I mean wife! Damn that priest."

Percival wiped another tear from his eye.

Sir Percival: "So lovely..."

Sir Gawain: "We'll be watching you."

Sebile: "I hope not all of the time!? Me and my husband must have some private time now. Honeymoon! That's what you do on Earth, isn't it?"

Sir Sagramore: "I'm not actually a Christian but--"

Sebile: "Oh no! But the curse was broken! So--"

Sir Sagramore: "I do love you, Lady Sebile. You are lively."

Sir Gawain: "Lovely."

Sir Sagramore: "And exciting. I like that."

Sebile: "Should we do a new service then? One of your religion?"

Sir Sagramore: "I am actually related to the emperor of Constantinople. So I am Christian by relation. It will serve."

Sir Gawain: "I didn't know that! Are you in line for the throne?"

Sir Sagramore: "I am!"

Sir Percival: "And your darling wife didn't even know! She married for love not power. How romantic!"

Sir Gawain: "Except she can read our minds..."

Sebile: "What must we do in your religion? I will do it!"

Sir Sagramore: "We merely pray to our ancestors for their approval."

Sebile: "Oh! Then with this ring I prove myself to you!"

She held his hand up to show the ring.

Sebile: "The ring of my ancestors. Proof of my lineage and proof of their affection. It holds the element of fire. It is magical even."

Space Camelot
Hubble Bubble

Location: Terra Flux (Coruscant) | Uscru District

Characters: King Arthur Pendragon

The hotel nearby the opera house consists of hundreds of floors at the very pinnacle of the tower. In honour of his victory over the Dread Masters and the Sith Empire, Arthur and his entourage have been granted free accommodation in the most luxurious hotel. The hotel room is incredibly spacious and modern in design, which all looks very angular and unusual to the Medieval king. Great windows offer views of the cityscape that spreads out across the planet in a terrific urban sprawl. For the first time in his life, Arthur could see how small his lonely kingdom of Britannia had truly been. But he reckoned that it has more heart and soul and charm than this mechanical wilderness.

Arthur retired to the hotel while the rest of his group, including Guinevere, went shopping with the reward money the Old Republic granted them. Arthur was fatigued and not feeling himself. The quest of overcoming the evil Sith had been achieved but Arthur still felt like something was missing. They had found a possible world for colonisation but he still felt something was missing. He had great knights, a magnificent ship, a family and yet he still felt something was missing.

He crawled into the bed. He was used to massive, thick sheets to keep out the cold on Earth and on Camelot but here on Terra Flux the sheets were thin and the room was heated up. His heavy eyelids fell.

Then he saw something shining in the darkness. Some brilliant radiance.

Light: "Come to me Arthur, son of Uther."

King Arthur: "Sorry, I'm married."

Light: "What?"

King Arthur: "I'm a married man. I don't run away with strangers."

Light: "Why would you even--? Just come here and hold me."

King Arthur: "Whoa! I told you, no way!"

Light: "No, no! I'm not a woman!"

King Arthur: "Then doubly no way!"

Light: "I'm not a person!"

King Arthur: "Oh. Then what are you?"

Light: "I am the vessel. The vessel from which all life in the Multiverse once sprang. I am creation itself."

King Arthur: "You're God then?"

Light: "I am of the one true God."

He reached out and took hold.

Light: "Seek me out, Arthur. Use all your resources and find me. The one to find the vessel of life will live for all eternity and your kingdom of... Space Britain. Really? Well, your kingdom with the odd name will prosper and grow for generations to come."

King Arthur felt the rush of heat over his body and ecstasy within his mind.

King Arthur: "This is totally awesome!"

---

Location: Camelot | Round Table Chamber

Characters: King Arthur | Sir Kay | Morganna le Fay | Merlin the Younger | Sir Bedivere | Sir Bors

King Arthur: "It was totally awesome!"

He concluded retelling his tale to the Council of the Round Table, the most trusted advisors to King Arthur and Space Britain. The chamber itself was a room chosen for its ridiculous size because the Round Table itself was absurdly big so it could fit over one-hundred knights around it. Right now, however, only a few seats are taken and they're all close to the king himself.

Sir Kay: "But what was it when you grabbed it?"

Morganna le Fay: "Let me guess, it was a boob."

King Arthur: "No! It wasn't a sex fantasy! It was a cup! The Holy Cup!"

Sir Kay: "The Holy Cup!? Really dude?"

King Arthur: "That's what it was! A cup! A shiny, shiny cup!"

Sir Kay: "You can't call it that."

King Arthur: "What else can I call it? The Holy Mug?"

Merlin the Younger: "Was it more like a goblet?"

King Arthur: "Yes! It was burning with light! The Goblet of Fire!!"

Sir Bedivere: "I believe that might be copyrighted."

Sir Bors: "What's copyrighted mean?"

Sir Bedivere: "It's when a word or phrase is cursed. If you try to use that word or phrase you'll eventually find yourself eaten alive by a group of demonic fae called 'lawyers'."

Sir Bors: "How horrific!"

Merlin the Younger: "What about the Holy Grail?"

King Arthur: "What the hell does grail mean?"

Merlin the Younger: "It's French! Ish. Means cup. French makes everything sound fancier."

King Arthur: "Good idea! The Holy Grail it is!"

Morganna le Fay: "Oh yay. We named the magic cup from my brother's dream. This was a good use of council time."

King Arthur: "This is it, Morgan! The ultimate quest! It was a vision straight from God himself! He wants us to find this Holy Grail. It will bring peace and prosperity to Space Britain for generations to come!"

Everyone mumbled and shrugged.

King Arthur: "And the one who finds it will be immortal!"

Everyone then leaned forward eagerly.

Queen Guinevere: "This is excellent news, my love. But did the magic cup tell you where to find it?"

King Arthur: "I think it's on this new world we discovered. This Altercation planet."

Queen Guinevere: "Algernon. It was named after my grandfather."

King Arthur: "Right. That name. Planet Algi- Aller- Grandfather."

Sir Kay: "Big planet."

King Arthur: "Big quest!"

Sometime later and King Arthur reported the new quest to the entire Knights of the Round Table as they sat at the round table itself. Some knights were still missing, injured or dead after the battle with the Dread Masters. The knights cheered for the king and God and most of them were excited with the grand fetch quest.

---

Location: Camelot | Sir Sagramore's Room

Characters: Sir Sagramore | Sebile | Sir Percival | Sir Gawain

Sir Sagramore: "You must tell us everything you know of Algernon so that we can find the Holy Grail before the other nights!"

Sir Gawain: "You mean knights."

Sagramore and Percival frowned at Gawain who then realised what he'd said.

Sir Gawain: "Sorry."

Sebile: "I haven't seen this Holy Grail before. I'd remember it if I did."

Sir Percival: "And isn't this unsporting? Shouldn't we tell everyone our information?"

Sir Gawain: "I don't know, Percival. Not everyone can become immortal."

Sir Sagramore: "Yes, yes! There can be only one!"

Sir Gawain: "I think that might be one of those copyrighted lines, Sagramore. Be careful you don't get eaten by lawyers."

Sir Sagramore: "I didn't think lions could understand English."

Sir Gawain: "Not lions. Lawyers. And I don't think lions understand any language, not just English!"

Sebile: "I think I will help you find this immortality cup. I know the planet well, even if I have not seen it before. Then you can be mine forever!"

Sir Percival: "How romantic!"

Sir Gawain: "Is romantic a synonym for creepy?"

Sebile: "But first I must meet the witches!"

Sir Gawain: "Hubble bubble."

---

Location: Camelot | Hospital

Characters: Merlin the Younger | Newrias | Isolde of the White Hands | Sebile

In the hospital Merlin is dealing with the last of the injured knights. What would usually have taken weeks to heal is healed in hours or even minutes with Merlin's recipes. Newrias was an invaluable aide thanks to his prior knowledge of alchemy, despite a moment where Newrias essentially offered himself up to Merlin like a good little boy who only knew his place was to be wedded to whichever woman chose him.

So far as Merlin could gather, young men would often marry older women on Caledonia. Young men were prettier, after all, and the women powerful and rich. The inverse of British society in 500 A.D.. She was quite sure, however, Newrias had assumed Merlin to be younger than she was. Her round, youthful face kept her looking like a youngster when she stood beside Arthur or Morgan. Of course she also made a lot of face creams and rejuvenating potions that kept her skin young.

Newrias found it normal to be wedded to an older woman but Merlin didn't find that normal at all. She had to confess that Morgan was right in general; Merlin wasn't one for men and never had been. The only man she ever admired and even doted upon was a father figure to her. The man who found her picking flowers and turned her into a mage. She knew there were a lot of handsome men amongst Arthur's retinue and she was aware that many of them were good and brave and intelligent and everything she could possibly want in a man. But she had never taken the moment to truly look.

Newrias was brewing a batch of sleeping powder. Since many knights suffered from nightmares or sleeplessness, sleeping powder was in high demand. He was grinding up the leaves with a mortar and pestle while Morgan went over to their last remaining patient. Isolde of the White Hands lay motionless and deathly as ever. Merlin had stabilised her but she was eternally on the brink of death. Morgan was right here as well; it was a magical illness not a normal one. But it didn't seem to stem from aether itself. Merlin was sure it was something to do with the blood. The flow seemed slow but perhaps that was normal for Isole since she was always pale.

Sebile: "Hello fellow witches!"

Merlin and Newrias look up to see a complete stranger staring at them. She had a peculiar slight, enigmatic smile but her eyes were wide with wonder.

Merlin the Younger: "... hello. Person I don't know."

Sebile practically glided over the floor to Merlin and stood beside her, looking down at Isolde.

Sebile: "Oh! A dead witch!"

Merlin the Younger: "She's not--"

Sebile: "Not dead. Undead. Sort of dead. A bit dead. What's this? A twig?"

Newrias: "It's alder--"

Sebile: "You're a boy. Not a witch then."

Newrias: "No... I'm not a witch."

Sebile: "You can't cure someone by hitting them with sticks."

Merlin the Younger: "We didn't hit her."

Sebile: "Like this."

She grabbed a knife and, without warning, sliced a gash in Isolde's arm. Merlin was instantly trying to wrestle the knife of the stranger, who just let it go. She then shoved snapped bits of alder wood into the open gash.

Merlin the Younger: "What're you do--"

Isolde stirred.

Merlin the Younger: "... you said you're a witch?"

Sebile: "I am Sebile! Sebile the Totally Awesome! I learnt that today. Totally awesome. The king says it."

Merlin the Younger: "Right..."

She started to check over Isolde's vitals and found she was starting to recover her pulse and temperature. Merlin was happy to have learnt something new, that was one of the greatest thrills in life, but she wished it hadn't come from a basketcase who seemed to have stowed away on the ship.

Sebile: "So! I think we should start a coven!!"

Sebile: "Hubble bubble!"

Space Camelot
Banished

Location: Camelot

Characters: Sir Lancelot

The trial of Sir Lancelot was a short one with none other than Queen Guinevere presiding over it. The presumption of a knight to take the wife of the king of Space Britain to his bed was deemed of the utmost treason. While Arthur didn't want to lose his best friend he had to admit his actions were not exactly to his liking and so he allowed the sentence to be carried out. Sir Lancelot would be banished from Space Britain.

But just as Morganna predicted, not everyone was happy with the result and a rift quickly opened up amongst the knights of the round table. Their greatest and boldest hero was to be cast out, his seat forever empty at the round table. When he packed and departed aboard a spaceboat he was not alone and still more heard the news on the planet Algernon and were set to meet with him and join him against Space Britain. Lancelot's heart was heavy but he could not deny his allies their voice and so he went with them. However he had a plot in mind. The best way to redeem himself in the eyes of Arthur and perhaps even Guinevere would be to win the Holy Grail. The quest was on!

---

Location: The Red Castle

Characters: Sir Bors | Prince Lionel | Sir Sagramore | Sir Percival | Sir Calogrevance

Down on Algernon, many knights were gathered in the abode of Lady Sebile known as The Red Castle. Now it had reverted to its form state of opulence it proved to be a comfortable hotel for the men and women of Earth with many bedrooms. When the news of Sir Lancelot reached them, gossip flew through the corridors.

Gathered in one of the bedrooms was Sir Bors, his brother Prince Lionel, Sir Sagramore, Sir Percival and Sir Calogrevance.

Prince Lionel: "If we help my cousin win the Holy Grail, he will be redeemed and allowed back to the round table."

Sir Calogrevance: "That is pure speculation there, my overly enthusiastic prince, as I fear our beloved, and correctly wronged, queen shall never bequeath the fallen hero his pardon."

Prince Lionel: "So you would just condemn him without even trying? What does it matter who gets the grail itself? We might as well try this!"

Sir Calogrevance: "Your sense of honour and duty to your familial bond is astoundingly extemporary, oh wondrous prince, but alas you underestimate the allure that the holy grail has over the hearts of men, even honourable knights of the round table. Aside from the immortality benefit that it bestows there is the... ah... street cred."

Prince Lionel: "Street cred?"

Sir Bors: "Not every knight would want to help Lancelot, it's true. But if we do, then perhaps we'll just manage to pull it off?"

Prince Lionel: "You agree with me?"

Sir Bors: "I want to help our cousin too. I don't disagree with you just because you said it, brother."

Sir Sagramore: "And when my wife returns from Camelot, we should have a large advantage in finding the grail for ourselves!"

Sir Bors: "Exactly!"

Sir Calogrevance: "I am concerned that we are treading a dark and murky path that may end with grievous disappointed for all of those involved, both ourselves and our rival knights."

Prince Lionel: "Then there is nothing to lose. I am already disappointed."

Sir Calogrevance: "Just remember, young prince, there is always room to sink ever lower in this life and I would hate to see you, or I, descend to such depths that we are forever mired in the bog of despair."

Prince Lionel: "You could have just said we'd be fucked, Calogre-- ouch!"

He got a smack over the back of the head from his older brother.

Sir Bors: "Language."

Prince Lionel: "English!"

Sir Bors: "Funny, since we're French."

Prince Lionel: "Uh..."

Sir Bors: "And English hasn't been invented yet."

Prince Lionel: "What?"

Sir Bors: "Actually, neither has French for that matter."

Sir Sagramore: "So my mistakes are not really mistakes!"

The others look at him.

Sir Sagramore: "I am creating the language!"

Prince Lionel: "Keep telling yourself that."

Sir Percival: "Well, I'm certain it will all work out for the best anyway! When the queen has calmed down she might eventually forgive Sir Lancelot of her own accord! So long as he is remorseful for what he did."

Sir Bors: "I don't know, Sir Percival. It was pretty bad. Guinevere would need a LOT of forgiveness in her heart for that one."

Prince Lionel: "But we have to make sure not to tell any knights super loyal to the king or else he might not accept Lancelot's victory. Or they might try even harder to find the grail so Lancelot cannot get it."

Sir Percival: "I don't think anyone would stoop so low, least of all the king!"

Sir Calogrevance: "I believe here I am in accordance with the young princeling as, if you consider, Sir Kay or Sir Bedievere - even my good comrade in arms Sir Aggravain - would not approve of this plan and would likely attempt to put an end to it. They would view the king's justice as meted out and our works to be attempts at subverting our liege's will."

---

Location: The Red Castle

Characters: Sir Gawain | Sir Galahad | Sir Palamedes | Sir Aggravain

Another group of knights are gathered in the exquisite dining room. The table is long and well polished and the chairs are plush with red velvet. Yet despite the merry surroundings, the knights are quiet and solemn. They had just heard the news of Sir Lancelot's banishment and due to their present company, Sir Galahad, they were being respectful of the young knight's emotions. Even Sir Palamedes managed to keep himself quiet.

Given the late hour, Sir Gawain was feeling drained of energy. The sun was ebbing and the night was coming, the sun's rays no longer supplying him with its energies. Sir Aggravain was the only one not seated and, inside, his tall figure stood against the back wall like a silent monolith.

Eventually Galahad roused himself;

Sir Galahad: "I think I should retire. The quest for the grail begins tomorrow."

Sir Palamedes: "You don't want to find your father instead?"

Galahad slowly shook his head.

Sir Galahad: "No. The king's will is God's will. I am a Knight of the Round Table. The king and queen are first in my heart. I shall seek the grail as was requested."

Sir Aggravain: "Well said, lad. Your father's loyalty to his liege was found wanting and Arthur is deserving of loyalty. We shall double our efforts in his stead."

Sir Galahad: "Exactly."

Sir Gawain: "You're very brave, Galahad. But if you do need to do anything, you can ask for help. I'm sure your father will be back before long anyway. He will prove himself worthy again."

Sir Palamedes remained strangely quiet as Galahad rose and went to retire. Gawain himself followed suit, unable to stay awake for much longer, and the red castle, with his magical pillars outside, would soon descend into an uneasy slumber.

Space Camelot
Beheaded

Location: Castle Camelot | England | Some Year Ago

Characters: King Arthur | Sir Gawain | Sir Balin | Sir Balan | Vivane | Sir Lancelot

King Arthur: "I dub thee, Sir Nephew!"

Sir Nephew: "Uh. My name's Gawain, Uncle."

King Arthur: "Oh right, yeah. I dub thee Sir Gawain. Now rise!"

The teenage Gawain rose to his feet to a round of applause from his new fellows; the Knights of the Round Table. They are stood in the great hall of Castle Camelot where King Arthur's throne resides, ready to accept those who would seek his council. Large, narrow windows line the walls and allow light to stream upon the cold, grey stones. The castle itself was newly built. It's construction had begun after the marriage of Arthur to Lady Guinevere of Wales and finished just a year earlier. Now, in 505 A.D., Sir Gawain was become the first new person to be knighted within the castle's walls.

King Arthur: "And to mark this occasion I asked The Lady of the Lake to grant you a special gift!"

The Lady of the Lake stepped forward, as though she had only just appeared in the castle and approached the young man with grace in each step. Puddles of water were left in her wake and as she reached Sir Gawain she lifted her arms.

And then her head was cut off.

---

Location: Camelot

Characters: King Arthur | Sir Bedivere | King Mark | Sir Balan | Sir Balin


Back to the future.

King Arthur: "This split with Lancelot might be the greatest calamity to ever hit my kingdom. Several of my knights are gone with him, leaving our number and integrity diminished..."

He sulked.

Sir Bedivere: "We may be able to recruit new knights from the population."

King Mark: "In all honesty, I'm not sure it really is such a problem. We're readying to colonise this planet, Algernon, which seems safe enough for your current retinue of knights to manage. There is no war to be waged for the foreseeable future."

King Arthur: "But it's more than just that. It's the integrity, like I said! The honour of the round table is at stake!"

Sir Bedivere: "We have at least one seat that could be filled instantly, sire."

King Arthur: "We do?"

Sir Bedivere: "You'll remember the prisoner?"

King Arthur: "Uh... no?"

Sir Bedivere: "Sir Balin."

King Arthur: "... you mean I should let a murderer join the knights of the round table?"

Sir Bedivere: "Rejoin. But yes. He has been in prison for his crime, brought with us to space and kept confined this whole while."

King Arthur: "But he murdered the Lady of the Lake!"

Sir Bedivere: "Murder might be a strong word in this case..."

---

Back to the past.

Vivane: "Ouch."

The knights looked appalled at what just happened. And more appalled that the woman wasn't dead. They stare at her head on the ground.

Vivane: "How rude..."

Sir Lancelot: "What... what have you done to my fairy-god-mother!?"

Standing over the corpse was a knight clad in stark white armour. His hair was jet black and long, slicked back across his scalp. He wore no tabard, tunic nor cape. Instead his sigil was blazoned upon the small, green and white buckler that was attached to his wrist. On his waist was a belt with a single scabbard where his sword still slept. From his back, however, was another scabbard - this one drawn and poised over the head of the Aes Sidhe woman.

King Arthur: "Knights!"

Instantly weapons were drawn and regarded upon the rogue knight.

Sir Balin: "If you must take my life, so be it. But I shall be avenged upon this witch first!"

King Arthur: "She is a guest of my court, Sir Balin! You have wounded your king much!"

Sir Balin: "It was unintentional, my king. Alas, it must be so. I cannot stay my hand."

King Arthur: "You bloody will stay your hand, ye crazy bastard!"

Sir Balin: "She destroyed my family! Vengeance is my right! My honour depends upon the slaying of this demon!"

King Arthur: "Revenge cannot be yours so long as she is at my court."

Vivane: "Men fighting over me."

She looked up at them all.

Vivane: "Literally over me. Humans look very odd at this angle. Crotches and noses. That's what stands out."

Sir Lancelot: "I will not let you harm her."

Vivane: "Bit late for that..."

Sir Lancelot: "Harm her further."

Sir Balan: "Please brother. This is not the way!"

Sir Balan, the twin brother to Sir Balin, stepped forward. He was identical to his brother, except while Sir Balin was clean-shaven, Balan had grown a long, silken beard. His own armour was cream, rather than completely white, and had a tower shield instead of a buckler and bore a short spear.

Sir Balin: "But--!"

Sir Balan: "Don't make me kill you. Not my own brother."

Several seconds passed that seemed far longer. Sir Balin dropped his sword and Lancelot moved it to claim the second sword of the Knight of the Two Swords. Balin fell to his knees over the head of Vivane and glared down at her eyes.

King Arthur: "Arrest him."

Vivane: "And while you're at it, could somebody give me a hand?"

She paused.

Vivane: "Two hands and a body actually. Just roll me onto my neck. That's it. Just need some duct tape and I'll be good as new. At least I landed on this soft bit of carpet. Would have been nasty to land on the stone. Even worse if we were outside on a hill and I rolled. Imagine that."

---

Two knights marched down the corridor of Camelot towards the living quarters used by the Knights of the Round Table. One special room is usually locked, only opened to provide the prisoner with food or visitors. This day the door opened for good. Within, Sir Balin is seated upon his bed with his head in a book. He looked up to see the knights and saw that one of them was his brother, Sir Balan. Balan opened his arms and welcomed Sir Balin back to freedom and the round table.

Sir Balan: "Allow me time to explain why. You will not believe what has happened to the round table, brother."

Sir Balin: "I shall believe whatever you tell me once I have my swords back in hand."

Sir Balan: "They're waiting for you."

Sir Balin: "Then tell me. Spare no detail."

Space Camelot
The One

Location: Algernon | Waterfall District

Characters: Queen Iseult | The Greene Knight | Clare Bertilak

The atmosphere was humid as the dozens of waterfalls in the area caused a perpetual spray to linger in the air. Rainbows spread across each other like little colourful crossroads. The waterfalls of the region made it an instant choice for settlement, despite the constant damp sensation. The buildings were being created high, both for the ample view and to get away from the water mist for cosier nights. The buildings were constructed atop of struts and beneath the struts was arable land to be turned into gardening plots. Someone was even planning an inn that overlooked the lake were the most waterfalls fell.

Coordinating most of the building efforts was Queen Iseult while The Greene Knight was helping the farmers. He wouldn't use magic to enhance the farming experience as they would need to get along without him. Instead he helped with his knowledge of the plants and his ability to communicate with them. He kept 'tucking' the seeds into the earth and reading them bedtime stories.

Queen Iseult: "Shouldn't ye be finding that Holy Cup or whatever it is?"

The Greene Knight: "There's plenty of knights searching for it already. I think I'm better needed here."

Queen Iseult: "Doncha want ta live forever?"

The Greene Knight: "Not really. I will live long enough as it is. Unless I just jinxed myself and I die in a couple of minutes."

He smirked but Iseult looked aghast. She grabbed his hair and smacked her other hand against the wooden strut of a building.

Queen Iseult: "Doncha go an' curse yeseln, ye daft git!"

The Greene Knight: "Sorry."

Five minutes passed by and the Greene Knight didn't die.

Queen Iseult: "Lucky."

The Greene Knight: "Lucky the wooden post took pity on me?"

Queen Iseult: "Tha's not how it works."

Clare Bertilak: "I have claimed my first domicile here on this planet! It shall be the first building here finished."

Clare Bertilak pointed to one of the buildings above them, which was the nearest to being done.

Clare Bertilak: "It is quite a bit smaller than I would prefer but it will do as a quaint home-away-from-home. I have heard that the knights of Camelot found a castle somewhere near here?"

The Greene Knight got up and dusted the dirt from his bare hands.

The Greene Knight: "That's right. The Red Castle they call it. Belongs to Lady Sebile, the new wife of Sir Sagramore."

Clare Bertilak: "I heard she managed to snatch him in less than a day! I have to admire a woman of such tenacity."

Queen Iseult: "I was thinking she sounds bonkers but sure, tenacious."

Clare Bertilak: "I shall have to make sure my own castle rivals hers, of course. I can't be outdone by the locals."

Iseult and the Greene Knight glanced at each other.

Queen Iseult: "You're going to build your own castle?"

Clare Bertilak: "Of course! Well, not with my own two hands, of course. The peasants will have to build it."

Queen Iseult: "What peasants?"

Lady Bertilak looked affronted and spread her arms out to the workers around them.

Clare Bertilak: "Do you see any other peasants?"

Queen Iseult: "But these guys are working on building Space Britain. Not... vanity projects."

Lady Bertilak wafted a hand at Iseult.

Clare Bertilak: "Pish posh! My castle is for Space Britain! Like I said, we can't have the locals doing better than us!"

Iseult just rolled her eyes while the Greene Knight got back to his plants.

---

Location: Wilds of Algernon

Characters: Sir Lile Morians of the Castle of Maidens | Sir Flannedrius

While most of the Knights of the Round Table were sleeping for the night, a lone knight trekked across the wilderness of Algernon in search of the Holy Grail. She wore what most would consider Japanese samurai armour. Large parts, like the cuirass, were made from plate metal painted vibrant red, while other parts, such as the pauldrons, were made from heavily woven bamboo that could withstand a slash from any katana blade. Strapped to her back was a long nodachi sword that also had a bright, red hilt and red strands billowing in the strong wind. Her helmet also had long, red feathers that added to the commotion in the wind while she paused, overseeing the landscape. Though night, the bright moon lit up the land with its luminous, white glow.

As Lile Morians looked on she spotted a shadow hopping between the large porous rocks in her direction. She frowned as she didn't recognise the woman that approached. She knew her for another Knight of the Round Table due to her armour and the tabard she wore over it, but she knew not the sigils.

Sir Lile Morians: "Halt! Who goes there?"

Sir Flannedrius: "Sir Flannedrius. I seek to challenge you for the sword."

Morians tutted to herself.

Sir Lile Morians: "Then you have come seeking death. I give you this chance to relinquish your claim."

Nobody ever backed down at this point but she always wanted to ensure the offer was made in advance. She watched as Sir Flannedrius drew her own claymore and held it aloft in both of her hands. The woman was well-built, probably stronger than most of the male knights Morians knew, making her a good match for such a massive sword. The nodachi was more slender but equally as long. She unstrapped it from her back and poised herself. She already had the high ground and Sir Flannedrius appeared slow, though strong.

The other woman came up the rocks at a sudden pace that surprised Morians. It wasn't enough.

Morians brought the nodachi round in a swooping arc that was blocked twice by the claymore. The claymore was, however, a much heavier weapon than the nodachi and Morians had brough it around and down long before Flannedrius had managed to get into a better position. The fight, like usual, didn't last long.

Sir Lile Morians: "I am the one."

Morians brought her weapon down on the prone knight and finished her off with a clean, swift kill. Flannedrius' long, blonde hair was stained with blood and her claymore lay fallen to the earth. Morians used a cloth to clean her nodachi before returning the cursed sword to its sheath on her back. She then marched back down the rocky hill to a patch of soft earth and used Flannedrius' claymore to dig at the earth to create a makeshift grave for her fellow knight.

None had attempted to challenge her since the knights had ascended to the stars. For a moment Morians truly believed that she would be left in peace with the blade. Digging grave for another good knight was a disappointment.

Space Camelot
The Three Rivers

Location: Camelot | Mordred's Chambers

Characters: Prince Mordred | The Black Knight

The room was large and spacious with low lightning that kept the room in dim illumination. The floor was the usual steel grey of Camelot but the walls had been painted black, which only made the bedroom seem ever darker. The massive, four-poster bed at the centre of the room was laden with dark red sheets and fur blankets made from the carcasses of hunted animals. The drapes of the bed are black satin, much like the over-stuffed pillows and there is a shag mat on the floor beside the bed. An electronic fireplace is mounted at one end of the bedroom to give the sensation of a castle room as the prince was once used to. It burned, however, with blue flame and radiated regulated heat - just enough to keep the room toasty but not overly hot.

Sat on the bed was Mordred. He was dressed in a pair of loose-fitted pants that he was lounging in for the past several days since the battle against the evil Sith Empire. He was holding a handheld mirror to look at his scarred face. Half of his face was melted and sore. Merlin the Younger had provided him with plenty of pain killing medicine but it never seemed quite enough to overcome the stinging skin.

Morganna le Fay had offered to use magic to mask the injury and fix the wound but he chose not to. He wasn't sure why because he hated his face now that it was so grotesque and yet he wore it like a badge of honour. There was a rap at the door.

Prince Mordred: "Come in."

He slipped the mirror under his pillow.

A woman stood there. She had dark brown skin, black hair that was messy and long and she was wearing an ill-fitting dress that didn't look like it had been put on properly. It took Mordred a whole second to figure out who he was actually looking at.

Prince Mordred: "Black Knight?"

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Aye. Best to call me Anglia now though. No black armour."

Prince Mordred: "I don't think I've... ever seen you like this before. I kind of thought you slept in your armour."

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Not much point to that with my hand missing. I'm supposed to be taking a break. Or something like that."

She held up her arm to reveal the stump and Mordred felt a surge of kinship. They were both injured in the same instant by the same assailant. She was wounded protecting him and he was wounded protecting everyone else. They were battle veterans with the scars to prove it.

Prince Mordred: "Still not showing me the proper courtesies I notice."

She seemed to consider.

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Do you really want me to?"

Prince Mordred: "No."

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Good because my curtsey is naff."

Prince Mordred: "So's your dress."

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Borrowed it from my mother's wardrobe. I thought I could do it myself but I got all the parts mixed up."

Prince Mordred: "Ha, you need a lady's maid."

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Oh my God, can you even imagine me with a lady's maid?"

They both laughed at that.

She then strode slowly across the dim-lit room with the burning, blue flame casting a silhouette upon the grey floor. She reached the end of the bed and put her hand upon the post. Despite her strength and muscle, her hands were surprisingly delicate albeit rough-hewn. It was a rare privilege for Mordred to admire how beautiful the Black Knight actually was.

She looked around suddenly, as though making sure they were alone, and then she climbed onto the bed and leaned forward. Mordred made no resistance but as she gently pulled away after kissing him he became conscious of his face and held a hand to it. She pulled it away with her good hand.

Anglia FitzLincoln: "You don't need to hide from me. I hide all the time from everyone but here I am, showing you the woman beneath the armour. But... I might need your help."

She waggled her missing limb.

Prince Mordred: "Help doing what?"

Anglia FitzLincoln: "Getting out of this dress."

---

Location: Algernon | The Red Castle | Three Rivers

Characters: Sir Gawain | Sir Galahad | Sir Marhaus

It was early morning on the planet Algernon and many Knights of the Round Table were making ready for the grand adventure of the Holy Grail. As Sirs Gawain and Galahad were armouring themselves in the parlour of the Red Castle another knight burst in with an angry snarl.

Sir Marhaus: "That tart has gone already!"

Gawain and Galahad glanced at each other.

Sir Gawain: "I didn't eat it!"

Sir Galahad: "Me neither!"

Sir Marhaus: "What? No! Not tart! Tart!"

Silence filled the room.

Sir Marhaus: "Lady Lile!"

Gawain tutted while Galahad rolled his eyes. Sir Marhaus was known as a hater of women and the man never approved of having women at the round table. He was a squat man with broad shoulders and a barrelled chest while on his upper lip was an extravagant moustache. He wore dark green armour that was almost black, only showing up as green in the bright rays of the sun, with gold trimming. He was proud, arrogant and sexist.

Sir Gawain: "You mean Sir Morians. I guess she left in the night to get a head start."

Sir Marhaus: "Typical woman! Underhanded cheating!"

Sir Gawain: "It's not a competition, you know?"

Sir Marhaus: "Ha! That's what these witches want you to believe! They're out for supremacy, pure and simple. They want us to let our guard down and then bam! They're in charge. They're in control! Imagine that! What if the queen were ruling us instead of our dear king! What a travesty!"

Sir Gawain actually thought the realm might be better off with Queen Guinevere in charge but he decided not to make his thoughts vocal with Sir Marhaus in the room.

Sir Marhaus: "Then again. Maybe she needs the headstart. She is only a woman after all."

Sir Gawain: "I don't know about that..."

Sir Marhaus: "Don't fall for her charms, Sir Gawain! Don't do it!"

Gawain didn't think Sir Morians had any charms to speak of, being something of a badass loner with a chip on her shoulder.

Sir Marhaus: "The moment you let her into your mind, that's when she'll have you seduced and under her spell."

Sir Galahad: "That's quite a leap."

Sir Marhaus: "That's all it takes! One night of passion and she'll have her claws into your soul. They secrete these... hormones, you know? From their vaginas!"

Sir Gawain: "What!?"

Sir Marhaus: "It's true! That's how they control you!"

Sir Gawain: "Really!?"

Sir Galahad: "Gawain... don't believe everything people tell you."

Sir Marhaus: "Clearly a woman had gotten her wiles onto you already, Sir Galahad! I hope she was worth it! Every time you bed her she secretes onto you and you're more hers!"

Sir Gawain: "Is-is that possible!?"

Sir Galahad: "No it's not. And no I have no woman in my life. I'm committed to God. I have no thoughts on marriage."

Sir Marhaus: "You don't need to be married to be ensnared!"

Sir Marhaus made a clamping motion with his hands and Sir Gawain grasped at his crotch in horror.

Sir Galahad: "I'm ready to depart. How about you, Gawain?"

Sir Gawain: "S-sure!"

Sir Marhaus: "I shall travel with you! Being with two proud men will improve the adventure!"

Sir Galahad suppressed a sigh with a twitch of his mouth while Gawain was still thinking of being 'ensnared'.

The three knights vacated the castle and went by the two magical pillars. Sir Marhaus gave the pillars a weary glance and even Galahad seemed to disapprove. Gawain thought magic was cool and spectacular but he understood not all knights felt as he did. The three of them entered the forest atop their horses, which had been kept in the castle's stable overnight, though the going was tough. They eventually came to a river and followed it. Gawain hoped to feel some growing sense of elation if the Holy Grail was near but he felt nothing but the cool morning air on his skin. Dew hung on the leaves and wetted his armour as he passed by.

The river eventually split into three ways, and upon a small island in the middle of the middle river were three women. Marhaus growled while Galahad was cautious.

Sir Galahad: "I don't recognise these ladies. We should be careful. They could be--"

Sir Gawain: "HELLO!"

Galahad facepalmed.

Gawain marched his horse over to the three women and waved to them. They seemed to be washing clothes in the river and had been singing a pleasant melody before the young knight interrupted them. All three were of varying age - a teenager, an adult and an old lady.

Old Lady: "Good morning, sir knights. What brings you hither?"

Sir Galahad: "Just adventuring."

Sir Gawain: "The Holy Grail!"

Sir Galahad: "Gawain, don't tell everyone!"

Sir Gawain: "Why?"

Sir Galahad paused.

Sir Galahad: "I don't know. Okay fine. We seek the grail. Have you news?"

Adult Woman: "Not as such, but we know of quests that need to be accomplished by fine knights such as yourselves. One quest for each river. One quest for each lady."

Sir Marhaus murmured;

Sir Marhaus: "Three suspicious bitches in the forest and not from Arthur's court. I smell witches."

Sir Galahad: "I might agree with you, Sir Marhaus. But we do need leads if we are to find the grail. These quests may lead to clues."

Sir Gawain: "Awesome. So we each choose a lady to travel with and she'll take us to our quests?"

Sir Marhaus: "You mean I have to go with one by myself? With a woman alone!?"

Sir Gawain: "You have braved dragons and giants, Sir Marhaus. I'm sure you can brave a woman's presence?"

Sir Marhaus: "If she tries to seduce me, I'll chop off her head! She won't control me!"

Gawain then looked at the women with renewed concern.

Sir Galahad: "They won't control you, Gawain."

Sir Gawain: "Right..."

Teenage Girl: "Then who will each of you attend?"

Sir Galahad: "I shall go with the old lady. I'm the youngest and I think I could learn from her experience most."

Old Lady: "Such a wise lad."

Sir Marhaus: "I shall attend the woman of middle-age then. Teenagers are the most unruly of women, I won't tolerate it."

The adult woman seemed confused but just shrugged.

Sir Gawain: "Then I guess I'm with the youngest! How old are you?"

Teenage Girl: "Of legal age."

Sir Gawain: "Legal what?"

Sir Marhaus glared at Gawain and grasped the younger knight by the cheeks.

Sir Marhaus: "Do not let her seduce you. Whatever you do!"

Sir Gawain: "Uh... okay."

And so the three knights split their ways and travelled down the three rivers to their own future quests.

---

Location: Camelot | Docking Bay

Characters: Sir Menw | Sir Lanval

The spaceboat docked upon Camelot's large and spacious docking bay where there were many spaceboats at rest, though most of them had been used to ship knights down to Algernon. Sir Menw, on his return from Coruscant, descended the gangplank and set foot, once again, upon Camelot. He was warmly greeted by Sir Lanval as the welcome committee. The two knights made their way across the docking bay together and used the stairs to get into the ship proper.

Sir Menw: "Only you here to greet me, Sir Lanval? Where is everybody?"

Sir Lanval: "Most are on Algernon. Not just the knights but most of the civilians too. Some are building houses or starting up farms. The knights are on a quest for the king. I'll be leaving myself within the hour."

Sir Menw: "Seems I'm missing out on all the adventures! Luckily I have my own to resolve."

Sir Lanval: "You do?"

Sir Menw: "Aye. But that is between myself and the Lady Morganna."

Sir Lanval: "Ah. Well she seems to be busy with... I have no idea. You might not be able to get an audience."

Sir Menw: "I'm gone for a couple of days and mayhem ensues. Then I suppose the next best mastermind of magic would be Merlin."

Sir Lanval: "Also busy. With the Lady Morganna."

Sir Menw: "If they are working on something together, I fear for the safety of the galaxy."

Sir Lanval looked up on shock.

Sir Menw: "That was a joke."

Sir Lanval: "Oh."

Sir Menw: "Then I suppose the next best to speak to is--"

Sir Lanval: "If you're going to say the Lady Isolde, she's also busy."

Sir Menw: "Uh, no. Her area of expertise is nowhere near the sort I need. Necromancy is definitely not the sort of magic I approve of. I was going to say Sir Caelia. She is probably as powerful as Morganna and though she lacks the knowledge of Merlin, she is an Aes Sidhe and might have some knowledge as heritage that could help me in my investigations."

Sir Lanval: "Then it looks like you'll have to come to Algernon with me because she's planetside too."

Sir Menw: "I'll take that as a good omen. I would like to see the world that has gotten Space Britain into such a tizz."

Space Camelot
Plans for Independence

Location: Camelot | Tristram & Isolde's Chamber

Characters: Sir Tristram | Sir Isolde

The room of Tristram & Isolde was spartan in nature. Simple and practical without much in the way of embellishments. It suited Tristram's personality and Isolde had long grown out of greed for material wealth when she found deeper understanding in life. The bed was the most opulent possession as it stood large and grand with polished, dark oak and sumptuous bedding of white and red. A very conspicuous pair of pink bunny slippers were stood at the side of the bed.

In an armchair was seated Sir Tristram. He had a book in his hand but he wasn't reading it. Instead he stared off into space.

Until the door finally opened.

Sir Tristram: "Why am I the last person to find you healthy?"

Isolde didn't like the tone of his voice, even if his anger was warranted. She snarled at him.

Sir Isolde: "Am I a kept woman now? Am I to get permission from you for my actions?"

He leapt to his feet and threw the book to the floor.

Sir Tristram: "I thought you were going to die! I should be dead! You threw away your life for me and then you just saunter back in here like--like--!"

He shouted through his tears. He then rushed into her arms and they held each other close. Tight, for dear life. There they remained, in the warmth of each other for a long time. After five minutes of this quiet, Isolde finally withdrew from the hold but she clasped his face.

Sir Isolde: "Tristram, you need to know something."

Sir Tristram: "What is it?"

Sir Isolde: "When I gave my life to you, I should have died and you lived. That's what that necromancy was. But I lived and that isn't meant to be. It... will have caused a complication."

Sir Tristram: "Which is what?"

He frowned, confused and still emotional.

Sir Isolde: "We are now... connected. Our souls are as one. If... if one of us dies then so too will the other."

Tristram processed the information and drew her back into his arms.

Sir Tristram: "I can think of worse fates."

---

Location: Algernon | Kingdom of New Wales

Characters: King Rience | King Óenegus | Princess Guinevak

The landscape of the land known as New Wales was mostly tundra with sparse trees but plenty of rocks for crafting solid structures. The logs were being shipped in via small rafts. Most of the materials were already going towards the construction of the New Wales Castle, the fortress of King Rience. He had bided his time under King Arthur and his Space Britain but now he had land to himself again and with the Knights of the Round Table distracted by their quest for the Holy Grail he could concentrate on building his own domain to vie for power against Arthur Pendragon.

King Óenegus: "Then I shall lay claim to my own lands and we declare independence from Arthur simultaneously. It wouldn't be long before the other kings follow our suit."

King Rience: "It's a shame King Caradoc isn't with us. What was he thinking in kidnapping the queen? Senseless!"

King Óenegus: "His methods may have been idiotic but his idea was sound. Arthur is a mighty warrior but he can be brought to heel. I have heard that the witches are restless too. Their interference could also be our advantage. Before long Arthur will be so mired in nonsense that we will have our knights and castles long built and proud before he has his head in the game."

The two kings grinned with malice and pride.

Princess Guinevak: "And with Sir Lancelot in opposition to the king..."

King Óenegus: "Good point. I wonder if we may capitalise on that further? How to push Lancelot into Arthur's head as the most hated enemy?"

Princess Guinevak: "Simple. You kidnap my sister again."

King Rience: "You mean to repeat Caradoc's mistakes?"

Princess Guinevak: "No. We want her to be rescued. She was rescued by Lancelot once before when he was a loyal knight. But what if he rescues her again now that his secret is known? Would he not appear to be over-eager in the king's mind?"

King Rience: "Not bad... If rumours reached Arthur of Lancelot and Guinevere before Lancelot is able to return the queen then he may be the hated enemy long before he even reached the king..."

King Óenegus: "It would be best if Arthur was himself distracted by other matters before he has time to keep a clear head on the matter."

King Rience: "Then we use the witches to our advantage. If they want to cause a stir, we help them."

---

Location: Algernon | Waterfall District

Characters: Queen Iseult | The Greene Knight | Sir Caelia | Sir Menw | Sir Lanval | Gamma Pans | Andy

The spaceboat's wings lifted up into landing position as it came to a slow settle upon the landing pad - which was little more than a clearing on the edge of the colony. When the doors opened the two knights hopped down and set foot for the first time on this new world. The first thing to greet them was the walking pile of rocks known as Andy. He stood there with his unblinking blue eyes staring straight at them. Slowly Andy raised his arm in the direction of the main colony, which was still being built atop of struts. The knights followed after the plodding rockman until they finally reached the encampment. Tents had been set up as temporary accommodation for the civilians who were working on construction.

Queen Iseult: "I hope you pair o' knights are here to help."

Sir Menw: "Sorry to disappoint but I'm just here for Sir Caelia. Do you know where she is?"

Queen Iseult: "Och. She's around 'ere somewhere. What about you, fella? Wanta give us a hand? Poor old Gamma Pans ain't built for all this heavy liftin'. And he keeps forgettin' we have walls on our homes so he's always walkin' into them."

Sir Lanval: "Sure, I'll help. It's quite beautiful here. Lots of nature! I think I'll grow to like this place very, very fast."

Queen Iseult: "That's what I like to hear!"

While Sir Lanval began to help with building, Sir Menw went off in search of Sir Caelia. When he eventually found her she perked up at his approach but slit her childlike eyes at him as though she suspected something long before he even approached.

Sir Caelia: "What have you brought me?"

Sir Menw: "An artefact I need identifying. A certain tiara..."

Space Camelot
Summoning a Succubus

Location: Camelot | Morganna's Lair

Characters: Morganna le Fay | Merlin the Younger | Isolde of the White Hands | Lady Sebile | Derek

Derek, the fuzzy brownie, was polishing the cauldron as the three witches sat themselves around it. Before they could speak, the fourth finally arrived for the meeting.

Morganna le Fay: "Took your time."

Isolde of the White Hands: "I was busy."

Morganna le Fay: "Let me guess, you're back in your husband's good books?"

Isolde of the White Hands: "And that's where I intend to stay."

Merlin the Younger: "Was it really necessary to ruin your brother's friendship with Lancelot?"

Morganna le Fay: "You want to us to lie to the king?"

Merlin the Younger: "No..."

Morganna le Fay: "Well then!"

Lady Sebile: "I thought it was great! What do we ruin next!?"

Morganna le Fay: "I was thinking there are too many virtuous knights who are all virgins. We should have more of them follow Lancelot's example!"

Merlin the Younger: "And how do we do that?"

Lady Sebile: "Rape them!"

Morganna le Fay: "What? No! That would be pointless anyway! That's not corrupting them. We want them to give in."

Lady Sebile: "Oooooooh."

Merlin the Younger: "So you're going to seduce one of the knights?"

Morganna le Fay: "Me!? Why not you!"

Merlin the Younger crossed her arms.

Morganna le Fay: "Some men like balds, you know?"

Lady Sebile: "Should I shave my head then?"

Morganna le Fay: "No."

Isolde of the White Hands: "One bald girl is one too many."

Merlin the Younger: "Thanks..." ::no::

Lady Sebile: "So can I seduce one of them?"

Isolde of the White Hands: "But you have a husband!"

Lady Sebile: "Oh right yeah."

Isolde of the White Hands: "So do I. And Merlin is a prude."

Merlin the Younger: "Heeeeey!"

Morganna le Fay: "So what you're saying is there's only me left over."

Isolde of the White Hands: "It was your idea."

Morganna le Fay: "I have a much better idea. We summon a succubus!"

Merlin the Younger: "Uh oh."

Isolde perked up.

Isolde of the White Hands: "Summoning sounds like it'd be a blast! Let's do it! I don't think I've ever summoned anything before!"

Merlin the Younger: "Think?"

Isolde of the White Hands: "I've been stoned a lot. I could have done anything."

Merlin the Younger: "I don't like this plan."

Morganna le Fay: "Your protestation is noted. Now! On with the summoning!"

And so the coven started their summoning ceremony, using the ample of supplies of esoteric ingredients found in Morganna's Lair. Summoning was still one of the remnants of arcane magic, done with symbols, ingredients and incense and completely void of aether use.

---

Location: Algernon | Wilderness

Characters: Sir Percival | Sir Palamedes | Sir Robin Dagonet | The Faerie Knight | Woman

As they traverse through the woodland of Algernon, Sir Robin strummed upon a lyre and sang of their ongoing adventures;

Sir Robin:

"Thus they set forth on the quest of the grail

The warriors four that went out the door;

Forsooth Sir Faerie Knight claimed he was male

Yet he wore pink and thus looked like a whore--"

The Faerie Knight: "Cheeky--"

Sir Robin:

"The good Sir Percival was also here

So honourable and fearless was he

Yet a virgin still so they thought him queer

Perhaps he thought the Faerie Knight a she!"

Sir Percival: "I'm not queer! And I know Faerie Knight is a man. Now."

Sir Robin:

"With them too was the proud Palamedes

His great prowess and shining armour

Good sword Harpē and the strength of Hades

Yet so brainless he seems so much calmer."

Sir Palamedes: "Was I just insulted?"

Sir Robin:

"And then there is of course the proud Sir Robin

Whose deeds are well legendary and far known

From warlocks to giants and to Hobgoblin

Good Sir Robin is feared as the man to pwn!"

The Faerie Knight: "I'm detecting some bias here."

Sir Percival: "At least we have a theme song! How many other knights can claim that!?"

Sir Palamedes: "We should let the horses rest and drink by this river while we can."

Sir Robin: "And I'll sing some more!"

The Faerie Knight: "Actually we should do some hunting. Sir Robin, guard the camp."

Sir Palamedes: "Good idea."

The three knights skedaddled and left Sir Robin to sing to himself.

Sir Robin:

"And then he was alone.

Oh so so so alone.

And he let out a moan.

Because he had no phone..."

Sir Percival crept along the woodland with the intent to hunt for rabbits. Or whatever passed for rabbits. Even though Palamedes and Faerie Knight just used it as an excuse to escape Sir Robin for twenty minutes. Sir Percival knocked his bow and pulled back the string.

Woman: "Hullo Sir Percival."

In surprise he loosed the arrow, which went straight up into the air.

Sir Percival: "Oops."

He looked up and, seeing the arrow on its descent, he leapt to save the damsel. He tackled her to the earth. She looked up at him, straight into his eyes.

Woman: "Such a brave and gallant man to save me!"

And so Percival met the succubus.

Space Camelot
The Questing Beast

Location: Algernon | Wilderness

Characters: Sir Palamedes

Sir Palamedes trotted through the mysterious forest of Algernon with a strong heart. The weather here was warm, the air clean and the chirruping of birds was mesmerising. At least he assumed they were birds chirruping. They could be the anal excretions of of hideous, putrid pile of mush that this planet called life but he wasn't going to speculate.

He slowed down as he realised his bladder was getting full and unplated his crotch to relief himself up against a tree. As his hot pee struck the bark of the tree there came a very audible complaint.

Tree: "Oi! How dare you piss on me!"

Sir Palamedes considered.

Sir Palamedes: "Who's there? Who's talking?"

Tree: "Me! The tree you're pissing on!"

Sir Palamedes: "But trees can't talk."

Tree: "Says who?"

Sir Palamedes: "Well... everyone."

Tree: "Well everyone has been lying to you."

Sir Palamedes: "Well... I promise not to pee on you again. Or any other trees."

Tree: "Now that's you've finished, you mean?"

Sir Palamedes: "Well, you did startle me! So it all just came out a bit quicker than usual!"

Tree: "Alright. Now bugger off. I'm trying to get a suntan here."

Even as he was talking to the tree, there came a loud barking throughout the forest.

Sir Palamedes: "What's that? Another tree?"

Tree: "What trees have you heard barking?"

Sir Palamedes: "Well I haven't heard trees talking before either..."

Tree: "That's because you haven't been listening. Wait, what's that? EW! IT'S ON ME! GEDDIT OFF!"

Sir Palamedes looked up to see the huge head of a snake glaring down at him. It's bulbous eyes glittered in the sunlight and its forked tongue sliced the air above his head. But he also noticed that its body was that of a leopard. It's muscular mammalian legs prowled through the branches but its legs were tipped by hooves like a deer. The beast opened its mouth and a loud barking, like a dog, blasted into Palamedes' ears.

For a moment, he stood in awe at this foul beast.

Then he gathered himself.

Sir Palamedes: "A new quest lands before me!"

He drew his sword and the Questing Beast seemed to realise that something was amiss. This was no usual prey.

It slunk back as Palamedes swung his blade and was then instantly off in retreat with Palamedes chasing after it.

Space Camelot
Love and Sex

Location: Algernon | Wilderness

Characters: Sir Percival | Succubus | Sir Palamedes | Questing Beast

Sir Percival looked down into the big, charming eyes of the strange woman under him. He suddenly became aware of the closeness of her skin and leapt to his feet. He held his hand down to help her up.

Sir Percival: "Sorry about that, m'lady! I hope you weren't hurt!?"

She stretched out her hand and accepted his help. She slid to her feet rather than climbed and staggered, conveniently, into his arms.

Succubus: "Oh dear me..."

He blushed and tried not to avert his eyes. She was wearing a skin-tight dress of black and her lips were painted of equal colour - contrasting with her very pale white skin. Her was bare footed and appeared totally human save for the two small, black horns poking out of her dark her and the long tail from the bottom of her spine. She purrs through her words and gazed at Percival through bright, wide eyes.

Sir Percival cleared his throat and steadied her out before retracting himself from her person.

Sir Percival: "My lady. What brings you to these parts?"

Succubus: "Oh, I am a mere damsel in search of a good... strong... manly... knight."

Sir Percival: "Well! You'll find plenty of them today! Knights of the Round Table everywhere!"

Succubus: "Yes. I know. I believe I have found... one..."

She planted her palm on his breastplate.

Sir Percival: "Ah. Well. I wouldn't like to speak so vainly of myself, but if I may assist you I shall! What ails you m'lady?"

Succubus: "Well, you see, I have this itch... and I need you to... scratch it for me."

She threw her arms around his neck.

Sir Percival: "Well, I, uh, I, could find a good back scratcher for you!"

Succubus: "It's not my back that is itching for you..."

Before she could demonstrate what exactly was itching, there came a panicked yelping sound that drew nearer and nearer.

Sir Percival: "Behind me, m' lady! Danger is afoot!"

Succubus: "It's not my foot that itches either..."

From the nearby foliage burst a monstrous beast with a snake's head and a leopard's body. The hideous thing was wailing like a crying dog as it stormed past them. There followed an eerie silence.

Sir Percival: "Well that was odd."

Then there came a roaring noise.

Sir Palamedes: "WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

They watched the knight, swinging his sword over head, as he charged in the wake of the Questing Beast.

Succubus: "Glad I'm not seducing that guy."

Sir Percival: "What was that?"

Succubus: "Nothing~!"

They continued staring at the figure of Palamedes as he vanished into the forest.

Succubus: "Now! Where were we?"

Before she could resume Sir Percival drew his own blade.

Sir Percival: "Come, m'lady! That good knight is in dire need! I'll keep you safe, do not fear!"

He grabbed her pale hand and yanked her after him as he plunged into the undergrowth after Sir Palamedes.

---

Location: Algernon | Near to the Three Rivers

Characters: Sir Gawain | Sir Tom Thumb | Nona | The Knight of the Castle of Maidens

Sir Gawain and his lady, Nona, had travelled along the riverside of the third river of the Three Rivers split and were blessed with good weather and beautiful scenes. Before long they see a mounted knight in the distance and Gawain realised from the knight's stature that he was Sir Tom Thumb.

Sir Gawain: "Ho, Sir Tom!"

Sir Tom Thumb: "Who're you callin' a ho?"

Sir Gawain: "Ever the crude wit, I see."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Or hear, as the case may be."

Tom lifted the visor of his helm to reveal his youthful face. Many people often mistook him for a child thanks to his youthful features and shortness but he was a dwarf and the only dwarf to become a knight of the realm. His armour was navy blue, painted to the same dark colour as his tunic.

Sir Gawain: "This is Nona. She's a fair maiden of these parts."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Heya, love. Why're you hangin' around a wanker like Gawain?"

Nona rose a curious eyebrow.

Nona: "Are other knights this rude?"

Sir Gawain: "He thinks he's being funny."

Sir Tom Thumb: "I am funny. So, have you done the night time dance with him yet?"

Nona: "Night time dance?"

Sir Gawain: "I think it'd be best if you ignored Sir Tom, Lady Nona."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Oh. Hold on a minute--" He pulled out a pair of glasses and squinted at her. "How old are you?"

Nona: "Of legal age."

Sir Gawain: "Barely."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Now you're talkin' my language!"

Sir Gawain: "Tom! She's innocent and doesn't understand!"

Nona: "I bloody do!"

Sir Tom Thumb: "Old in spirit, eh?"

He then shook himself.

Sir Tom Thumb: "No, no! I can't. I have to be true to my love!"

Sir Gawain: "You're in love? You?"

Sir Tom Thumb: "That's right! She's right up my alley! Or rather I wanna be right up her alley! If you know what I mean! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink! Know what I mean, eh?"

Sir Gawain: "I think I get the picture."

Nona: "Who is the... lucky... lady?"

Sir Tom Thumb: "The one, the only, Lady Lile!"

Sir Gawain would have spat out his coffee had he any.

Sir Gawain: "You mean The Knight of the Castle of Maidens? Sir Lile Morians? Lady Soon-as-poke-your-eye-out-with-a-sword-than-look-at-you?"

Nona: "That's a very long name!"

Sir Tom Thumb: "I bet she has thighs of STEEL!"

Sir Gawain: "That's... probably something. But she's... mean!"

Sir Tom Thumb: "I bet she's filled with affection deep down. She just needs to know where to point it. Preferable a little south from my naval."

Nona: "This does sound like a challenging quest, Sir Gawain. Perhaps you should aid your fellow knight?"

Sir Gawain: "I don't know, that might be a quest well beyond mortal men."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Are you saying she don't date dwarves?"

Sir Gawain: "No... I'm not even saying she doesn't date bastards."

Sir Tom Thumb: "I'll have you know my parents were married when I was conceived! Admittedly to other people, but married nonetheless!"

Sir Gawain: "I think she just doesn't date, full stop. She's got that whole 'I'm an estranged badass' thing going on."

Sir Tom Thumb: "She's a kitten really."

Sir Gawain: "Do you even know where she is? I thought she left early in the morning."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Aye! I've been followin' her!"

Sir Gawain: "Pretty sure that's called stalking."

Sir Tom Thumb: "She likes it when I watch."

Sir Gawain: "I doubt that."

Sir Tom Thumb: "Look, I even have a cunning plan!"

Sir Gawain: "Why am I not surprised?"

Sir Tom Thumb: "She keeps playin' coy and sayin' she hates me and wants me dead. So you go over and tell her you killed me and then she'll realise she wanted me and misses me and be all 'oh woe is me' and she'll hate you. Then I show up and she'll be like, 'Gordon's alive!!!'... only she'll say Tom, not Gordon."

Sir Gawain: "I don't know..."

Sir Tom Thumb: "It'll work!"

Sir Gawain: "Well... if you say so. Fine. I'll help you."

Nona: "And the quest is on!"

Tom gave Gawain the exact coordinates to Sir Lile Morians' position and Gawain left his lady, though with some trepidation, with Sir Tom Thumb. The dwarven knight promised to keep his hands to himself and his leering to a minimum. Gawain travelled for just half an hour before he spotted a campfire and the smell of cooking fish drifted upon the breeze. That would be a fine excuse, he thought to himself.

Sir Gawain: "Sir Lile! Would you mind sharing your fine meal with me?"

She just shrugged. She had barely moved from her log as he approached and even now only gave him the smallest glance. She nodded toward the pan where a few little fishes were well on their way to be chargrilled. She certainly didn't have the cooking skills women were expected to have. Gawain hopped off his horse and took a seat by the fire. For a moment he forgot why he was even here and just enjoyed the warmth and the food.

Sir Lile Morians: "You're not here for my sword, are you Gawain?"

Sir Gawain: "No! Never! I wouldn't stoop so low."

Sir Lile Morians: "Good. You can have the extra fish then."

---

Location: Algernon | Waterfall District

Characters: Sir Caelia | Sir Menw

Sir Caelia: "Interesting piece."

Sir Menw: "I should expect so. But is there anything you can tell me about it? It almost seems as if there's a... presence around it. I feel it. Like a person standing over me whenever I touch it."

Sir Caelia looked from Menw to the tiara and back again.

Sir Caelia: "Wow. You really should have said that in the first place. Get rid of it."

Sir Menw: "What?"

Sir Caelia: "It probably has a memory or soul attached to the damned thing and it's never a good thing. It'll probably try to possess you or kill you or make you play golf, or some other equally abhorrent thing."

Sir Menw: "But this belonged to Prince Oberon or Lady Titania. Could it be their spirit attached to the tiara?"

Caelia screwed up her face.

Sir Caelia: "I doubt it! But, I don't know. Maybe? I don't think it's worth the risk of finding out. Dump it in a lake and be done with it."

Sir Menw: "Really? This is an heirloom to your people!"

Sir Caelia: "I'm an Aes Sidhe and we're all the same? Racist."

Sir Menw rolled his eyes. Sometimes even the oldest of Aes Sidhe acted like children and faeries were notorious for it.

Sir Menw: "I think it's part of a set."

Sir Caelia: "And do you know where the other pieces are?"

Sir Menw: "No. But I have a few theories."

Sir Caelia: "Leave the tiara with me then and find your missing pieces."

Sir Menw: "Thought you wanted to throw it away."

Sir Caelia: "I never listen to my own good advice."

Space Camelot
The Lady of the Lake, The Lady of the Rock

Location: Algernon | Kingdom of New Wales

Characters: Sir Balin | Sir Balan

In the northern-most reaches of New Wales, the kingdom of King Rience, were two brothers - Sir Balin and Sir Balan. The land was extremely unusual and quite unlike anything else seen on Algernon. Jutting up from the grassy hills were sharp, pointed projections of a plastic-like material. It formed various jagged, angular shapes and seemed to defy erosion and grime. Smooth to the touch and stark white, the plastic-rock formations were scattered everywhere. Some were as small as stones while others were as large and tall as monoliths. Sir Balan had tried scratching one with dagger but the plastic was immune to dents.

There weren't a lot of trees in the area, so gathering wood for a fire had taken the brothers far longer than usual. The horses drank at the stream that splashed over the plastic-rock and Sir Balan held a frying pan over the campfire. The fishes sizzled. They were all quite small as the stream couldn't hold bigger specimens but they were plentiful. When done, the knights shared the meal.

Sir Balin:  "It certainly beats prison food."

Sir Balan: "Did they serve anything more than bread and water?"

Sir Balin: "Bread and water? Sounds like luxury!"

Balan had developed the habit of stroking his silky beard when chuckling to himself.

They spent some time eating and chatting about life beyond the prison walls that Sir Balin had been trapped in for the last few years. Balan tried to avoid talking of the crime that Balin had committed but inevitably Balin wanted to know what became of Vivane, the Lady of the Lake.

Sir Balan: "Nothing. She survived as though nothing had happened. These Aes Sidhe just aren't like us."

Sir Balin: "No. They're not. They give with one hand and take with another."

Sir Balan: "She actually helped the king to power Camelot. Zapped Lady Morganna or something. It was a bit confusing. But magic has always confused me, if truth be told."

Sir Balin: "Can't trust a single one of them. Even human witches are in cahoots with the Aes Sidhe. Murdering good folks, stealing babies, destroying souls. They're unnatural. The Templars were right."

Sir Balan: "Except Merlin. The younger one I mean. She's harmless. And adorable."

Sir Balin spluttered.

Sir Balin: "The baldy? Seriously? Is that what you're going for these days?"

Sir Balan: "She's cute!"

Sir Balin: "She's bald."

Sir Balan: "There's more to a woman than her hair, you know?"

Sir Balin: "She looks like a twelve-year-old girl."

Sir Balan: "Twelve-year-olds have hair, you know?"

Sir Balin: "Don't say that too loud, else everyone will know you fiddle kids!"

Sir Balan: "What!? I didn't mean-- I meant hair on the head!"

Sir Balin: "Suuuuuuuuure you did. I believe you, brother. Even if nobody else would."

Sir Balan: "Crass Balin. Merlin is a good woman. I don't think she'd be a good wife though. She spends too much time learning and studying. I don't think she'd have the patience for cooking, cleaning and children."

Sir Balin: "I couldn't imagine you with your own kids. If you had kids with Merlin they'd all be bald with long beards!"

Balin gave his brother's beard a gentle tug.

Sir Balan: "You're just jealous because our kids would be smart and gorgeous."

Sir Balin: "Take after their mother and not their father then? Heh heh."

Sir Balan: "Cheeky bastard. Look, we need to think about how to lure King Rience out. We can't take on his whole army alone."

Sir Balin: "He'll come out to hunt sooner or later. Maybe if we provide a good enough target for him to seek the trophy for himself...?"

Sir Balan: "Sounds like a plan. But I have no idea what kind of animals this bloody planet even has. I doubt there're any stags about."

Sir Balin: "Then come the morning we'll have to scout around and see what there is. For now, I'm going to get some sleep."

Sir Balan: "Me too."

Sir Balin: "Don't dream of bald girls."

Sir Balan: "Only one bald girl for me!"

---

Location: Algernon | Lake District

Characters: Sir Galahad | Morta | The Lady of the Rock

Morta, the old woman, led Sir Galahad along the right-most river at the split of the Three Rivers. She is slow on her feet and Galahad walked beside her, guiding his horse along by the reins. A couple of times she seemed to forget what she was doing and he had to remind her of where she was and who he was. Eventually they approached a hill and had to ascend. Galahad helped her up, careful not to let her slip and fall. Once at the top he was able to look down at the landscape below. The land was flat and filled with lakes and amongst those lakes were small settlements that were being built. He recognised them as the settlements started by the kings of Hen Ogledd; King Lot and King Uriens. But near to the hill, with an even greater view of the land, was a tall, towering rock. It stuck up from the land like a fat, grey monolith and upon its peak he could just make out a squat, pink dome. There was no obvious way to the top and judging by its odd design, Galahad was certain it couldn't be human made.

Sir Galahad: "M'lady, who resides atop of that rock?"

Morta: "What? Who're you?"

Sir Galahad sighed;

Sir Galahad: "Sir Galahad. The knight you have taken for an adventure."

Morta: "I did? Oh..."

She turned to look at the rock.

Morta: "It's a rock."

Sir Galahad: "Well, yes. I gathered than much. But who lives at its top?"

Morta: "Perhaps you should find out? This is your adventure, not mine!"

Galahad just sighed again and went down the hill with his horse. He reached the rock and tied the horse to a tree as he patted the rock all the way around its base. As he did so he finally found what he had expected - a hole. It appeared just as solid as the rock all around but his hand passed straight through. He trespassed beyond the mirage and found himself in a cave system. He trekked along it. It wasn't deep, as the rock wasn't overly wide, so light from outside was constantly beaming in. He found several holes in the mirage as he ascended the cave system. He could see out clearly, spying the settlement in the distance, but he knew nothing could see him. Eventually he finally reached the top and had to climb out of the cave. The top of the rock was green with grass and the dome was even more garish than it appeared from below.

Sir Galahad: "Is anyone there!?"

He waited.

There was no reply but he felt a presence. Behind him.

He spun about to find an incredibly tall woman stood less than a metre away.

The Lady of the Rock: "Boo!"

Space Camelot
I See You

Location: Algernon | Lake District

Characters: Sir Galahad | The Lady of the Rock | Morta

The giant woman stood over fifteen feet, her legs alone almost the height of Sir Galahad himself. She was clad in a skin-tight cat suit of deep red that was matched by the red-brown hue of her skin. Her hair was long and bright green but her eyes were such dark brown they appeared black. Her hair sparkled with glitter. Her unitard merged into her high-heeled footwear and also into the fingerless gloves. Around each of her fingers were rings, each with its own precious stone like a rainbow of colours. Her ears were slightly pointed like an elf and the pupils of her eyes seemed overly large.

Sir Galahad:  "Good lady! I didn't mean to intrude!"

The Lady of the Rock: "You came up here uninvited to snoop about my home... I think you did mean to intrude."

Sir Galahad: "Oh. Well I mean my intrusion was well intentioned!"

The Lady of the Rock: "So what are your intentions?"

She leant down, hands on her knees. Her breasts were not oversized compared to the rest of her body but by normal human standards they were gigantic. Galahad drew a deep breath and averted his eyes to her large face.

Sir Galahad: "Merely adventuring! I saw this unusual abode and came to investigate what manner of being lives here. I am Sir Galahad, a Knight of the Round Table."

The Lady of the Rock: "Oh. You're one of them." She waggled her hand in the direction of the settlement below. "I ought to squish you flat! Squish, squish, squish!"

Sir Galahad: "Why do you bear such anger towards the good folk of this Lake District?"

The Lady of the Rock: "They stole my lands! These lakes and its rocks are mine! They have been for centuries and centuries!"

Sir Galahad: "Oh, I see. Then I apologise on the behalf of the people. I'm sure they didn't know."

The Lady of the Rock: "They do know! I told them!"

Sir Galahad: "You didn't, uh, squish any of them did you?"

The Lady of the Rock: "No. But I should have! Squish, squish, squish!"

Despite her words he gathered the distinct impression that she didn't really have such violence within her. As she walked away from him he could feel the ground rattle with every footstep. As she went he desperately tried not to watch her perfect behind swaying side-to-side. He couldn't understand why so many women wore such sexy clothes beyond the confines of Earth. He had fallen in love with Admiral Ltexi of Jupiter for her brash, commanding personality but he had to admit her displayed beauty caught his eye. Since she left Camelot, Galahad had resolved never to look at another woman and merely cherish the memory of his love. But it wasn't going to be easy when this woman's physical virtues were amplified by fifteen feet.

As she neared the pink dome it opened like a flower, each panel an unfolding petal. Inside he could see a deep dungeon that went down into the rock. Stairs of stone led the way into large rooms were the furniture would make him look like a child should he sit on it.

Sir Galahad: "Perhaps I can negotiate with the kings of this Lake District on your behalf, my lady?"

She snarled at him;

The Lady of the Rock: "They are not kings here, I am king!"

Sir Galahad: "You mean queen."

The Lady of the Rock: "Don't correct me! Or else... squish!"

Sir Galahad: "Maybe these negotiations should avoid so much... squishing, my lady."

The Lady of the Rock: "It's not my fault you people are so tiny. Look at you. I could squish you by sitting on you!"

Galahad struggled not to imagine that with a furious blush.

Sir Galahad: "Have you always lived here alone, my lady? Are there no others of your people?"

The Lady of the Rock: "None. I am a unique being. The one and only Lady of the Rock."

Sir Galahad: "That seems... lonely."

The Lady of the Rock: "Well... I admit since you little people arrived I have liked watching. You're always so busy. Running around, building things. There's one woman who is very entertaining."

Sir Galahad: "How so?"

The Lady of the Rock: "She keeps throwing potatoes at people."

Sir Galahad: "Ah. The Lady Morgause."

The Lady of the Rock: "There was an animal going to bite her yesterday. So she bit it first. That was surprising."

Sir Galahad: "Queen Morgause is certainly full of surprises, it's true. Wouldn't you like it if they stayed?"

The giant woman considered for a moment but then shook her head and snarled again.

The Lady of the Rock: "No! No! They stole my land! They stole my lakes! I'm going to squish them all!"

Sir Galahad: "No, no, no, my lady! Squishing is not how you make friends!"

The Lady of the Rock: "Make friends? I don't want friends. I want my lands and my lakes back."

But she did seem hesitant as she said it and that was enough for Galahad.

Sir Galahad: "Perhaps you can learn to share some of the land with the people? You would be able to make new friends, especially Queen Morgause. You can set the boundaries on what land can be claimed. I promise our people are peaceful and nice and want to build a new community to live in."

The Lady of the Rock: "Will she bite me?"

Sir Galahad: "Huh?"

The Lady of the Rock: "Queen Morgause. The funny one."

Sir Galahad: "No! Absolutely not!" He grinned but it quickly faltered. "Actually, I can't guarantee that. But I promise if she does bite you, it's probably because she likes you. Or because she thinks you're filled with demons..."

The Lady of the Rock: "I don't know what a demon is but I doubt I'm full of them!"

Sir Galahad: "I'm sure you're not, my lady. I will go and speak with the two kings down in the settlement and I will let them know about you and how upset you are."

The Lady of the Rock: "They already know about me! I told you!"

Sir Galahad: "Oh right. What did they say when you met them? You definitely didn't squish them, right?"

The Lady of the Rock: "There was no squishing. Not yet! They told me to go away and then threw rocks at me!"

Sir Galahad: "Really!?"

The Lady of the Rock: "I think they thought they were being funny by throwing rocks at the Lady of the Rock. They kept saying 'is it this rock? Or this one?' They were really mean to me."

Sir Galahad: "Did you threaten to squish them?"

She looked apprehensively at him;

The Lady of the Rock: "I might have. A lot."

Sir Galahad: "We usually don't respond well to threats. If you promise there will be no squishing, I'm sure they'll apologise for throwing rocks at you."

The Lady of the Rock: "Just because I'm the queen of rocks doesn't mean they don't hurt, you know!?"

Sir Galahad: "Now you're the queen of rocks?"

The Lady of the Rock: "That's my secret identity!"

Galahad blinked with a total lack of comprehension.

The Lady of the Rock: "I'M BATMAN!"

Sir Galahad: "Uh... right. I'll go down to the settlement then."

The Lady of the Rock: "Let me help you. You're so small and soft, a great fall will hurt you. But not me!"

She grabbed him and hoisted him in her arms like a big baby. He squirmed with indignation but the more he kicked and whined, the more baby-like he looked and felt. She approached the edge of the rock and leapt down. The wind sang against his ears until they landed on the ground with a great thud.

Morta: "Whassat?"

He looked down to see Morta standing just inches from where The Lady of the Rock landed.

Sir Galahad: "That was close!"

The Lady of the Rock: "That would have been an accidental squishing!"

Morta: "Squirrels!? Where!? Run! The vicious squirrels are coming!"

She started to move as fast as she could towards the settlement. Which was about as fast as a tortoise.

Sir Galahad: "This is quite the adventure... can you put me down now, my lady?"

The Lady of the Rock: "Aww, but you're like a lickle baby! Coo coo!"

Sir Galahad: "Now I want to be squished."

---

Location: Algernon | Faunicopia

Characters: Sir Marhaus | Decima

Meanwhile Sir Marhaus was walking some distance from Decima, the lady he had chosen to adventure with at the Three Rivers. She slowly walked ahead while he maintained his distance behind her. Whenever she stopped he stopped too and refused to catch up to her. Initially she had been annoyed by his behaviour but eventually she became entertained by it, revelling in trying to get closer to him to make him as uncomfortable as she could.

Decima: "What about your mother? Don't you talk to her?"

Sir Marhaus: "She is no ordinary woman."

Decima: "I think I'm detecting mummy issues. Did you see her naked as a kid or something?"

Sir Marhaus spluttered;

Sir Marhaus: "This is why I don't talk to women! Be silent and take me to your adventure!"

Decima: "I guess you need a woman who is all meek and quiet. Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir."

Sir Marhaus: "Such a weak woman holds no interest for me."

Decima: "So strong women make you angry, weak women don't interest you. What's left? Men?"

Sir Marhaus: "That's against the laws of God!"

Decima: "Ha! You didn't say no!"

Sir Marhaus: "Stop! Stop it! Silence!"

Decima: "Looks like we've entered Faunucopia. Be on guard, Sir Gayhaus."

Sir Marhaus: "I shall endev-- Sir Marhaus!"

Decima snorted to herself. She was a full-bodied woman of curves and weight, though not excessively so. Appearing like a stereotypical woman of many children and long endured marriage. Her hair and clothes were unkempt, as though she had just finished cleaning the house, and her apron looked like it should be accompanied by a rolling pin. Yet there was something wonderfully magical about her eyes that sparkled with the wisdom of aeons. Either aeons or just years of raising a brood of children. Either way there is great wisdom.

Faun: "Hold there, strangers!"

Sir Marhaus turned in his saddle to see a group of men emerge from the trees. The woodland was very dense with trees of all shapes and sizes and the shrubberies grew at the bases of the trees as though they didn't require the sunlight the trees were basking in. The lead man who spoke was a faun; he had goat legs that extended to his waist where he then became a man. His torso was naked save for a long beaded necklace that hung from his neck. From the top of his head were two little goat horns. Around his chin he had a long goatee.

Beside the faun were satyrs. More men than the faun, they had horse's ears and long horse-tails. The follicles of head hair extended further down than just the scalp, running straight down the spine to the shoulders. These males wore nothing at all except for sandals on their feet and they all seemed to be permanently aroused, much to Marhaus' confused horror.

Sir Marhaus: "Men! Where are your clothes! You are causing this lady great shame!"

Decima: "Shame isn't the word I'd use."

She grinned like a child in a sweetshop.

Faun: "You mean the materials you have put on your bodies? I was going to ask you to remove them! It is suspicious that you would go to such great lengths to conceal your bodies from us! I can only assume you are hiding something!"

Decima: "Well, if you insist!"

Sir Marhaus: "What!? No! A woman unclad before all these men! Outrageous!"

Faun: "Well, we will allow the woman to remain clothed. We usually have no women in these lands. But you, sir, must strip!"

Sir Marhaus coughed in blustering confusion.

Decima: "Ha! You didn't say no!"

Sir Marhaus: "Clearly this is my adventure! I shall slay you all!"

He was about to draw his sword but the faun spoke quickly.

Faun: "Now, now! No need for such violence here! We are peaceful people. We have no weapons."

Decima: "Or armour..."

Marhaus resheathed his sword with grumbling reluctance.

Sir Marhaus: "It would be dishonourable murder to slay you such as you are. Then what is my quest!?"

Faun: "You are welcome to our lands, but you must remove all this clothing. It if offensive and suspicious to us."

Sir Marhaus: "I will remove my armour. But I must wear my undergarments."

The satyrs all gossip with the faun for a moment.

Faun: "Very well. That will suffice."

He dismounted his horse and Decima offered to help untangle him from his armour but he leapt back as though she might give him a disease.

Faun: "Perhaps I can be of assistance?"

Sir Marhaus: "Very well."

Decima: "G.A.Y.."

Sir Marhaus: "I am not-- urgh!"

---

Location: Algernon | Wilderness

Characters: Sir Gawain | The Knight of the Castle of Maidens

After eating their meal of little fishes, Sir Lile Morians unravelled a blanket from her horse's pack.

Sir Gawain: "Ready to sleep so soon?"

Sir Lile Morians: "I woke early to get a better head start. So I'm tired now. Not that it helped much since you bloody caught up to me!"

Sir Gawain: "Good point. Sir Marhaus was complaining you did that."

Sir Lile Morians: " That woman-hating bastard can screw himself."

---

Sir Marhaus: "My ears are burning!"

Decima: "Stop coming up with excuses and get your kit off!"

---

Sir Gawain: "I'll admit, he is pretty annoying. So was that Tom Thumb."

Sir Lile Morian: "Don't get me started on him! Constantly following me around like a little letch. You know he stole my bra!? Wait... did you say was?"

Gawain had second thoughts about this whole plan. Aside from it probably not working, even if it did he didn't like the idea of tricking her into feelings for someone. It was an underhanded strategy and that was not the foundation of love. He didn't even think Tom Thumb loved her, just lusted after her. He was an interesting man and a man with an obvious disadvantage that he had had to deal with from birth. While his crude humour was a coping strategy that made everyone like him or hate him, Gawain thought he should treat women better. Especially when that woman could crush his testicles with her bare hands in a bad mood.

On the other hand he expected Tom's words didn't reflect his true feelings or perhaps even his intentions. He might be crude about Lile Morians for show and when with her he may change into a new man. Except for the bra-stealing.

Sir Gawain: "Uh, yes. I killed him in a joust. I didn't--"

Sir Lile Morians: "Well done, Sir Gawain!!"

She clapped him on the shoulder with a bright smile. Gawain was freaked out. He'd never seen her smile before.

Sir Lile Morians: "About time he got his comeuppance. He was an unworthy knight." She paused and her smile vacated her face. "Then again, maybe I'm not worthy either."

Sir Gawain saw the pain on her face.

Sir Gawain: "Why do you say that? You're a fine knight! One of the best!"

Sir Lile Morians: "I'm a cursed knight, Gawain."

Sir Gawain: "The sword? Others should try to take what is yours anyway."

Sir Lile Morians: "Maybe. But sometimes I wonder if it's me who is cursed. My sordid past only gives strength to the darkness of the blade."

She tossed the blanket to the ground with a sulk. Gawain didn't know what to do or say. She was never so talkative in all the years he had known her than she was right now. Her emotions may be stirred by the news of Tom Thumb's death after all.

Sir Gawain: "Is it something to do with the Castle of Maidens?"

Sir Lile Morians: "Yes. Sort of. My own past is why I made that place. Working as a prostitute on the streets of London taught me many things and not all of us want that life. The Castle of Maidens is a safe place for women like me. Women who had no other choice. But the things I did at that time... well it would sully your ears to hear of them. I'm ashamed of myself even though I know I did what I had to do to survive. But all that... darkness made me perfect for this cursed sword. I'm sorry Gawain. I shouldn't ruin your night with this talk."

Sir Gawain: "It's alright! I don't mind. I'm just surprised you're telling me! Surely there are better knights to talk to?"

Sir Lile Morians: "You're a good listener, Gawain. You always have been. I know a lot of ladies like talking to you about their problems. I know I shouldn't be one of them. Better to keep it all in."

Sir Gawain: "I never realised I had a reputation!"

Sir Lile Morians: "It's a good one. Trust me."

She struggled with her armour and then pointed at her back.

Sir Lile Morians: "Can you help?"

He went over and helped to unfasten her armour. It slipped off her shoulders easily and he put it onto the ground beside her blanket. She smiled with self-conscious shame and averted her eyes from him as she tugged at her trouser-armour.

Sir Lile Morians: "I know what you're thinking."

Sir Gawain: "You do?"

Sir Lile Morians: "Why would anyone pay to have sex with someone so unattractive as me. You'd be surprised what sailors are happy to settle for."

Sir Gawain: "That is not what I was thinking. At all in fact."

Sir Lile Morians: "Nice of you to say. But I have boobs like a little boy, skin like sandpaper and a nose broken more times than I could recount. I'm not the greatest catch around."

Sir Gawain: "I really don't agree. You look beautiful to me. And besides, a real man looks for more than just how you look."

Sir Lile Morians: "Not sure Lancelot would agree."

She had gotten out of the trousers and her undershirt was long enough to be a tunic and conceal her underwear. She pointed at him.

Sir Lile Morians: "Aren't you going to get undressed?"

Sir Gawain: "Oh! You don't mind me staying here?"

Sir Lile Morians: "Safety in numbers! It's not often I get to co-quest. Usually anyone I'm with will betray me and try to go for the sword."

Sir Gawain: "Then you'd better help me out of mine too."

As the armour came off he strong figure was revealed to Lile, who was most impressed at his physique. He was stronger than his face made him look. Because he wore just leather armour he was out of it quickly and tugged off his trousers to reveal boxer shorts with happy smilies on them.

Sir Lile Morians: "Nice."

Sir Gawain: "Always liked smilies."

Sir Lile Morians: "Here."

She went to his horse and tugged off the blanket and threw it down right next to her own. Without her samurai armour on, Lile was very much a white Englishwoman. Her hair was mousy brown and very bouncy, looking much cleaner than a Medieval woman ought to. Her nose was stubbed and her chin angular, giving her a less than gorgeous overall appearance but few would call her as ugly as she believed herself to be. She was also much shorter than she appeared to be in the armour and Gawain, who was not very tall himself, looked down at her.

Without further conversation she put her hands upon his chest and gripped his shirt. She pulled him down with her and their lips locked together. Everything else was forgotten and all Gawain could think of was the wonderful, albeit broken, woman he was with. She was both the ultimate independent hero and also the ultimate damsel in distress. He wanted to watch her be a badass and he wanted to save her.

---

Location: Algernon | Waterfall District

Characters: Sir Caelia

Sir Caelia bent over the tiara. It was thin and extremely delicate and under a magnifying glass she could make out intricate patterns crafted into the metal. She is sure the metal is part orichalcum, though she suspected it wasn't pure. Likely it was mixed with another metal to make a more pliable alloy. Tiny precious stones of white were encrusted into it and as she played with it she soon learnt that it would magically expand or contract to fit a variety of head sizes. She assumed it was once much smaller to fit on the head of Prince Oberon. She ran her fingers over it. She could sense it against her fingers as though it were a kind of braille. Even as she did so she realised she had encountered the same craftsmanship in the lightning amulet that belonged to Gamma Pans.

He was in the Waterfall District already so she called out for some assistance and in stepped Sir Lanval.

Sir Lanval: "Everything alright, Sir Caelia?"

Sir Caelia: "Do you know where Gamma Pans is?"

Sir Lanval: "Which alien is he? The walking rock man?"

Sir Caelia: "The gangly armed purple one."

Sir Lanval: "Right! I'm on it!"

Sir Caelia: "I wonder what a tiara and ring to a set were doing separated by such a great distance...?"

She tapped the tiara against her chin absently but was suddenly struck by a vision.

Tiara: "I SEE YOU!"

She threw the tiara away but she was struck by a magical force that sent her flying backwards. She went through the tent wall and crashed into the timber of a building under construction. A couple of seconds later and the building fell down upon her.

Space Camelot
The Invisible Knight

Location: Algernon | New Wales

Characters: Sir Balin | Sir Balan | The Invisible Knight | King Rience

Sir Balin: "It's kind of creepy and cute at the same time."

Sir Balan: "I know! I named him Muffinpie."

Sir Balin: "Don't name it!"

Towering above the two Knights of the Round Table was a beast double the size of any elephant on Earth. It had shaggy fur, much like a mammoth, but instead of a single long trunk it had a plethora of narrow stalks that groped along the ground in search of grass to hoover up. It had five legs; four where one would expect and a fifth at the rear. At least they hoped it was a leg. Its big, dumb eyes blinked down at its new friends. The beast made a strange giggling noise followed by a thunderous boom as it farted.

Sir Balin: "Lovely..."

Sir Balan: "I think it might be too docile to be much of a hunt..."

Sir Balin: "King Rience won't know that until he comes out of the settlement to try."

Sir Balan: "And then we ambush him!"

Sir Balin: "No. We let him kill the thing, then we ambush him."

Sir Balan: "But--!"

Sir Balin: "We want to catch him with his pants down."

Sir Balan: "... "

Sir Balin: "Not literally, you pleb."

Sir Balan: "Oh right. I was wondering why he'd take his pants off out here."

Sir Balin: "We need to catch him unawares."

Sir Balan: "Underwears!?"

Sir Balin: "Unawares! Open your ears!"

Sir Balan: "Oh right. I see. But that means poor Muffinpie..."

Sir Balin: "I told you not to name it."

Sir Balan: "But..."

Sir Balin groaned.

Sir Balin: "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine! Pain in the arse."

As though to signify his pleasure, Muffinpie promptly bellowed another fart that rattled the knights' armour.

Sir Balan: "Good Muffinpie."

He patted the beast's thick, white fur and in response one of the creature's trunks snuffled at Sir Balan.

Sir Balan: "See? How could you want Sir Muffinpie to be killed!?"

Sir Balin: "Sir Muffinpie? You're knighting it?"

Then there came the sound of a horn blasting out.

Sir Balan: "Wow. That was a weird noise."

Sir Balin: "That wasn't Sir Muffinpie. Quick! Into the wood!"

They both dashed into the wood, gathering up their gear as they went. Soon the thundering of hooves shook the ground beneath their feet and they waited with bated breath in the shadows of the foliage. As they watched King Rience arrived with his bow raised. He was with several other knights who were guarding their king.

Sir Balin: "NOW!"

Sir Balan: "FOR SIR MUFFINPIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!"

Sir Balin: "THAT'S YOUR BATTLE CRY!?"

The Welsh knights were taken off-guard. Two were slain instantly. The second two managed to draw their blades but the twin knights had the advantage of surprise and slew them fast. King Rience was a burly man and his steed was equally so. He fired an arrow from horseback, straight at Sir Balan. Balan blocked it with his mighty shield and Sir Balin rushed past. Suddenly, however, Balin was knocked aside.

Balan followed up but he was likewise knocked aside.

Sir Balan: "The buggery?"

King Rience: "Take care of them Sir Garlon!"

With that, at an almost leisurely pace, King Rience turned his large, dark horse and trotted off. The two knights shot up and began to give chase, despite being on foot, but were both knocked down. Wincing, Sir Balan spat;

Sir Balan: "I think magic is afoot!"

Sir Balin: "But surely invisibility is impossible!?"

He was knocked down in answer.

Sir Balan: "How're we going to battle an invisible foe!?"

Then he noticed that the trunks of Sir Muffinpie were trying to prod something in the air.

Sir Balan: "There!!"

He leapt forward and grasped the invisible knight. They growled and rolled around on the ground until, finally, Sir Balan won out and Sir Garlon was rendered unconscious. Panting, Sir Balan rose.

Sir Balan: "Thanks to this guy we missed our chance."

Sir Balin: "Yeah. But I have a new idea."

Sir Balan: "What's that?"

Sir Balin: "I had a lot of free time when I was in gaol..."

Several hours later the guardsmen of the New Wales settlement see two suspicious knights approaching the main gate. The settlement was surrounded by nothing but a wooden wall made of pointed logs since most of the buildings, including the main keep, weren't even completed yet. But they were very pointy logs.

Guardsman: "Oi! What're you two doing?"

Sir Garlon: "I bring prisoners!"

Guardsman: "Oh! Sir Garlon! I didn't see you there!"

Sir Garlon: "Well duh!"

Guardsman: "Right, right. In you go."

The two knights stomped by, looking miserable. They turned off and headed straight for the unfinished keep. Around the keep were completed homes that would one day be used by guards of the castle but were likely used now by the king himself. As the knights approached the inner wall to the keep more guards stopped them.

Keep Guardsman: "Who goes there?"

Sir Garlon: "Sir Garlon. I have prisoners!"

Keep Guardsman: "Prisoners? Why are you bringing them here instead of the gaol?"

Sir Garlon: "The king wants to see them first!"

Keep Guardsman: "Alright. On you go."

Sir Garlon: "Ta la."

As they neared the guard grumbled;

Keep Guardsman: "Why does your voice sound weird today? It's like you changed your whole accent!"

Sir Garlon: "Uh, um. I had some elocution lessons!"

Keep Guardsman: "So you could sound like a man from Cornwall?"

Sir Garlon: "Uh. Yes."

They shuffled past and Sir Balan cast a quick glance back.

Sir Balan: "I can't believe this is actually working. Your ventriloquism is amazing!"

Sir Balin: "Like I said, I had a lot of free time in gaol."

Sir Balan: "Here, I'm guessing this one!"

The two knights burst into the house.